S01E02 – CausualSwinger – Down with PPP
Thu, 9/2 9:54AM • 58:18
profile, people, pictures, sites, couple, big, talk, lifestyle, fun, online, sexy, personality, ff, sls, swinger, message, put, friends, segment, casual
Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon
Mickey Gordon 00:09
Welcome to casual swinger. If you’re under 18, the following podcast is not appropriate for you. The subjects and language are for mature audiences only. If you’re not mature in nature, just make sure you’re old enough to vote. We don’t take ourselves seriously ever. No guarantees given regarding the accuracy of any opinions or statements made on this podcast or website or a blog. It’s all in fun, folks. This isn’t Dr. Phil. Now consider yourself the listener properly advised. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to casual swinger Episode Two. Are you down with PPP? I’m Mallory, I’m Mickey. And maybe you guys notice we got some new pseudonyms here because we never stopped talking about this.
Mallory Gordon 01:05
So bad. Maybe we’ll make it a running theme. Like each episode, we’ll just rename ourselves at this point. Great. We’ll just run out of pseudonyms and like by Episode Five, yeah, right. There’ll
Mickey Gordon 01:14
be like your password that’s, you know, needs 12 characters, right. have to change it and can’t use the last ring every 14 days. There you go. Oh, god, I’m really glad we don’t have to do that at home. But by the end, what is it best? Episode Five will be Mario and Luigi. Only if I can be Mario. Great. I get to be the weird guy. But hey, you know Mickey Mallory Natural Born Killers. I think that’ll be fun. Cuz you know, I killed it last night. Yeah, you really did. I’m walking a little funny this morning. Daddy did some work last night. It wasn’t bad. But that’s okay. I’m gonna do my best to call you Mallory’s many times they can this episode so there’ll be no clown honking beeps Yeah, I’m gonna bust into Tony basil any moment now. So if I start with Oh, Mickey, you’re so fine. You just let me let me go with it. Okay,
you know what? I’ll get up and dance. I got some moves. Excellent. So are you down with PPP? What does that mean? Oh, God. So
Mickey Gordon 02:09
you know, this episode is all about online dating and the pitfalls, the fun, right? But what does it mean? So for us, PPP is three things personality, presence, and pictures, but we’re gonna get into that a little bit later. We’ve got three big segments for you guys today. Yeah, that’s Friday’s episode. Yeah, I think these are gonna be a lot of fun. So the first segment is going to be our online dating history and our online profile because I got something for you guys. Episode One. If you guys were there, he went back and checked it out. You know that I took a little flack for the way that I introduced Mallory to the lifestyle. So she’s gonna take a little flak because I let her come up with our first online screen. Oh,
man, I’m just gonna go get the bag and put it over my head now.
Mickey Gordon 02:52
Oh, yeah. And it’s bad. It’s a big footpath. Right? It’s got all the new notch in one screen names. Yeah, it was terrible. And I’ve never stopped making fun of her for it. But you know, it, kudos to you to let me run with it. blind and not knowing how bad it was because I was so excited because I thought I was a genius. Well, and I think that’s one of the things that you learn is a guy in the lifestyle right is let the ladies drive the bus. So you drove that bus right over the cliff, crash and burn into flames. A few wheels and back door. But that’s okay. So we’re gonna get into that in segment one. Segment two, we’re going to talk about what it means to build an online dating profile. Right? What personality presence and pictures mean? And what, you know, what are the good elements of a good profile? How do you get attention? Yeah, yeah. And I love that. I think it’s gonna be great advice, especially for anyone who’s new, or is tenured and the online dating and lifestyle scene, because so much has changed. Just think about it over the last 510 years. Oh, well, a lot of things have changed, actually, so much so that even the legal scene has changed. And that’s what we’re going to talk about in our segment today. Our closing segment. Remember last time, we did lifestyle in the news, right? And so this time, we’re going to do a different segment that you guys haven’t heard about yet. We call it now, you know, so we’re going to talk about House Resolution 1865, or Foster and what that meant to the online dating world. So we’re gonna talk about that a little bit. But obviously, we’re doing a lot of crazy things today. So when we come back, we’re gonna jump into segment one, and you’re gonna hear a little bit about where it all started. Be right back. Okay, folks, welcome back to casual swinger. We took a quick break there, grab some water, and we’re down here to talk a little bit about online dating and where we got started. Back in the day right over 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah. It’s been 10 Yours. So our first online profile was on a FF. Remember those days? I do? I do. I remember how exciting it was to expose ourselves online and expose ourselves as exactly the right word. So we got started, I had an office in the basement back when we lived in the Mid Atlantic. And because we had basements back there, we’re gonna have basements in Florida. They’re underwater here. Right? Pretty. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So we can’t really get away. Like we used to get away from the kids. But, you know, back there, we had a basement. And you know, you guys heard in the first episode, of course, how we got introduced to the lifestyle because I’m stupid. And but we did get induced, and we created a profile, because we had such a great time, that first time out. And I said, Look, we’re gonna go out here, and we’re gonna write a profile that attracts people. And we’re gonna just field all of these amazing inquiries from all these awesome people and add it to go mil. I think it went fantastic, at least for the first few years. But we’ll get to the to the end of that story. Yeah. So what happened? Right, so So what happened is I sat down to create a profile, and I said, here’s what we got to do. I want you to drive the bus and you know, driving the bus or having control or whatever the euphemism you want to use to, to have that control. It is still a two way street, you have to communicate. And I said, No, I want you to make a decision. So you create it. And I’ll go back and write the profile because I’m an arbiter of truths and give, you know, the truth, scope and colors. Yes. And you’re a fantastic writer. And I mean, we had a lot of discussions starting with, you know, me, quote, unquote, driving the bus, you going taking a step back and go, alright, this is your bag, I want you to do an act only as you’re comfortable to do so. So I’m looking forward to you spreading your wings and in the mornings. Yeah, eventually. But so you handed me the keys to the bus and told me first plan of action is to create our profile, and we have to pick a name. And then we’ll create an email. So it’s just for this online dating profile for the two of us. And we’ll go from there. And I labored over this idea for what the better part of a week. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you brought all these different names. And I’m like, oh, for fuck sake, just pick one. It doesn’t matter. That was not the right thing to say. By the way. Remember, when I said I’m stupid, and I say things sometimes. That was so wrong, because what did she do? She committed one of the biggest foe pause when we’re gonna get to full pause here in a little bit. screw ups, backups, whatever you want to call them. But she named us fun. Couple blank, blank. Finding couple 69 because there were some other your initials ready, which you know, we’re today we’re not given our names out someday you guys will figure out who we are. Yeah, but I mean, come on. We were totally fun. We were totally a couple. And I love 69. It totally made sense to me. Oh, it made so much sense to you that we found that there were 30,000 other fun couples, I had no idea that somebody else had that brilliant idea as well. So that brings us to rate Don’t ever call yourself a fun couple. Well, and this is no offense to anyone who who has a legacy account or a new account that we do. You’ve included fun couple. It’s just easier to locate yourself and distribute your information if you have a little uniqueness to it. Yeah, absolutely. And we’re going to talk about what works and what doesn’t in segment two, but fun couple 69 found out quickly that there were a lot of other fun couples in the lifestyle and my feeling on it when she told me what it was I went No shit were fun. And I want to know and I actually probably should go research this because I haven’t done it before the episode but how many? Boring Dick 69 is there? How many people are monosyllabic? 69? Right? Yeah. introvert one. introvert one, right? Well, it’s not because there’s never more than one cuz they’re always alone. Yeah, you never see them having a meeting. introverts unite. But no, and the funny part is we collect introverts because we are so extroverted as a couple that we have a dozen friends some of them are lifestyle that are coming. We’re not mocking you guys. We actually love you. We find you in the room and we’re like, hey, mirror those flowers right off the wall. That’s right, but fun couple 69 was was really a killer at picking out introverts and but what did fun couple 69 do? We dove in headfirst? So AF F stands for adult friend Finder. It’s a penthouse owned dating site for individuals and lifestyle owners in alternative lifestyles and they do have other sites right? They actually I can’t remember the name of it right off the top of my head because I’m thinking about it, but they actually have really And sinister sites. Oh, it’s creepy shit. It’s it’s for, like really heavy duty BDSM. Folks, when I say it’s creepy, you have to know what you’re getting into before you get over there. I mean, if you’re into BDSM, it’s badass. It’s a great site. I think it’s all back calm or something, but it’s it’s heavy duty. And if you’re not ready for it, the people that come to you, you feel like they’re creepy, but they’re actually awesome. They’re just into the lifestyle and you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re better off to start in a real lifestyle site like a SLS or an AFM or something like that. Because then you can kind of expand your boundaries and push them Yeah, but I don’t find them creepy. I find them fascinating. Oh, no, you find them delicious. I’m not into weapon harassment. She loves having it done. So we’ve had a few people that have gladly partaken in that with her but selfless volunteers. Okay. I’m very appreciative. You came home with one red ass but like, it’s all I only have one. If I had more, I would. Yeah. Anyway. There you go. All right. So yeah, there are definitely a bunch of those types of things out there. But we went in headfirst on ad FF and I will put a link into our in our synopsis for this. But if you’ve never heard of a FF before, it is a very, very large, large website, lots of people out there. But one of the things that they do that I really like and the reason I call this diving in headfirst, is they have the ability to broadcast yourself within the community. So it’s a garden that lets you get in there and broadcaster for you could do that. Like legitimately on like, normal social media platform. Like sexual pioneers. Yeah. Which is pretty cool. Right? So and of course, we thought that was what asked because we were aspiring porn stars. So the first thing I did was put my dick in Mel’s mouth and turn on the camera. I believe that started with my idea. But we can argue that point later. Well, it’s always I mean, every time it’s your idea to suck my dick. I’m gonna say yes, Jesse. Smart, man. Yeah, more or less anyone else’s two. Knuckles, dude, enjoy. But no, it, it was really, really cool. Because we want to talk about validation, right? That was something we instantly got, like, first of all, I knew you were beautiful. And I knew you were sexy and attractive. But when these people started watching, well, you know, on occasion, you get the troll who’s like, oh, who’s that douche and you know, he’s not good enough for you. And you should get a real man that was, you know, that standard for online stuff. And that’s, you know, in a year, you’re gonna get occasionally feedback from other people that you know, is nagging or degrading? Yeah, cool. Fact, and you’re watching so yeah. But you know, it’s par for the course I haven’t been on a site, or know anyone who’s been on a site that had some of the unwanted stuff. It’s I think now today, it’s not as common as it was 10 years ago, it wasn’t acceptable. I mean, it’s not acceptable today, when people speak to women like that today. It’s like, dude, shut your hole. So so I like that, that the community steps up to other people step up and say, support her or leave. Yeah, you see that in some of the live dot me’s and stuff like that. I mean, if you’re not treating the broadcaster with respect, as a woman, you’re basically told, you know, piss off clown. I did that. And of course, I told him to fuck off back then. But I mean, at the same point, I was getting my degree. I really wasn’t watching this right. Now, but I mean, we went. So we built this profile. We went literally from zero to 100, as far as his online presence goes, because we what delved into kameen and some voyeurism and some exhibitionism and it was really neat. I mean, again, into this was a very boundary expanding experience for us. And we even left the house. Now, this was all on our basement on a Tuesday night or, you know, a Sunday afternoon after watching a football game. Yeah, like it was kind of neat. And you know, I what I what I really loved about it for Mallory was that it it really was empowering for her because she did feel beautiful and sexy. And she had a following. I mean, those pics that we took for that site, by the way and starting to get teary eyed one or two of the videos are still up and you have like 26,000 views. Oh, yeah. 26,000 views on some of your pictures. I’m gonna be very flattered by that number. Yeah, it’s how those pictures I mean, and so we’re gonna get into that we get into our next segment, by the way, talking about taking good pictures right for your profile and what it means to take good pictures. That’s one of the three P’s. But the pictures we took some of my favorites. Remember I said in episode one is my favorite pictures I’ve ever taken. They were good. And they really, really really hit hit it big. Of course, they’ve been up for 10 years but still 26,000 views is a ton. They’re still up there on a FF and of course you’re not gonna be able to find them with fun couple 69 that’s not us. I’m sure that exists. Because there’s like 62,000 fun couples out there because it’s a terrible profile name. Lessons learn but let’s talk Talk about expanding because we did get out of we did the basement. We did people we did. And did it work because we were going after people or did it work because they came after us? I think it was mutual. I think we got back what we invested. No. And I think that garbage in garbage out. Yeah. And I think that’s that’s part of the play here. When you decide to make an online profile, pursue meeting new people with the potential for play, that you can’t sit there and expect to be clamored to exclusively and not reciprocate. Like, you kind of have to go out there really legitimately put yourself out there, right. I mean, you have an online profile. radio silence isn’t gonna help any, you already have your naked ass online. Now let’s do something with it. Right. So, you know, in terms of what you know, we did to expand, we definitely, you know, initiated contact with some folks we had contact initiated with us. And we made plans, you know, let’s go out. Let’s get some drinks, let’s talk. And I would say far more often than not, we were like, hey, it was great to meet you. But we’re not gonna jump in the sack tonight. Yeah, we made some great friends. And some people we really never saw again, you know, because they’re, it’s dating for four. Let’s be brutally honest here. There has to be some sort of connection there for me. And I know that same goes for you. That doesn’t necessarily translate to everybody. But there does have to be a little spark connection. It’s not always four ways. But they there’s got to be something there for me to move forward. Sexually. Right? Well, that’s probably that kind of alludes to every lifestyle. There’s most hated five words, taken one for the team. Oh, nobody wants to take one for the team. No, we actually had a rule. No one’s taking one for the team. Right yet. I’ve taken one for the team. How many times? Hey, no one asked you to boy. Now, I’m gonna call you out on No, she’s shaking her finger. Yeah, I’m literally I am shaking my finger. Because part of your draw is the watch. So I wouldn’t necessarily call it taking one for the team because I can’t think of any time. I can’t think of a time where you didn’t didn’t enjoy yourself because one, you got to play a little. And maybe it wasn’t, you know, to the extent or with, you know, someone you’re mad about. Yeah. But you got to experience the other side of it. Which you had fun, correct me? Correct. I did. You’re right. I’m a complete. I’m a complete four years you really are and I mean, you fucked me stupid for weeks after that. After the first time after the second time and I’m going I think there’s a pattern here folks will just like you you collect romney’s I’m gonna make you cut that she’s turning red. I am very read. But you can’t say that. Put me out there. Mark that time, buddy. That’s great. I’m gonna have to horn Holic on that one. But, you know, that’s the thing, right? So how, what worked, what worked is we put a lot of ourselves into the profile, and we had a lot of fun when we were writing it. And I mean, we talked about at the end, we felt like we were auditioning for some sort of beauty pageant. So I said that when we were crowned Mr. And Mrs. adultfriendfinder we were going to start a home for homeless picnic. pygmy nymphomaniacs. Yes. I mean, like people were like, okay, these guys are probably pretty irreverent and they’re looking to have some fun to hang out in. We did. We hung out a ton. And then we created a profile. I think, on SLS two, we’ve always kind of been on SLS, which is where it matured, because we found that AFM is got a Tolan on a fix. Yeah, yeah, that was really difficult. And I found myself getting a little jaded and upset, because literally, I would see three comments or messages or these quote, unquote, new users in your area pop up. And I’ve seen that same picture five and six times. Oh, yeah. Lots of stolen photos. That was we had our stolen I saw our profile photos shown up on other ones. Yeah. I mean, and, you know, I’m sure it still happens today. But I think the biggest offenders we saw was on that site, but I think it’s because it was the more quote unquote, mainstream. Oh, yeah, there were what I think 160,000 users I think, at one point, and now it’s in the millions, there are millions of people on FF so it’s, it’s a really, really popular site. It’s expensive. No question about it. I think it’s probably one of the more expensive ones I’ve seen. But it’s a larger pool, larger pool on larger pond. Yeah. But we didn’t find a lot of people that were local to us where we found the people that were local to us on the East Coast was SLS. Plus they were actually with the clubs that we went to, like taboo, very true. And again, since I mentioned taboo, love those guys, I’ll definitely put them in the link again. However, you know, interestingly enough, where it all fell apart was right there close to home. That’s It’s true. We had been on the social sites for lifestyle for what how many years? I’d been three or four years. I think it was closer to four, maybe almost five. And we got outed, and we got outed in a big, big way. Oh, yeah. The parents of a friend of our youngest found us and message just and wanted to jump in the sack. Yeah, they wanted to get straight to the business. Yeah, it was horrifying, cuz I literally had worked with one of them at my previous job that I had just, you know, had left like three months prior. And it’s a it was a small town, small community. And I literally, I was an ostrich, I put my head in the sand. I didn’t look left. I didn’t look right. I was just waiting until it was all over. So I go to Mallory, and I’m like, hey, so this happened. And it’s not good, obviously. Because this person is like, Oh, my God, we know you. Our kids go to school together. Yeah, they were close friends. Right. I wish I wish we’d known this about you. We would have been in bed with you years ago. And it’s like, Oh, shit. Yeah. So the first thing, of course, that we did is the first thing everybody doesn’t get out it. We took the profiles down. We’re like, whoosh, stop talking about it. It didn’t happen. Yeah, and that was a bad day. I don’t think that was a good idea. Because we did turn in on ourselves. And well, and I bad. And I think that was that was more, you know, me pushing that, that it was you, you were kind enough to bring me into the conversation, because you had seen the message before I had. And you tried having that. Okay, so the proper etiquette to all of this is his blog. And even though you you approach something you’re trying to be kind and well spoken and, and get them to understand where we we sat on the subject, it didn’t stop. Unfortunately, it didn’t try. And so she’s saying as I did go back to to the husband in this couple and say, Hey, you know, thanks for reaching out. Number one. Obviously, discretion is important here. But, you know, let me just start with starting the message and the communication by talking about my child is the wrong way to do this dude. And, you know, it’s Boehner. Yeah, big Boehner kilrea. And this is not how we want to go about this. So that is all automatically we’re off on the wrong foot. That the kind of discretion that’s required here, that it’s automatically a violation of any discretion. So, so yeah, the story is he, you know, you do stand a chance of being found because we were found by another one of your friends. I did. Yeah. That was, that was more funny. But it was anything else. Yeah. So it’s always awkward when you get found by a friend. And then he’s like, hey, looking at my profile, and it’s a picture of his dick. And it’s like, I really never needed to see that. That was pretty funny. What do you think of my profile? Well, I think you’ve got a dick pic is your main picture. So that is an issue to start with. Right. And again, we’re gonna get into that in just a couple of minutes in segment two, but and photos, but his photo was a picture of his tool. And one of my best friends we hung out all the time. Oh, yeah. And you’d been friends long before you and I got together. And one of my favorite things was, I think we were having a get together. It was like a memorial day weekend or something. And he goes, You know, I don’t feel like I need to check out your ass these barbecues anymore. because he’d seen it on her. Yeah, that was a little uncalled for. I’m still friends with the dude. By the way. He’s actually a good dude. But he he’s a what we call a tele. Yeah. Telegraph, telephone or tele, just friends name. Everyone’s got one of those. Oh, yeah. No, there’s no question. And he’s the mouth of the South. And he he loves to tell people’s business. But you know what he’s done. He’s been great. He’s been great. He actually has and I trust him implicitly keeping our confidence he has done what it really comes down to So today, just to put a cap on this first segment. Yes. Today we’re are things were bad, right. We’re doing a podcast and and by the way, we didn’t take an eight year break. Right. We had lots of great experiences. But they really weren’t really online. We went to clubs, we went to heat. I we were definitely more social in real life. Being active going to parties, events, hotels. House Party. Yeah, yeah, I mean words and meeting people face to face, but we just new move, I think. Yeah, I’m excited for our new online presence. Yeah, we’re doing it. We’re doing a lot of things. But I think what we’re really trying to say here is, even if it doesn’t go great, even if you and your wife pick the worst screen name in the history of screen names, even if you go in, and you do all this camming these videos and you have all this fun, but then your kids friends find you right and when they’re like oh no. And then maybe one of your friends find you and you have this panic, it doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, maybe change your approach and you can still have a great time. And that’s you know where we are today. We’re here with all these cool things that have happened to us. And of course, we’re back online. We’re talking to you guys about it. And that’s where it all started. And we’re going to talk about how all these lessons led to well, the profiles and and the photos and the presence that we build today. Yeah, so we’ll get back to you guys after the break. Thanks for participating, you guys are listening to casual swinger. Welcome back, everybody. This is casual swinger on Mallory, and I’m here with Mickey. And we’re talking about the three P’s of online dating profile. So that is personality, presence and pictures. We recently re established our online presence. So we thought we’d offer some advice, and some hints and tricks to what has worked for us and what has not. So Mickey, what do you think our listeners need to know who are new, tenured? Maybe revamping that they may not know today? Well, I think the first thing that’s important for us to do in any thing, not just online dating, right is to be honest, in our evaluation of our effort on whatever it is we’re trying to do. Okay, so honestly, yeah, look at look at what we’ve done, and be honest. Is it working? Is it? Are we accomplishing what we’re trying to accomplish here? And then think about it? Did you set a goal in the first place? Are you trying to get a bowl? Are you trying to meet a unicorn? Are you are you trying to meet or bring a single guy into what you’re doing? And by the way, I mean, you could be LGBT? Right? You could be trying to meet somebody of the same sex. I mean, you could I mean, sure, your goal is, right. Yeah. I mean, it’s it’s so goals are really, really have to start, what am I really looking for? And by the way, most of these sites when you go to create these profiles, they know how hard this is this it sucks talking about yourself. It really does. Well, maybe not for us. But you’d love to sign your invoice and you start a fucking podcast. But no, I think that’s it. All. Right. But I think when you when you do go to do these things, they ask the leading questions, but so many people answer them in such a canned way in such a directed way. What are you looking for? We want to grow? Do you think that’s because they’re I? It’s because the most common answers that they see out there? So maybe they’re adjusting to the norm? Or do you think it’s maybe not pushing themselves to take that self reflection, and go, how do I make myself unique and stand out? And how do I tell someone who can’t see me or talk to me? Who I am or what we are about? I think people are conditioned to just answer the fucking question. That’s the way we’re conditioned in school. That’s what we’re conditioned by our parents. We’re not audition to be marketers. I think that’s a fair argument. Because this is marketing. That’s right. At its core, you’re marketing yourself as a couple as a single as a triad as if whoever and whatever you are, that’s exactly anybody out there who is looking at you, and thinking about you for the first time. Right? And if people don’t like you, they won’t buy diamonds from you for a dime a ton, right? Yeah, just won’t do it. It doesn’t matter what you’re selling. If you’re a dick, if they don’t like you, if you’re not interesting, if you’re not funny, if you’re if you’re not something they want, it’s very hard to get people to really buy in to what it is that you’re selling, which leads into what we call the three P’s of online dating, which are personality, presence and pictures. And I think I think the ultimate result should be it’s a quality over quantity. Yeah, absolutely. I’ve said I’ve seen some really long profiles around my holy crap. That’s your life story. So how is aunt Flo anyway? Yeah. But personality does play into that, right? Some people are verbose. Some people have a lot to say, I happen to be one of those people where I have to edit myself sometimes and say, maybe they don’t need to know about the time the dog did that thing. I mean, it’s probably doesn’t belong in the profile. Okay. Yeah, he could be a little long winded at times. But you know, I love that about you. And you were very upfront with me with that. So, yeah, you know, but the same thing with online if you are maybe a little introverted or a little shy at first, or if you’re not verbose, maybe those are things you should include. Sure. And you know, when you get into this, when you’re started sitting down to build the profile, the first thing that I tell people, is you have to look in the mirror, not into the monitor, and tell yourself a few things about you about you as a couple. Right? And take an honest look and go What is great about us, you know, what, what are people’s favorite thing about us? Do people love hanging out with us? Are we the life of the party? Are we interesting? Do we love to read, we love museums? What are the things that really make us interesting? And are those the type of people we want to surround ourselves with? Do we want to be around people like us? Or do we want to be around people that expand our horizons and do different things than we do? Do we want to change Do we want more of the same? And that’s okay either way, right? Both to know. Yeah, absolutely. If you love bars, you probably want to hang out with people who like bars. You don’t teetotaller. But if you like hiking or outdoors II things or if you are into a sport That’s right, or if you have a unique copy, say you collect magic cards, you know that person’s a thrill a minute. Well, there’s other people out there that want sexy time to like magic cards, too. I have a collection of magic right now. She’s fucking with me, guys. I’m gonna call you out. But we just found that box guys. So I haven’t seen any copyright. But I was a geek and college nerd is sexy, and your geek is sexy. So yeah, I was a geek with a big penis, let me alone. So hey, look. So let’s talk about personality. Right, let’s let’s get into what makes person how do you exude personality on a page where they ask you questions like, what are you looking for? and describe yourself? I mean, it’s pretty tough to put personality into that, how do we do it? And what do we look for in a profile? So first of all, I’m going to put the first piece on Mallory here. What do you look for, when you read a profile? What stands out to you as the personality of the person that wrote it personal interests, that tells you, you know, a quite a bit about a person, you know, when they go when you’re not working? And when you’re not doing, you know, the responses are attending to the responsibilities and obligations of the day to day life? What do you do for fun? Because I think that’s a point, an important factor, and it kind of gives me a the first gauge as to whether or not, you know, maybe we’ll have something in common here. Because when the that piece starts out, and I’m, you know, I’m an average, so and so of average, blah, blah, blah, this is how tall I am. This is how much I weigh. And you know, this how long my hair is, I usually skip over that, because there’s usually pictures tied to the profile. And for me, the aesthetics are secondary. Are we going to have, you know, conversation? Am I going to be able to laugh with you? Do you take yourself very seriously, are you you know, ended the same things I am sexually? Are you looking for the same things? Right. And so some of those things are in the questions that they ask. And when you look at some of these different services, and again, there’s so many of them out there, but I referenced the ones that we use, because that’s personal experience. So you’re going to see for example, Cassidy, Cassidy does a really good job of kind of diving into your personality and diving into those types of questions that that Mallory just referred to. So do I think that personality is is a thing that’s easy to express? I think it comes through when you speak openly and honestly about who you are as a couple, not me as the person writing it. But who are we? Right? And yeah, the things we like to do are a big part of it. But also, how do you approach situations? How do you how do you attack the things that you want in life? Are you a go getter, right? Do you get out? Do you get up every day and go do a thing? Or do you get up every day and just wait for the sunset? Like you’re right. I mean, it’s, it’s okay, because there’s viewers out there that that’s just the thing, there are no wrong answers, but from my experiences, the more honest ones, the more open ones, and the more unique ones grab my attention. Totally. bar none. And especially we’re extroverts, right so that’s going to work for us. But the thing that we’re talking why we say personality and don’t be extroverted or be funny, not everybody feels funny, not everybody feels extroverted, you have to put who you are into that profile and what you’re about and it’s going to make people attract to you that you’re looking for which is why I said Think about your goal think about what you want Yeah, and think about how to attract that thing what is it grandma used to say you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, right? Yes, sir. All right, you got to put out what you want to get what you want. But let’s talk about presence for a minute what is presence mean? So yeah, so where are you going to put yourself out where are you comfortable? Have you vetted me these sites? Are you going to be doing other things like us a podcast? Yeah. So presence and presence is really important right? So if you look at a site I’ll go ahead and use Cassidy again again since we’re on it. We’re on Cassidy because they have a communities page that’s pretty much as their medicine thing I love about that site. Yeah, in most of the West Coast though. Yeah, it is everyone we meet on there’s like a million miles away ever get to Idaho. let’s hook up Yeah. Which we do we both travel for a living so like we leave for San Diego and a few days so I mean, we’re, I mean, we travel all over the place and San Diego is a big town on he just got big eyes at me. We travel for a living. I’m coming to your town San Diego all 6.4 million of you
if you caught on to this, but I’m like the mediator when it comes to personal information.
Mickey Gordon 34:56
Yeah, she’s over there with raising the flag. No, tell them we’re going to San Francisco why it’s California is huge. Right? So anyway, so but anyway we travel and that but that doesn’t we don’t usually like meet people when we travel. No, we don’t. So presence for us in presence for me. It is about, you know, choosing an online presence, where you want to be where you want to exist, where you want to play where you want to meet people, but it’s also about being there. There’s nothing more frustrating than popping off a message and not getting an answer for six weeks. Right? It shows a lack of interest and investment What does they’re not invested because they didn’t get it? We’re all busy. Okay, we all have work kids dog, you know, an HOA up your ass because you haven’t, you know, pressure washed your driveway, or search it on your mailbox, Virgin in your mailbox, or Hoa. But there are so many things in life that pull us away from what amounts to a dirty little hobby. There’s so many things that do that. presence means. Yeah, I got a question for you. So Woody, if we could give someone advice, you know, because life can get busy. You know, if you are going to be on the sides, and we’re going to encourage our listeners to you know, at least respond even if the answer’s no, no, thanks. Not right now, something is better than nothing. What’s kind of the etiquette for that timeline? You know, obviously, six weeks is, it’s crazy. And I was being inflammatory there when I said that. And I hope that nobody’s experienced that. But I bet all of us have experienced sending a message into the ether. Right? That just disappears, ever happened. And when we first started, and I was managing the messages, I was infamous for that because I you know, you still suck at it. I do I have a horrible case of add. Because you know, I’ll be in the middle of something. And I’m like, oh, a butterfly, gotta go and buy so much better on the management of that stuff. Well, and it sucks, because nobody wants to talk to me. Everybody wants to talk to the lady. What you’re way hotter than me. And is, but it’s true. Everybody would much prefer to talk to the female because as we said earlier, they drive the bus. Right? And if if she gets along with the other couple, they really don’t care if I show up or not. But so people would prefer to talk to the lady. But to answer your question directly. I think it’s wise together, whether you have a laptop, or whether you just come in and break away, at least a couple times a week, sit down and answer your messages together. Go through them, hey, let’s look at their profile. They look pretty cool. But there’s one of my rules, no matter what, even if they violated that gigantic headline at the top of your profile that everybody puts on it. By the way, no single men don’t even message us We won’t respond. You suck, fuck off and die. Like there’s all that seems harsh. I don’t know. I’ve seen now. I haven’t seen that one either. message that person specifically and ask them what their problem is. Right? That is awfully it is. But you know, we all we all did it. We had a profile that had star star star bold letters, you know, no single guys, they don’t listen. Okay? And why don’t they listen? Because guys are genetically wired to chase what they want. That’s what we do. And they don’t listen to or they don’t read the profile. And they go ahead and message anyway. But I will tell you one of my rules is always respond always respond. I think I’ve heard it right. Even if it’s to say, Hey, you know, we set in our profile, that we’re not looking right now, but I appreciate you making the effort. So have a great day. You know, yes, nice to meet you. I have to agree. It’s just like passing somebody on the street and they say hello, hello. And you don’t say hello back. You know, we’re all kind of looking for some we get that a lot as you move to Florida. Like there’s a lot of people here that don’t wave and it’s very weird. I know. I know. I know. I’m a native Floridian by birth cracker. I am and I’m proud of it. You’ll be Florida man by no time I’m waiting for that day. It’s a it’s a different type of you know, southern hospitality per se there’s no southern hospitality. They’re not from here. Nobody is from me. I’m from here. I’m from a vagina originally. Oh, me too. Anyways, but yes, responding is is I feel I have to agree with you as a common courtesy. Yeah, we’re out there to reach our goals are achieved the goal or you know, make a connection. Well, and I feel like you know, we do go to clubs, we do go to places like you know, we do MC for a travel group, you guys will find out about that before long we host and I think it’s part of our job to be nice. And not our job is just you know, because we’re doing our job, but it’s our job as people.
Mallory Gordon 39:37
Yeah, yeah, I have to agree. It’s,
Mickey Gordon 39:40
I mean, be nice. So in presence anyway, I think presence is is a lot of things but mostly it’s just being there consistently and and knowing where you are and knowing that you’re in the right places. And making sure you get back to people. Do you have any other parts of presence or should we move on to pictures I think we covered presents pretty well. But again, if you have any questions or you’re trying to navigate the waters, remember, you can reach out to us at www dot casuals swinger.com. Or you can find us as casual swinger on Twitter, Instagram, Cassidy and SLS. So feel free to shoot us a message. That was a great time for a plug. on here. Welcome. I learned from the best I checked. So moving on to pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, I’m a huge fan of pictures. Now, we just took one a couple minutes ago, we did a recording and I want to know if this mic made my ass look fat. No, no. I’m not talking about FET. So pictures, everyone has, you know, their own personal preferences and predilections towards you know, what we find sexy. So in my situation, you may agree with this, Mickey, that I like suggestive and sexy. A little more than I do the raw and maybe raunchy? Sure. So when we sit down to put together these profiles we talked earlier about it’s hard. It is it’s a challenge. And there’s all these questions that we have to answer. I don’t know. I don’t know. My sign is I don’t follow astrology. Right? I mean, and they ask stupid shit like that. So, but pictures are something we can control. And of course, you go through your phone and you find that picture of you guys from Cabo last year at the bar, and you’re like, Okay, and then you take a big block out of your face with Yeah, I’ve seen quite a few of those they the the big, like black dots over the faces to to keep their anonymity. But I think I I’m unclear as to what, what are you trying to tell me or show me from that picture? Because now it’s a you know, black circle on a body show, I see shoulders and a Hawaiian shirt. And that’s nice. Are you trying to sell me your shirt? It goes back to your goal, right? What are you after? When you’re trying to sell this is kind of a marketing thing. Taking great pictures. Not everybody’s a photographer, but phones have gotten pretty good. These Yes. Right. And adding a little little flair to it. Or maybe doing a little fashion show. Right? Yeah. Sexy. Oh, and that’s a good time. There’s every fashion show we’ve ever had led into some really, really good sexy, so we got to finish the podcast. Okay, we got to finish this first, then I can have some. Okay. But no, it’s, you know, pictures for us. I first of all, I take every opportunity, I can take pictures of Mallory, I grab some, and you never know which one’s gonna be gold. You know, however, pictures for profiles should be a few things. Number one, they should represent both of you. Agreed? Agreed. If you’re a part of a couple, you should definitely have both of you represented now anybody who goes to our profiles. So let’s back this truck up a little disclaimer. Sometimes we give advice that we need to take ourselves. That’s right. I the biggest thing I get from people who messaged us on SLS or Cassidy is where his pictures, I will tell you I’m usually on this side of the camera, we don’t have anybody that was really able to take sexy pictures of both of us. And I do believe as a marketer, that putting my best foot forward is showing that beautiful ass and across from here. And she’s beautiful everywhere. Not just the ass. But I do think that, that we’ve got some great pictures there. And we do you know, I have some more casual type stuff. But in terms of our profile, I did quantum kind of a Noir, you know, black and white. That’s right. And I loved the metaphor behind that. Yeah, so that was good. So why black and white? Why black and white, because essentially, the world’s better seen in color, right? And so I took the color out of it, because in order to really get you, I wish they’d meet you the tops coming off now. He told me that I put it in black and white because I think anybody that meets her shouldn’t have all of it. They should I say take the color out because life is three dimensional. Life is not two dimensional. And the internet is a two dimensional world. So I took a dimension away, I took color away and said when you meet her, you’ll get the whole picture. So I put all her pictures in black and white and so we’re a ladies I share. But you know, for me, I thought that was a great way to put a twist on what our profile is fine, right? I mean, and when you read I mean go read it and see what we you know what we did, but I’ll tell you we broke one of our own rules. There’s no pictures of me out there right now. I mean, they’re they’re in the private side. And that’s the other thing about pictures right? So what do you make private? Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. Facebook’s that’s a good one. Dirty pics like maybe Bert Lee dirty, right? I mean, and it depends on your boundaries and what you’re comfortable with. That’s also if your objective is to go out there and have as much much sex with as many people as you possibly can rock all you want that bend me over spread my butterfly pick as your profile because you are in it to win it. By all means if that’s your jam, go for it. You know, this is more, you know, our experiences. That’s right, you know, we we’re not going to pretend that you know, we’re marketing the campaign for everybody out there and giving, you know, advice and one dimension. Exactly. Well, and this is a very one sided but these are just some of our tips that we’ve seen over the last few years profiles we’ve loved, you know, things that really got our attention. Yeah. You know, sites that let you post video, post a video of yourself together, talking, doing something just like this, talking to the couple you haven’t met yet? Yeah, right. Here’s a message in a bottle to the people we’re going to meet. I love that idea. Right? Again, we need to take our own advice that is happening. So I mean, when we talk about personality, presents, pictures, you know, it all it all follows the first thing we said set a goal. And then what is your personality crave? What is your soul desire? And the people and by the way, I’m a believer, you know, we all have our personalities and our souls. But as a couple, you have one of its own right, the couple has a personality once like you see with Mallory and I hear we have a personality all around together, we have a dynamic, and that dynamic craves another dynamic of another couple and when you meet that couple, you’ll know Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that’s fireworks. Yeah, you’re like, Ah, shit, it’s gonna happen. Right. And it’s so cool when it does. But it is rare. It does not happen every day. Matter of fact, that doesn’t happen every year. But when it does, make sure to enjoy it is my perspective. So personality presence and pictures lead us to a great profile. Couldn’t agree more. So that’s what leads us to a great profile. But what about don’t, the things we should not add? Let’s talk about the don’ts. Um, definitely do not use somebody else’s photos. And I would even suggest using the most recent photos that you have. And if you don’t have any, take some more. Because you don’t want to put out yourself five in 10 years or 15 years ago, if that’s not yourself today, you should be embracing the self you are and putting putting it out there and being real about it. That’s right. I mean, my you know, pictures from college when I was working out every day showing off my awesome triceps, that those aren’t gonna do anything for anybody that’s gonna meet me today. I mean, I don’t have amazing triceps anymore, like your triceps. But no, it’s in when we talk about not using somebody else’s pictures. I’m not just talking about, you know, like stealing photos, which is a big huge No, no, it’s also, you know, posting pictures that have nothing to do with you. I’ve seen pictures of landscapes and pictures of cars. And you know, that’s great. That’s nice, but that’s what you know, Twitter and Facebook, you know, are for you know, Grandma will definitely like your, you know, beach pic. That’s awesome. Yeah. And, you know, also, don’t be overly brief. So, Shakespeare said, brevity is the soul of wit. But Shakespeare wasn’t a swinger. You have to absolutely put it out there. You have to give people enough information so they can make a good judgment call. Yeah. Cuz think about human nature. And think about, you know, how we operate, we get more information and a face to face conversation than we do online. So you really have to take that extra step. Oh, absolutely. And I mean, think about how many emails you got. And it’s not just in profile. So this is important. How many emails I think we got for yesterday and said, hey, yeah, Sup? Yeah, I’m like, people still say Sup? Right. I got what did that happen? I got what up? I’m like, Damn, what up? 95? I haven’t talked to you in a minute. Come on, right train. And I so what about just getting out there and waiting for it to come to us that don’t? That’s definitely a doubt. You know, if you’re ready, and you’ve made the profile you you need to be comfortable about reaching out. Yeah, you know, don’t be a fly trap, right? Get out there and reach out to the people that you think are sexy, because for those of us out there that have bought a house, right houses go on the market, and they put up a sign. And you see it in your one and you love it and you look at it and you think about it and you’re like yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you go to buy it and somebody beats you to it. Ah, that’s a good point. Somebody is gonna beat you to where you were going that perfect couple that’s like, we’re not buying another house. Not right now. That sucked. But no, seriously, somebody else is looking at that profile and thinking that’s my perfect house. Okay, that’s my four way connection. connections are rare. And it could be and you know, it is about timing and it is about clarity, present presence. Not just beating somebody to the sale, but also being present in general don’t, you know, don’t hesitate. What we’re saying thing can happen is someone says No, thank you. That’s Right. Yeah, no thanks. Not my bag. Um, so do you remember the rules for a skirt? a skirt? You know your grandmother never told you the rules for a skirt is a girl that would imply that I was a little bit of a lady when I was no, I don’t know rules about skirts, but please and like enlighten the ladies of the world ready rules for a skirt by Dr. Mickey. Okay, the rules for a skirt are long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep it interesting. Oh, that’s the same real profile folks like that same rule for your profile. Well, hopefully our listeners got something out of that advice there and our second segment and we’ll be moving to our third here. In a moment after this short break. We’re going to be talking about the House Resolution 1865 or Foster and the now you know segment which deals with sex trafficking. So you’re listening to casual swinger? We’ll be back. Really? Yeah. Kinda like your theme music. Okay, we’re just gonna lead in foreign music from the 70s movie that we apparently didn’t know we were starting. Yeah. So we’re back for the last segment of this podcast dealing with the resolution 1865 or fossa and this is more Mikey’s forte over here. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Oh my god, remember, I’m so fine. That’s right. You are so fine. We’re gonna get these student ism student isms soon. Man, we have been on for like, almost an hour. We didn’t have a train wreck moment yet. Oh, there it is. And there you go. Folks, there went, Oh, you’ll shit right here. So moving on. Let’s get on our segment that we call now you know, so we’re gonna do a lot of different stuff. At the end, we always want to do something at the end, that kind of result kind of relates to something you know, around the lifestyle. Of course, we have Florida man, which may relate to nothing. But there’s some really funny shit that happens before. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes. But I think this is very relevant to online profiles. Exactly. Today’s topic. And that’s what we’re talking about. So FASTA is the resolution that became a law in March of 2018. And that law is actually called sesta. Foster, which sounds like a soda. But it stands for stop enabling sex traffickers act in the fight online sex trafficking act. That law was passed in March of 2018. And online dating kind of changed forever. When that passed, right? Everything every website changed. It didn’t It is especially anything that was deemed free. Like the Craigslist, personal ads, for instance, oh, they disappeared completely. They just took them down because they couldn’t control. So what this law actually set out to do was to subject websites to criminal and civil liability when third parties misused online personal ads, it was directed at online personal ads, there’s no yeah. And that changed everything for backpage, which is really the website that it was pointed at, yeah, a lot of prostitution on backpage. A lot of you know, of course, when you have prostitution, you’re going to have trafficking. So there was a lot of that on backpage, and a significant amount on Craigslist. But it also changed things for sites like match.com, and plenty of fish and OkCupid OkCupid. So those guys actually took took a big hit, but it hurt us to a certain extent in the lifestyle, too, when you look at sites like SLS, so SLS actually changed the way they do business complete. Yeah, that’s right. You can’t message directly if you’re a free user, right? That’s right. That’s when that change was due to foster. So you know, when you look at the small guys like SLS, any of the small sites, it’s something interesting, if you look at how the law is written, it’s written that if they miss if the users misuse the site, and someone has traffic than the website is guilty. So what website users or rather, website producers had to do is put a disclaimer at the bottom that talks about how they handle foster claims. So you can see that at the bottom of the page on any SLS page, you can see they have a foster compliance policy that shows what they do to fight sex trafficking. And you’re going to see that on a lot of different pages, including AF F and a few others, that this is a new piece of legislation that they have to be very concerned about. So when you go to create a profile online, don’t just get mad, because you can’t do what you want to do. There’s actually a law that’s keeping them from doing it. Yes. And so, Wall Street Journal, which I’m going to put a post in our synopsis, actually wrote an article about this earlier this year. And there was an interesting quote that I think really applied in terms of what we’re dealing with. We look at our sites because when you compare sites that we use, right and again, there’s a lot of them out there there is there is and it’s can not may or may not be cost effective to you know, be a subscriber or a patron of all of them. You may have to pick and choose you do have to Pick one, which is why presence matters. Yes, it does matter to pick one that has folks from where you live. But when you look at some of these big guys even as big as a FF is, they are a speck of fly shit on the mat compared to somebody like match.com. So this is the chief executive Mandy ginsburg of match calm. She says the biggest companies say they can manage the risks match group owner of match.com, Tinder, OkCupid. And plenty of fish says that any potential legal issues give huge advantages to those with size enough to comply. We are able to have a big legal team and a big customer care team, said ginsburg. So that’s interesting. I had no idea that match.com owned Tinder OkCupid, and plenty of fish all came interesting in that crazy. So what we have here is just like everything else in this world conglomerates occur, right? They they just make sense. Yeah, just not something I’m supposed to have. But I didn’t, I was surprised to see that. That was all there. But that’s in the Wall Street Journal article. And that article is titled new law targets suffered sex trafficking and could also hit online dating. And I think it has, I think it has to, and I think you have to take a step back. And, you know, look at your options here. Because it is not just a, you know, personal commitment. It’s also a financial commitment at this point, because it’s almost impossible, as a free user to really put yourself out there and meet other people. Because there’s also a level of skepticism that may come from paid users on any of these sites for my freezer. That’s correct. So and because they don’t want to necessarily talk to a freezer because they think it could be catfishing, posting false information, stolen pictures. And and I think that’s kind of a built in bit of a prejudice that we all kind of have it when you have maybe we’re a lifetime users. And somebody and I’m sure there’s a lot of great opportunities out there with people who have free profiles. But it’s just a it’s a concern now. So I think that actually leads us to maybe a potential future podcast, which is life styling on the cheap, right. How do you do it? If you can afford it? I do some of these things. Yeah, I’ve been there. We’ve done that we have to we have we have been where we are. So I like that. Let’s pin it. Yeah, so we’re gonna pin that up and talk about that at some other point. But I tell you what, folks, that brings us up to the top of the hour, I want to say thank you very much for spending the time with us here on casual swinger. Today, we talked about online dating, creating online profiles, and my awesome user name. And her awesome user. No, it was not awesome. There. We also talked about one of those laws that maybe you didn’t know about. So now you know, and if you remember from back in the day, knowing is half the battle. Alright, GI Joe. Hey, guys, thanks for listening. You’ve been listening to casual swinger. catch up with us next time on episode three. Thanks very much. We’ll see you soon.