Everything’s bigger in Texas (and sheep are FAST…)

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Everything’s Bigger in Texas – And Sheep are Fast

Thu, 9/2 10:25AM • 1:09:01

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

fucking, people, angie, bar, texas, swinger, mallory, shit, casual, drink, check, listening, distiller, cider, left, austin, hung, called, literally, couple

SPEAKERS

Jay AverageSwingers, Mickey Gordon, Angie AverageSwingers, Mallory Gordon

 

Angie AverageSwingers  00:10

Hi, this is Angie

 

Jay AverageSwingers  00:11

and Jay  Shut up. They don’t want you! they might, they don’t know this is not Average Swingers podcast

 

Angie AverageSwingers  00:18

We’re here about to listen to casual swinger with all of you, as long as you’re over 18 that is, because these guys are batshit crazy.

 

Jay AverageSwingers  00:27

And little ones shouldn’t hear this kind of shit.

 

Angie AverageSwingers  00:30

No one should take this crap serious,

 

Jay AverageSwingers  00:33

because I know they don’t.

 

Angie AverageSwingers  00:35

But let’s sit down, buckle up,

 

Jay AverageSwingers  00:38

and form some damn opinions.

 

Mallory Gordon  00:51

Welcome back, everyone to another episode of casual swinger, Malory. Here,

 

Mickey Gordon  00:56

my name is Mickey.

 

Mallory Gordon  00:57

And we’ve got our Texas episode for you.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:00

Ah, everything’s bigger in Texas and fucking cheaper fast.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:04

What a great trip. What a great trip. We have so much to talk about. We’re late so late.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:10

Yeah, we got sick.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:11

Oh, it was awful.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:13

It was awful. Like, I mean, I just came back and I think we just went so hard in that, like, short period of time. We’re like, we’re gonna get back. It’s gonna be a great podcast gonna be so much fun. And then we were like,

 

Mallory Gordon  01:24

oh, man, I hit us like a brick wall. I also think like, germs played a role. No, I’m saying.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:31

Sheep germs go germs, G and G germs now.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:35

Now I think there are airplane germs.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:37

Airplane germs.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:38

Oh, we definitely did. Some aeroplanes should really stop licking that trip lap tray.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:42

Ah, you know, but it looks delicious. I get it. You know, they’re

 

Mallory Gordon  01:45

spicy.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:46

I tried to offer you something else to look on the plane and you were not willing to try?

 

Mallory Gordon  01:49

I didn’t want to get arrested. Like an Air Marshal. I

 

Mickey Gordon  01:52

bet I could have finished by the time we landed. I bet

 

Mallory Gordon  01:54

you could have.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:56

So hey, this is the creepy ad section for our podcast creepy

 

Mallory Gordon  02:00

ads.

 

Mickey Gordon  02:01

Maybe they’re creepy. Well, it is Halloween. Okay, and we’re gonna make some spooky spooky ads. Now we’re gonna talk about casual toys calm guys, make sure you check out our website where we sell toys and other good stuff. You know, we do this little thing called Hito bomb. So not everything we do is swinger oriented. Heat Obama is the celebration of hedonism, which is, you know, the the love of pleasure in the pursuit of pleasure, we put up a bunch of new t shirts this week, where you can go out and get t shirts and have all kinds of like basic white girl sayings like beach, please. And they said it could be anything. So I’ll be at the beach. And I don’t know, we’re putting that kind of stuff up there for you. So you don’t have to just buy casual toys stuff. You don’t have to buy sex toys. You even have to buy casual swinger stuff. We’re putting all that stuff up there. And we gave you a code, which is S d u? What’s that for? That’s for swinging down under swinging down unders our friends Kate and Darrell out there in Singapore. They’re not even down under anymore. They’re in some random Asian nation hanging out. But that their code is SD you get your 20% off any sex toys on that site doesn’t apply to the shirts because I’d have to charge like $35 for a crappy t shirt in order to give everybody a discount

 

Mallory Gordon  03:11

for selling crappy t shirts.

 

Mickey Gordon  03:15

That’s a crappy ad or a creepy ad. I don’t know. They’re actually really nice t shirts. You know what I mean?

 

Mallory Gordon  03:20

I wonder if everyone’s gonna notice were a little rusty. All right. Speaking of Katyn, Darrell, let’s talk about may 2020 Peak app Palooza,

 

Mickey Gordon  03:28

I cannot wait. I’m so excited they have so much stuff happening at p cap now that I can’t even keep track of it all. Like I need to bring up the website for the crappy ad section of you know, casual stranger just to talk about it. But we’ve got I think that she’s having like fire breathers and dancers and aerial performers and I am certain she’s gonna bring me a little person dressed as a clown.

 

Mallory Gordon  03:54

Um, I you’re on your own sir.

 

Mickey Gordon  03:57

No. Does it the clown thing or the little person?

 

Mallory Gordon  03:59

Uh, definitely the clown thing? For sure.

 

Mickey Gordon  04:03

I don’t think she’s bringing a little person but what is she bringing? she’s bringing sex uninterrupted. We got a thing. She’s bringing monogamous marriage. She’s bringing I mean, everybody’s swinger diaries. I can’t even It’s gonna be so awesome. So many great podcasters Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  04:17

action packed many events great people. Miami. Yeah, well, yeah. Miami is wonderful. Right? I love I love Miami there’s

 

Mickey Gordon  04:26

gonna be yoga classes.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:28

I didn’t know there’s gonna be you know either. We found that out yesterday

 

Mickey Gordon  04:30

now. So just

 

Mallory Gordon  04:31

so merely something for everyone.

 

Mickey Gordon  04:34

Yeah, so make sure if you haven’t checked it out, check out the show notes or go to casual swinger COMM And you’ll get information on podcast Palooza. Or you can just go to podcast dash Upolu dash a palooza.com. And check that out there which is going to be super cool. Now what are we doing in like 12 days,

 

Mallory Gordon  04:53

we’re going to heat oh

 

Mickey Gordon  04:57

I’m gonna get some nice My opinion

 

Mallory Gordon  05:00

it always surprises me how many suitcases we have for a resort where you’re naked, you know, 85% of the day,

 

Mickey Gordon  05:08

I believe you should check that. How many suitcases you have? Well,

 

Mallory Gordon  05:13

I mean, we have a lot of stuff to give away. And when games and

 

Mickey Gordon  05:16

all that good stuff and take underwear, I can’t be bothered with underwear. I’m going to heat it.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:21

I don’t think any of the underwear I’ve set aside have crushes on them.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:23

I like that though. Because I’d like to be able to get down and kiss your lady parts and just be like, wow, it’s right there.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:29

Right on and I just like to show it to people.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:32

Hey, honey, I dropped my pen. Could you pick that up? I don’t know. I got a box up. Here’s another one. Here’s another one. There’s another one. That’s gonna be awesome. We’re going to get we’re leaving in 12 days. We’re going with Rachel’s rascals we go every November, we go every February. Now, you know what? That’s a great group. The November group by the way, we’ve got over 180 people on this trip. Wow,

 

Mallory Gordon  05:53

that is going to be a badass Pool Party. Don’t really to poke parties.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:58

Like when we started emceeing for those guys, there were like 30 people in that group.

 

Mallory Gordon  06:03

I think it was more than that. But still, it wasn’t a lot. This this November group has grown tremendously. They’re great, folks. The party’s always on, tequilas flowing. And one of the things I love that we’re doing this trip is we’re doing the clothing swap. Do you remember when we did that last February? Oh, yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  06:17

What is it? Was it what what do you call it slot where? Yep, swap, swap.

 

Mallory Gordon  06:22

And it happens to all of us like we brought by some slot where I mean we it never gets worn and forgotten about and you know, it’s just taking up space. So what we do is we do it’s like a kind of like a free yard sale and everyone’s welcome to join. So everyone brings their stuff sets it out. People go through try stuff on and go home with some new outfit.

 

Mickey Gordon  06:39

That’s right. So you heard it here, folks come to hedonism with us. And you can swap slots. No,

 

Mallory Gordon  06:46

I almost spit coffee all over myself.

 

Mickey Gordon  06:49

Okay, so maybe not but if you come with us in June because in June 2020, which is right after podcast a Palooza if you can believe it, we’re going again and we’re going with iOS connections. And this is going to be a really units we’re calling this summer swing. So summer swing is a casual swinger and iOS connections event. This is going to be us going down there with like 20 couples a lot more. A while actually. 40 so it’s 40 couples or 80 people. It’s gonna be a very intimate event. I think for us it’s gonna be more personal time. Just kind of hanging out and shooting the shit.

 

Mallory Gordon  07:24

Yeah, and definitely lifestyle focus. There’s gonna be games and activities. We’re working out all the details. Yeah, I think it’s gonna be a great time.

 

Mickey Gordon  07:33

Yeah, I think we got a lot going on for that one. But the big thing is that it is lifestyle focus. So we’re gonna have more lifestyle games, things to help you guys hook up and have fun with others winners and us at us. Alright, maybe we’ll see But yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  07:48

I’m sorry. I want to cheer you on. Oh my god.

 

Mickey Gordon  07:50

Yes. Cheer much. Anyway, so the ends the crappy ad section. Guys will stringer. Let’s talk about what we’ve been up to spooky, spooky.

 

Mallory Gordon  07:59

Yeah, it is. And it’s fallen Florida. So what is it like? 8990 degrees? Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  08:04

it’s July 92nd. Here in Florida right now. It’s only 90 degrees. Because we were sick and shit.

 

Mallory Gordon  08:12

Yeah, yeah, the heat diaries over here.

 

Mickey Gordon  08:14

And we had the genius plan to stay on I drive and we went to the secrets party last night. So we actually got a hotel over off of I drive because I have Marriott points coming on my Wazoo. So we stayed over there. And you know what? They’re what I drive has a lot of other than shady tourist joints. City drivers and shady tourists. Yeah. Oh my god, they were freaking everywhere. Like every What is that? Every 30 seconds, I looked at you and said, What is this guy doing?

 

Mallory Gordon  08:39

I have nothing for you.

 

Mickey Gordon  08:41

It’s my favorite part was when you started saying it for me. You started yelling at the other drivers. For me. I was like, thank you. It’s Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  08:47

I was trying to give your voice to rest. It was it’s it’s very frustrating. And I forget because we we don’t typically like frequent the parks or anything. So when you’re around large groups of people like that with like children and families and elderly. Like it’s, it was a little intense.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:04

Yeah. Yeah, let’s deliver spotted masses, like the old people that live here. yell at them, right? Because they’re always, you know, they know things

 

Mallory Gordon  09:12

are the little kids like they’re loud. They’re sticky. They’re dirty, like

 

Mickey Gordon  09:16

that one that walked past us. So when we stayed at this resort, you know, the restaurants that were on site, which it worked because we were trying to get to secret. So we went to one of the onsite restaurants. And this kid walks by, and he’s got this stream of snot up the side of his face with a booger stuck in his hair. And I was like, wow, I’m so glad we’re past that stage.

 

Mallory Gordon  09:34

Yeah, no, it’s not that I just like kids. It’s just I’m in awe.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:38

He looked like a garbage.

 

Mallory Gordon  09:40

I know I want to find his mother and like, be like, you need to like, Oh, yeah, we need to him that little boy wet white. I was fresh out. Or kid.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:52

It was disgusting. So the food was nasty, or whatever, because we left there. And you know, this is so loud Last night was the biggest party of the year. It’s hideaway, which secrets hideaway is the biggest swinger club in Central Florida. its secrets hideaway.com those guys are friends of ours. Aaron is their marketing director and she’s super hot. And they throw this particular party. It’s just over the top. I mean, it’s been sold out for ages.

 

Mallory Gordon  10:22

It is an every year they take it, you know a step further, like they do. I have no idea the place was slam packed. Um, there was definitely no parking like after 10 1030 there was really nowhere to park. And they had Oh, the house was new for this year. Yeah, they set that up in the courtyard between the two bars, which is really really mean it, they did get some bottlenecking with the big amount of humans coming in through and getting around, but everyone seemed to really enjoyed it.

 

Mickey Gordon  10:52

A lot of people screaming, I heard you screaming that asshole with the chainsaw. Just kind of funny, but we’ll get into him in a minute. But, you know, that party is definitely the biggest we’ve ever seen at secrets. But there were like some issues, right? I mean, we stood in line for what, 30 or 40 minutes to get a drink.

 

Mallory Gordon  11:09

Yeah, yeah. I feel like they were a little understaffed this time. I mean, it’s always been a little crazy. But I mean, people were waiting very long to get drinks. The bartenders were hustling I mean, Boston, their asses. And it was just there were so many people, there was no way that they could

 

Mickey Gordon  11:24

do I mean, we know those bartenders, I mean, so here’s the funny part. So if you want to get a drink in a bar, you guys ready for this? Tip? 101 this is Mickey’s tips for getting drinks in a bar send Mallory to the fucking bar. Because we’re my goofy ask is lumbering up to the bar. I get ignored, because I don’t have tits. So she walks up there and of course immediately she gets attention and I’m leaving not immediate and of course they all know us and they’re like whatever Maciel Stan, they’re he’s patient. He’s a nice guy. But Mallory, you know? No, she’s hot. She gets attention. So he apologizes to Mallory and Porter a double. And so somebody had the genius idea. It was another lifestyler was there it said, Hey, order to don’t order one drink?

 

Mallory Gordon  12:08

Oh, yeah, I was like, Uh, hello, my new best friend. Right?

 

Mickey Gordon  12:11

So we did order two. And then Mallory turns around, we’re standing there talking and some guy comes running at her with a chainsaw. Oh,

 

Mallory Gordon  12:17

no, no, you’re a couple bonus too, because you guys were talking and my back was to him and like you made eye contact and pointed. I was like, Okay, I’ll look over there. And I look over and he’s doing like that dead like, stare. Like it reminded me of Halloween Horror Nights or something. And I’m like, Oh, no, he’s coming. He’s coming. And then, I mean, he just charged me and it scared the shit out of me. I mean, my arm shook. I tried to move out of the way so he didn’t touch me and I spent half my drinks all over me. No.

 

Mickey Gordon  12:46

Shake the lurched upward and your drinks flew into the air that you waited 30 minutes to get? Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  12:50

as much as I love Halloween. I don’t like being scared. That’s why I didn’t do the haunted house. And then there were fucking clowns everywhere. Like, what happened this

 

Mickey Gordon  12:58

year? That that was cool. Dude, that one guy with the balloons that bothered me a little bit. It’s like, whoa. You know?

 

Mallory Gordon  13:04

And then the little like, why did the balloons bother? Yeah, and a little short one.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:09

Oh, yeah. collagen stared at you.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:11

And like a cognitive head. I was like, I will punch you. Please go away.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:14

I really hope there was a hot girl under that mask.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:17

That’s all you baby.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:18

I just wanted it to go away, huh? Yeah, maybe. So that was kind of like nuts, actually. And, but I will don’t But speaking of butts, I love but

 

Mallory Gordon  13:31

I was all I did. It was so packed. It was really hard to have conversations with people. But something that I took note of is all the amazing acids that were there. And I hate to objectify people like that, but it’s something that I find very, very attractive. I am a buck girl. And like there were just so many and people look so outstanding that I couldn’t help but like trail off in mid coverage, so you shouldn’t check out all the

 

Mickey Gordon  13:54

butts that were passing by. You are about girl you brought butt plugs with you. Hey, did your go bag? I did. I was like, Wow, she’s all about the but you know, there were a lot of very sexy, probably more sexy people there that any party have ever seen in secrets. They were

 

Mallory Gordon  14:09

maybe Yeah, I mean, there were there was a tremendous amount of outstanding outstandingly sexy people. I’m using too many descriptors there. Yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  14:18

What what are they do? Like, do these people live at the gym? Do they work in a gym? I don’t get there was like the abs are off the chain. Yeah. And, you know, I think for me, that was something that kind of actually threw me off a little bit. And really, I thought it was something you know, I was actually went back and forth about whether I should talk about this on the show or not. But you know, I think it’s important as lifestyles and as content creators that we be honest. We’re not perfect. God now and I kind of had a moment there right where I was looking around and I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t feel good. I mean, our costumes were hilarious. People loved our costumes and Mallory did a great job. We were waiting Garth. So party your

 

Mallory Gordon  15:01

party on Wayne,

 

Mickey Gordon  15:02

everybody. Everybody that came up to us which DTV way party? Oh, yeah. Right. It was a shorter party. But, you know, I didn’t feel good. And I kind of had a moment it was almost like a micro panic attack where I was like, I just want to leave. Like I I’m not comfortable. I’m not happy. Yeah. That was weird.

 

Mallory Gordon  15:21

Yeah, I felt for you. I’ve totally been there. Right. I tried to protect my confidence as much as possible. But there are times where, you know, the your surroundings, the environment, or just the way you feel where you are mentally, it overtakes you, and we’ll definitely do bad I knew there was really not much I could do to help you. And that moment, that’s just something we you had to work through, and I was there to support you.

 

Mickey Gordon  15:45

Which you were great at you. You were so supportive and so cool about it. And I was just, you know, I was just kind of looking around. I’m like, everybody looks amazing. And I kind of feel like a jackass. And with his mullet, you know, on that one, sorry, no one’s really gonna pay. And you know, I’m the kind of guy that people kind of have to hang out with me to really kind of get the whole package of who I am. And I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m not like sloths or anything. But it just, I think you’re super sexy. It’s my girl. But I feel like I couldn’t, it was so loud. And I couldn’t hear and everybody kind of had a different face on and so I struggled. And I think it’s important that you guys, as listeners know that it happens to all of us, even people that talk about swinging. Often, you’re on your radio right now you’re listening to us on your phone or in your car. And that happened to me too, right? And don’t feel bad. Every every, you know, everybody has a different kind of day. And I had one yet I had one yesterday, because we’re recording this on a Sunday. And it’s it sucked. But tomorrow’s another day. And, you know, I think we’re going to bounce back. And it’s going to be kind of awesome. So even you know, when you’re not having a great time somewhere, don’t forget, the most important thing that I always tell myself, when I go out to a club or when I go to Hito. Or even when we go out to a house party or to dinner with another couple. At the end of the night, I get to go home with the hottest girl in the room. Somebody that I love that I think is amazing. Right? And what she did is she made all right with the world, right? We got back to our room. And she’s like, if you want to hang from the rafters and have hot monkey sex, we can do that. Or we can just cuddle up and you can watch the highlights of the game where your nationals got the shit kicked out of them. And I’m like, wow, I was you’re not helping me.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:30

I was really hoping they were ahead and they weren’t. Oh, my fingers crossed

 

Mickey Gordon  17:35

he to one. He did. It was awful. But hey, you know what, guys, we’re gonna come back here in a couple of minutes. And we’re gonna give you guys some highlights for episode that we call everything’s bigger in Texas and cheaper fucking fast. So we went down to Texas for my birthday, we hung out with the average swingers. They came down from Dallas, we love j and Angie, oh, man, like

 

Mallory Gordon  17:57

I left there. And I’m not I just don’t cry often. That’s just something I do. Like, I’m starting to digress because I’m going to get a little emotional. But I didn’t want to leave because we were having such a good time. And you have many opportunities to meet folks. But to me truly genuine, good natured. I mean, just amazing people through and through like that. We hadn’t had an opportunity previously to spend that kind of quality time with them. And I was just so grateful and I can’t wait to do it again.

 

Mickey Gordon  18:31

I’m genuinely convinced they don’t come any better than those two people right away.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:35

I feel like such an asshole right compared to them.

 

Mickey Gordon  18:38

And hopefully you guys noticed our intro this week was from J and n g. They actually did the show. And you’re gonna hear some more that this is kind of our anniversary tour. This is our one year anniversary for casual swinger. So we had some of our friends like Jay and Angie, we had yuphoria Chronicles we had our naughty escapades we had swinging down under and a couple others actually go out and record intros for us so hilarious. It’s gonna be so much fun. Oh my god. Hey, why don’t you tell everybody where to find us? We’ll come back and we’ll get into Texas a little sounds great.

 

Mallory Gordon  19:13

We’re casual swinger everywhere. Folks. That is a Facebook we have a new page posted

 

Mickey Gordon  19:19

book Facebook, but we did it anyway.

 

Mallory Gordon  19:20

Yes, casual spring swinger podcast on Facebook. We’re also on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, SLS, STC Cassidy and double date nation as well as whoever they’re looking to find us online casual swinger calm and you can also send us a message at podcast at casual swinger. Like us love us want to send us some kudos consider giving us an iTunes review.

 

Mickey Gordon  19:42

I think that covers it. You guys are listening to casual swinger. Welcome back everybody to casual swinger.

 

20:09

I’m still Mickey and I’m Mallory. And we’re

 

Mickey Gordon  20:12

going to talk about how everything is bigger than Texas. We went down to Austin, Texas and hung out with some really good friends of ours for my boo boo boo boop birthday.

 

Mallory Gordon  20:23

Yeah, birthday boy. Um, but just a little correction there. I believe Austin’s in north. It’s what

 

Mickey Gordon  20:30

North up? It is. Yeah. North of what Mexico?

 

Mallory Gordon  20:35

Orlando is it? I think so. Oh,

 

Mickey Gordon  20:39

okay. I thought it was kind of like straight across the Gulf over we went over to fucking No, I don’t know geography. Engineer. Don’t ask me that shit. Right, I guess over whatever. But it was my birthday. And my beautiful wife bought me tickets to see one of our favorite singer songwriters. He is a badass at a Texas by the name of Wade Bowen. If y’all listen to Red Dirt country, you know Wade Bowen and that brother, man getting put on a good show.

 

Mallory Gordon  21:13

They really can really gonna get he’s just a magnificent songwriter. And one of my favorite Texas bands during the room happened to be open for him. Yeah. So it was perfect. Oh,

 

Mickey Gordon  21:23

it was amazing. I mean, it was kind of in the middle of fuck all nowhere.

 

Mallory Gordon  21:27

It was so pretty though. Like I think I was born to be a Texan. Yeah, I really do. I think I could totally live in Texas. I

 

Mickey Gordon  21:35

think that’s where you got to everything’s bigger in Texas. You just think all the penises.

 

Mallory Gordon  21:40

I wanted to see. But the opportunity didn’t present itself. But now I’ve I fell in love. I’ve never been to Austin before. You’ve made some more trips out there. Most of my trips are northeast Midwest, sometimes out to the west coast, but really never to Texas. And I never really thought to go there on my own accord was the perfect opportunity to do so. And I fell in love with Austin. It’s fucking weird. Weird as hell.

 

Mickey Gordon  22:04

Oh, it’s an island city. I

 

Mallory Gordon  22:05

love it.

 

Mickey Gordon  22:06

I love everything about it. Is that excitement? Maybe like his was your first time? Is that why you decided to go there and turn around and come right back home?

 

Mallory Gordon  22:12

Oh my god, I can’t believe I did that. You guys. I’m so stupid. So we we use points to book our tickets right or credit. Whatever happens we use Southwest a lot. And apparently, I didn’t realize this until we were on the plane 45 minutes from landing, that my return flight instead of Sunday was like two hours from the moment that I noticed that like literally get off the plane and get on one to come right back home and I looked at Mickey and I’m like, I have something to tell you and please don’t laugh because I’m really upset. And I told him and what did you do? I busted out laughing

 

Mickey Gordon  22:51

I laugh my balls off. She’s like stop laughing at me and

 

Mallory Gordon  22:56

I do this for a living. I booked travel all the time. I don’t know how I managed to do that literally

 

Mickey Gordon  23:02

booked the next fucking thing smoking out of Austin straight back to Orlando.

 

Mallory Gordon  23:07

What was worse is I was like, I have to go tell a gate agent so they can help me and they’re gonna look at me like this is one dumb bitch. like can I even provider enough help to fix this?

 

Mickey Gordon  23:23

Who does that? who booked a flight immediately home after you? Oh, man. You know, I gotta say though, Southwest Airlines I know that somebody that listens to this show is an employee of Southwest Airlines. Hey, thanks for only charging us an additional $250 you can

 

Mallory Gordon  23:41

keep them in an ovary. Just to make sure I can

 

Mickey Gordon  23:46

do anything with your ovaries go ahead here. Those things are worth like 50 cents now. We’re fighting for what you’re putting is worth a million but your ovaries are worth anything anymore.

 

Mallory Gordon  23:57

Oh my god, get out of here. Anywho. But no, no, she was able to fix it. It did cost me a couple 100 bucks. But you know, at the end of the day, it was my mistake.

 

Mickey Gordon  24:08

So I had to own that. I do have to say this because this is really important for me. And you know, there are some things that happen in our lives, guys. And I am kind of famous for saying this to my friends that when you look back over your life, you will remember the times of your life you’ll remember the best times you’ve ever had. And the thing about the best times of your life the best things that ever happened to you. They’re always in retrospect, you never know they’re happening when they’re happening. But this was this weekend. From from that moment right after that bullshit was Southwest happened. It seemed like everything was perfect no matter what we did. We couldn’t do anything wrong.

 

Mallory Gordon  24:51

Yeah, no, you’re spot on everything smelled like roses except for that fucking barista who was oh she was

 

Mickey Gordon  24:57

sure royal bitch but yeah I didn’t care. Right? Like it just was so awesome. Everything we did came up roses. And I mean right down to the fact that before we left, I looked up and there was a fucking rainbow in the sky between two clouds directly overhead, which I’ve never seen in my life. And I know it sounds cheesy as shit. But I’m like, man, somebody was looking over us, because every single thing we did, and we’re gonna tell you guys about some of it here in two seconds. But, I mean, everything we did came up roses.

 

Mallory Gordon  25:27

It was so good. I’m looking at your soundboard because I really want to cue the dirty dancing like closing song for you. You had the time of your life.

 

Mickey Gordon  25:36

I really did. And I know it was my birthday. And I know that j and Angie went way out of their way. They did, they really did. And guys, I had one of the best birthdays, I can remember. And by the way, if you know my 14th birthday was stupid, like it was it was amazing. All of my friends from Virginia came out. And I had an amazing birthday, thanks to Mallory, but I’m saying that this was right up there with one of the best birthdays I can ever remember. And so

 

Mallory Gordon  26:03

glad you had a great time. I had a fantastic time, but I feel like my good time was, you know, icing on the cake

 

Mickey Gordon  26:10

because it was all about you. Oh, so we we got there. And so we’re gonna start talking about this a little bit. We got there. And you know, Austin, such a cool city. And we got this Uber driver who we thought he was like this cheesy old fart and he kind of was, but he takes us down to Rainey Street and Rainey street is this cool? weird ass eclectic Street. That’s kind of like off the beaten path. That’s true. Or bar, which is a bar meet a fucking shipping container.

 

Mallory Gordon  26:37

Yeah. And they had like, some of the historical homes converted to retail storefronts, or restaurants and bars. And then they had the food trucks and he was so cool. And I was on the train is really shaded. So the sun shining you have that peeking through the trees. It was just it was picture as your city

 

Mickey Gordon  26:56

beards and man buns as far as the eye can see. Yeah, but and all the dogs Oh, yeah, dogs everywhere. Dogs

 

Mallory Gordon  27:01

everywhere, which for me, I’m like, I get to pet them all.

 

Mickey Gordon  27:05

But you know, so obviously Mallory was in love. Like, once we got into Austin. She’s like, this is just the coolest. And I’ve been telling her about Austin for 10 years. I have always been a fan of Austin. But, you know, we’re like screw we get in. We dropped our stuff off. We’re just gonna go for a walk is Jeannie and you’re a couple hours away. And we were like, Look, we’re just gonna walk down the street. We’re gonna stay off six for a little bit and just check stuff out. We found a music store. That was everything. Music shirts and in memory limits. Yeah. ACL stuff. Like old albums. Like just cool.

 

Mallory Gordon  27:41

Beatles quarter.

 

Mickey Gordon  27:42

Yeah. I mean, we were like, really? This is so cool. And then we go a few strips, you know, a few streets over and we found what was it the bar cast iron cactus

 

Mallory Gordon  27:50

iron cactus is where we ate which wasn’t far from Maggie Mays?

 

Mickey Gordon  27:53

Yeah. right around the corner from Maggie Mays, and we just kind of ate like really good food and drink Kazu which is one of my favorite tequilas. Yeah, that

 

Mallory Gordon  28:02

was very good. We did birthday shots together. And I’ve tried to toast you and I’m not good. I’m not a Toastmaster. I’m like and all the other good shit that I don’t know how to say it. I love you.

 

Mickey Gordon  28:12

You’re like, I love you. I’m gonna suck your dick later. Ding I’m like, it’s a party. But you know, it was just awesome. And then Jane and she showed up in God. I think everything changed. Yeah, in not in a bad way.

 

28:27

No better. I

 

Mallory Gordon  28:28

don’t have to fuck it could but it did. Yeah, yeah. I mean it just financially like there was an escalator involved.

 

Mickey Gordon  28:35

Right? Yeah, so we hung out in the room for a while we poured coffee cups full of liquor. I forgot about that. Yeah, right there because they brought me a bottle of angels angels and yatch is one of my you know, I don’t it’s I’m not a crazy like angels envy drinker. But I love the story behind it. So it’s one of my favorite liquors for that reason. Very quick, like aside, but Lincoln Henderson who’s the distiller died before they could release it. So there’s angel wings on the bottle. And that’s where that comes from. And he’s the distiller of Woodford Reserve. So there’s a little aside for you. But I think you guys will dig that. If you ever try it. It’s in. It’s finished in Port casks.

 

Mallory Gordon  29:12

I love it because of that. So

 

Mickey Gordon  29:14

it was a present. Janie, I very much appreciate. So we had some of that. And then we got down and started walking around downtown Austin a little bit. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  29:22

they were first. So they were they were our tour guides, which they’re really amazing. Yeah, for it. So we were just, they mentioned the Toy Museum. So we’re heading like in that direction. And we decided to pop into a little liquor store. That’s like a few doors down. Right.

 

Mickey Gordon  29:37

That’s right. We started at that liquor story,

 

Mallory Gordon  29:39

and we just went into some random liquor store. And here’s these distillers locally, standing there standing there. bourbon and whiskey thing. Please

 

Mickey Gordon  29:46

try our bourbon. I’m like a yo D. It’s my birthday. And

 

Mallory Gordon  29:51

it turns out it was fucking delicious.

 

Mickey Gordon  29:53

Absolutely delicious.

 

Mallory Gordon  29:54

So we looked at each other like alright, do you have room in your suitcase because everyone mind we’ll have to check our bags, but we could totally do this.

 

Mickey Gordon  29:59

And check this shit out. I checked because they gave us glasses to go with them. Oh yeah, they

 

Mallory Gordon  30:04

did. They were so sweet.

 

Mickey Gordon  30:05

They were amazing. And they we bought two bottles of their whiskey. We bought a rye and a regular. Yep. And it survived the trip. Oh,

 

Mallory Gordon  30:12

it did. It didn’t mean it’s actually outstanding. I don’t know that you can get it outside of Texas. But the distillers called my lemon green. It’s a mom and pop shop. very knowledgeable, very kind of sweet people. Very intelligent. In regards to the distilling process and their product. Highly recommend them

 

Mickey Gordon  30:32

straight up fucking delicious, too. Let’s not so good. Right. So anyway, we left there, and you know, we’re walking down. I don’t remember the name of the road, but it’s in the middle of Austin. Yeah, that one where we don’t we’re walking down that one. And there’s an 800 Yeah, maybe it was Congress.

 

Mallory Gordon  30:50

I have no idea. We’re

 

Mickey Gordon  30:50

on our way to homeslice pizza. I know that.

 

Mallory Gordon  30:53

Well, Toy Museum and we went in that direction. It

 

Mickey Gordon  30:55

was right there, the Toy Museum and they’re like, Hey, you guys want to go in? And I’m like, yeah, you know what I played with some toys in the 80s. Let’s do this. I also looked at a lot of porn in the 80s. But we go up the stairs, and I’m starting to see all this memorabilia on the walls. And I feel like nine year old Mickey is just trying desperately to break out of my chest like an alien from like aliens, you know. And the more we got into this place, the happier I got.

 

Mallory Gordon  31:21

It was like every time you saw something in there was stuff everywhere. I mean, memorabilia on the walls, advertising, and then the actual collections that were in the cases together. And every time you found something new like that, that joy just doubled and it kept doubling and doubling and we were all sitting and go look at this. Oh my god. Did you see that? Right. So

 

Mickey Gordon  31:42

Jay grabs me and he’s like, he was Mickey, how many of these wrestlers Can you name and they had this collection of WWF rubber wrestling figurines, and we’re naming George animal Steele and Jimmy Superfly snuka. And of course, Hulk Hogan seen in the front fuck him. Because we’ve got Greg Greg the hammer Valentine and we’ve got like, Brutus beefcake. And we’ve got I mean, just like you name it, all these old as wrestlers from Saturday morning. And we we look like two little guys

 

Mallory Gordon  32:11

literally did Angie and I were standing back and I’m like, How adorable is this right now? Do you see the pure joy on their faces? It was so a little it was a little competitive to

 

Mickey Gordon  32:24

him because we realized that we both knew a shitload about this stuff. Which really, by the way, there’s no credit with chicks at all for knowing this.

 

Mallory Gordon  32:31

Hey, no, I disagree.

 

Mickey Gordon  32:34

But I love that I heard out of the corner of my ear. I heard Angie, we really should be videoing this and I was like, fuck both of you. Like Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  32:40

I missed I missed opportunity. But I did get some adorable pictures. Right? And then, you know,

 

Mickey Gordon  32:45

my my silent happiness really grew when we found King Kong Bundy. So weird.

 

Mallory Gordon  32:52

Well, yeah, and I’m over there. Once you guys, you know, had your moment I realized that I was sitting in front of thundercats

 

Mickey Gordon  32:59

Oh, and they have they had this huge thundercats display and I thought that was the crown jewel, right? Yeah. Because they had snarf and they had lion Oh, and they had was it tygra and they had like all these like in chitarra and all the arms like, Ah,

 

Mallory Gordon  33:16

this is amazing. That was every case though. Every every case we were like oh my god. Look at that. They had an

 

Mickey Gordon  33:23

original Optimus Prime and an original they had a Galvatron they had a Megatron they had a shockwave a sound wave.

 

Mallory Gordon  33:31

Okay. I mean, we get it. You loved it. You were so excited.

 

Mickey Gordon  33:34

It was so much fun. I’m leaving to go to the GI Joe guys. But as the GI Joe cases, freaking ridiculous. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  33:41

we totally played Oregon Trail on an apple to see Oh, I didn’t die of dysentery, diarrhea,

 

Mickey Gordon  33:45

dysentery, but I did try desperately to kill us all day. I literally I throw I tried to Florida river, and we lost most of our bullets and as we floated down the river. It wasn’t good. I really should never play we’re in trail. Yeah, they had that they had like all the old video games and shit. That was fine. I’m gonna go into By the way, if you have a chance to check out the EDS Museum in Austin, do that shit.

 

Mallory Gordon  34:13

Toy Museum. Absolutely.

 

Mickey Gordon  34:14

Alright, moving the fuck on because I will talk about this shit all day. You will

 

Mallory Gordon  34:18

leave every character you you saw and loved as a child and give details and historical facts. And we just were not that podcast, baby.

 

Mickey Gordon  34:25

No, but I could probably could start a separate podcast about it. But anyway, the point is, we went down to homeslice Pizza if you’re in Austin, check out homeslice pizza. That shit was money.

 

Mallory Gordon  34:34

It was it was very good. It was very good. I had no idea by the way, because we had to go over the bridge and the house. The bats that live under the bridge like apparently people congregate there just to watch them when the sun goes down. At dusk, all these bats come out and fly and there’s 1000s 10s of 1000s of them. And we didn’t stay for it because I’m so I’m a scaredy cat. and stuff like that might freak me out a little bit but Was it was astonished at you I think doesn’t

 

Mickey Gordon  35:03

like that though. The kayakers down below oh shit on by 10 minutes. Yeah. Can you imagine like just being a tourist in Boston and just paddling along and all

 

Mallory Gordon  35:17

that rowing team that was? Yeah, that was doing it I don’t know that anyone got shut up maybe

 

Mickey Gordon  35:22

they’re used to it. They probably know better like we were tourists so we were like what do you mean there’s like 10,000 bats and by the way, lots of damn bats because we’re walking over you can actually hear them like squeaking and chirping and shit and it was kind of crazy here. But yeah, so we went down to homeslice pizza and then we went to let’s see we left there and we’re

 

Mallory Gordon  35:39

to quick change and then we went down to the speakeasy

 

Mickey Gordon  35:42

oh my god that was

 

Mallory Gordon  35:43

amazing. I was so cool. It was literally like this bar behind a hidden door.

 

Mickey Gordon  35:48

This is called the firehouse I think. hostel. Yes, firehouse hostel. So when your memories good, no, it really isn’t. But for whatever reason, I remember this because it was the best weekend of my life. It was so amazing. We went to this hostel and by the way you walk in and it’s so unassuming. Like there’s a girl sitting in front of a staircase that goes up and like that’s like a hostel. If you go to Europe, you go to a hostel, it’s basically some angry person sitting there going, do you want to room get a room or give me money, and but there’s a bookcase over to your right. And if you reach over and grab the bookcase and pull it to the right, there’s a giant fucking bar behind it is so cool. And so Jay found this place. And we found we got a corner booth. Like as busy as it was.

 

Mallory Gordon  36:32

Yeah, we made friends. There were businessmen there in the corner. And there were a few seats right next to him. Yeah. So

 

Mickey Gordon  36:37

we sat by them and they gave us their booth. Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  36:40

They were like we got to get out of here. These freaks are scaring us a little bit. They

 

Mickey Gordon  36:44

said Austin’s weird. We’re like we know. We had some amazing cocktails. So it turns out, there’s a craft cocktail bar hidden behind a bookcase in a bar, in the middle of downtown Austin. Or in a bar in a hostel. Sorry, I misspoke. But Wow, that was so fucking cool. The drinks were great. The people were strange. And we left there and Where the hell did they take us? They took us to a gay bar.

 

Mallory Gordon  37:11

Yeah, we went I can’t remember the name of the bar. I can’t. It was wonderful. I had so much fun there.

 

Mickey Gordon  37:17

That was one of the coolest bars, like just the structure of the bar. And in the architecture of the bar. It was two levels. The top level was open to the floor below and there was a drag show going on.

 

Mallory Gordon  37:27

Yeah, so they had bars on opposing sides. It’s like a big square and apparently when they do their pub crawl, and Austin, this is one of their stops, which I could totally see why it was amazing. So fun. Good drinks, great show. And like you said the way it’s outlined, it’s as you can see from any point in the bar what’s going on downstairs. What I thought was very interesting, though, is during the drag show that pretty much what every six out of seven songs were Miley Cyrus, all of them.

 

Mickey Gordon  37:59

Once again, dude’s dressed as chicks dancing to Miley Cyrus and lip synching perfectly. Oh, amazing. And I By the way, there was one. It was a well, and you know, I struggled because I don’t know if maybe that this person identified as female or not and was just, that’s who she is. Or if this was a gay guy in drag. But that dude had some legs the black guy that was the incident Miley Cyrus.

 

Mallory Gordon  38:24

Oh, yeah. shackley who you’re talking about? And the mini? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like that dude

 

Mickey Gordon  38:29

had moves. Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  38:31

And Jamie Lee Curtis, genitourinary eats your fucking heart

 

Mickey Gordon  38:34

legs for days. And I’m not trying to be insulting because I just don’t know what their preferred pronoun is. But Wow, like insanely cool. Well done. You’re listening to this show. We were impressed. But my favorite thing about that place was turns out, they had a dungeon downstairs, he. And so we went downstairs and checked out this dungeon. And we got down there and there was no one there. So I’m like, well, we’re taking literally we’re taking pictures. Yeah. And so we get these brand new iPhone elevens and I got a great picture of Mallory hanging from a St Andrew’s cross over in the

 

Mallory Gordon  39:06

corner. Oh, weird. My arms look broken.

 

Mickey Gordon  39:08

No, it just looks so trippy and creepy and fucked up. That I’m gonna post it on Twitter. Okay, so everybody Check Twitter for this. It’s gonna be there. I think I can even post on Instagram and maybe even our fucking Facebook page. Okay. Because it was awesome. And that’s what we did. We just kind of hung out and we went to a gay bar and we went out awesome. And

 

Mallory Gordon  39:27

I think I think what happened is we got a little tattered. We all go back to town. Everyone’s like, deuces

 

Mickey Gordon  39:34

sleepy. Time to drunk to fuck to die.

 

Mallory Gordon  39:37

Yeah, well, then I decided once we got rid of that I wasn’t too drunk to fight, but I was just drunk enough. So put on an outfit for you. Okay, so guys,

 

Mickey Gordon  39:46

I want you to get a visual in your head for a minute guys and girls so rough. I want you to visualize anything with googly eyes that you’ve ever seen before where the eyeballs go Boogie Boogie, Boogie Boogie, and they just kind of go in different directions. Mallory had blue She went and put on this body suit is Crosley body suit.

 

Mallory Gordon  40:04

It was so tight. I had to lay on the bathroom floor to get it up over my knees and like wiggle into it. Like it just wasn’t as stretchy as some of the other like, full body Wednesday’s that I’ve worn before but I was determined like I was not going to fail at this I was going to get on over my body

 

Mickey Gordon  40:21

because it was literally my birthday. It was actually my birthday that

 

Mallory Gordon  40:25

day. You were getting birthday sex and

 

Mickey Gordon  40:27

it killed me. Yeah, you’re gonna have birthday sex. Now I will tell you this guys. We’re going on 14 years together. We’ve been in the lifestyle almost all of them. And there is a line. So you have anything goes Mallory, which is it goes right up to a line when she starts to get a few drinks in her she’s like anything goes you want to but we’re gonna suck we’re gonna fuck we’re gonna whatever. And then her next door neighbor. Anything Goes Mallory’s next door neighbor is too drunk to fuck Mallory. Yeah. And too drunk to fuck Mallory was president accounted for

 

Mallory Gordon  40:57

No, nope, I wasn’t tapping out. Rose play hurt.

 

Mickey Gordon  41:04

She comes out in this bodysuit and these high heeled shoes is sexy. And it’s just not working. She wobbles into a couple of walls bounces. She hid everything but the pace car between the bathroom and the bed. She jumps up could

 

Mallory Gordon  41:17

you not have wanted me more than ever? In that moment?

 

Mickey Gordon  41:21

I looked deep in the one I could keep up with because the other one was rolling in circles. I was like, are you sure this is a good idea? Because I learned a long time ago. Don’t shake up a coke bottle before you open it. She’s like we’re doing this. So you know what we threw down and it was a lot of fun. We took some pictures.

 

Mallory Gordon  41:39

It was hot. It was sexy. We were done. Like I was like I need all the water and sleep

 

Mickey Gordon  41:44

in the Advil in all the remember Advil. I gave you four. Okay, so that I was in rough shape, right. So we managed to peel ourselves out of bed the next morning and there was the grumpiest barista I’ve ever seen. So I drink something called bulletproof tea, which is a high fat tea, that it’s kind of a breakfast replacement. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  42:07

I did the same thing with coffee. And I was so excited when we walked in the main level The hotel is actually a coffee bar and like cafe. So we skipped the like the traditional breakfast we get on the main floor, get the car we’re getting ready to leave like oh, well, we’ll order a couple coffees. I’ll get one for you know, Angie, will get your tea. And then we’ll head out 1015 minutes max 35 minutes later, I was about to peel the skin off my face. I was so bad poltergeists

 

Mickey Gordon  42:34

style she looks I have to get out.

 

Mallory Gordon  42:37

Well, I would you work in a service industry, right your your people facing. So even in some of the higher stress times, it’s very important to still be kind or at least civil with other people. And I’d asked a couple of questions like, hey, look, I’ll take a you know, bulletproof. Can we do the same thing with tea? No, it is proprietary, like she was admonishing me. And I was like, oh, okay, well, Can I order a tea and then the stuff that goes in it? No. Like everything like she was just I think she was stressed. And maybe just taking it out in that moment. But like, it really pushed my buttons. Oh, yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  43:15

And then the special no special you don’t

 

Mallory Gordon  43:18

understand, ma’am, its proprietary. First of all, you will shit. I am not your man. We’re literally 10 years apart.

 

Mickey Gordon  43:25

We have dogs older than you, you

 

Mallory Gordon  43:29

please don’t speak to me in that manner. And please don’t make me wait 35 minutes for my cup of hot milk.

 

Mickey Gordon  43:35

And that’s what happens. So she walks out of the building and I’m standing there dealing with all of these man beards and man buns. And while there’s a girl beard too, but that’s a different story. And so I’m standing here waiting on these coffees and by the way, my I mean, I’ve got pretty big hands for a guy and but the size of my poem. That’s how tall these coffees were. They were tiny little coffees for like $11 apiece. And I bring them out to the truck and I get in with Janie Angie and I hand Angie hers and she gets this wig and goes well that’s hot milk. And what yeah, it was certainly there was no coffee. Man

 

Mallory Gordon  44:11

I was like yeah, anyways, fuck it. Let’s get on with our day sewer wonderful road warriors and tour guides. Um, we went straight to Salt Lake we went straight to Salt Lake barbecue because we wanted to get there early because apparently places like this fill up quickly especially on the weekends and around lunchtime so we wanted to get there before noon. Right which is a genius on their part. I would have not thought of that at all there

 

Mickey Gordon  44:34

who thinks that places run out of food but turns out these really great barbecue places in Texas. There’s one thing you want for those of you in Texas you know this already, but you want the burnt ends of the brisket. And there’s only so much of it needs as much of it. Right. So good. So we come rolling into this place at like 11 o’clock in the morning. We get a parking spot when we went to leave. You couldn’t see for the ocean of cars and trucks that We’re in the parking lot

 

Mallory Gordon  45:00

yeah up score one for the day.

 

Mickey Gordon  45:02

Right score one for the day we got there we got all you can eat burnt ends literally never ending supply of burnin.

 

Mallory Gordon  45:09

Yeah. And then my genius asked was like, um snacky time we’re gonna take the leftovers which included Bert ends sausages, and they’re very delicious coleslaw.

 

Mickey Gordon  45:22

You brought rotting cabbage shit to leave in a hot truck in Texas. October

 

45:29

we get back in the car but fast forward just for a second after the first or second stop after we had lunch.

 

Mickey Gordon  45:37

It smelled like a fucking outhouse and that is brand new truck.

 

Mallory Gordon  45:42

Just don’t talk over me. I’m trying to have a moment here and give me shit together. Jamie Angie thought the valley shit to the truck because the cabbage from the coleslaw was ripening in the heat. It smelled so bad. so bad. We had to we had to ditch the snackies we actually

 

Mickey Gordon  46:04

got out of the truck. So anyway, where was the valet the valet was our next stop after Salt Lake barbecue which by the way, Salt Lake’s the fucking bomb guys, you gotta go check out Salt Lake, but we went to a place called Deep Eddy distillery if you haven’t had deep Eddy vodka deep Eddy vodka is available everywhere in this country in any liquor straight Are you okay over there? You’re

 

Mallory Gordon  46:27

still I’m still like playing the the moment we’re hearing today. We’re trying to blame it on each other after that.

 

Mickey Gordon  46:33

I was sure he didn’t.

 

Mallory Gordon  46:36

Okay, I’m okay. Okay, we’re at the distillery Betty.

 

Mickey Gordon  46:40

Do it is available everywhere you can buy vodka. They have flavored vodkas. It’s kind of what they’re famous for. It was interesting. It was fun. Yeah, everything from peach to berry to sweet tea. But a really well designed like really cool place.

 

Mallory Gordon  46:53

Yeah, it’s definitely meant for groups. I mean, there were a lot of people there, but we never felt like overwhelmed or like lots of men but yeah, but we didn’t feel like the service was you know, pori had to wait in line very long. Like it was great. They great cocktails in this like little retail fair, where people who you know make jewelry or clothes or have, you know, their own little shop or they’re doing a little retail fair. Yeah, we loved it. It was pretty waiting outdoor area with cornhole and dogs, all the dogs, we met Jamison, Jamison, the dog,

 

Mickey Gordon  47:24

dog, and then they had that field of mesquite over on one side. And I think that’s where we decided that, that maybe if you know, you’re really lonely, you can have sex with the sheep and not catch an STD.

 

Mallory Gordon  47:37

I don’t know how you guys got into that conversation. And then you brought goats into it.

 

Mickey Gordon  47:41

I was just saying the sheep are fast.

 

Mallory Gordon  47:44

So yeah, you and j like oh my god, he together well, what

 

Mickey Gordon  47:48

about goats? So we’re gonna need a goat check over here guys. Can we get to go check?

 

Mallory Gordon  47:53

Yeah. Funny all day long. Hashtag go check.

 

Mickey Gordon  47:58

So hashtag go check. It became a thing. And, you know, it really kicked off the day. We had a couple of drinks and, and you know, Jay has one liquor that he will drink. And it turns out it’s deep. Eddy lemonade. Yeah. Which also coined the phrase go deep J

 

Mallory Gordon  48:13

Yeah, go deep j

 

Mickey Gordon  48:14

do your best to feed myself. So Angie holds up her phone, right. And I’m sitting in the front seat with Angie J. And Mallory are in the backseat, do whatever the fuck they wanted. And we’re in the front seat. And she goes pick a place now she holds up a Google Map. And I literally like swirled my finger in the air like I’m Harry Potter, and just picked a spot on the map. And what I happen to pick was desert door distillery. And I mean, literally, this is exactly how it happened. Listen to Jane Angie’s podcast when he releases because it’s exactly how it happened. Yeah, I picked you desert word word distilleries scores

 

Mallory Gordon  48:56

big time My dear so we ended up desert or distillery is the only so tall distiller in the United States. The fuck is so tall I don’t fucking they still don’t know what so tall is. I just know it was really tasty. It was Herbie

 

Mickey Gordon  49:12

les comes from a plant that grows in in Mexico, and in Texas. And it’s the only two places it grows. And this is the only Oh, so tall distillery in the United States. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  49:23

only one. It’s very interesting. Like we walked in and we smell tequila. And they’re like, we do not see the T word here. Like Well, what the fuck are we drinking? Right and explained it

 

Mickey Gordon  49:32

to us and there were a couple of girls behind the counter and it was very basic and simple. And they’re like well, you can have this or this or this or you can have so tall that’s been finished in oak barrels and I’m like ooh. And they made me an old fashioned out of it is one of the best drinks I’ve ever had. And

 

Mallory Gordon  49:49

it was so good. I had it was like a cooler or a fresher I think I had cucumber in it or something like it was really really delicious and soda water right? had one which means he’s a liar about D betting. Yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  50:04

Saying so and I

 

Mallory Gordon  50:05

got a little I got a little tipsy off that Oh, it hit me hard.

 

Mickey Gordon  50:08

Oh yeah right i mean i was stumbling and bumbling we left there but the next thing we did we said okay we’re gonna go to Lucan Bock Texas yes because you know Wally gymnasts

 

Mallory Gordon  50:19

yeah we’re gonna go to fat fattest winery to

 

Mickey Gordon  50:22

well eventually but Lucan Bach was our first stop because Waylon Jennings sang a song about Luke and Bach texts right in the day we’re like, fuck it we’re close. We’re gonna go to Luke and Bobby was just been there. So we drove to Luke and back and let me tell you what’s in Luke and Bobby nothing no ain’t shit in Lucas pretty drive was pretty. But before we got to Luke and BOC we’re driving down, I think was 290. I have no idea. We’re driving down to 90. And we see a castle like

 

Mallory Gordon  50:47

literally nowhere like nothing for miles Hill castle.

 

Mickey Gordon  50:52

So I turn around to Angie Anima. Angie, that was a fucking castle. And she’s like, Yeah, let’s go. Are there castles in Texas? Normally, we should stop and see why they have a cast. Yeah. So we turned around and went back and turns out it was a winery, which is really cool. Because if there’s somebody’s house, I think that would have been a problem. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  51:06

I think in discussing the trip before we got there, like Angie and I were both like wineries like we definitely have to do like wineries the whole way there. And it is your birthday.

 

Mickey Gordon  51:16

So we’re gonna go to wineries

 

Mallory Gordon  51:18

and Mickey really doesn’t do wine.

 

Mickey Gordon  51:20

Not really. But I like bourbon.

 

Mallory Gordon  51:22

So glad we get to fit winning because it was amazing, legitimate fucking castle with its own moat.

 

Mickey Gordon  51:27

Okay, so this is the castle as the 290 Winery at the castle. If you ever want to check it out. It’s a tune anyway. And here’s what happens we go why they have a moat. And it literally does stream that runs around the whole thing and it’s on a hill so Ed Sheeran Eat your heart out brother. There is a castle on a hill in kind of

 

Mallory Gordon  51:46

near Fredericksburg kind of between looking back and prejudice per night. No idea where

 

Mickey Gordon  51:50

Texas there’s this castle on a hill and it’s wider. We walk in and they greet us like we’re old friends.

 

Mallory Gordon  51:55

So nice. Yeah, very warm, welcoming. I love that. The bar area was in the center of the castle. They had cake. Yeah. Cake because it was their birthday to their birthday. It was their birthday. I was like this is meant to be it is.

 

Mickey Gordon  52:08

And so we went up to the bar and our wine tender had his first lifestyle experience the weekend before. Now why we started talking about the lifestyle to our wine tender. I can’t tell you but we did. Yeah. And it turns out, he has now listen to the show. So if you are listening, we had a great time with you, man. And thank you for helping make my birthday special. It

 

Mallory Gordon  52:28

was really glad prop sir.

 

Mickey Gordon  52:30

And by the way, send us a message because I know you know how to get a hold of us and tell me what that wine was that I had because it was really good.

 

Mallory Gordon  52:36

Yeah, the liquid sugar.

 

Mickey Gordon  52:38

It wasn’t quite liquid sugar. We didn’t I didn’t do the liquid sugar when I did the next step backward. Gotcha. But still this this winery had an upper level that had kind of like, again, looking down on the center bar area. And then you could go downstairs into a dungeon.

 

Mallory Gordon  52:52

Yeah, another dungeon second dungeon on our fucking trip. Right?

 

Mickey Gordon  52:55

And then they had those turret rooms up at the top of the roof. Oh, yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  53:01

swingers This is what seemed like oh, yeah, we could totally get like a fuckin origin on down in here.

 

Mickey Gordon  53:06

We did that the correct room to a purple carpet. Like we can fuck your two we can fuck here. There. And then somebody started taking dirty pictures with the giant teddy bear. That was Angie. Yeah. You know, it just I mean, that’s the thing. We just got into all this Crazy, Stupid spooky shit all over this castle. It was really, really crazy. And I think we left there. We went to Luke and Bach. There was a biker rally in Lucan bar.

 

Mallory Gordon  53:29

Yeah, yeah. He’s like, and we’re turning around.

 

Mickey Gordon  53:33

Like we’re not going exit stage left. So we left Luke ibaka went on to Fredericksburg. It turns out in Fredericksburg, there’s like wine stuff going on all over the place. And there is a Mexican restaurant and we’re like, Hey, we’re in we’re in Texas. We should eat Mexican food. So we go to this Mexican place. And the only thing on the menu I see that makes me giggle. Is flaming cheese. See cheese. See? I loudly proclaim in the middle of the restaurant. Hey, that’s an STD and the rest of the country. Oh, man,

 

Mallory Gordon  54:07

you’re so silly. Yeah. And then he had to take pictures of the couple that ended up getting it next to us.

 

Mickey Gordon  54:11

Yeah, the couple next was ordered it so I say Hey, can I take a picture of your STD and they’re like, what?

 

Mallory Gordon  54:16

Yeah, way to go making friends everywhere you go. Yeah. So we ended up going to it was called the backyard amphitheater.

 

Mickey Gordon  54:24

Very cool venue. And we were in

 

Mallory Gordon  54:25

the middle of nowhere but so pretty. They had the large Edison bulb lights that hung from like, the telephone poles. And just, I don’t know I was I was an odd the venue. It was a great show. We met some great people. We picked a table that ended up being amazing. Yeah, I had stroz fan. Couple across from us. A newly together a couple next to us and then Mr. Scotty

 

Mickey Gordon  54:55

Yeah, so what so this place when you walk in like and maybe this is common in tech So maybe some of our Texas listeners can let us know. But you walk into this place and it’s wide open, like most amphitheaters where I come from have a lot of seats. This place had no seats. It had a standing room only section, it had a bar area, it had a big concrete area, and then it had picnic tables. And then it had a space where you could set up your lawn chairs. Now, the thing that I thought that was really interesting about is it looked like it was like containers stacked up kind of like container bar. Yeah, but it wasn’t. And what I found out later, was that all this concrete this open area was for dancing.

 

Mallory Gordon  55:30

Yes. Oh, I love that about Texas.

 

Mickey Gordon  55:32

And we grabbed a picnic table, and we went up to that new couple, and we were like, Hey, guys, you might have we shared this picnic table with you? And they’re like, Nah, oh, yeah, come on up. And we sat down, and then sooner or later, his boss showed up, and his boss was an old cowboy by the name of Scotty. And Scotty looked across at us at one point and said, I’m gonna drink about it tonight and drink a beer drinking about it is a weed bow in line from a song called Saturday night. And he said, I’m gonna drink about it tonight. And I’m like, Well, I’m a drink about it with you. What are we drinking about? And he goes, Well, my wife moved out today. And I looked at him because I’m an asshole, and said, congratulations. And he said, Yeah, well, well, that joke whenever like a fart in church, he said, No, no, I’m really unhappy about it, actually. And I said, Scotty, I’m really sorry. But I hope that we can give you a reason to celebrate tonight. Let’s try and have some fun. And that dude hung out with us all night.

 

Mallory Gordon  56:25

It took me all night long to convince him to dance with me because he did not want to disrespect you whatsoever. That’s what I thought that was so sweet of him. He’s such a cowboy and sociable cowboy, and I want to dance so bad and he’s like, fuck it. Let’s do it. I got the

 

Mickey Gordon  56:41

energy to step with Mallory. And then Scotty finally said, Are you sure you’re cool? If I dance with your wife and my brother If you only knew Go right ahead. And they too stepped all over the place and I learned how to to step.

 

Mallory Gordon  56:57

Yes. Andrew taught you you got it on. I was like, Alright, man. I’m gonna show you. You did so well. I’m so proud of you. I know. You don’t like dancing. No. So proud of you.

 

Mickey Gordon  57:07

I don’t like it a lick. But it was super cool. And you know, we had a ride back and I think we cover songs. That’s rated for God. But hang on. Before we get to that I do want to throw a shout out. Wade Bowen. If for some reason you’re listening to this show, because you did retweet us and you did a shout out at the end of your show.

 

Mallory Gordon  57:28

He told you I think I am 99% Sure. He said Happy birthday, Mickey.

 

Mickey Gordon  57:32

I know he did. I heard the very last thing he said for your left stage. He said hey, Mickey Happy birthday. And that was just super cool. Dude. That made my life right there. It was all

 

Mallory Gordon  57:45

day ever right? Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  57:46

it was best two days ever. He was just out of this world. And we got back in that truck and started singing bad cover songs all the way back to Austin, which is about an hour and 30 minutes. It’s 80 some odd miles through the middle of Texas.

 

Mallory Gordon  57:58

Yeah, the ride home was a little bit of a blur for me.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:00

I better wise you were hammered. I was not hammered. But I didn’t feel any way ever your eyeballs were again going. full day. We did. But what did we learn? We learned that you know too drunk to fuck Mallory will show up two days in a row if we try and that j and Angie are some of the nicest people on the planet that will show us their entire state and then get up at like the crack of dawn.

 

Mallory Gordon  58:26

Airport. Like I’m getting teary eyed again.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:31

These big titties we decided to call it Uber. Andy’s our Uber driver. Mallory is literally over here crying right now, guys, but I’m also laughing we missed the shit. I will tell you from the bottom of my cold black heart. I don’t know anyone better than Janie. And do you from the average swingers?

 

Mallory Gordon  58:57

I love them too.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:58

Oh, from the bottom of Mallory’s bottom? Sure. Awesome. If you can listen to them. You should if you haven’t, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. If you don’t like him, unfollow us because there’s, they’re amazing.

 

Mallory Gordon  59:11

They’re some of the best people, people we’ve met.

 

Mickey Gordon  59:13

And at some point, we need to host these guys in Orlando. We really need

 

Mallory Gordon  59:17

I think I’m in a bag until they give in.

 

Mickey Gordon  59:19

I will buy their ticket. Yes. Like it’s there. It’s that good.

 

Mallory Gordon  59:23

Where you guys will figure it out.

 

Mickey Gordon  59:25

That kind of sums up.

 

Mallory Gordon  59:27

What I got to give them a recipe here after we come back,

 

Mickey Gordon  59:30

right? Because we’re doing cocktail corner today. And it’s so much caulk that Mallory’s gonna do it. So we have a recipe that we call the casual swinger in cider. Yes,

 

Mallory Gordon  59:42

yes. This is something near and dear to my heart, and I’m going to try to do it justice.

 

Mickey Gordon  59:47

do it justice. So you’re gonna get the background on what it means to be Insider. When we come back here in just a minute, but hey, Mal, you want to just remind everybody why it’s so important to nice things about us in public.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:00:01

Yes, yes, if you guys love us and we’d really appreciate an iTunes review, this gives us a little additional exposure to you know, other people out there that might enjoy listening to our show. And it also makes me feel really good about myself and I love my affirmations. So we’re casual swinger everywhere. That’s SLS SDC, Cassidy, double date, nation and quiver. You can find us on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube want to shoot us a message that’s podcast at casual swinger. And if you want to look us up, it’s casual swinger.com.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:00:35

So quick, so easy. Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been listening to casual swinger. We’ll be back right after this.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:00:57

Welcome back to casual swinger Mallory here. I’m just going to be silent because I’m Mickey. And we’re bringing you a episode of cocktail corner talk. And I’m taking over this episode,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:01:12

you take over the CoC, you’re better.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:01:15

Yeah, we have a very special recipes for you that’s near and dear to our hearts. We’re gonna call this the casual swinger Insider. Right being Insider. So this is a hot beverage recipe. history behind it is when we lived in Mid Atlantic, Virginia. Yeah, Virginia. We used to host a Halloween cider station. Oh, yeah. So Halloween in our neighborhood. Through the fact down we’d have six to 800 tricker treaters every year. You got mum and dad brothers and sisters families roaming the streets, and huge packs. And a lot of years it was cold. So we had this brilliant idea to offer hot cider. Well, we also had a brilliant idea to top that even further is to give them a spiked or premium leaded version,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:02:08

we had leaded and unleaded station.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:02:10

Yeah, to the point I believe we were buying somewhere between 20 and 22 gallons of cider plus liquor. We were heating the cider and the the turkey deep fryer bats. And we needed I think no less than eight to 12 people to help us in the background between passing out candy and cider. And people loved it. They got into it,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:02:31

like a huge Halloween thing huge

 

Mallory Gordon  1:02:33

and it was so much fun. But it is also a delicious recipe. It’s a little harder to do it on down here this time of year because it’s still so warm. So you can do it on the poolside I prefer prefer a warm or hot and even carry this through and make it you know for your Thanksgiving get together as well

 

Mickey Gordon  1:02:49

just know that you’re inside or when they’re drinking. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  1:02:53

you like being inside her regions, I guess. So I’m hope I can explain this correctly. And everyone can follow along I lost my place.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:06

How, however, could

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:08

you do such thing? Because my phone went to sleep. I had to write it down because I want to remember correctly. So the insider recipe is as follows. You’re gonna want to purchase and my humble opinion, grocery store pre made apple cider. Was that mucins

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:29

muscleman muscle bins,

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:30

the ones that make yours

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:32

gotta be better. Yeah, every different part of the country you’re gonna get different apple cider but Apple good. Natural apple cider. Yes,

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:38

not apple juice. Correct. cider correct.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:41

There was won’t be inside or it’ll be in juice

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:43

correct. And you are going to premix your alcohol. So that’s going to be two parts Apple brandy,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:51

Apple jack preferably.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:52

Apple jack is good. It can be a little expensive. It’s like $8 a bottle but it’s very good. So two parts Apple brandy, two parts cinnamon. Now this can be and these are my preferences because I like a little higher proof a little stronger cinnamon flavor. You can do 99 lukewarm or fireball whiskey. And then one part honey lacor or my personal preference, honey whiskey. So that’s two parts Apple brandy, two parts cinnamon, one part honey. And I make these by the gallon. So if I had to break it down, that’s gonna be one ounce brandy, one ounce cinnamon half ounce honey to every five ounces of cider. I think that’s a nice balance. I prefer it a little stronger. So I might do a little less cider. But that’s a great flavor profile at those ratios. ratios are sharp.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:49

You had to drink.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:04:52

Hey, I’m so sick.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:54

So when she says that we pre make this so she pre makes the mix and then pours it back in the app. brandy bottles. So what you have is this red bottle of liquor, because it kind of looks red when it’s done. And then she pours it like well, we’ll actually pour it in the bottom of cups, and then pour the cider in. So that way you have you don’t actually put the cider in when you heat it. Rather you don’t put the liquor in the cider when you heat her cider is heated without the alcohol, you have the alcohol before you drink it, correct? Correct. Got it. Okay, so that’s important.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:05:25

So you premix all the alcohol together. And if you’re doing this on, you know, a glass to glass ratio, you can just use a measuring cup, if you’re going to do it and you know, multiple gallons or you’re going to preheat the cider and have it you know, in a vat or at a little serving station for a party and then add the liquor later that way you know the kids and the family can have it unleaded on I would use pictures to mix it in and then pour back in the bottles. So you have it pre mix ready to go. Ready to add to the outsider.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:05:55

Here you go. And it keeps longer too because that way you can keep his liquors expensive.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:05:59

Yes. So yeah, back out of it. Yeah, so I’ve actually used the bat premix bottle to make anything from pies to sauces.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:06:08

Hmm that’s how you kept me all these years. Sir have some pie

 

Mallory Gordon  1:06:15

syrups and stuff. Yeah, it’s a really great flavor and it’s perfect for fall between you know, the apple cinnamon and that little taste of honey. They’re so good. Do you issues All right, how did I do? I think you did pretty good. I can’t I’m very bad at giving directions. I can follow directions

 

Mickey Gordon  1:06:32

but given directions with whatever you gave me directions this morning you were like whoa, whoa, do that. Okay.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:06:38

Yeah, right there just like that don’t stop

 

Mickey Gordon  1:06:41

So guys, that was insider that’s casual swingers original recipe for a hot cider that we use on Halloween. You know, if you’re in a colder part of the country, you are going to have a hit on your hands folks. And I know Halloween parties were last weekend for the most part. But I think you know if you guys sit out there and if you’re sitting in front of your garage and giving out candy This is gonna be awesome.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:07:06

Yeah, your little, you know, small fire on the backdrop. Bad garage.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:07:12

Don’t start fires in your garage. Mallory’s retarded today. Maybe you should start fires outside.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:07:17

Maybe I should go drink because I’m so super right now.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:07:20

Oh, yes. Let’s drink about it. If you haven’t been keeping up for this whole episode, check out Wade Bowen music that’s at Wade Bowen on Twitter. That dude is awesome. He sings a lot of great songs that make us happy. And of course we had a great time with Jan Angie down in Texas.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:07:38

I made a bet everyone that listens to us knows and loves average swingers as well, and if you haven’t, don’t please go check them out.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:07:44

Yeah, super cool. But this has been a lot of fun. We just gotta been sitting here shooting the shit for the last like, hour.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:07:49

No, it’s wonderful. We thank you all for listening to us. Yeah, sorry for my shenanigans. today.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:07:55

Your shenanigans? Hey, I’m leaving town, so you got to do some shenanigans. Maybe?

 

Mallory Gordon  1:08:03

I’m not quite like at 100% Health just yet.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:08:06

So we’ll see. All right. We’ll see how that goes. All right, say bye to everybody. We’re gonna get out of here.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:08:12

Bye, everybody.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:08:14

That’s it. Everybody. Were casually yours. You’ve been listening to casually swing.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:08:23

It’s dangerous. You’ve just made me. Hi,

 

1:08:26

I’m Venus from the Venus cupholders podcast and I have a special message for all of the single ladies listening. What if you could have a loving, committed partner who wants to stay totally faithful to you, but who would love to see you have incredible experiences with others? It sounds too good to be true, right? It is true. You really can have it all and be loved, celebrated and even put on a pedestal. Learn more at venous connections.com