Mission “Impossible” – The Struggle of the Married Guy in Open Relationships

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Let’s face it.  When it comes to open relationships, the girls hold ALL the cards.  (Especially hotwives!)

As if it wasn’t bad enough as a single guy looking for love, once you’re a MARRIED guy looking for fun you’re tossed in with every bad experience a girl has EVER had in her dating life…and the odds are NOT stacked in your favor.

We talk about this frustrating experience for many guys from the Mickey’s perspective when he was in an open marriage and dating, with some tips about how to help yourself be more successful as you navigate these treacherous and challenging waters.

Be prepared, not everyone is going to agree with everything we say here, and we didn’t even cover ALL of it.  Get ready for the challenge of a lifetime…Mission Impossible – The Struggle of the Married Guy in an Open Relationship!


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profile, married, swinger, toys, avant, wife, couple, conversation, talk, play, chances, blush, tinder, feel, smug, pictures, hotwife, hotwives, hot husband, cuckold, cuckquean


Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon


Mallory Gordon  00:08

You’re listening to the casual swinger podcast as your host. We need to warn you that the material you’re about to hear may be sexual or explicit in nature. This podcast is intended for an adult audience. Now we don’t expect you to act like adults. What’s the fun in that?


Mickey Gordon  00:22

We’re a married couple living in Florida with over 13 years of experience in the lifestyle and we take almost nothing seriously. Casual swingers a variety show meaning we’ll cover everything from music to events, travel, and even the occasional hilarious screw up. Our show was about entertainment. We’re not licensed professionals, not anything. And our stories, commentary and guidance should not be confused with the opinions of a licensed professional.


Mallory Gordon  00:46

Now that you know, let’s take those pants off and get comfy.


Mickey Gordon  00:55

Everybody welcome back to another episode of casual swinger.


Mallory Gordon  01:00

And I’m Mallory Happy Fucking New Year.


Mickey Gordon  01:03

Happy New Year. That’s the best way we can put it. I like to say hope everybody had a great swinger dead season.


Mallory Gordon  01:11

Oh, the holidays. Yeah,


Mickey Gordon  01:12

the holidays are weird, like swingers go to die. Like nothing happens during the holidays.


Mallory Gordon  01:17

I think there’s probably a few folks that had some successes, but we’re not one of them.


Mickey Gordon  01:22

I mean, what I mean by that is lino I mean, your holiday, Christmas parties, family, all that stuff happens. So there’s really not a lot of swinger shit that happens between Christmas and New Year’s. Kids are out of school. You can’t get a buddy watch him because it’s the holidays get their own bullshit.


Mallory Gordon  01:36

You know, ours are grand when you know that brings up a good thing like what we did. Over the holidays?


Mickey Gordon  01:42

Absolutely nothing. Yeah, that’s what we did. Fucking dry January.


Mallory Gordon  01:45

Yes. We even say don’t for New Year’s Eve.


Mickey Gordon  01:48

I think we were in bed by like, nine o’clock


Mallory Gordon  01:50

or so. That’s not true. We totally made it past midnight bed. Yeah,


Mickey Gordon  01:54

that’s right. Is the casual dogs shit all over the place. Because the fireworks


Mallory Gordon  01:59

it wasn’t shit. It was drool. Oh,


Mickey Gordon  02:01

whatever. I slipped in it knows.


Mallory Gordon  02:03

This is why we’re gonna rank for poop like


Mickey Gordon  02:05

slipping in anything biologic,


Mallory Gordon  02:07

I will say it is seriously disgusting. And step in a pile of Dog Drool.


Mickey Gordon  02:12

It’s last night I swear to god, that was just like stepping in just yeah, that was not cool. Not awesome. But yeah, so that happened. But yeah, so it’s dry January and I’m afraid it broke are interesting. Do you guys know how fucking hard it is? To look at all this whiskey and not drink it? I thought it


Mallory Gordon  02:27

was okay. So first of all, welcome to my world. Because you bring home bottles, you know, on a regular basis that neither of us can drink?


Mickey Gordon  02:34

No, because they’re very special. And you can’t drink the special bottle. My own personal hell. No, whatever.


Mallory Gordon  02:40

But you’re right. I feel less interesting. Little boring infinitely. Listen, I want to go to bed by 930


Mickey Gordon  02:46

Every night here to like, I get why all these old farts in our neighborhood are angry all the time. Because they’re not drinking. They’re not partying. They’re not having sex there. They just go to bed early and wake up and go get off my lawn. Oh, man. I mean, it’s not my fault, but I am looking forward to February 1. Yeah, no shit. Me too. We’re at the halfway point of season four here on casual swinger. And is it me? Or does it seem like the Seasons taken fucking we


Mallory Gordon  03:10

did have some like hiccups and like some delays. There’s a little month break here a little seasons gonna take like two years.


Mickey Gordon  03:19

Season for that last, the never ending season for casuals finger, but we are just really getting started. We have some really cool episodes coming your way. And some guests that I think you guys are gonna love. We got some fun episodes coming down the pike. Some really, I think it’s gonna be really creative and interesting for you.


Mallory Gordon  03:36

I do too. I’m excited for the interviews we have lined up for the second half of the season. So


Mickey Gordon  03:41

yeah, quite. You know, interviews are hard when you’re when your podcast has the word swinger in it. It intuitively just tells everybody don’t do that. Because it’s not, you know, conducive to your brand, or it’s not who you are. I think that most people look at the name of our show. And think that we just record ourselves fucking somebody every episode. And that’s what this is. And obviously, it’s not you guys know that 78 episodes of casual swinger? You guys probably know who we are. You really think that’s what they think? Oh, I know. That’s what they think. I mean, essentially, what’s the the folks at when Key West for fantasy? Wow, yeah, that’s right. They were like, We don’t want to be associated with your kind of show.


Mallory Gordon  04:19

I was like, I’ve totally been naked in your parade, though.


Mickey Gordon  04:21

I know. Right? I know. It’s okay. I could get down there. And if I painted my dick, like an elephant trunk, I could walk around with it. But no, yeah. First of all, I’d be a very small elephant like a big meal with


Mallory Gordon  04:32

you keep saying that. Anyway,


Mickey Gordon  04:34

so what’s this episode about Mallory? What are we going to talk about today? This episode is called Mission Impossible


Mallory Gordon  04:39

cutie music This actually is a brainchild of yours but I love that it came it really was inspired by a listener question.


Mickey Gordon  04:49

It was and you know, we don’t do a lot of listener question episodes. And it’s not because we don’t love you guys. It’s because you guys don’t ask us a lot of questions. It always blows my mind. Like when I listened to some other podcasts, and they’re like, questions of the day, and they’ve got 15 Questions from listeners, I’m like, no one ever asks a shit.


Mallory Gordon  05:08

But I mean, what does that say a lot about us? We are not interested anyway. But this one’s a little bit tricky, right? As it’s when you’ve actually purposely stayed away from is that correct?


Mickey Gordon  05:20

Yeah, I stayed away from it. Because it’s a really touchy subject, right? I think that for guys that are in this position, it’s touchy, because it’s frustrating. For women who are with guys that are in this position, it’s touchy, because those guys characteristically find themselves very envious of the female position. So it actually leads to more fights in disagreements in ethically non monogamous couples than a lot of other things.


Mallory Gordon  05:50

I could see the hurt feelings and the stress, baby,


Mickey Gordon  05:54

we think about it. The guy’s always staying home with the kids. And by the way, what are we talking about what he’s gonna say, really get to that?


Mallory Gordon  06:01

Contextually, they might have figured it out. But go ahead and let’s the skirt.


Mickey Gordon  06:04

Right? Yeah, go lift the skirt. I like how you did that. No. So why is it so easy, comparatively speaking for a married woman to get laid in so outrageously fucking hard for a guy to do the same thing? As a married guy in an ethically non monogamous relationship? That’s the question we’re going to tackle here today on casual swinger, and we call it Mission Impossible, because it’s damn near impossible to do it on a regular basis and only presented some challenges. Well, if you think about it, what it requires, is a plan of action. And in a lot of cases, a detailed plan. And we were kind of joking about this earlier. Oh, my


Mallory Gordon  06:39

God, are you gonna go to the, like, the whiteboard? And like the what are the generals use when they’re planning? Like, the little


Mickey Gordon  06:47

pieces? And yeah, I mean, it does require a plan of attack and a strategy and we’re going to talk about that. But I mean, it’s definitely doesn’t you know, require you like drawing it out on the whiteboard. Even though most guys when they do go to draw it out on the whiteboard, they just kind of draw stick figures and go stick figure A, this is me, and then draw this big arrow over to the PC and go profit. And that’s a bad plan. And then you look at, you know, some of their plans, and their plans are, you know, all intricate and, you know, multiple phases and waves, and we’re going to flanker and then we’re going to take her out at the bar, we’re gonna bend her over, and then we’re gonna fuck her. And it’s like, no, that’s not gonna work. either. That’s way too detailed, or way too difficult, you’re gonna look like a creeper. So we’re going to talk about the challenges of that a little bit. Today, we’re going to dig in, I think it’s gonna be fun. We’re gonna cover our thoughts on what the issues are, and give you guys a few thoughts on some things you can do to help ensure your best chances of success in this mission impossible. Which is getting laid as a married guy in an open relationship has a Husband, husband, Dean, why not hot Husband, husband for fun and profit? For


Mallory Gordon  07:51

drop the profit? Oh, no, there’s


Mickey Gordon  07:53

a profit. There’s no profit and casual toys.


Mallory Gordon  07:57

Oh, my gosh. Moving on. So are you an only fans or personal content creator?


Mickey Gordon  08:03

I’m not. You know,


Mallory Gordon  08:05

I thought about it though. I’m ready. I’m ready to quit my job,


Mickey Gordon  08:07

you probably just kill it. That’s for them to tease. So


Mallory Gordon  08:11

let’s talk about the content creators wish lists that we’ve created. So content creators of all kinds have been using Amazon in store quickly, for wish lists and other items. And what what they do is protect their their data, their information, that personal info, right? Yeah, really cool.


Mickey Gordon  08:30

It’s a great way for content creators to create a wish list and maintain their privacy. And I mean, in my personal perspective, I think it’s a great way if you’re really looking to have somebody buy you a coffee maker. It’s really great writer. But I think that coffee maker doesn’t make your money. Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  08:49

I think this is so we put together those programs specifically for these types of creators. So that gives you the same amount of privacy however, it gives you additional and creative revenue streams to maximize your footprint essentially for your fan base. And it gives your fans you know, additional opportunities to have custom content


Mickey Gordon  09:09

and will interact with you on a more personal level. So only fans creators, if you happen to listen to this show, what we’re talking about is the casual Creators Program. And the casual creators program resides at creators casual toys calm, and it actually gives you the ability to go in and create your own account where you can, as Mallory just told you create wish lists that protect your identity from your fans. That here’s the best part. You can turn those wish lists around into a way for you to earn even more money from your fans from things like selling lingerie or toys


Mallory Gordon  09:43

well and think about it this way. So there’s a few few different facets to this program. Luxury is a great example. So you and your wishes. You could have 10 pieces of lingerie and say one of your fans buys that for you. Here’s a fun fact, out of everything that they purchase, you get 5% have the total. So not only five points, you get the product, but you get a little kickback a little a little affiliate money there, every time you get free stuff, you get free money. And then you receive that said lingerie and you can create custom content that you can charge for. And that’s amazing. And then you’re done with the lingerie and you can resell that piece to your fan base to make additional revenue that


Mickey Gordon  10:20

fan or to another fan. So you can turn around and take the thing that you got as a gift and made money on and sell it for a profit and then turn around and put it right back in your wish list and do it again.


Mallory Gordon  10:32

And think about the myriad of opportunities with you know, not just lingerie, but toys and other articles that we sell inside that store that they could leverage that same. There’s four opportunities by the time they click Buy, for you to create additional revenue paths.


Mickey Gordon  10:48

Absolutely. So I think there’s a lot of folks out there. I mean, Amazon’s probably the most popular one out there that are trying to do wishlist, but not everybody is giving you the ability to make more money. And that’s really what we wanted to do. For the only fans folks out there. We got a really cool thing coming up here in just a couple of weekends. I’m really excited to hook up with some of these guys who had some local only fans creators, we’re going to do a party with them. sponsor that courtesy of Moto bunny and liberator. They actually enabled us to do that. So I’m very excited and thankful for motorboat. Yeah, burrito,


Mallory Gordon  11:17

I’m looking forward to it. I can’t wait to give them update. Let him Let him know how it went. Yeah, so


Mickey Gordon  11:21

both of those guys stepped up to help us throw that party, we’re really excited. And just a reminder, that is again at creators casual toys calm. That’s where you go to sign up as the creator to create your own wish list. And once you go in and do that, then what we’ll do is we’ll send you an invite, create your account on casual toys, and that’ll get everything solidified. And we’ll go from there. So we’ll do a video so we show you how to do


Mallory Gordon  11:45

I am more than happy to do a walkthrough to show people how to set that up. It’s actually really simple. And if you can’t find it on our website, please feel free to email us at sales at casual toys calm.


Mickey Gordon  11:54

Absolutely. I’d you’re getting good at that. It’s like you know how to find us? I do. We’ll get to that later though. Well, hey, how about some vacation planning? I’ll figure that shit. Oh


Mallory Gordon  12:03

my gosh. Okay, so this is the first year that we have zero Hedo trips planned. And we’re trying to figure out exactly what to do. And I again I’m down with crowdsourcing some ideas. Obviously, I still want to go to Hedo, but we just don’t know what that looks like this year.


Mickey Gordon  12:18

We don’t and we’ve got a conversation going right now with Hedo. So we’ll kind of see what happens with that we’ve got kind of an idea of a week that we’d like to go down so maybe we’ll take some you guys with us. That would be cool. That’d be kind of neat. And I think that’d be fun


Mallory Gordon  12:31

party. I mean, we do have some friends coming to visit we do we have a DL trip to the mountains in May.


Mickey Gordon  12:39

Oh, that’s gonna be fun. I’m looking forward to that. And I know he’s going so it’s just some of my favorite humans on Earth. What about PCAP


Mallory Gordon  12:44

in July My God fucking PCAP I cannot wait. That’s something


Mickey Gordon  12:47

I don’t mind taking vacation for even though we’re working. I love PCAP you know,


Mallory Gordon  12:51

and it’s cool. I’ve never been to Palm Springs, so I’m excited to be in the area. Absolutely. Especially in June. It’s the weather’s gonna be fucking gorgeous


Mickey Gordon  12:58

yet. PCAP is more than 50% sold out. If you guys have not signed up for PCAP yet make sure to go to casual swinger comm and click on Events. And you can go down and click on our link right there and that link will take you to our sign up for podcast palooza. Join us in Palm Springs in June. I think it’s gonna be a lot of fun. It’s gonna


Mallory Gordon  13:16

be amazeballs All right, well, Hey, baby. You


Mickey Gordon  13:19

want to tell everybody how to find us? And we’ll get on with this Mission Impossible done?


Mallory Gordon  13:23

Sure. So we’re casual singer everywhere you can find a casual swinger.com Feel free to shoot us a message podcast at casual swinger.com. We are on all the social media right now. Well, YouTube. Let’s see Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. We have a couple others. I’m setting up a tick tock


Mickey Gordon  13:45

on Twitter. I signed up for Ghana the other day. Oh, that’s the new one. Yeah, Joe Rogan’s there because Okay, so we’re as big as Rogan. Hey, Joe. Yeah, good old Joe world.


Mallory Gordon  13:57

Yeah, I’m still trying to figure out what to do with tick tock. Look, I have it. No, like, what do I do?


Mickey Gordon  14:02

Who’s your butthole? My little?


Mallory Gordon  14:04

I think that’s a good sir. T’s and C’s. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah, I don’t think that’ll fly. We’ll get banned immediately. All right. But you can also find us on the dating sites. That’s Cassidy SLS. SDC N. Double Diggnation


Mickey Gordon  14:16

Hill. Yeah. All right, folks. We’ll be back with this hot Mission Impossible episode. You’ve been listening to casual.


Mallory Gordon  14:39

And welcome back to casual swear I’m Mallory.


Mickey Gordon  14:41

Oh, good. I’m still making. I was really worried that you had left and some other hot girl had sat in your place and I can have sex with a woman that’s not my wife and I wouldn’t have to work for it.


Mallory Gordon  14:51

Um, I mean, I can totally leave. That’s not what happened. That’s okay. Continue. All right. So let’s let’s talk open really strips you know, Swinging has lots of permutations and some of the most popular especially lately, or at least that are trending or maybe what we have line of sight to playstyles is the stag vixen or hot wife, which we’ve had lots of conversations about on here on the show. But it’s not always the girl that gets to play though, right? Do the guys get to play to


Mickey Gordon  15:25

know very rarely? Just sit on the sidelines and masturbate. Watch the kids play with the dogs wait for you to come


Mallory Gordon  15:31

home. But but her husband say our thing? Yes. Yeah, so


Mickey Gordon  15:35

we’re queens. Okay.


Mallory Gordon  15:38

But what I’m hearing is, it’s really fucking hard.


Mickey Gordon  15:42

Yeah, yeah, it’s it’s damn near impossible. It’s incredibly difficult.


Mallory Gordon  15:46

Okay, so you have historical data with playing as a solo married man. Yes. Okay. And according to you, it’s like the hardest fucking thing you’ve ever done.


Mickey Gordon  15:57

I found calculus to be easier.


Mallory Gordon  16:00

And well, you’re not getting exactly.


Mickey Gordon  16:03

Exactly my point. That is you have picking up on a button down right there. darlin. It’s incredibly difficult. I think it’s one of the hardest things in the lifestyle, really to do is to play as a married men,


Mallory Gordon  16:18

you think I’d be such a natural fit? Because when I think of men out in the wild, you know, you guys almost seem to thrive on the chase


Mickey Gordon  16:26

a little bit? Well, I think initially, when when couples open up their relationship, the guy’s like, Yeah, this is a great idea. I’m gonna, I’m gonna hook up and you go do your thing. And I’ll go do my thing. And then he creates a profile and he sits back. And he goes, and just waits for the ladies to come running through the door, you know? And, of course, that doesn’t happen. So let’s just get this out of the way. And, again, there’s going to be some aspects to this episode. That you Yes, you sitting in your chair, whether in your car, in your office at the gym, that you don’t agree with? Okay, this is definitely opinion centric for us. Yes. So don’t take this as gospel, your mileage and your experience may be different.


Mallory Gordon  17:11

Oh my gosh, nothing we say should be taken as gospel. Fuck, no,


Mickey Gordon  17:14

we’re idiots. But the thing that I want to get out of the way is if you decide to mutually open your relationship, gentlemen, there is a rule. Much like gravity, or the sun rising in the east. Your wife will get laid more than you will. That is a role. It is a cosmic fucking law. Your wife will get laid more than you it just is the way it is to start this journey by accepting that simple, but sometimes unfortunate truth now the rest of what I’m going to say here and why or he’s gonna say his opinion, that is a law. It is like gravity. She’s gonna get laid more than you. Okay? It’s it’s, it’s irrefutable.


Mallory Gordon  17:57

Okay, but why?


Mickey Gordon  17:59

Well, alright, well, let’s play a game. Okay. It’s interested in there being all fucking smug. Alright. You’re you’ve got you got the smug face right now. Like, well, I don’t see the problem. I assume you. Come on at Unity my ball. Let’s start with that right now. We’re gonna play again. You’re sitting your happy ass at a bar. I like a little face. But not indulgence. No, not dry. January because


Mallory Gordon  18:26

not very good or smart. Makes that makes me an approachable. No, you’re


Mickey Gordon  18:30

definitely smug right now, but okay. We’re gonna play it. You’re sitting at a bar and this handsome, good looking, charming. Guy comes up and sits down next to you. He’s funny. He’s got perfect teeth. Beautiful eyes. He’s he’s making the right jokes every


Mallory Gordon  18:47

day. We’ll leave my husband. No, I’m just kidding.


Mickey Gordon  18:51

Alright, I’m gonna go cry now. But here’s what happens. He looks at you and he offers to buy you a drink. And you’re already like, yeah, hey, by now. You look at his hands and you see no evidence of a wedding ring.


Mallory Gordon  19:06

Okay, don’t check. But okay. All right. Well, let’s


Mickey Gordon  19:10

say you did because you had a soul this time. Okay. And you you look down no evidence of a wedding ring. What is your first reaction game on right?


Mallory Gordon  19:19

Yeah, absolutely. Like, really? I mean, if you if you don’t see it there, you’re the assumptions there single.


Mickey Gordon  19:25

Okay. Are you so? Yeah, everything he’s got going for think. I think everything has got going for him. And you and I having a somewhat open relationship. You’d be like, alright. Yeah, right. Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  19:39

that’s fine. If it goes well, sure.


Mickey Gordon  19:41

Okay, right. All right. I’m gonna give you the exact same guy. Just as charming just as handsome. Just as affable. Everybody loves him. Same guy, but you look down and see a wedding ring gross. Really? Half a second. You’re like fuck him. Gross. I hope he dies in a fire. Yo, I


Mallory Gordon  19:58

don’t know. Don’t put words in my mouth. I know I saw you were smart. You could put many other things in my mouth, but not those words. Definitely not. Alright. Well, you definitely know. Actually we’ve we’ve had this debate before and here’s my perspective. Yes, see, you know, wedding ring. It’s a trigger, right? To be honest. Why? What triggers you because the is at that point, the assumption is, especially if we met out in the wild, right? Just at a bar. This is not a pre you know, determined date. We haven’t been chatting out know this guy, before he approached me. For me, from a moral karmic perspective, I see that wedding ring and I’m like, You fucker. I


Mickey Gordon  20:40

fucker, cuz he’s gonna.


Mallory Gordon  20:41

And this is me showing what kind of asshole I am. I mean, he’s going, I’m going to assume that he’s, I’ve already assumed he’s married and does not have permission. Like he’s just being a scoundrel. And that may not be the case. You know, statistically speaking, what was it over 20% of folks are in some type of open relationship or had this before. So there is a possibility that that human being may have permission to do so. But in that moment, my snap judgment because I’m still human, would be rascal.


Mickey Gordon  21:14

Rascal real


Mallory Gordon  21:15

wow, that’s round, y’all. I know. I like scoundrel. Better actually,


Mickey Gordon  21:18

rascals are lovable. Yeah, I know. They’re adorable like you skullduggery as fuck get out of here. That’s good. Very, very good. Give me more. So help me out here. I mean, is being married a turn off for you ladies? In the Alright, let’s just talk about you be smug.


Mallory Gordon  21:34

Okay, I’m not being smug, it’s not being married, how to turn off. But it is, it could be a deal breaker, because it really depends on the ethical part of the rest of that conversation. I just don’t want to be privy to someone else’s adultery. I mean, there’s so many other options in this world, I just don’t want to be a part of that fucking mess.


Mickey Gordon  21:54

Yeah. And, you know, I think you’ve done a pretty good job of explaining what it is and what that triggering mechanism is for you. And I don’t know in that situation, that there’s a way around it, because there’s nothing he can say that’s going to make you feel like


Mallory Gordon  22:11

it’s in that in that moment. I’ve already decided he’s a liar. You’re 100%. Right. I’ve made that judgment, and every word that could possibly come out of his mouth in that moment, aside from his wife in that bar walking over to me and be like, I would love for you to have sex with my husband,


Mickey Gordon  22:27

which in a different situation would also send you running out of the bar? Yeah, probably. I’m just saying the chances. And this is where the Mission Impossible theme comes from. Because in the wild, it’s going to be very difficult to do. While being honest. It seems like the only way around it in the wild is to lie. And


Mallory Gordon  22:49

are so many guys lie by omission. Yeah. And I


Mickey Gordon  22:53

have to be perfectly honest, in my early days in the lifestyle when I was in an open marriage and an open relationship. I got to the point where I did lie about it. Yeah, because it was the only way like, no one would give me a chance.


Mallory Gordon  23:06

Yeah. Yeah, you’ve actually you were very honest about that part of it. When we talked about you being the lifestyle before I came into the picture. And you playing solo, when you said that, I was like, wow, you didn’t even miss a beat or feel guilty. You’re like, well, you know, different times. And


Mickey Gordon  23:22

actually, I don’t know if you remember this, but the bitch of it. Yeah. Was that when I was being semi dishonest? Well, no, I was being entirely fucking dishonest. Let’s just call a spade a spade. But a lot of the women so out of the five or six that I had, that were regulars, four of them ended up being married. And were cheating on their husbands.


Mallory Gordon  23:43

Oh, so by proxy, they were aligned as well. Hmm.


Mickey Gordon  23:47

Ah, but they all would have told me to eat shit and fuck off. If I was married. They let you know they were married ahead of time. Not initially. It came out in the wash. But I’m like, and so the first so the first one I was like, Oh, cool. Well, that’s refreshing. Me too. And she’s like, you son of a bitch. And she like left me sitting there in the bar. I mean, it absolutely happens that


Mallory Gordon  24:08

was okay for her but not get out on


Mickey Gordon  24:11

a percent. That’s fucked up. You’re telling me which is why I’m like I’m never telling the truth. Again, as long as I live that did not work out either, obviously, because I’m so truthful. Now. It’s painful.


Mallory Gordon  24:21

But me how I know I’m very careful. The questions I ask you because I’m not prepared for the truth. It’s it’s gonna be a long, hard ride.


Mickey Gordon  24:30

Yeah, you should not ask me anything you don’t want the unvarnished truth for so. When I played solo back in the day, though, I did struggle with this. And I found success, but it wasn’t the easiest thing. Right? Yeah.


Mallory Gordon  24:41

So what else did you have to do? So, I mean, thank you for being honest about you know, line, which is kind of funny to say the same sentence. But what else? What else did you have to do to be successful? Did you find success other ways,


Mickey Gordon  24:53

you know, so, in those days, and it’s not like this was the dawn of time, so I’m not sitting here on my front porch. My rocking chair with my corncob pipe going back in my day. Yeah, maybe a little. But, you know, for example, Tinder wasn’t a thing apps on our phones that did as much as a computer weren’t really a thing.


Mallory Gordon  25:13

Wait, please date yourself. Can you tell services you use?


Mickey Gordon  25:18

Okay, so this is like one of those fucked up things on social media that goes tell me your old without telling me your age. Fuck you Mallory about that. No. Okay, I’ll tell you. So I use things like plenty of fish. MySpace, to a certain extent, right. dropping into some of these DMS was totally cool back then. Now it’s sliding into their DMS I think they call it but whatever. But you know, things like plenty of fish things like adult friend finder. Yeah. I was on a FF I was all over a FF I was where I was


Mallory Gordon  25:48

trying to do the right thing. That was like the spot. It was Yeah,


Mickey Gordon  25:52

I mean, it’s still out there. But it’s, you know, mostly bots. And it’s a complete fucking disaster. But, you know, it was very difficult. I think that the thing that I did, well, I once I decided lying really wasn’t for me. I stopped for a while to be honest. And then when I got back into it, I said, Okay, I’m not going to lie to anybody anymore. The thing that made me the most successful that I’m probably not proud of, is I lowered my standards.


Mallory Gordon  26:17

Ah, you broaden your reach by a lot.


Mickey Gordon  26:21

Yeah, it was. I definitely lowered my standards in some ways that I am entirely not proud of. You know, I mean, I don’t think that I did any peg legs or anything like that, but it was pretty close.


Mallory Gordon  26:34

Okay, well,


Mickey Gordon  26:35

I guess it was something to do with your honesty. Yeah, yeah. Our listeners are gonna be like tuning the fuck out now, because, you know, Mickey’s a douchebag.


Mallory Gordon  26:43

Yeah, apparently in Maui is a smug bitch.


Mickey Gordon  26:47

You were just very, very interno animated word, but, you know. Alright, so as a hot wife, Mallory, I got a couple of questions for you. And then I’m sure we’ll turn this back on me and my fucked up history. But let’s talk a little bit about so. Let’s just say what has to happen for a married guy to get past the gate with you? And I’m going to start with is there something he can say? on his own? unfettered without anybody else? That’s going to continue the conversation to the next step. Other than I’m married, and then have you go you piece of shit you skullduggery prick. What can you say that gets him to the next game? What’s the first thing he can say? Well,


Mallory Gordon  27:31

I wouldn’t even say something like skate keeps him in the game. Okay? That he’s, I mean, obviously being honest and transparent. If I find out after the fact that he’s you know, aligned himself as single on every platform in conversation and that comes out later on married, that’s going to give that’s that’s a strike against your the trust.


Mickey Gordon  27:50

Okay, so we have to start with start with, I’m married and it’s


Mallory Gordon  27:53

okay. And it’s okay for me to play solo. So then that opens up to the conversation bigger part of the conversation before we get to the next gate.


Mickey Gordon  28:00

Do you believe him when he says it?


Mallory Gordon  28:05

I mean, it’s guilty till proven innocent, I guess. All right. I hate to see


Mickey Gordon  28:09

you. Playing solo. Yeah, we are guilty until proven innocent. I


Mallory Gordon  28:15

I really think I could be an outlier here. You don’t. Okay. Oh, so I would want to know more about the situation. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and the respect that let’s have it. Let’s continue this conversation, especially if I find myself being you know, interested right out of the gate. Maybe he’s attractive. Maybe he’s got a profession I’m into maybe he’s, you know, potentially, you know, that’s a be your sexual connection. Sure. Let’s see what happens. Okay. So let me be there’s more maybe there’s more to it. But I mean, not right out of the gate. There’s nothing you could really say they make me go. Oh, that’s cool. I’m totally down. All right.


Mickey Gordon  28:55

Yeah, let’s do that. I don’t need to know anything else. Best of luck. Now, you know, as a hot wife, I think you have a unique perspective here. And I think it’s important that our listeners hear your reluctance to engage in this behavior. Okay. Despite the fact that you’re an avowed housewife. I think that they need to know what you’re thinking because they don’t know how to do it, right. They’re doing it wrong. We see it every day when people message you. And it’s obvious that the guy is lying. Oh,


Mallory Gordon  29:27

the worst one is, are you married? Well, technically, that was great. It’s the that is the fucking canned answer to that. I think we’ve gotten more well, technically than Yes. Or knows.


Mickey Gordon  29:38

Yeah. They don’t want to answer the question. Yes. Because they’re afraid of what you’ll do, which is leaf, right. So how, I mean, do you need to talk to his wife, how do you go about saying, Okay, I hear what you said. But I’m getting need to talk to her.


Mallory Gordon  29:55

That’s having the ability to do so is a plus. I don’t know that it’s a requirement, at least not every time I think the best example I have is when they had like a couple’s and his single and her single. And there was a, we had three profiles. So effectively, yeah, because they both played solo and they played as a couple. But they essentially had three profiles to kind of like parse out each individualized and the the group dynamic there so that


Mickey Gordon  30:24

in and of itself give you a little more confidence because you know, number one, that they have a couple’s profile, no, do you know who she is? Come


Mallory Gordon  30:31

on, what is the first thing that happens when you get a friend request you go, you look at the profile, like see if you know them, see who else you know, who knows them and gives establishes credibility and credibility and gives you like an immediate audit, right to kind of substantiate, you know, what they’re saying or what they’ve said,


Mickey Gordon  30:49

Okay, so this is just like, when you wrote the different bus home from school, you had to bring a note from your mom, and you had to give it to the bus driver. So you could get on the other bus and go home with your friend, like a permission slip, right? So basically, you got to get a note from your wife and show up and be like, I can ride your bus.


Mallory Gordon  31:04

No, but I think you go into this later. Like, there’s something better than a permission slip, potentially, that could help establish and give them credibility.


Mickey Gordon  31:12

I think that’s absolutely true. I think we can chat about that in a minute. Is there any way that just automatically works with you?


Mallory Gordon  31:19

With me? No, but I’m a very complex and smug individual. I’m gonna ride that one for a while. I hope you know,


Mickey Gordon  31:26

well. Not gonna say yeah, earned it, because that just means you’re right at long. But


Mallory Gordon  31:30

yeah, looks smug with your dick in my mouth later.


Mickey Gordon  31:34

You can look as much as you want, it may take that does actually work the way I thought I went. All in, by all means, oath inches. So what do we suggest guys do to have better luck getting out there on their side have an open relationship? Is there even a good place to start looking?


Mallory Gordon  31:50

You know what there are? There’s a couple, you know, sites and services that actually allow you to select ethically, ethically non monogamous open relationship and a myriad of other things even down to your pronoun on some of these. Personally, I’ve used field. Yeah, that one, it has the the e&m status, so you don’t have to lie about it. It’s not as popular as maybe OKCupid, which we’ll talk about here in a second, but it’s definitely growing. OkCupid also has the e&m status, which is a huge bonus. This one, I think it’s a little more popular. But I mean, they’re both kind of far behind as far as how many people are on the services. And like Tinder, and I know a lot of people in this community use Tinder for that purpose.


Mickey Gordon  32:36

Yeah, and Tinder is hard to use, right? Because Tinder is very is very much against non monogamy. Probably because there’s a lot going on.


Mallory Gordon  32:44

I was like outwardly Yes. Like they don’t allow you to be that on their service. But I think effectively, it is it is like V hook hookup app of all hookup apps in the history of ever.


Mickey Gordon  32:58

Yeah, I think that’s 100% the case. I mean in its I mean, it reminds me and we’re gonna be off again. But with a deep myself again, and go back to you. Do you remember there was a website back in the day called Hot or Not?


Mallory Gordon  33:12

Oh my god. Yes.


Mickey Gordon  33:14

That’s fucking tin Dros. That’s all it is. Yeah, you put your you put your picture up there and then they can in today we swipe right or swipe left. But back then you just clicked hot or not hot. And then their pictures got voted up voted or down voted and I mean, if you’re a fucking glutton, you could post your picture and let people tell you how average you really are. And then if you’re a screaming hot girl, then everybody’s like, a what’s your number? Where do you live? Right? I mean, they just start blowing you up. So I think Tinder is the same thing as is hot or not from back in the


Mallory Gordon  33:43

day. I got I never thought of it that way. That’s all it is.


Mickey Gordon  33:47

But you know, we talked about things like OKCupid and field and things like that. It is important to recognize that not all of us live in a metropolitan area. And that’s true if you live in the sticks. Right? If you live out in the middle of you know God’s country, Pampa, Texas or whatever, you know, then obviously, you guys are you know, it’s not. Yeah, I did. I saw it on a map. But you know, it’s, I think it’s


Mallory Gordon  34:14

fair. I’m looking at maps. Well, hey,


Mickey Gordon  34:18

your mom gave me an atlas for Christmas. And she put it in the bathroom. So that’s all I have to read.


Mallory Gordon  34:23

But because you forgot your phone who forgets their phone, they go to the bathroom.


Mickey Gordon  34:27

Let’s not go there. Right now. It’s not important getting off topic. My bathroom reading is not the subject of this. So let’s get away from me. I’m going to go back to Texas on my Ellis anyway. But if you’re in the middle of God’s country, you probably aren’t going to have a lot of success with things like field or maybe even OKCupid because they’re just not densely populated, right. There’s not going to be a ton of traffic there. So you might want to go with something like a tinder if you live in the sticks.


Mallory Gordon  34:55

Yeah, and there’s a couple other others. I don’t have a history with But I’ve heard things about Bumble and match, especially in the hot wife community.


Mickey Gordon  35:03

Yeah, I would say definitely more Bumble than match match is definitely geared toward relationships. In the only thing I’ll say for most of these websites, is they’re not really designed to hook you up with a person and get you off. They’re designed to keep you there. And by get you off, I mean, get you off the platform not make you come you sick fuckers. But what I’m talking about, is they kind of trickle new users to you like they’re new, but they’re really not. Okay, Cupid’s kind of notorious for this. So when you first log, when you first join up, you have like 60 matches, you know, like, wow, there’s tons of people in


Mallory Gordon  35:38

the field. I was like, I’m amazing. And then it was not the


Mickey Gordon  35:41

and then you got one a week or two a week, right? Yeah, that’s the object is to keep you hanging on in hopes that the perfect person is going to be popping up in your inbox. And the next week, or maybe the week after, and maybe the week after, but most importantly, after your subscription renews. So don’t lose faith. And keep in mind, this is not going to be free, you’re still going to have to do some searching on places like W nation, SDC, Cassidy, whatever, but you’re going to be reaching out to couples that often get a barrage of messages from dudes, right, they’re just going to get buried. So this is a numbers game. Regardless of how you look at it, gentlemen, no matter how you look at this, you’re going to have to throw a lot of game to be successful.


Mallory Gordon  36:21

So effectively, this is gonna, you’re gonna have to rewind the tape and go back to dating as a single and then add another layer of complexity to it,


Mickey Gordon  36:29

we because you’re tying one hand behind your back, because when you’re a single guy, we can do some things that really kind of emboldened our chances, right? We can have a good job, drive a nice car, wear nice clothes, why those things work for you, married guy have a nice house, right and have something to offer a stability and comfort a life children. Right? There’s things as single guys that we can characteristically offer in a relationship that intuitively are attractive to women, I know that your inner feminist is telling me to eat shit. But


Mallory Gordon  37:05

I was just thinking my standards were too low. Like I was not looking for all of those things. My list was way shorter than that


Mickey Gordon  37:10

when you made it easy for me. But in reality, I think that those biologically are things that are attractive, right? When a guy is stable as a good job. He’s maybe as good father, if he already has kids. Maybe he’s good to waiters and waitresses and his dog and all these things. And you’re like, wow, I could really love this guy forever. None of those things play into your fever really? And ethical non monogamy? I mean, they do, but not the same way as okay. Right. So let’s kind of talk and kind of flip it around a little bit because we’re gonna get to some of that when we talk about this. Yeah, let’s talk about some of the things that guys can do to make their already shit chances. A little bit better.


Mallory Gordon  37:54

Come on, let’s smoke some opium here. No,


Mickey Gordon  37:57

fuck is wrong.


Mallory Gordon  38:00

I want to start with pictures. I think pictures is the obvious one your this is your curb appeal. Right Think about it like a real estate agent. You want the house to look as good as it can from the road as people pass


Mickey Gordon  38:13

from the bushes. It makes the house. Yes, exactly.


Mallory Gordon  38:17

So I mean, the partake take some time, put some effort and even get some taken if you need to, you know, I would recommend laying off the gym pictures. I mean, maybe one or two sprinkled in there. But like if that’s the majority or your even your profile pic


Mickey Gordon  38:35

names narcissism a


Mallory Gordon  38:36

little bit and I don’t want to feel like you’re going to be the center of attention in our engagement. Yeah, like and only you. Yeah, and I


Mickey Gordon  38:46

feel I feel the same way about fish pictures. Like when I look at pictures, G H or F No. F okay. It’s definitely none of the pH No,


Mallory Gordon  38:54

don’t do this girl. She’s they they will. Ooh, you will get cancelled.


Mickey Gordon  38:58

Right Do not show up being an entirely different person. Yeah, no, I’m saying like no fishing pictures, right? It’s like every guy for whatever reason. I like my fish pictures. I take pictures of me with fish too. I do not put them on a profile.


Mallory Gordon  39:11

Okay, that’s fair. I mean, I’m not as adamant about the outdoorsy like fishing, boating, camping tennis like sports.


Mickey Gordon  39:19

Raise the Redneck so it’s fine. Wow. Wow.


Mallory Gordon  39:23

You’re really going like below the belt here, mister. Oh,


Mickey Gordon  39:26

I love rednecks. Okay, well, I relate.


Mallory Gordon  39:30

But, again, don’t don’t make it your maybe primary profile picture and maybe not more than one or two.


Mickey Gordon  39:37

Yeah, and you definitely don’t want to like hold the basses mouth up to the camera and be like, I can see you making the space with my dick in your mouth.


Mallory Gordon  39:45

Yeah, now that doesn’t scream. No, but you know, something I love is like the nice clean class and maybe like going out dress shirt. Even a nice pair of jeans or dress pants or suit. Those always


Mickey Gordon  39:59

shorts Your style, personality. Yeah. You know, show off something other than and you know, don’t get me wrong, right. I mean if your passion is is things like fishing if your passion is things like, you know dance or you know your car, whatever it is, you’re What the hell have you done over? Water? They can’t see you. This is an audio production. Cold. Oh, you have a cold vagina,


Mallory Gordon  40:28

and I have no towel.


Mickey Gordon  40:30

Oh my gosh. Alright, we’re gonna be back right after this. We clean her up. Alright, we’re back with Mallory’s wet ass.


Mallory Gordon  40:39

So what? i Why did you give me a cup of no lid?


Mickey Gordon  40:44

Well, it’s not my totally can’t be trusted to hold a glass. You’re sober. We’re not sober. I would have totally understood.


Mallory Gordon  40:54

I know I’m sober. But I just I can’t be trusted with those things. Oh my god. This is why we have 1000 cups with lids in our home.


Mickey Gordon  41:02

You really should tell everybody that I’m the extra child and you just don’t be you can’t be trusted without a sippy cup. Okay, anyway. But anyway, back to photographs. Definitely get some nice pictures taken guys. Is nothing wrong with looking your best in these pictures. One of my buddies matter of fact he’s been on the show is the alabaster scrotum. You know, when he was out there looking and it’s the same advice I gave him he was on match. And I’m like, dude, go get your photos taken. Get a photographer in there and get some good pictures yourself. And, you know, he’s ugly as fuck. So it was really hard for him to get up. Oh


Mallory Gordon  41:33

my god, you’re such a jerk. He’s not. So


Mickey Gordon  41:37

I had to, you know, push him to do that. But he did. And his girlfriend is stunning. So he did just he does have good taste. Yeah, well, he’s got very, very high standards, but so he’s alone a lot. Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  41:49

I mean, if like, if you can’t afford a photographer that’s not a big deal. Have a friend take him Yeah, you know


Mickey Gordon  41:54

what? sign something it’s not a selfie. Right? There’s a good answer. I have a friend take it. You’ll put on a nice shirt, you know and house


Mallory Gordon  42:00

$12 an Amazon little Bluetooth like tripod with a little clicker. And you’re all set. There you go. You


Mickey Gordon  42:06

can use those for your dick pics to fellas. Yeah, we’ll show you how. Right so and your profile. Here’s something that’s kind of a big deal, right. And this this actually applies to swinger profiles, too, I think, okay. Not just e&m or only open marriages or singles. But be affable, be approachable, be fun, talk about some things that you’re genuinely passionate about that are not getting laid. Don’t make it all sex boys


Mallory Gordon  42:31

that if you can tell me something that you’re passionate about, and really exude that passion and conversation in my head, I’m already in parallel thinking about well, if he’s this excited about this thing, like Wow, he’s really gonna be like, intersects. Yeah. Show me that. I made some I personally make that correlation. Really? Is that crazy?


Mickey Gordon  42:53

God, I just love putting my fingers on the piano. And the feeling of the vibration


Mallory Gordon  42:58

in the TV. Yeah, but you can’t play piano. So I don’t believe you.


Mickey Gordon  43:02

I can play with one key thing. Yeah. Let me do that on your clip later and see how that goes. dinked?


Mallory Gordon  43:09

Yeah, we’re not thinking.


Mickey Gordon  43:14

No, seriously, guys, if you’re not trying to fall in love, but you do need to make her feel comfortable and show her that you’re not utterly objectifying her before.


Mallory Gordon  43:22

She asked you to. Yeah,


Mickey Gordon  43:23

there’s a good one. Okay. Where she’s like, please. It’s and I think a lot of times, you know, I think one of the most troubling things I see in profiles, even whether they’re couples or guys, is we all know what we’re here for. What a fast way to completely eliminate part of the conversation. What if that person had amazing things to tell you about things that you had no idea they knew about? And you’re like, why don’t want to talk about that? I just want to talk about fucking because that’s why I’m here.


Mallory Gordon  43:53

That’s a good way to get kicked out a club for me. It’s quick.


Mickey Gordon  43:55

Yeah, for a lot of people, right? I mean, you can’t tell them what they want to talk about. Be open. That’s what I mean by affable. Right.


Mallory Gordon  44:02

And here’s the here’s another indicator and conversation and I’m just I’m sorry to interrupt you. Oh, no, I’m so sure show too. If you can’t. If you can’t hold a conversation with me, you’re not going to keep up with me in bed. That’s That’s an assumption I’m making right for right or wrong. If it tells me you’re not listening, you’re not taking direction you have one objective. And if that’s the only objective you’re not going to be a great lover because it’s a two way street.


Mickey Gordon  44:30

That’s true. So what you’re saying is, if they don’t stop to hear you and what you want in a conversation, then they’re a poor communicator. And if they’re a poor communicator out of the bed, they’re going to be a poor communicator, or or they don’t


Mallory Gordon  44:41

have confidence enough to talk about their their wants, likes feelings, opinions on things, right? They just want to fast track the transaction and that’s not my bag.


Mickey Gordon  44:51

Well, and at the end of the day, none of us in ethical non monogamy and open marriages or otherwise are, are a known quantity initially to the other person. So at the end, you’re taking us a shot on somebody, you’re taking a risk on somebody giving them a chance to sleep with you and please you. So it to minimize those risks is the goal. Right? So women characteristically and this again, is kind of generalizations. This is not everything, but women feel sexy when they feel certain things. Safe. Safe is a big one. You


Mallory Gordon  45:26

know that almost that gives me permission to let down my guard so that I can enjoy the environment I’m in. Right


Mickey Gordon  45:35

when I’m you got wet in the horror flick? Never. Yeah, right. I mean, somebody does. Yeah.


Mallory Gordon  45:41

Yeah. And But yeah, if I’m scared, or I don’t feel comfortable, there’s no chance I’m horny.


Mickey Gordon  45:46

Yeah. So safety is important. And again, what we’re getting at here, guys, is these things that you’re building toward. You want her to feel these things. You want her to feel safe. You want her to feel respect? Ooh, that’s a good one. Right? Respected is a big deal, because so don’t use derogatory language or offensive language for body parts. Unless she tells you that it turns her on. Specifically avoid the golden monster, right? The shining example for all swear words that all women hate. can’t that be the one?


Mallory Gordon  46:17

Yeah. Yeah, it’s one of those like, unless I say at first and in the throes of passion, I probably should we shouldn’t.


Mickey Gordon  46:24

It just comes off the tongue wrong. If I look at you and go, God, I can’t wait to get in your England. You know


Mallory Gordon  46:29

what? And here’s what it really depends on who says it and how sometimes it comes across very sexy. Sometimes it comes across is just gross.


Mickey Gordon  46:41

Yeah, I tell she was skew names for body parts, especially in new relationships, just because I think it’s easier to refer to a person as a whole person, and not objectify individual parts of them and less out of it exact like, unless it’s part of their kink, or they’re into it. But I implore it’s something that is maybe not something that puts them on edge or on guard, like you have beautiful eyes. I can say that. But I can say God, I can’t wait to see your tits. Wait a minute. That’s very two different things. I’m so complimenting two parts of your body, a beautiful tissue, a beautiful eyes, and you have both. But I think it’s a lot more acceptable to talk about something you can easily see. Your hair looks beautiful tonight. But if I go, Wow, your ass looks amazing in those pants. And it really depends on comfort level where you can say something like


Mallory Gordon  47:36

it really does. I would I wouldn’t Yeah, I would err on the side of caution and read the room know your audience.


Mickey Gordon  47:42

Yes, skip it, just err on the side of respect until it’s time to be disrespectful. And then you’re still being respectful because she told you it’s okay.


Mallory Gordon  47:50

Yeah. And I’ve had guys actually ask permission, if they could say something a little more risque. That is a great thing. Pardon me, but I have something I want to tell you. But I really hope it doesn’t offend you. Do you mind if I refer to? And then X, Y or Z? Well played, sir. Yes. And then I’m like yeah,


Mickey Gordon  48:11

but you know, something else that you should do with women is make them feel desired.


Mallory Gordon  48:15

Oh, that’s, that’s not exactly that’s a fine line. Like this is not like desperately longed for, you know, or providing to a charity or fulfilling you like a lifelong fantasy. And we that’s not anywhere close to what this is about. You’re gonna have to work for it though. And you’re gonna have to still play it a little cool while still make her feel like she’s wanted. So it’s a little bit of a cat and mouse, a little bit of a cat and mouse and it’s a it’s a very fine line. You know? So it’s kind


Mickey Gordon  48:46

of, it’s kind of like playing a fish guys. If you if you pull too hard, you’re gonna pull it out of their mouth. If you don’t pull hard enough they’re gonna run away it’s a very it’s a dance since we’re talking about fish pictures. Of course she would of course I would in you know, I just I’m alright, I have a lot of fish pictures, whatever. What about making people feel valued? Is that different than desired? Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  49:09

I think this is letting them know that their time matters that you know they as a human matter, but not to like the deep depths of like what I described earlier as well like, if you’re you say you’re gonna message or tax do it like say you’re gonna show up do it Joe keep the lines of communication open shit happens, but let them know I’ve had that happen before and it does feel shitty. Like, I understand life happens whatnot, but like a simple text could have coached corrected that and just kept me in the loop and made me feel like you valued my time and my intentions.


Mickey Gordon  49:49

Yeah, well, one thing I can tell you in terms of valued that is super important from experience is showing them they’re valued after you play.


Mallory Gordon  49:59

That is so important, I’m actually struggling with a little bit of that right now. So like, preach,


Mickey Gordon  50:05

yeah, right. It’s, it’s important before, I mean, I was kind of famous for holding parking spots under a under a trout under a light, or close to where we were going. And so


Mallory Gordon  50:15

that when you guys were done with your date, like she didn’t have to walk back to your car, I mean, you always, I know, you totally walk them to their car every time that was, that’s still like, very, very thoughtful of you,


Mickey Gordon  50:26

just to make sure they didn’t have far to go that it was safe. And you know what, I also did it, it just to kind of, I’ve always kind of subscribed to the Groucho Marx theory, that I would have no part of a club that would have me as a member, okay? Meaning that I’m just going to expect that they may not be into me, and that’s okay. And if for some reason they wanted to leave before, they didn’t want me to walk them to their car, or maybe I wasn’t what they expected I would be, I wanted them to be safe, and know that they weren’t valued, even if they weren’t into me, and be able to get to where they needed to go safely and quickly. So I would just say, Hey, I got a great parking spot here, when you pull up, I’m in this vehicle, I’m in a red dodge, whatever, I’m gonna back out, and you take the parking spot, and I’ll go park out on the back 40. And we’ll meet up inside, you know, that kind of thing. And I think that, things like that, and you can do any number of those things, even if it’s, Hey, I’m on my way, I got here early, and there was a detour. So you have to go this other way. But I’m still at the restaurant, just know that there’s a detour be ready for that when you get over here, or there’s a lot of traffic, maybe we should meet somewhere else? Or maybe this place is close. What do you think of going here? If you’re early, you can do those kinds of things. And it shows that you value that person, their safety and their time. I love that. And I think that matters.


Mallory Gordon  51:46

I do too. So, um, what else, you know, something that can make it really easy just to hold their attention. Make them feel some of those things that we just talked about, is listening. Do not make them feel hurt. And that that comes to the keys into the conversation as a whole though, you know, they need to ask about you know, what you’re interested in? Or is there anything you’re passionate about? Are there things that make her laugh? Maybe if you show that you have general interest in getting to know me before getting inside me? That’s, that’s, that is literally one of the quickest past in my pants. I’m learning stuff. I’m sorry. Like I should I be ashamed that I see those as signs of respect and affirmation.


Mickey Gordon  52:40

No, I don’t, you should be ashamed of that at all. I think it’s solid. Okay, now, everything we’ve just talked about here, guys are not everything. But a lot of what we just talked about is what happens after you get the date. So there are some other things that are before the date, right? Because the dates actually the hardest


Mallory Gordon  52:53

thing to get. That’s true, that’s true. I’ve kind of jumped the gun there. Well, and we’ve talked a little bit


Mickey Gordon  52:57

or a lot of it about things that are after you get the date. But before you get the date, there’s some other things you can do. And something that I found to be extremely helpful in my time was make notes. Do not send the same fucking form letter message to the same girl twice. Oh, my gosh, we get that we get it all the time. From couples worse, or you going from guys to we get a lot of guys, we get the same form letter. What’s funny is literally, like we got one yesterday. And the last time we heard from them was in June. Yeah. And the very next message was the exact same message they sent us in June. And it was yesterday. Wow, I’m like, Did you not notice that when you hit sin,


Mallory Gordon  53:38

I get it. It’s still a numbers game. But I will say, front of the pack goes anyone who because I’ll typically plant I don’t call them easter eggs. But part of information that you know, are, are identifiers for me that you’ve read my profile. And then I put something quirky or funny or like in there, when they reference it. I’m like motherfuck, they went through my profile and actually spent the time to figure out who I am and then wanted to respond to me and curate the response that reflects what they were able to read what they know of me, I tend


Mickey Gordon  54:11

to be entertained at least and I feel a little more endeared to the people, for example, that respond to our couples profile. And we have in that profile that you have an affection for firefighters, first responders, military and police officers. And when they comment on that, like I either am or I am not at least I know the read the profile, because it’s pretty much all the way at the bottom.


Mallory Gordon  54:35

Right. Exactly. And it’s it’s such a in a lot of ways that’s kind of an icebreaker too.


Mickey Gordon  54:40

Yeah, no doubt about it. Now, this last thing here. Well, it’s it’s not quite the last thing but it’s next to the last. But guys, this is like we said earlier, this is a numbers game. There are going to be a lot of profiles that are either fake that are unattended, they were trial accounts. I don’t trust you with that water by the way.


Mallory Gordon  55:00

Just drink it all, it’s


Mickey Gordon  55:00

fine. Okay. But you’re gonna cast a wide net, the chances of finding the perfect friend in your backyard is pretty freakin slim. Okay? Unless you live in a very densely populated area like New York City, so you’re gonna have to cast your net wide. And remember that even if you do it all right, still a numbers game, you might send 100 messages to get 10 responses that result in one date. Don’t get discouraged. Whatever you do, don’t get pushy,


Mallory Gordon  55:25



Mickey Gordon  55:27

I think that’s important.


Mallory Gordon  55:28

Yeah. And I think they’ll likely need multiple services, right? I don’t know that signing up for one is going to do that many.


Mickey Gordon  55:34

Yeah. For the best chances of success, you’re probably going to need to be in a number of places.


Mallory Gordon  55:39

Yeah. And you’re going to have to log in consistence. Consistently. Yeah, lag time of not you know, being on there is not going to work for you.


Mickey Gordon  55:47

You can’t hit it once a month. And you know, here’s the other thing you can’t do. Don’t hit it Friday afternoon, because your wife suddenly has a date. And you want something to do and big. What are you doing tonight?


Mallory Gordon  55:58

Oh, now I think you guys may have to nurture those objectives a lot more like you said,


Mickey Gordon  56:04

Yeah. And officially last one. Don’t be me. Don’t be what I used to be. Don’t do what I did. Don’t be a lying scumbag.


Mallory Gordon  56:14

I’m so glad you’re on the lions got back anymore. Oh, God,


Mickey Gordon  56:16

not even a little bit. You know, it really should be common sense, guys, but unfortunately, Desperate times call for desperate measures. Many guys just leave it off for another time. And they never get around to discussing it right and or until it comes up. All this does is violate almost everything that makes a woman feel sexy that we talked about a little while ago, and it leads her on and puts her in a terrible position. Don’t do it seriously. Don’t even if it means you spend more time trying than succeeding.


Mallory Gordon  56:44

Yeah, a little side note here, if I may just derail this conversation in if they are married playing solo, something that may be something super cool for them to have, especially if they have a couple’s profile. And she’s their single profile, right, like we discussed earlier. What if their wife wrote a testimonial? For him?


Mickey Gordon  57:05

I think that’s a great thing. But I think the other thing that they should pre should probably do is as part of your photos, have a photo of you and your wife and have her do something silly or fun, like hold up a sign they go I’m good with it. Or it’s my husband, my husband or you know, husband for rent or whatever. You know, I mean, have some fun with it. That shows that she’s cool with it. If she’s she’s comfortable.


Mallory Gordon  57:29

Yeah. And being open. And if she’s open to being accessible, like maybe you can drop in her DM and be like, Yo,


Mickey Gordon  57:36

yeah, or have a group message. Yeah, that’s true. Right? And just say, hey, you know, this is Mallory, and this is my wife, and she’s cool that’s going on a date and potentially hooking up and having some fun. Mallory, by all means talk to girl B or whatever, right? I mean, it’s it can be a challenge. So one last thing before we jump off to Mallory’s toy box, which is our segments so excited. I’m going to talk about decks go suite. We’ve been talking about decks this whole time, but it’s just gonna be a bit controversial, which is why I wanted to end with it and and I think it’s probably worthwhile. So guys, please forgive me on this one. There’s people that are not going to like this matter of fact that no, Mallory’s not going to like it. Okay, go for it. And it’s important All right, know your league in stay in it for the best chances are since that mean, I hate to say this, but I see it all the time. And I’ve seen it a ton, especially you know, in your situation. And no, I’m not saying to stand in the mirror, lamenting your receding hairline while sobbing over a glass of wine and watching Gilmore Girls. I’m not telling you guys that you’re not good enough. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m telling you is that a 40 Something middle aged guy with a dad bod who hasn’t seen a gym in the better part of 20 years. Who has the fashion of a 40 Something middle aged DadBod guy you know with you know, taco shirts and crocs, cargo shorts, crocs with socks. World’s greatest dad t shirt.


Mallory Gordon  59:04

I’m masturbatory over here. I love that. I’m totally into it. I’m not being facetious or smug.


Mickey Gordon  59:10

I know you’re not. You might be but here’s the thing. The 21 year old hottie you’re hitting up on Tinder probably isn’t into that. She’s probably not into guys that are her dad’s age she probably thinks you’re creeper. If you’re attracted to girls like that. You already have you cut your chances pretty lean already because that the group in that age range for example, we’re in that style range or whatever is already pretty thin for for ones that are interested in 40 something year old guys. Right? So a 22 or 24 year old girl. You know in college Best Live best shape of real life looks amazing. There aren’t a ton of those that are in a 40 something year old guys with Dad bots. There’s just not a ton of them. So you already have you’re already got slim pickings. And now you’re married. So now you just took it down to 1% of 5%. You just killed off half of your chances by shooting for the stars. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t shoot for the stars. But if that’s all you do, you’re gonna be like the alabaster scrotum and spend a lot of time masturbating.


Mallory Gordon  1:00:16

I was gonna say, don’t listen and Mickey, I believe in you, you can do it. Just don’t be creepy or weird or jerk. Okay, yeah, right?


Mickey Gordon  1:00:24

You know, what you’re looking for? Is is a friend like you, right? Don’t make choices that make it harder on yourself. It’s already damn near impossible. The whole episode title was Mission Impossible. So look for people that have similar demographics to you. Right. So region, age, you know, similar income levels, right? If all you do is hit on waitresses, which by the way, I’m guilty of, I know getting on so many waitresses, it’s stupid, right? It may not work in the long term because you guys may not want or desire the same things. So similar once, look for somebody maybe that’s also married or also in an open relationship. That’s a great thing to do, and already increases your chances of success. And the last thing is somebody that knows that this is probably not a forever thing.


Mallory Gordon  1:01:12

I mean, if you’re married, probably not. What’s really


Mickey Gordon  1:01:16

good delusions of grandeur and they think that they’re going to talk you about what you’re in when you see those signs. You got to walk away and it’s true been there we have so there’s there’s some pretty brutal truth dropped here for how difficult this is, but I think there’s opportunity and I think it can be done I think guys prove it every day and we help them prove it.


Mallory Gordon  1:01:33

And you know, I think you’re right I think there’s there’s a lot of struggles here and you know, this conversation is by no means like comprehensive, right? Again, we said this is just opinion based you had you know, a sample to pull from your experiences and I gave my perspective being you know, a single girl, well, not a single girl, but like doing the hot wife, same thing. I just said single girl that just made me laugh, please, I never I don’t want to be a single girl. Sure,


Mickey Gordon  1:02:00

we can make that happen. That will be on the market ladies lineup at the door.


Mallory Gordon  1:02:04

I promise to never be smoke again. Unless I’m right.


Mickey Gordon  1:02:07

I’m gonna Crocs and my socks.


Mallory Gordon  1:02:10

But like you said, nothing. Nothing. We said, here’s a refutable right, it’s not gospel, it’s not


Mickey Gordon  1:02:16

gonna apply to every single person. There’s no person listening to this show, either of them, that everything we said is gonna apply to you. Right? Absolutely not.


Mallory Gordon  1:02:26

And you know what, everyone’s gonna have their own opinions and their experiences and that’s cool. That’s, that’s okay. And if there’s anything positive to offer out to the community, you know, raise your hand Yeah, I think this is this is a tough conversation and tough objective for gentlemen out there to really answer anything that you can offer that would be helpful would be great.


Mickey Gordon  1:02:48

I mean, they’re they literally are trying to win the Superbowl by themselves. Right when they go out there they’re the real heroes are they are real men a genius. The guys that go out there and slug this shit out on their own? No, it is just designed actually this episode is not designed to bag on anybody’s trying to do that. I’ve been that guy. I respect the shit out of you if you’re trying because it’s not easy. And it’s designed to help our friends out there have better experiences and open ethically non monogamous relationships as a guy. It’s hard to get laid as a married guy playing single we honestly hope so. Any of you find this helpful? And we got a toy box up if you want to tell everybody how to find us. They’re beautiful. Sure,


Mallory Gordon  1:03:27

we are casual swinger everywhere. You can find us a casual swinger.com Feel free to shoot us a message a podcast that casual swinger.com We are on social media. That’s Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. You can also find us on the dating sites that’s SDC SLS Cassidy and double EIGHT nation.


Mickey Gordon  1:03:42

She’s quick at it even when she calls Twitter, Twitter.


Mallory Gordon  1:03:45

And solicitous. She’s saying I smelt water. I need I need dry Jew anyway to be over because I’m a hot mess Express.


Mickey Gordon  1:03:53

That’s right. You need a drink. That’ll fix it all folks. We’ll be right back with Mallory’s toy box and some of her favorite rubber dates. You’ve been listening to casualised. And we’re back to casual swinger from Mallory’s box. Yes. We’re talking about the other side. The other box. Oh, this box? Yes. Her Toy Box.


Mallory Gordon  1:04:29

Toy Box in a while and I’m super excited for this one. Yeah, let’s talk about it. So we’re gonna play with some dicks today.


Mickey Gordon  1:04:37

Oh, boy. I can’t wait.


Mallory Gordon  1:04:39

I’ve been really loving double play like using my vibrator and my dildos really? Uh huh. Very much so in what I absolutely love about these is they’re so multipurpose and like, I don’t know they’re just really getting the job done for me lately, especially since I’m in that headspace. So we’re talking about these items are both By blush, so we’re going to talk about the blessed avant and the BLUs ruse jammy. We actually just recommended to the Jamie to somebody recently. So two thumbs up,


Mickey Gordon  1:05:10

I think I was shaving sex on the fringe. Nice.


Mallory Gordon  1:05:14

So what I love about the blush avant it’s actually the D eight. And it’s one of the Ergo lines. And what that is, it’s like a ergonomical feature that they made that has, what is it called, it’s got the dual density, that’s what it is. Yeah, where it has the rod kind of solid or center, solid core, and then it’s got a more malleable but firm outer. Outer kind of feels like a real dick, kind of without the veins. So it’s very smooth, and it’s contours. It’s still shaped like a penis without the balls. But it’s very, very smooth, but it’s got some give to it. And it’s pure silicone. I absolutely love the weight and how it feels super easy to clean. I can use it in my all of my harnesses. And it has the section attachment so I can use it on the headboard or you know, on the tile, either in the shower or on the floor. So it really can be used in multiple areas. I love a good multipurpose, they’ll do like that. The other side of this is the blush does a great job about giving the descriptions of the sizes, which is not really usual in that community. But avant does a great job. But


Mickey Gordon  1:06:33

that’s uncommon with dodos period. Like they tell you, they’re in their insert well, but that’s about it well,


Mallory Gordon  1:06:39

so they do that. And they also give you like the girth. So the size on this one is seven and a half inches long was six inches being insertable. So you do have a little bit of a base there. And it’s one and a half inches wide. So if you did you want to do like the full like circumference. You could figure that out by times it didn’t look like they


Mickey Gordon  1:06:58

expect you to be good at geometry. Yeah, but a lot of them will give you circumference but not width,


Mallory Gordon  1:07:01

right. So the width of that is an inch and a half, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but I promise you it’s it’s it’s sizable.


Mickey Gordon  1:07:09

So you noticed Yes,


Mallory Gordon  1:07:11

I definitely noticed the girth. And this is not the Jimmy YES, this is the DA and it’s not I wouldn’t say like it’s a big stretch for me because I mean you’re pretty girthy so I want to say it’s a little more narrow than you are. So but not by it’s probably comparable. In a manufacturer dildo I think you’re just a slight bit wider. Oh, cool.


Mickey Gordon  1:07:35

Yes, they didn’t use me as the model for that one. Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  1:07:37

but it’s also comfortable because it still has that weight, that stiffness but it has the flexibility. So I’m able to use it where it’s still kind of hits like the sides the wall the back and not break because some of them that have that quote unquote real field to them are a little bit almost to like flimsy, not flimsy one of the placid they almost feel Placid, and I don’t like that because I like giving it we don’t


Mickey Gordon  1:08:01

even use those anymore because they’re always made of TPR TP not body safe silicone like the blush.


Mallory Gordon  1:08:06

And this is exactly it’s all body safe silicone plot. This one is platinum, Platinum cured silicone. So it’s non porous, super easy to clean, like squeaky clean, and you know me in the germs and like the dust and whatnot. All that shit


Mickey Gordon  1:08:22

works fine with the rubber lube. It’s an old wives tale you can’t use a silicone based lube the silicone toy


Mallory Gordon  1:08:28

I was gonna say out of habit regardless of whatever lube you use, you should actually should be washing them after use pretty much immediately once you’re done playing.


Mickey Gordon  1:08:36

They’ll come and pass out wash your next thing


Mallory Gordon  1:08:39

I mean you go pee go clean up always pee after sex. It’s good for your your you know, your bladder systems and whatnot down there. Okay. And then go clean your shit. Like don’t let that sit there and fester and flake. Bad bad habit. So and the other one that avant makes that I really like and I’m I’m gonna blush a little bit what I’m gonna say Oh,


Mickey Gordon  1:09:00

is that a funny?


Mallory Gordon  1:09:01

It’s funny? Is the ruse jammy


Mickey Gordon  1:09:05

that thinks popular as hell?


Mallory Gordon  1:09:07

I can see why.


Mickey Gordon  1:09:09

Well Mrs. monogamous loves hers to pieces.


Mallory Gordon  1:09:12

That’s an awesome doled out it’s girthy it’s got a little bit of weight to it, not in the core, like the other one does, but like overall because it’s it’s pretty sizable and the construction has all the vein definition in them so you get some friction off that, you know,


Mickey Gordon  1:09:35

this was a big Dong without being alien.


Mallory Gordon  1:09:38

It is it is it is seven and a half Lynch’s. insertable eight inches long. Two inches wide, so it’s that it’s wider than you I actually can feel a little bit of a stretch when I use it nice so that for me and for me when I’m masturbating that’s part of like the turn on and part of the piece that gets me to climax is that feel of stretch especially as it’s like slowly being put in. fucking love it and same concept they can go with me and my strap on or on the headboard shower, same section design and I lied. The other one actually does have a little tiny set of balls on it. I thought it did I was thinking about that it’s on the headboard and it was hitting like make lit a little bit so I had I just read around the tape and they popped up so I lied guys the the the blush avant does have balls on a deity but the jammies actually fantastic. So it’s got a curved shaft to it, unlike the other one, which I like and a more pronounced with the coke runner to the head of the deck. So it’s like a little more obvious, you get a little extra rub and push with that. And I find it hits my G Spot pretty well. And on the description it identifies that really great for G spot and prostate play.


Mickey Gordon  1:11:07

Yeah, well, we’re not putting any of those monsters anywhere near my bottles.


Mallory Gordon  1:11:11

I was gonna say it.


Mickey Gordon  1:11:14

Now we’re good wish you luck. Thanks, I need to be able to sit down to drive places, we’re not gonna do that. But you know, here’s your silicones who they are. And you know, the so blush has done a really good job as a whole, the Advanced Series, the ruse series, there’s just they’ve really done a good job of seeing that the market was moving toward body safe toys. And they came out with both of these lines. There’s the D seven, for example, which is a slightly smaller version of that avant that Mallory was talking about? Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  1:11:44

and then the D 10. I think isn’t the other one. Yeah, and that because that’s a mini Yeah. Mini so they really make not only do they come in all these shapes and sizes, they’re also body safe. They also work with all the harnesses. And their descriptions are spot on.


Mickey Gordon  1:12:02

They are and but so when you look at toys like this when you look at for example, the Advanced Series, one of the nice things about the Advanced Series is it does have that smooth construction. So if you are using it for for, let’s say dual play for like pegging for example, if you’re playing as a couple, smooth toys are better for things like pegging, then things like the jammy the ruse Jamie has a very lifelike exterior experience with veins and ridges and edges. Yeah,


Mallory Gordon  1:12:27

and it’s definitely firmer. So in some ways less like the real thing because there’s a little bit less give. I wanted that out of this dildo, especially for obviously vaginal use in that circumstance. And I can see exactly what you’re saying, If I were to pick one for anal play, definitely the smooth contour


Mickey Gordon  1:12:46

Well, and that’s kind of the case. It’s the same thing. I tell everybody that reaches out to us in the store. They’re like, I’m looking for a toy for pegging. I’m like small and smooth. Because just going up your butt. And guys don’t buy small and smooth. Just you know, guys always buy things that look like giant, triumphant dicks. And that’s if you’re a guy getting into pegging. That’s not what you want to start out with. You’re not ready for that. And those are vaginas that are used to having dicks with ridges and veins and things in them. Yeah, that can actually be dangerous. It can you can actually hurt yourself and spend a long time in the hospital. We’ve actually heard about someone who did that. Yeah.


Mallory Gordon  1:13:20

And I can tell you, you will not enjoy having a bag. shipped back.


Mickey Gordon  1:13:25

shitbag is not definitely not something you want. So, but these toys are some of the more inexpensive, high quality toys too. I mean, we’re talking these are all under $50 under 50 bucks. And then


Mallory Gordon  1:13:37

again, some cases are 40.


Mickey Gordon  1:13:39

Yeah. So the blush avant series, the Roos series, they’re outstanding dildos. Thank you Miss Mallory for picking a couple of years now.


Mallory Gordon  1:13:47

It’s really tough being me, you know, trying out all these new toys like yeah, you just have to fuck yourself stupid picture and I don’t care if you call it a GIF. GIF. Both are right. The hot dog one with a girl in the flying Yes. But dildos. That is my life right now. Yeah, cuz I mean, I think I tried three or No, four or five. And I kept going back to the Avants. Like they’re, they’re mine. Mine number one Bilbao.


Mickey Gordon  1:14:16

We got some handpoured ones that were nice enough, but they’re great. But


Mallory Gordon  1:14:19

I just don’t find myself using them as much as the Avant.


Mickey Gordon  1:14:22

Yeah, well, I think the consistent quality of them helps a great warranty. On blush. Yeah, good on blush. They did a good job here. So I think that’s gonna do it for us and Mission Impossible, folks. Hopefully you guys had fun doing it. Mallory want to say bye to these folks.


Mallory Gordon  1:14:36

Bye, folks. My bets right now. Her butts dry. And


Mickey Gordon  1:14:39

that was it for Mallory’s Toy Box. Thank you so much for joining us. We’ll catch you again in a couple of weeks. We’re going to be teaming up on one of our friends for an episode we’re going to call whiskey business that’s coming your way so we’ll talk soon. I don’t know what the fuck to say. You’ve been listening to casual Swinging.


Mallory Gordon  1:14:56

Love you bye