Sex is Funny w/ Comedian Damon Millard
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Sex is Funny w/ Comedian Damon Millard
Thu, 9/2 10:24AM • 1:12:31
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
sex, damon, people, fucking, swinger, casual, lifestyle, girl, fun, talking, comedy, totally, girlfriend, laugh, fuck, friends, hear, stand, comedian, walk
SPEAKERS
Mickey Gordon, Damon Millard, Mallory Gordon
Mallory Gordon 00:09
Welcome to casual swinger. If you’re under 18, the following podcast is not appropriate for you. The subjects and language are for mature audiences only. If you’re not mature in nature, just make sure you’re old enough to vote. We don’t take ourselves seriously ever. no guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any opinions or statements made on this podcast or website or a blog. It’s all in fun, folks. This isn’t Dr. Phil. Now consider yourself the listener properly advised.
Mickey Gordon 00:51
Hey, everybody, it’s another episode. Matter of fact, the last episode of season two of casual swinger My name is Mickey.
Mallory Gordon 00:58
And I’m Mallory. Oh, it’s taking us forever to get this episode out. Again.
Mickey Gordon 01:03
It’s not just Mallory. It’s Mallory and the casual dog.
Mallory Gordon 01:06
I do I have 115 pound Rottweiler in my lap
Mickey Gordon 01:10
literally sitting across her like the world’s most interesting dog.
Mallory Gordon 01:15
actually have no lap now why is he staring at me? Like he’s like challenging me. Lee’s so lonesome. We’ve been holed up in our offices today. So this mobage now Yeah, he’s a he’s been a mama’s boy right now.
Mickey Gordon 01:30
He’s got issues, but this episode is called sex is funny. Sex is funny.
Mallory Gordon 01:35
It can be funny,
Mickey Gordon 01:36
like hilarious shit happens in the bedroom, especially when you’re all naked. And you’re kind of slapping together and the noises
Mallory Gordon 01:43
that come from sex can be funny because inside himself a 12 year old boy and I know it’s natural and air gets in there. But if there’s like group play, and a queef comes out, I’m I have to, like try not to snicker.
Mickey Gordon 01:55
I just fall down laughing cracking up
Mallory Gordon 01:59
it’s it sounds funny.
Mickey Gordon 02:00
That’s hilarious. And I mean, the faces and the positions and a leg in the air. And, you know, I mean, if you do it if you do it right, and do it long enough, you’re sweaty and you look like complete hell, by the time you’re done. You like you try to look all cute and sexy when you go into it. And you come out of it. And
Mallory Gordon 02:17
I look shipwrecked. Yeah.
Mickey Gordon 02:20
Episode a lot,
Mallory Gordon 02:21
if I’m lucky. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Speaking of sex, I’m so glad I’m thinking about sex again, like my brains finally coming out of the COVID fog with the crises and work and all the changes to our lives. And
Mickey Gordon 02:36
it’s been a little nuts. Like I’m even like, trying to like, get into like, I kind of pushed you up against the counter today. I’m like, Hey, I know. I loved it. You were like, Hey, what’s that thing? Well, I
Mallory Gordon 02:46
knew it was really starting to creep back in where I woke myself up, like grinding on you like a cat and heat.
Mickey Gordon 02:52
Now? Oh, there was a dog. Yeah, you know, it’s this COVID thing is just screwed everything up, including people sex, as we talked about in our last episode, and we heard some feedback from you guys. I think that made us feel a lot more normal. Now. My pink hair is not normal.
Mallory Gordon 03:12
Yeah. Oh, and we’re not trying to like, minimize the impact that it’s had on, you know, everyone’s lives. People have lost loved ones work. You name that. It’s just, we’re all trying to deal with it as best as we can. And sometimes the way we deal with it is to, you know, shelter in place and our mental and emotional spaces, too. So, places Listen to me too much vodka.
Mickey Gordon 03:34
I was trying to understand where your spaces were. But I want to see your splices laid out. Hey, you know, it’s funny, though, because here, you know, we everything’s are starting to reopen a little bit. Right. So
Mallory Gordon 03:46
yeah, especially in Florida, because we’re at your own risk state anyway, right.
Mickey Gordon 03:49
It’s, that’s the way Florida works. They’re just like, good luck. Try not to die. May the odds be ever in your favor. So yeah, things are opening up a little bit. And not a lot of bit, although I did hear a few lifestyle clubs are reopening, which I think me might be a little dangerous. But I guess we’ll see how that goes. At the end of the day, looking over the numbers in in COVID. And without going too far down that rabbit hole. It’s about 9096 to 97% survival rate. It’s, and well, no, that’s not actually accurate. It’s 94 to 95% survival rate. So it’s about six to six and a half percent fatality rate. And that’s worldwide average in the United States. It’s about 6%. So it’s 94 to 95. But at the end of the day, starvation kills 100% of people. So people want to go back to work. People want to get out. I don’t I don’t blame them. I guess I don’t I mean, I get it. That’s scary. And it scares the hell out of people and makes them not want to have sex, but I think I want to have sex with you.
Mallory Gordon 04:50
I would love to have sex with you. I really would like I don’t I don’t care if it’s 30 seconds or 30 hours.
Mickey Gordon 04:58
I just need me It’d be flaming after 30 hours. I’d be broken for the rest of the year. But well, but and I think one of the things we really wanted to do was really wanted to laugh. We really wanted to smile we wanted something because you know, casual swinger has been so much fun looking across these two seasons now that we’ve done this, so many episodes that are fun. They were fun to record, they were fun to think about fun to listen to.
Mallory Gordon 05:23
Oh, yeah. And that definition of fun like spans everything from the comical that makes sure like, guts her, like the episode we did with Keaton their own like that was oh my gosh,
Mickey Gordon 05:32
we just did that. Not too long ago, I gave up way too much personal info about myself. Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 05:39
I got real down and dirty. But like, even the more serious episodes like the one with Harry or, or whatever, all of it has been so much fun. And I think we just need to be more mindful of including that in
Mickey Gordon 05:52
our day to day lives. Absolutely. And maybe just make ourselves sit down and record because one of the one of the it wasn’t a question. It was a comment I got from a listener who just was like, just get on and talk because we were used to hearing your voice and it makes us feel better. Oh, that made my day. It really does. Hurt smile really was a good thing. Anybody gave a shit where we had to say, but I really, really, really appreciated that message. And you know who you are out there that said it. Thank you very much for that. And it was pretty cool. But today, we’re doing something fun. Is sex is funny.
Mallory Gordon 06:28
Sex is hilarious.
Mickey Gordon 06:30
We have a comedian by the name of Damon mullard, who joined us on the show, to have some laughs just to kind of talk about his lifestyle experiences a little bit. He’s lived all over the country. And he’s got a couple things on YouTube. He’s got a couple albums out there, but he used to be in the lifestyle.
Mallory Gordon 06:46
Yeah, yeah, he was in a previous relationship that was in the lifestyle. And he’s caught a lot of interesting stories. Yeah, they came from that before and after. I think well of course during
Mickey Gordon 07:00
and we probably made the poor guy nervous because we were just all over him Really? Tell us the story tells that story like it was it was fun though.
Mallory Gordon 07:06
Well, I have a thing for comedians you know there’s no bones about I’m huge bird creature fan, which a lot of folks are obviously he’s he’s super popular and I’m so happy to see him in excess. Love Tom Segura licensed slash injure Brad Williams. I mean, fuck the list goes on and on. Like, I want to stand up fucking love comedians. Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 07:29
I think we love people that want to see people happy. I don’t even if they’re not a comedian, even if they’re just other lifestyles or other content creators. Anybody that wants to see other people smile is probably our jam.
Mallory Gordon 07:42
Absolutely. Sure. You can make me laugh. You can probably get in my pants.
Mickey Gordon 07:47
That’s exactly how I did it. Folks. If you want to know how am I schlub as took her down, I made her laugh and I got a drunk.
Mallory Gordon 07:54
No, I was sober. And I had already planned on fucking you. Well,
Mickey Gordon 07:59
I wish someone had told me. Anyway, so we that’s gonna be kind of fun. I think you guys are gonna enjoy it might even run a little long. And we played a game that we call Oh my god. I’ve never
Mallory Gordon 08:11
Gee, what? That sounds familiar. Oh, I
Mickey Gordon 08:14
know. It’s basically Never have I ever but it was fun play around a little bit. And it ended up being a lot of fun.
Mallory Gordon 08:20
Yeah, what I loved is and you guys will hear this in the segment. But he like it’s it’s hard to try to think of something that you haven’t done that you would assume your cat the other players have? Well,
Mickey Gordon 08:35
he knows we’re fucking dirty. So
Mallory Gordon 08:37
Exactly. But think about playing that with a bunch of lifestyles. We’ve done it before. It’s fucking hard.
Mickey Gordon 08:43
It really is really hard. We have some depraved as friends in the lifestyle. There’s some people that you’re like you did a word. Yeah. Not to call us names. My, my beautiful wife. Like you
Mallory Gordon 08:58
have lived a full life and I’m very grateful for it.
Mickey Gordon 09:01
Are you full? Like completely? You don’t want to do anything else?
Mallory Gordon 09:03
No, I’m not full as of right now. So if you’d like to help me, that’s totally down. Just saying.
Mickey Gordon 09:10
So we’ve got Damon mullard here for you today. He’s the comedian that’s joining us. He did a great job we had a lot of fun with and we think you guys are gonna dig it. We’ll get into that here in just a few. But before we do, let’s kind of talk about what we’ve been up to and what’s going on.
Mallory Gordon 09:24
Yeah, well lately. This week. There were grasses were supposed to be in Jamaica for their may trip and typically we don’t go on this trip but they’re doing a virtual trip, which I’m really excited about that was launched on Saturday. And they’re having a lot of fun. There’s a lot of participation people giving, posting photos for contests. Like yesterday was your favorite Jamaican photo and there were outfits and landscapes and staff and oh me me so homesick but it made me so happy to see it.
Mickey Gordon 09:53
So really was freaking amazing. Right like I love seeing because this is the first time Every rascals been able to participate at the same time. That’s true. Technically, because it’s a virtual trip. We’re all there together because they’re seasonal rascals that only go either in the spring or the fall, right? So there’s like 1000 people that are playing this game now, which is just nuts. And it’s so cool to see. And we played what’s under my hat. And I took a video from the pool. Yeah, and people could see your legs and it kind of looked like you were nude. Nobody’s like move the fucking camera.
Mallory Gordon 10:28
I’m not gonna tell.
Mickey Gordon 10:30
Keep it a secret. Awesome. But we ended up under my hat was a flashlight. It was a flashlight quick shot that we sell on casual toys calm. And we’re actually going to give away a casual toys rodeo for the person that gets that so
Mallory Gordon 10:45
and the rodeo that’s the handheld vibrate the rechargeable vibe that we use for vibrator radio, which is I mean, it’s really taken off in our group guide that has been one of the go to one of the toys that everyone comes back and says, Oh my God, this thing’s amazing.
Mickey Gordon 11:03
Everybody was a fighter really
Mallory Gordon 11:04
want to put it on our store? Yeah, I’m
Mickey Gordon 11:06
gonna get it up there eventually. It’s, you know, we use it as a giveaway. We use it for prizes, and I think it makes it a little more special. It’s like not something you can buy. You have to engage with us socially, to get it. Which I kind of dig that on some level but I think we probably should start selling is enough people around.
Mallory Gordon 11:23
Are we using it as like the drug dealer model? We are like here’s some free candy kid.
Mickey Gordon 11:27
Right get in the van. Yeah. Yeah. That’s been kind of neat. And yeah, even with this COVID thing I think we’ve been engaging a little more my hairs growing out my roots are showing.
Mallory Gordon 11:39
Yeah, cuz it’s your hairs been in migrated from like purple like Barney, the dinosaur to this faded calco pink blonde with some purple dots in there. FYI, I am not a licensed hairstylist.
Mickey Gordon 11:55
Negative. I have a big purple spot in the skin on the side of my head.
Mallory Gordon 11:59
I’m sorry, I was rubbing it in. I was giving you a scalp massage while the dye was setting and I thought that was a good thing was not.
Mickey Gordon 12:06
So I went out in the neighborhood the other day. And you know, I’m an I’m a nerd. And we had an old we have quite a few elderly people. This is Florida after all. In the neighborhood that were looking for some help. They had a problem. So I stopped by and the first thing is guys like 80 years old he looks to me is what happened to your head. What do you mean? Your heads pain? Like I’m sorry, it was a tragic accident.
Mallory Gordon 12:30
I would have laughed if you told them that you caught something. gonorrhea side
Mickey Gordon 12:34
effect of the COVID you still want me to fix your shit.
Mallory Gordon 12:37
No, you can’t. That is not safe to say and it’s not funny. But gonorrhea.
Mickey Gordon 12:40
Hilarious. gonorrhea is not hilarious. I had that in college. It sucked. I thought you had to clap that to. Oh, wow. I was I was.
Mallory Gordon 12:48
That’s what I should have used for the game. Never have ever had gonorrhea. Oh, well, which time? I’ve actually been very lucky. I’ve never had an STI better knock on wood. Did that sound like what? No,
Mickey Gordon 13:04
I did. Oh, do you want to see what? Yes, yes.
Mallory Gordon 13:09
I want to see all the way like I’m starting to solicit for dick pics at this point. Someone
Mickey Gordon 13:14
don’t say that your penis I get all the goddamn social media. It will be raining dicks on our Twitter and it’ll be all your fault. I’m gonna blame you because I have to look at all of them.
Mallory Gordon 13:27
Please send dick pics to Mickey at casual swinger.
Mickey Gordon 13:31
Eat shit.com. What’s wrong with you. But we do have some fun stuff coming up still. Right. So that virtual rascal trip is going on right now. And we are participating in that. But we have a real rascal trip coming up. That is two weeks long in November 2020. So we are selling rooms for that. If you guys want to make it out for that, you know, we were previously sold out. But since that second week opened up, which was our home week, we went ahead and open that up to everybody. So that is out there plus February 2021 is a hot seller and almost sold out already. So if you’re interested in that trip, that one is a pretty good one as well. In addition to that, we have our deal coming up in Nashville in August. I am working on that room block. I kind of spoke too soon. Last week when we talked about this. Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 14:18
I didn’t. But yeah, it’s okay.
Mickey Gordon 14:21
It’s all good. We do have the block as a matter of fact, it’s gonna get cheaper so we’re gonna get that going for you guys. And that’s pretty much all what’s going on.
Mallory Gordon 14:29
Are you sure you’re not forgetting podcasts to Palooza in October? Oh, yeah. What about I am I am pumped. So I thought I had my outfits worked out and then I found something new. And I’m pinching my pennies because it’s not cheap, but I think it’ll be a lot of fun. Oh my god. It’s not like break the bank expensive but I’m I’m kind of a frugal little miser over here.
Mickey Gordon 14:57
Oh, since when
Mallory Gordon 15:00
When it’s my money and I will definitely
Mickey Gordon 15:02
check out podcast blues. In our show notes Mallory wants to tell everyone where they can find this we’ll get on with Damon mullard and sex is funny.
Mallory Gordon 15:10
All right guys, well, casual swinger everywhere. Reach out to us at podcast that casual swinger.com. You can find us at our website, casual swinger.com as well as social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. look us up on the dating sites that’s STC SLS double date, nation, quiver and Cassidy.
Mickey Gordon 15:31
The how to do it. Hey folks, check out Damon mullard and we got some information in the show notes for you. In the meantime,
Mallory Gordon 15:38
you’ve been listening to casual swinger. Welcome back everyone to another episode of casual swinger. I’m your co host Mallory,
Mickey Gordon 16:07
and I’m her co host, Mickey.
Mallory Gordon 16:09
And we’re back. We’re out of cadence. But we’re here and we have a I guess I’m really excited to have on the show today. Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 16:16
this is pretty neat for us right it’s the end of the season for starters, right? So are totally arbitrary. Good for no fucking reason whatsoever. Season Episode limit of 22 has been reached.
Mallory Gordon 16:26
Yes. And we’re going out with a bang. Oh,
Mickey Gordon 16:29
several bangs With any luck with COVID we’ll just bang each other but that’s okay. But I’m really excited about ending on this note, we’ve got a guest for you guys that really sums up casual swinger and what we’re all about fun friends. variety, laughs creativity, and maybe even some kindness. You guys know we love music and we love live comedy. Yeah, no secret that we love Burton. You guys like Tom sugar. I think he’s a penis. But there’s lots of guys that we love in some way. We made friends with the we came across a comedian who shares more than just our drive for mocking his fellow man. He’s a guy who gets a lifestyle and watches more porn than maybe anybody we know. He’s got a few things to say about it. So let’s welcome to casual swinger Damon. mullard. Hey, what’s up, everybody? It’s great to be here. Thank you. We’re really excited to have you
Mallory Gordon 17:17
like, I’m not gonna lie. I’m fangirling a little bit because I do love comedians, and I watched some your stuff. You’re fucking hilarious and pretty cute. Okay, so,
Damon Millard 17:27
yeah, well, I honestly would rather be funny than you. But I’m wearing on that.
Mallory Gordon 17:33
Yeah, actually, that’s a good point.
Mickey Gordon 17:35
I kind of think I’d rather be like, obnoxiously attractive. Make me good looking.
Mallory Gordon 17:41
Probably be a dick. Oh, yeah.
Mickey Gordon 17:44
All right. Let’s get started with some easy stuff. Because this is all about daymond today. So easy stuff. How long have you been in comedy? And how did you find yourself doing stand up?
Damon Millard 17:54
I’ve been doing stand up 11 years. It was kind of like an accident. I mean, I’ve always loved stand up, but I never thought about doing it. You know? And then I had lied to a girl. I don’t know why I thought it was impressive. I’d like to this girl and I told her I was doing stand up. I really did. I just like making it up. And then, man, I actually had a tragedy in my life where like, I’ve lost a good friend. It was just like this moment where I was like, life is short. What’s stopping me? You know, I could be dead tomorrow. And I just did it. It was like a drug. I just never. I never stopped ever again.
Mallory Gordon 18:30
Was it scary? Was that like the first time you were on stage is when you started doing stand up? Did you have like a, like a theater background? That’s gonna be terrifying. Like public speaking for me sucks.
Damon Millard 18:41
Yeah, doing it for the first time. Yeah, it was very scary. But I prepared like all week long. I went to this open mic in Milwaukee, and they give you like, 10 minutes. And I got up there. And I was talking and talking and talking and talking. And then at some point, I just ran out of stuff. And I was like, How much time do I have left? And the lady was like, eight more minutes.
Mickey Gordon 19:04
It was awful. That’s like the first time I had sex with a girl. I was like, Are we done here? No.
Mallory Gordon 19:09
I had to have been the longest eight minutes of your life. You went back for more. So kudos to you?
Damon Millard 19:14
Yeah, it was great. And then I made a mistake because I invited all my co workers for the second time. The first time I really well. And then the second time I really hard in front of all my co workers. They never came back to see me ever again. They always think of me as that beginner always to this day when I try to get them to come to stuff, you know, like album recordings or like big release parties or something or like our busy day. We’re sorry.
Mallory Gordon 19:41
I always had co workers and that friends right? I love how he defined that. You don’t have friends when you do stand up.
Mickey Gordon 19:49
It’s a good point. You know, everybody bombs, right? Every I mean, you do stage work. You’re gonna tell a joke that just lands flat. But in Milwaukee is there really a big stand up scene I thought all those guys did was Drink and fucking shovel snow.
Damon Millard 20:01
Yeah. Well, that’s what you talked about when you get on stage. Fair. Yes, like, so how about that snow? You know?
Mickey Gordon 20:11
It’s just not much going on?
Damon Millard 20:12
Well, I don’t I mean, when I started there wasn’t there was no comedy there whatsoever really there was a comedy clubs that they only hired like national touring comics. And so if you were like just starting out, you couldn’t get any stage time there. And so we just started doing it in bars and stuff. And it’s, it’s still my favorite thing to do when you really connect to people who are just like out to have a good time, you know, and they didn’t have to spend 40 bucks to get in. And
Mallory Gordon 20:37
I love that no. And people who are passionate about what they do, and it exudes and it comes across stages, something I noticed in one of the videos I I don’t know if it was illegal or not, but it’s on YouTube. Someone posted a stand up that you did and it was phenomenal. You could tell you like you were really into it so good on you.
Damon Millard 20:54
Gotta go check out what’s out there. I really didn’t think there was any live performances of me available.
Mallory Gordon 21:00
Yeah, I don’t want to call this guy out and get him in trouble. But it is out there because I want to see you in action. So I did a little digging. I did have to dig for it, though. So I have to tie this together because people are gonna start to wonder what we have you on the show. So previously, you had been in a lifestyle. Your ex girlfriend, right? You met her while doing stand up? Yeah, so let’s kind of tell our listeners a little bit about that. Like, are there tons of chicks out there? like looking at buying comics? And how did how did you meet her? And how did that go? What
Damon Millard 21:34
was the progression knows to comics don’t get rubies? It’s totally fake it my entire job is telling people how much of a loser I am. You know, I mean, it’s like I tell people my real credit score when I’m on stage and run for the hills. They want nothing to do with me. I’m not I’m the one off because it like I hit my button every time so Oh, yeah, I got lucky one time and the girl had a cast on and I banged her in a CVS parking lot. Her cast was hanging out the back of a window.
Mickey Gordon 22:08
Once that’s like the one time when she the last one to leave the bar Did you just tackle
Damon Millard 22:12
he’s the only one that I could catch. She’s the slip. She was the slow antelope. Yeah, I separated her from friends and I was okay, yeah. That was in a weird way. Didn’t it? Got a little creepy, but it’s good. You’re saying? I’m joking. But I, I’m not joking about the CPS parking lot. They came out and asked us to leave and I was like, okay, it’s gonna. It’s gonna take a minute.
Mickey Gordon 22:43
I’m not quite finished with this girl. Yeah, she’s not exactly going anywhere fast.
Damon Millard 22:47
It’s not like being a rock star at all. Like, it’s not even show business. It’s just like talking. It’s comedy is just talking. There’s nothing real. There’s no art to it. You know, get up there and talk to a friend. There just happens to be a couple 100 of them, right?
Mickey Gordon 23:01
Yeah, obviously, that girl with the broken leg hanging out the back of the car didn’t end up being your girlfriend. So this girlfriend that ultimately introduce you to the lifestyle right? That’s where you met her. So How the hell did that happen?
Damon Millard 23:13
I didn’t meet her at a stand up show. I was joking. It happens sometimes. Okay, if they drink like one of those fish bowls with like, 90 drinks in them. Yeah. You’re gonna get lucky. It’s just a numbers thing. So
Mickey Gordon 23:32
man attention aspiring comedians.
Damon Millard 23:35
Yeah. Right. But I met her at a stand up show. And, you know, we started going out and I took her on a day. And I noticed she was wild right away. Like, you could just tell you don’t I mean, she was like, a freak. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Mallory Gordon 23:53
Okay, so she was adventurous.
Damon Millard 23:55
Yeah, that’s the that’s the way to say. She was a very adventurous girl. So we started pushing the envelope. Like it was just like, one thing after another. I remember one time we went to like an adult bookstore to like one of the private booths and we were having sex. And they were trying to kick us out because they caught us. And they were trying to trying to tell us to leave the store. But President Obama’s motorcade was like right out front, and they wouldn’t let anybody leaves the stores. So we were stuck in this store.
Mickey Gordon 24:32
Hey, since we’re stuck here, can we go finish? Yeah, I mean, since we’re already here. So I mean, obviously this is pre COVID. So you didn’t bring any handy wipes or Lysol to wipe the seeds down? You guys just went for it, right?
Damon Millard 24:45
Yeah, I mean, I’m a sick dude. I realized that I was licking the walls. I was like, This is awesome. You’re immortal.
Mickey Gordon 24:53
Nothing can hurt me.
Damon Millard 24:55
Yeah, there was a little hole in the wall in there and I was like trying to climb through it. This is great gloryhole to say I learned things every day. So did you panic a little? See, here’s the thing, we just kept going further and further. We just kept doing crazier and crazier stuff. You know, like when we started doing it like on like playgrounds at schools, I was like, we gotta probably calm this down. I was like, they’re gonna come out for lunch eventually
Mickey Gordon 25:24
pretty felony. Alright, so you guys just kind of progressively got crazier and crazier. So how did it come up, though? How did you guys go? We should really fuck someone else. Okay, here’s
Damon Millard 25:33
where it gets. This is the weird thing about it is the king for each of us was like, see the other person do it. So it was like really hard to like, be on the same page. Do you know what I mean?
Mallory Gordon 25:45
Okay, good. I could see logistically,
Damon Millard 25:48
that’s a challenge. Because if you get off on watching her, you can’t keep their partner busy. Exactly. But yeah, that’s what it became. And then we start doing some weird stuff. Like we were on Craigslist, right? This was the very beginning to where I just wanted to have sex. So they’re in the same room with another couple having sex, right? It was like, it was. Yeah, it was the first dipping your toe in the pool thing, you know? So somebody called me and you know, we sent a bunch of pictures with no faces on it. And we decided to meet up at a restaurant. So we go there. And as we’re waiting for the guy to show up, my coworker walks into the bar area. And I’m like, Oh, shit. I was like, Don’t make eye contact with this guy. I work with him. Right? And so we’re just, we’re sitting there. And of course, there’s one one empty bar stool in the entire place. And so he comes up music. Oh, Damon, what’s up? Do you mind if I sit here? And I’m like, Yeah, go ahead. You know what I mean? Yeah, so like my heart’s pounding. I’m like, trying to get rid of them say anything. She’s like, this works every time and she farted. And, and then next thing I know he goes, because he was going by an alias of Steve or something. Hey, so I’m Steve. Actually.
Mallory Gordon 27:14
No, you’re fucking kidding me.
Damon Millard 27:17
I’m not kidding. Oh, my God. Yeah, let me take it up a notch. I’m not going to tell anybody’s names here. But I will at the time, I was working at a TV news station. And this guy just happened to be the news anchor of
Mickey Gordon 27:33
your girlfriend. focht Ron Burgundy that night, basically.
Damon Millard 27:35
Yeah, basically. Well, no, because like I said, this is always the beginning. You know what I mean? If I could go back, I wouldn’t be so timid. I was very timid. In all of the early meetups.
Mallory Gordon 27:47
Yeah, it’s fucking scary. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Damon Millard 27:50
Yeah, like now, now that I think back to all these adventures I had, like, wow, I should have really went all out. You know,
Mallory Gordon 27:58
having the youth is wasted on the young, right? Like if we could go back and tell our like, younger selves, like just fucking go for it. I know. I’m probably in there. There so So did you guys did not pursue the the TV personality. The newsmaker. Damn, yeah,
Damon Millard 28:17
we went back we did, we went to his house, and but we just did what we came to do, like, we had sex in the same room and stuff, and. Okay, and she’s a squirter. So she ruined his couch. And but he made a lot of money. So I was like, get a new couch. You know?
Mickey Gordon 28:37
Fuck your couch.
Mallory Gordon 28:39
Totally worth it. Yeah, it’s
Mickey Gordon 28:41
awesome. Oh my god. So you guys ruined your your co workers couch first time out.
Damon Millard 28:47
That’s the thing I forgot to tell you is I hated him. Man, I should have really prepared the story. It could have been good.
Mallory Gordon 28:55
This definitely needs to go in your app. Yeah, it should. Yeah, cuz that’s unique. No one else has a story like this that I know.
Damon Millard 29:02
It was crazy. So I hated the guy but then because we decided to do this now. He’s like my best friend. You know what I mean? Yeah, now you guys have like something in common, right? You’ve both seen your your girlfriend scored on his couch. So that happened. And I was like, wow, this is gonna be a lot of fun, do you this lady but I’ve had bad ones to move to Dallas because the girl I was with was a nurse and she would travel to go from city to city. And at the time, like I said, I was working for the TV news station. I was so sick of it and stand up was really taken off at the time. And I was like, yeah, I’ll call with you. And I’ll just travel and do stand up and I’ve just been waiting for a sign and of course when I pulled the trigger all my no one would hire me but I was getting hired left
Mickey Gordon 29:50
and right when I couldn’t go well right. And I mean, I was I was trying to figure out how that worked. Because I saw she was traveling and then you were road where your comic they were doing the rubber comic thing. And I was like, okay, You’re in different parts of the country because comics go where the work is. So what you were doing was going with her where she was going, and then working clubs while you were in the neighborhood.
Damon Millard 30:07
Yeah, that that was an easy way to get like an audition because a lot of guys want to see you on stage live. And then so what are you going to drive to like Pittsburgh? And do five minutes of comedy just for them to say No, thank you. So yeah, it was easier to be in the neighborhood and get dishes and stuff like that. But then I’d also have to travel here and there. It’s it’s, it’s actually a rough life. But to get to work, only one one hour a day is pretty, pretty fun, I guess.
Mickey Gordon 30:33
Yeah. So COVID hooked you up, then because now you can do zoom auditions, right all over the country.
Damon Millard 30:38
It’s awful. It’s not even the same if you want to connect with people, you know, you I did a zoom show two weeks ago, where no one would turn their camera on us playing to like these little squares, little black squares with their names. And you know,
Mallory Gordon 30:52
God, dude, that’s got to be rough. Because especially once people start smiling and laughing, there’s like that inherent energy, like you can hear it. But when you’re present in the room, it’s totally different.
Damon Millard 31:03
Yeah. And you feed off of that. And like I honestly, and it’s happened a couple times during this interview, we’re like, things aren’t going well. My gears and my brain slow down.
Mickey Gordon 31:13
Man, don’t worry about it. Everybody here knows that. We run off on tangents all the time. It’s not a big deal. Alright, so you told us a little bit about your first lifestyle experience. And, you know, that was kind of you know, watching and being watched and a little bit of voyeurism and you know, that’s that’s all a sign of what we call conversion in the lifestyle which means you really kind of get off on seeing your partner happy them yet kind of getting theirs is really exciting. So let’s talk a little bit about you guys his play style, what did it evolve into? And, and any experiences that really stood out to you good or bad in the lifestyle from that point?
Damon Millard 31:48
So like I said, we moved to Dallas, and Dallas is a hotbed of the lifestyle. It’s, there’s a lot going on there. So when we got to Dallas, we googled some stuff. We found a club, pretty sure it was called the velvet curtain, but it could be wrong. Interesting. So it’s a club where like, they’re not allowed to sell alcohol. So you have to bring your own alcohol. It’s every Gallus Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 32:09
well, a lot of lifestyle clubs like that, like the one in Baltimore.
Mickey Gordon 32:13
Dallas is a dry County, so they’ll sell you ice, but that you can’t actually get booze even in strip clubs. We can’t do this sober. You know what I mean? Then we have to live with ourselves. Jesus would hate that he would cover his eyes, but there’s holes in his hands. It’s much harder for him.
Damon Millard 32:25
Yeah, he’s like, Oh, don’t do it then. So we go, right. This is this is the first true time we were like, let’s go. Let’s go for Actually, it’s not but this is the first time we were like, we’re going to a place before it was all like real CD. This is the first time we’re going to a legit physical location to do this. And man just just thinking about it. I’m just remember. No, it’s so exciting. This stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, it’s Oh,
32:50
we do.
Damon Millard 32:53
You know, you’ve done it once or twice, right? Maybe it’s like you’re in line for a roller coaster. Or, you know, you’re like next to get on at all times. And that’s a really good metaphor, actually. Because you are next to get out.
Mickey Gordon 33:05
You don’t want to be the last guy though. a roller coaster. It’s cool to be in the back of the train.
Damon Millard 33:09
Like this. This is a very roomy now. I feel like there was less space on this before. Yeah.
Mickey Gordon 33:18
That’s a different ride. That’s totally different now. very wet. We throw up in this seat.
Damon Millard 33:25
So we brought this huge bottle of vodka, just like a gale. Whatever the biggest size you can think of, you know that like cartoon Li large like sky vodka bottle. $9. Yeah, no,
Mickey Gordon 33:36
that one.
Mallory Gordon 33:37
The one that should come with a wagon. I know exactly what you’re talking about. Yeah, it’s enormous. It comes to like my hips.
Damon Millard 33:43
It does if you’re six feet tall. I don’t know.
Mickey Gordon 33:48
She’s freakishly tall. Much like a giraffe. All legs. No neck.
Damon Millard 33:52
Yeah. You have no idea what I’m picturing. Yo, I’m picturing it. Yeah, it’s like just this head on top of legs. That’s it.
Mickey Gordon 34:00
There we go again, okay. She’s
Damon Millard 34:02
got to get like the nerve up, you know. So she’s like, drinking and drinking and drinking. But it’s a fun night, all of a sudden, you know, like, you know, the nervousness goes away. And they’re playing this game where like, every guy gets a key and every woman gets a like a lock. And then just as you walk around you like put a key in the lock. And if it opens, you have to go spend like five minutes alone with that person.
Mickey Gordon 34:27
Modified key party. Yeah, it’s like a key party. Yeah. Except it’s shorter term.
Mallory Gordon 34:32
Plus, like Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Mickey Gordon 34:34
Yeah. Seven Minutes in Heaven meets key party.
Damon Millard 34:37
It was fun. Yeah. So you got to meet a lot of people and if they weren’t your thing, you weren’t locked in. So we met this couple, right? And they were like, hot, and they were and funny and nice. And also, that’s what no one tells you about. Like everybody thinks like, the first thing you think about when you hear swingers is the sex part for you don’t think about that. When you get older. It’s hard to Meet cool friends, you
Mickey Gordon 35:01
know what I mean? Very much so.
Damon Millard 35:03
And then when you’re at these parties, you just like meet people, like, what am I going to talk to people I work with for the rest of my life. You know what I mean? So by the end of the night, when we met this cool couple, and everybody was gave the thumbs up, it was happening. So we go to this other part of the club where it’s like the hookup room where it goes down. So she’s making out with the guy and I’m hooking up with the girl and this girl is smoking. I’m like, Yes, this is great. For the first time, I didn’t think about her at all. I was like, Who? Can I come here with someone I don’t even know. And all of a sudden I’m someone taps me on the shoulder, and it’s the other guy who like shrugs his shoulders. He’s like, Hey, what’s up? What’s up with her? And then I look at she’s like, slumped over so drunk. He’s like,
Mallory Gordon 35:51
it’s a sneak attack.
Damon Millard 35:53
Yeah, it caught up real fast. Yeah, hammered. And then she puked. Right there. Man, all over this private room where it’s supposed to be nice. Like, we’re like 20 other couples are hooking up.
Mallory Gordon 36:09
So we call that a Yeah, a group room. And thank God, I’ve I’ve never done it. I’ve been close. I’d
Mickey Gordon 36:16
like to cooperate when you have
Mallory Gordon 36:19
exactly and then it sneaks up on me. But I’ve been present when it’s happened to somebody else.
Mickey Gordon 36:23
We’ve seen it
Mallory Gordon 36:25
is rough. You feel bad for both parties. Like you’re gonna feel like shit for a few days. And your dick is going to be hard for a few days. Yeah, for sure.
Mickey Gordon 36:34
I mean, that blew it. Obviously. Did you guys go back while you were in Dallas?
Damon Millard 36:37
Yeah, that’s and it could have. I mean, honestly, if you saw what happened, like if you saw how bad that was, that was enough to make you throw in the towel. But we did it. We keep we kept bad. And we went to another party. And this one, also not great. For some reason. They were doing it at like three in the afternoon. Right? Really? Well, we’ll go check out a three f three in the afternoon party.
Mallory Gordon 37:01
Interesting.
Damon Millard 37:02
Okay, we get to this neighborhood and it doesn’t seem like anything’s going on. I’m like, there’s no way this is it. Right. So we’ve got these big stairs. So it’s a it’s kinda like a, it’s like a Bates Motel. Kind of whole home. You know what I mean? Like, it’s like, very scary. Like the monsters look like the monsters live there. You know what I mean?
Mallory Gordon 37:23
Oh, dude, I want to turn the fuck around.
Damon Millard 37:25
Yeah, but not me cuz I was like, corny. And I was like, I gotta get this poison out. And we’re going in there. I don’t care. And so we go up like, the nine flights of stairs and we get there and then we ring the doorbell and it’s like, Bom Bom. I’m like, Oh, this can’t be this can’t be real. First of all, we found it on like some. It’s like a swingers mindspace. Do you know of this one?
Mallory Gordon 37:54
I don’t know what it’s called as swingers my space? So
Damon Millard 37:57
talking about afff? That sounds right. Like it? Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 38:01
there’s Yeah, there’s like, dozens of platforms out there. afff.
Mickey Gordon 38:05
I think if someone that everybody finds first,
Mallory Gordon 38:07
yes. And that’s when I started off on God. That was a million years ago. 14 years ago. Yeah, it
Mickey Gordon 38:12
was a long time.
Mallory Gordon 38:13
I was like, 12 it was inappropriate.
Mickey Gordon 38:16
Don’t let my secrets out. I mean, I just hunt in the same place as the demon goes to have sex on the playground. This way, I’m really
Mallory Gordon 38:27
sorry. That’s our fault.
Damon Millard 38:28
Totally our fault. So I ring the doorbell, right? I ring the doorbell, boom, boom. All of a sudden, like the the drapes move like a little bit. And there’s like, a like a little old eye in there. And I’m like, oh, sorry, ma’am. We’re we must have the wrong place. And she’s like, you’re here for the swingers party. Yeah, grandma. I was like, Yeah, we are. And the door opens and she’s in a wheelchair. She like rolls back. She’s like, Oh, don’t step on the cat. And then we go, yeah.
Mickey Gordon 38:58
How was the cat tight? pointy on five ends. One of the best I’ve had. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, so all right. So you guys ended up leaving down there. And I know at some point, you ended up making your way to the Big Apple. Right. So that had to be just a complete difference. Right? And yeah, so did you guys explore the lifestyle in New York at all? I mean, that’s like, massively different
Damon Millard 39:23
not much. We we met one other couples and they were just real cool. And they would come over and we play like beer pong. It went on a little bit longer.
Mallory Gordon 39:31
Do you think that was based on like, the availability or like, did it maybe lose its excitement because it became like a regular cadence. And like, sometimes when I do something that becomes monotonous. That might interest level kind of receipts. I
Damon Millard 39:45
feel like maybe I felt her like less into it than me. So I didn’t want to push and then because I wasn’t pushing, she you know, so it was like this spiral. Yeah. All right, fair. That’s actually really good on your part. Yeah. I love the girl. I didn’t want to ruin it. It’s a delicate thing. You don’t even know
Mallory Gordon 40:04
Fuck Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Mickey Gordon 40:06
It is. And also you want her to be comfortable and confident and happy and having a good time. Because if for some reason she’s not, it’s gonna be really obvious really quickly, even more so than her folded in half getting ready to vomit before of a group room.
Damon Millard 40:19
Yeah, exactly. We found ourselves in situations where it’s just like, full of hot chips, like super hot chicks. And then every dude schlubby and, and I could tell she was an induced, so I can’t be like, well, I’m still going in, you know what I mean? I’m afraid,
Mickey Gordon 40:40
the greater good. take one for the team. Don’t mind us back here.
Damon Millard 40:44
Because if I ever want to come back, I gotta, you know, I got to put in a little work. I got to act like I don’t want to bang every girl here.
Mickey Gordon 40:50
Oh, do you use the lifestyle at all in your act?
Mallory Gordon 40:53
That’s actually that’s a great question. Because when I was looking into it, and we were having these conversations about talking to you, I didn’t see a whole lot of that. Is it something that you’ve added to your app?
Damon Millard 41:02
I tried a couple. I had like one or two jokes, and they didn’t really hit and I don’t, it’s not something I’ve really explored. I want to there’s a lot to mine there for sure. I’ll probably circle back to a meta joke that wasn’t that funny. And it didn’t go anywhere. And maybe maybe this. I love her. You said it’s it just wasn’t that funny. So didn’t go anywhere. Well, that makes sense. In comedy, you just try some stuff. I’d like
Mickey Gordon 41:28
to talk about some of the stuff and just try and find a way to work it? Well. I
Mallory Gordon 41:31
think it would be like I don’t know how long ago it was that you tried to throw it in there. But I think we’ve come a long way over the last even less like four or five years. There’s a lot of younger, folks, we’re in our mid 30s and 40s. Over here, so I think it puts us kind of in the median of this, like sexual freedom and positivity phase. And we have kids that are basically adults. And they’re listening to this shit. And they’re opening, you know, open to it. Oh, and then my, my folks on the other end of the stuff are finding humor in it as well. Like they’re allowed to all of a sudden,
Mickey Gordon 42:07
oh, my middle kid walks up to us in the poll yesterday and says, Hey, one of my friends wants to buy a strap on what would you recommend? Like, I’m like, do my normal fathers have this conversation with their daughter? Because I don’t even I don’t
Mallory Gordon 42:18
even want to hear it. Because the night before we were talking about cleaving? I just can’t even
Mickey Gordon 42:23
Yeah, was it your idea? or hers?
Mallory Gordon 42:25
I you don’t want to know, Oh, good. No, we didn’t challenge each other to like a competition or anything. We were just there was I digress. It’s just strange. But my point was, I think people would be receptive to it. Or I’d be interested in finding out if people would, because I know I would. But maybe I’m in a vacuum.
Mickey Gordon 42:43
But here’s what I can tell you them. And you know, we are in a situation today in America where more than 20% of Americans have experimented on some level at some point, with consensual non monogamy,
Mallory Gordon 42:55
and those are just the ones that are fessing up
Mickey Gordon 42:57
to it. And those are the ones that are telling the truth that I’ve done something somewhere girlfriend brought a girlfriend home, you and your buddy ran a train on this girl, blah, blah, these things happen, right? But what I’m saying is that America is changing and that demographic is changing. And what better place to start having a normalized conversation about sex, then on stage in a set, where it’s comfy, and it’s okay to laugh because laughter is a really great place to start talking about anything. And sex is fucking funny. We talked about this in the intro today. Sex is funny, right? The noises you make the faces you make who makes a serious face when they’re coming?
Damon Millard 43:34
Anybody? Yeah, it’s pretty serious. It looks like I’m doing taxes. It’s and I owe and I owe money. So also consider this. I’ve started writing we joke so that people would offer me weed after the show. So if I started writing swinger jokes,
Mickey Gordon 43:56
do you know you are on to something we may break the curse of comedian you?
Mallory Gordon 44:01
Are the pussy tree.
Mickey Gordon 44:02
I know they’ll just be like slapping me in the face with it. And never know the next chick you fucking to CVS parking lot may have two working legs, or none. Even better. That’s what I’m saying. Right. Damon took down a bobber in a parking lot. It’s gonna be awesome. Yeah, cool. All right. So obviously, your life has not gotten completely vanilla at this point, right? Because I heard your side gig is editing gay porn videos.
Damon Millard 44:35
Yeah, well, yeah, I did that as well. Yeah. Like, like, like six out of 10 kids do it. There’s honestly there was a there was a time where I just needed a day job. That was the most flexible thing that I could find. Right. You know, I have a background in TV and video editing and all this stuff. And then I just I just happened onto a ad for a video editor, but it didn’t say much more about it. When I got on the phone with a guy, he was just like, Hey, this is gay porn. And I was like, oh, it is alright, I’ll do it. And he was like, you’re not gay. And I was like, No, pretty sure. Unless I checked. He was like, so. Alright, so he gave me like a sample one, right. He sent me he sent me some clips and I put it together. And at first I’m not gonna lie. It wasn’t like, it wasn’t like, enjoy it. Like there was some some close up shots that I was like, oh, oh, wow. Wow. That’s what it looks like in there. Wow. So it was educational. Oh, yeah. I’ve been I’ve been editing that stuff now for two years. And I can do it while I eat Greek yogurt. So no problem.
Mallory Gordon 45:49
Yeah, you’re a pro.
Damon Millard 45:51
I’m more angry at the camera man for not holding the shot straight that I am at any of the but stuff. You know, I even want to I want to watch an award for for it, which is great.
46:04
Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 46:05
yeah, that’s fantastic. Well, I mean, it sounds like it’s a well deserved award If nothing else, for just all those money shot.
Damon Millard 46:12
All this job is online only right? I’ve never even seen these guys ever. They just send me video. I download it. I edit it. I upload it. I add it for cocky boys. cocky boys calm. Not to be confused with boo cocky boys different show. Probably a different show. But just as good. I would imagine more cleanup, but just as good. So they invited me to their summer pool party last year. I hope they have it again this year. And I go there. And it’s this big mansion. Have you ever been swear? You get deja vu? You’re like I’ve been here before? Right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I’m looking around and I realized I I’m intimately familiar with this place, because that’s where they shoot all of the seeds. I knew the entire layout was so crazy. But I spent the rest of the party telling people with pillows not to sit on. You know what I mean? Not that one. No. Oh, don’t don’t play pool in there.
Mickey Gordon 47:20
Oh, I know that shower.
Damon Millard 47:21
Yeah, yeah. So it’s very, like there was no surfaces to sit on.
Mallory Gordon 47:27
Does he walk around with your hands in your pockets?
Damon Millard 47:29
Yeah, I was wearing COVID masks long before it was cool.
47:38
clothes.
Mickey Gordon 47:43
I have a hearing problems. So this whole mask wearing thing is a total fuck fest for me. Because everyone’s walking around masks on. I can’t read lips.
Mallory Gordon 47:51
Yeah. And my eyesight is going bad. So we’re like Richard Pryor. It’s Yeah, it’s awful.
Mickey Gordon 48:00
That’s fantastic. So your life is taken yet another
Damon Millard 48:02
turn? I’m going to bother. I’m about to do stand up on Instagram. Are you kidding me? What? Does that even make sense to anybody? digital message? I’m like a real sentence. Well, I mean, I’m about to do stand up on Instagram.
Mallory Gordon 48:18
Yeah, I think you need like the laugh.
Mickey Gordon 48:20
I call it audience feedback, right? So when I do when I do stuff digitally nowadays, in particular, I’m used to emceeing conferences and you know, hosting and being on stage. I need the feedback from the crowd. As I always tell people that the way that you know if a joke is funny is tell it in front of 10,000 people. You’ll know immediately if that joke funnier knock
Mallory Gordon 48:40
you
Mickey Gordon 48:41
right now, you don’t have to wonder, boom. Crickets never tell that joke again. But you have one thing that I think is comedy gold, you are in a new relationship. So let’s talk about the new relationship a little bit. Well, we know lifestyles in your past. It’s totally cool. I had lifestyle in my past when I met Mallory, and one of the first things I did was tell her about my past
Mallory Gordon 49:04
Stockholm.
Mickey Gordon 49:07
And I was like, hey, and I did this thing. And this is kind of you know who I am? And she’s like, Okay, do you do you need that? Do you do you need to do that again?
Mallory Gordon 49:15
You’re so nice. I went full fucking Scarlett O’Hara. Like I slapped him in the face. I was like, how dare you? I’m not that kind of girl. Okay, why? Totally that kind of girl.
Mickey Gordon 49:26
I told her she would make an amazing swinger and she was like, fuck you in the horse you rode in on your time. It was bad. It was really bad. I did it like when I was asking for a blowjob. But anyway, the point is that in that new relationship, I was really honest, whether it ended up working out really well for me. So have you been honest with her? Have you told her about some of the shit you’ve done in the past? Is this all going to be news to her when she listens to this podcast? No, it’s not gonna be news at all.
Damon Millard 49:50
She knows. She knows I kind of I kind of I kind of matter during the last relationship. I’ve never really felt that there was a little there was an overlap. overlap, if you will, was spiritual. Do you remember how I said that our thing was to see each other with other people? Right? Yeah. Like that was the big thrill for me. It wasn’t so much that I did I got to have sex with new girls without getting in trouble. It was more that I don’t I can’t even that thing you know, totally relatable.
Mallory Gordon 50:30
And I get that you can’t like find a word to describe it.
Mickey Gordon 50:33
You got it. There’s no shame in
Damon Millard 50:36
not Yeah. Plus, like hers was always that. And it was more intense than mine, I guess. So even when, like, I always wanted to be there. But she would always send me out on like, dates and stuff. And she sent me to one of her friend’s house one time to bang her friend. And I did. So she she wanted me to do that. And then tell her the story. That was that was what it was all about for her. And so I had a Tinder account, and I met a girl. And I hit it off. And it was like, it was great. And here’s where that that kink can backfire. Because I had such a connection with this girl that she immediately hated. It wanted to shut it down and stuff. And so I did but I kind of kept in contact with it. And then when the relationship with the swinger girl didn’t work out, we started hanging out again. And now I’m in a relationship with her for almost four years.
Mickey Gordon 51:38
Wow. Yeah, no lifestyle business with you guys. Know,
Mallory Gordon 51:42
it’s very fascinating and interesting to hear that there that dynamic. So first of all swinger girlfriend, spidey senses went off. It was like, way too into this girl red flags, red flags. Yeah, have to stop that off. Because the emotional part was not part of the package deal. But it’s amazing that you and her had that connection. And you you did your part or you stepped away or whatever, and that you were able to rekindle that not have that awkward conversation. Because even if it’s not, not part of the equation, currently, like the transparency is really important if you want that thing to succeed is a good thing to kind of fucking knows the whole backstory.
Damon Millard 52:24
Yeah, well, here’s the thing when she first found out when my girlfriend now found out that she was the other girl. Then she stopped talking to me all together. It was a big thing. So yeah. You didn’t tell her up front? I didn’t tell her up front. First day, I told her the next day. Ah, sour.
Mickey Gordon 52:50
There’s a reason you and I have had this conversation. You’re out. Why don’t you go out and talk to somebody? I’m like, because I have to lie to them. And you’re like, why do you have to lie
Mallory Gordon 52:58
that I don’t have to lie. The second sentence? Yeah. Your second sentence. Alright, I added two guys here. So there is there a double standard because I don’t have to lie. I don’t care. Yeah, yeah. Who? Yeah, whatever. Get married tomorrow. Fine. Let’s do this. You’re literally going into labor. That’s
Mickey Gordon 53:23
but he’s demons. Right? We don’t care. You know, it’s guys. Generally, you’re gonna find a random guy that’s gonna be like, Oh, yeah, I’m very serious. And I make the same face demon does when he comes all the time may make me want to fuck him more. But and then there’s, you know, women, if you walk up to a girl and you’re like, oh, by the way, I’m in a consensually non monogamous relationship. My wife knows about it and she’s fine with you. And I having sex she’d be like, find another is this ain’t happening. All right. I’m not the one. Right. So
Mallory Gordon 53:53
I’d love to hear Damon and to this real quick. So like, if I had to do this out in the wild, like, do I give a permission slip like into Should I do like a video chat? Like, how do I rectify this? Like, how do you think that would translate to another woman to be like, I’m literally his wife. Please. Fuck my husband. Yeah,
Damon Millard 54:11
I don’t know. Cuz that just came you have to like fuck him. So I don’t have to. You’d have to be there. I guess like I don’t. Yeah, you’re probably right. I probably have to be there and be in scientists are working on it right now. Oh, my God. As soon as there’s an answer. We’re gonna let you know. Hallelujah.
Mickey Gordon 54:33
Yeah, you’re right. Right. I mean, think about it. himself. We’re working on it. We’ll let you know we’re we’ve got our best mind working on it. Who’s just mine right now but we’re actively accepting applications.
Mallory Gordon 54:45
Bam, depending on you Damon,
Mickey Gordon 54:47
think about this for a minute Damon, we’re at a bar. We’re sitting there. We’re shooting the shit. You and I are talking sitting at the bar talking about sports talking about whatever. And this chick walks up and she’s like, hey, by the way, I I want to fuck in my husband’s over here, and he’s totally cool with it, would that not sketch you out even as a guy? Now think about it from a female perspective. You know, like a guy walks up and goes, Hey, I totally want to have sex with you. I know I’m wearing a wedding ring. But here’s my wife, she’s on Snapchat, and she’s totally cool with it,
Damon Millard 55:15
it’s gonna throw you off no matter what. And then once it starts with that apprehension, it’s really hard to capture the energy. That’s why I went into a cold, like, I was just looking to have a good date. And I was able to have a good date. But if I went in there, and I was like, Hey, I’m on this day, and I have a swinger girlfriend. And it’s totally cool. Like, that’s the, you know, that’s the only thing that the night becomes about, it couldn’t be about good conversation and having a connection and things in common. That’s how I ended up at her apartment. You know, not because not because I have permission.
Mallory Gordon 55:53
Yeah, I’m not going to argue I can see why that would be the most beneficial avenue for you to take to get what you’re needing right. And there there is there’s got to be a double standard out there, then her guys versus girls in that situation, because our dynamic similarly, is my husband likes it when I have sex with other guys. And he likes it when I tell him about it. So but I feel like I have the upper hand there with having those conversations. And guys been down for that dynamic. I think in the reverse. It’s definitely more skeptical.
Mickey Gordon 56:32
Come on in. Alright, so do you write Damon at all? Are you a writer? Yeah. Because I think you have a screenplay just waiting to happen. You’re living it right now. Yeah, I have some interesting stuff. So city swing and Road Warrior comic, with his non swinging girlfriend, old up with an 82 year old Polish father in the country in North Carolina. And you tell me there’s no comedy there.
Damon Millard 56:58
Now there’s comedy there. I had to edit a porno the other day. And I you know, I can’t get caught editing a gay porn here. So I was in my classes. I just walked in and I just walked into the closet with my computer. And I was like, I’ll be out in a minute.
Mallory Gordon 57:16
That can speak to
Mickey Gordon 57:17
you. If you get caught in the closet watching gay porn. I just be like, this is who I am. I think this is me. Okay.
Damon Millard 57:25
I just do it for the money. I don’t know how they haven’t even Yeah, this is my life. Guys. This is what I deal with.
Mickey Gordon 57:34
Right? I mean, I feel like there’s a thing there. I mean, you can even call your screenplay like stuck in the closet. Oh,
Mallory Gordon 57:39
please do Tales from the closet like minute video clips on Instagram. If you like
Mickey Gordon 57:44
Netflix, Tales from the cost.
Damon Millard 57:47
You know what I’m, although I have a lot of problems. And I want to trade this life for anything. Whenever I’m around. Chaos follows me. Things fall over people. People, I’ve just attract the craziest people. How about this? Do you know how I broke up with this new year girl? Oh, no. No. She cheated. Me?
58:13
What? How does that happen?
Damon Millard 58:15
I’m in an open relationship. And she cheated on me. Ah, that’s right.
Mickey Gordon 58:20
And did you know she was like gonna go hook up with this guy. Just kind of the same thing you had going on to his work better? I mean, how did this go?
Damon Millard 58:26
No, no, it happened in a devious way. Which is the only reason it was cheating. It was like, Oh, yeah, this is a lie. Right?
Mickey Gordon 58:35
Did you get that? Yeah, I’m talking about all the time.
Mallory Gordon 58:38
You got no reason to lie to me. So when you do, it’s, that’s a double down. I came home and I found a magnum wrapper. That’s extra
Mickey Gordon 58:47
depressing in the room.
Damon Millard 58:49
I go, what is this? She goes, That’s yours. Was I birthing a cow? And I go, No, it’s it’s not I don’t need one of these. And then oh, this is where it gets real good. This is all the stuff that’s going to be on my neck special, by the way. So we’re living in this apartment in San Diego at the time. I literally had just come off the road and I had been on the road for 40 days. And I thought everything was cool until that one moment and then when you see something the size of a tire truck laying on your carpet. She’s in bed very sore.
Mickey Gordon 59:23
Right? Don’t touch it. Don’t even look at it
Mallory Gordon 59:26
walk in like a ranch or what I call it. Yeah,
Damon Millard 59:29
but we had just signed a lease to your listeners. If you’re gonna cheat cheat at the end of a lease, you know, not at the beginning so you’re locked in for
59:39
solid advice.
Damon Millard 59:41
Yeah.
Mickey Gordon 59:43
That’s sage advice. If you’re gonna fuck around, do it at the end of the lease. Alright, alright, we’re gonna get on with the game here. We’re gonna play a little game we call Oh my god, I’d never. So we’re gonna find out who’s going to hell in this five round game based on the fun party game. Never have I ever This is casual swingers, so we’re gonna get to know the dirty bits and find out which one of us is going to drive the bus to hell and who’s sitting in the back. I love this. Yeah, so it’s gonna be a little bit of fun. I think, you know, we can’t have a guest on this show and not play a game. So let’s get started. Mallory. Why don’t you kick it off? This is a game we go to five points. If you’ve done it, you will lose a point when you lose all your points. You’re done.
Mallory Gordon 1:00:23
Okay. Oh my god. I’ve never farted during sex. Oh, out of my butt. I should
Mickey Gordon 1:00:32
qualify. Yeah, you have totally Yeah. pussy fart not my. Whenever I pick the legs up in the air hammer the hell out of it rant, but I have used turbo a few times. I feel like that’s just like a pump. It’s like fucking on a waterbed. You know, a pump twice. Get One Free, huh? Nothing about you, Damon. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I did. I’m not proud of it. I’m not bragging about Oh, no, I was that. Was that bragging? Oh, call it nitrus. You
Mallory Gordon 1:01:06
think that’s an easy one. I feel like every guy has done it. Boy,
Mickey Gordon 1:01:11
I bet there’s chicks that have done it too. They’re just getting hammered. And right. Oh, we know if you
Mallory Gordon 1:01:17
know if you’ve done it to me. We’ve been at Ground Zero.
Mickey Gordon 1:01:19
Yeah, that’s right. Because I was hitting her from behind all of a sudden it just kind of walked it up and hit me in the face was like, Whoa, yeah. What was that? Yeah, that’s mostly someone ran over a dog. All right. Oh, let’s Yeah, let’s go to Taco Bell. Yeah. I’m getting hungry. All right, point for Damon. We’re making puked on her back. Oh my god. I’ve never called someone the wrong name while having sex with them.
Mallory Gordon 1:01:46
That’s not fair. Haha. That is not fair. 30 pool.
Mickey Gordon 1:01:53
I knew where I was going with that one. Damon, what about you? I think Mallory’s share with that. I’m blushing over here.
Mallory Gordon 1:02:00
It was an accident. I was looking at somebody else. And I said their name not the person. I was fucking.
Mickey Gordon 1:02:06
Oh, Rodney. I don’t think I’ve done that. No, I don’t use names. Usually. There’s the That’s a secret
Mallory Gordon 1:02:16
that I learned. Yeah. Jad. I had to take notes,
Mickey Gordon 1:02:20
right. Oh, baby. Oh, honey. Oh, darlin.
Damon Millard 1:02:23
Take it you don’t change darlin during sex. darlin. Yeah, awkward. All right. Yeah. Hey, darlin.
Mickey Gordon 1:02:31
High School janitor. Sound. Alright. Damon, what do you got?
Damon Millard 1:02:39
Never ever have a flat flashed someone in public? Like not at like a party or something? If you’ve never watched anybody, like, No, you never just
Mickey Gordon 1:02:53
log out like in an elevator and just been like check this out.
Damon Millard 1:02:56
No, my. My trench coat is still on layaway. Eventually
Mallory Gordon 1:03:03
flirting and by birth and I am of the Girls Gone Wild generation. So I’ll just go ahead and give myself a point.
Mickey Gordon 1:03:08
Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever liked we’re just wiggled my route at somebody in public.
Mallory Gordon 1:03:13
Never have I ever had sex in a body of water. And a pool the ocean? No, I’ve never been a water person. Because it hurts. Like I do like shower sex. But even then I need lube. But no, never successfully had sex in a body of water. Never successfully had it in water. But I’m talking like maybe it rubbed around the outside and was like, yeah, it’s not going in. There’s like, water is not a lubricant.
Damon Millard 1:03:46
Well, I was like, yep, totally. did that. I’ve done that. Yeah. Yeah. So I’ve farted and I’ve had sex. At the same time. Yeah, they were the same event. Actually. I’m actually approved this. We’re all talking about one thing. Well, that’s the great part about a hot tub. You can blame the bubbles on the bubble pops.
Mallory Gordon 1:04:10
Yeah. What about you, Mickey?
Mickey Gordon 1:04:13
Never have I ever had sex in public.
Mallory Gordon 1:04:16
I hate you.
Mickey Gordon 1:04:19
I know. Damon’s gonna Oh, what are you gonna Are you gonna fuckin playground they’re gonna elaborate a little bit and be like, well, I’m sorry. My listeners know this. Where did you have sex?
Mallory Gordon 1:04:30
I’ve had sex in other places in public, but my crowning achievements absolutely disney world outside Pirates of the Caribbean.
Mickey Gordon 1:04:36
Oh, wow. That’s a great ride. Yeah, it was my ride twice. It was fantastic. I wonder how the pirate I found a new fetish. That Ficus will never be the same never.
Mallory Gordon 1:04:48
What the fuck made us think that we could hide behind a Ficus God, idiots. Do you take Disney bucks you know? Disney dollars. Yeah. Take Disney Dallas Dahlan?
Mickey Gordon 1:05:02
Never, never ever have I had sex with Mouse ears on.
Damon Millard 1:05:08
Never. Oh my god, Never have I ever sext sexting.
Mallory Gordon 1:05:15
You’ve never sexted before.
Damon Millard 1:05:17
Oh, wait, yeah. I was just so happy. I thought of something. Like, oh
Mickey Gordon 1:05:25
wait, I totally did that. What are you wearing? pants? Oh, sorry, Jake from State Farm. Yeah. He sounds horrible or something sounds. He sounds like okay, so I’ll take that back. I can’t think of something. I haven’t done. JOHN. Twisted fucker.
Mallory Gordon 1:05:49
You have a very enriched life.
Damon Millard 1:05:51
I know. I got both of you on this one. Never ever have I had sex with more than four people involved.
Mickey Gordon 1:06:00
Melanie, you’re almost done.
Mallory Gordon 1:06:01
I am. I’m almost out of this game. You have three. I have four. David has three. Never have I ever had sex it involved roleplay now, I’ve BDSM bondage but not roleplay like I never dressed up as a maid. I never had like the hand come to the door as a pizza guy. So I’ve never role played during sex. It’s true. She never have. Thank you. Thank you for the testimony.
Damon Millard 1:06:35
I actually heard the one where you hate the word daddy. I heard that episode. So yeah,
Mallory Gordon 1:06:41
it is that is that is a big pet peeve. It’s just it’s so squirmy.
Damon Millard 1:06:45
Yeah, it makes the other guy nervous too. Yeah, no, I’m never like, Dad. I always go Dad. Yeah, who’s your dad?
1:06:53
I go.
Mickey Gordon 1:06:55
What was your dad? Where’s the fucking remote?
Damon Millard 1:06:58
Hey, darlin, who’s your dad? Get on Pirates of the Caribbean. I’ll meet you back in the parking lot.
1:07:05
Oh, God.
Mickey Gordon 1:07:07
I don’t think I’ve ever role played either. Damon Have you role played? Ci it’s so hard to know what fits? Well, did you ever wear a sailor cap and swab the floor after you were finished with it? No, we Yeah, well, we do it. We
Damon Millard 1:07:22
always do. parole officer and recent released Khan. Wait, he never lets me have sex. He just violates me and sends me back to prison. She’s really bad at it. She’s like, I’ll see you maybe in three to nine. I’m gonna have to say I have even I can’t pinpoint it. I drink a lot.
Mickey Gordon 1:07:49
Alright, so it’s my turn. So I’m gonna go Never, never never. Oh my god. Never. If I had sex in a bathroom.
Mallory Gordon 1:07:56
Ah. You guys give me a fuller life, sir. I’m not proud of it. Because here’s the thing. I’m a germaphobe. So having these things in a bathroom is not ideal by any standard. But it didn’t stop you. It did not stop me.
Mickey Gordon 1:08:15
How about you, Damon? Have you done it in a bathroom? Of course they’ve done it in a bathroom. That’s where the cocaine is. I learned something new. That’s why everybody hangs out there. It’s about time that I when it’s something because I just keep getting my ass kicked by Mallory and everything on our first date. She beat my ass. And darts. She beat my ass in pool. And she beat my ass in the bedroom. But that was fun. Last one you wanted she was going? She’s a freak? Damon. I gotta tell you, man, this has been awesome.
Damon Millard 1:08:54
Yeah, I’ve had a lot of fun. And you guys are great people. It’s and I learned a lot about you guys, you know? Yeah.
Mallory Gordon 1:09:02
That was the whole point. We just want to educate you on us. Um, you know, since we’re egomaniacs over here,
Mickey Gordon 1:09:08
yeah, we do sit in a room and talk to ourselves and record it. So there’s a certain level of ego mania that comes with
Mallory Gordon 1:09:13
now we actually really appreciate you coming on. This has been a ton of fun. Before we went to break there earlier, we were talking about some of your current and upcoming projects. Did you want to tell our listeners where they can find you? What’s out and what’s coming on? Fortunately,
Damon Millard 1:09:27
because the way the world is right now, I lost all my dates. I have no comedy shows on the books, no future shows right now. But when I do, I would love to tell you about it. So if you go to Damon mullard comm and sign up for my mailing list. I send out one email a month with all my dates on there. And I whenever I’m in your area, please come and see me. I have two comedy albums, one just came out That’s really funny. It’s called unicycle and that’s the one that has the Story of the cheating girlfriend on it that’s on all the stuff. And my first one, which probably is my favorite album. It’s called shame, pain and love. And you can find me at mullard comedy on Instagram and Twitter. And yeah, I guess that’s, I guess that’s it. And then I’m just been sitting here writing new stuff, so I can’t wait to get on stage.
Mickey Gordon 1:10:22
Ladies and gentlemen, this is been an hour ish, with our friend Damon mullard, who’s a traveling comedian who used to be in the lifestyle. Before we get out of here. Maybe the beautiful Mallory will tell everybody where to find us. And we will blow this popsicle stand. I’m
Mallory Gordon 1:10:38
pretty sure this is where everyone turned tunes out. Because if you’ve been listening, they know where to find this, but we are casual swinger everywhere. And that’s casual swinger.com Feel free to shoot us a message podcast at casual swinger. If you love us, please leave us a review on iTunes. We’re also on your favorite social sites, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. And the dating sites, of course, because we like to get laid, especially when all this COVID bullshit over with that’s SDC SLS Cassidy, double date, nation, and quipper
Mickey Gordon 1:11:10
that’ll get her done. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy and go see Damon mullard. When he comes to your town, you can find that in the show notes. You’ve been listening to casual swinger. Hi, I’m
1:11:56
Venus from the Venus cupholders podcast and I have a special message for all of the single ladies listening. What if you could have a loving, committed partner who wants to stay totally faithful to you, but who would love to see you have incredible experiences with others? It sounds too good to be true, right? It is true. You really can have it all and be loved, celebrated and even put on a pedestal. Learn more at venous connections.com
