S01E03 – Casual Swinger – Sex Positive Parenting
Thu, 9/2 9:54AM • 50:11
toy, holding, casual, hear, youngest, swinger, kids, mallory, people, conversation, happened, dog, vibrator, sex, hitachi, episode, lifestyle, vibrating, rings, friends
Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon
Mallory Gordon 00:10
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Mickey Gordon 00:49
Hey, everybody, welcome back to casual swinger. I’m Mickey. I’m Mallory, and we are here with you to talk. Again, it’s like we were just here.
Mallory Gordon 01:00
Mickey Gordon 01:01
I know it does feel like this morning. That’s right, we’re recording to in one day because we want to make sure we get these out for you guys and have a little bit of fun, and get a great introduction to casual swinger, and what we’re all about. So as part of casual swinger for us today, we’re gonna talk about sex positivity and parenting and why our kids probably are going to need
Mallory Gordon 01:19
it’s definitely plausible. Yeah, they may need it already. You know, and all joking aside, I think it’s actually possible you can be in the lifestyle and a, an active, responsible parent at the same time.
Mickey Gordon 01:36
That’s right. And that’s our first segment today is talking about being lifestyle and parenting and how you respond. Yes, and no, you respond to the things that happen, right. And you know, it’s funny, because some of the things that we’re going to talk about today, you probably aren’t necessarily unique to the lifestyle, sometimes it’s just you and I having a sex life. And still having kids, right, we’ve got three kids. And then of course, big disclaimer, our kids are grown. So you know, tough shit.
Mallory Gordon 02:05
The battle scars have been owned. That’s right.
Mickey Gordon 02:08
So we’re owning it, and we’re talking about it. You know, so things like that our kids said, and say a lot of times, you know, for example, you guys aren’t having sex. You’re old. It was one of my favorite things when a teenager said to me once. And so the my favorite favorite thing in the world is from when you know they were little is when little man the youngest walks up and says, What are all this UI noises coming out of the bedroom?
Mickey Gordon 02:39
so my response was the reason your sister moved to the basement.
Mallory Gordon 02:43
Actually, you were absent for the first part of that conversation. I froze. Because I don’t know if anyone knows this just yet. But I am not the person to call on a crisis. Or for a cover story. I know that I stepped on a bunch of fingers that are hurt really bad.
Mickey Gordon 03:00
Well, everybody knows if you have kids, you don’t step on hangers, you step on Legos. And that hurts, right? Legos actually hurt. legit. So that’s the lie. You told now of course at the time, I think he probably bought it.
Mallory Gordon 03:14
I hope so. Right then protecting his innocence
Mickey Gordon 03:19
for so long as we could actually do it. But you know, it’s and but the thing of it is when they’re that young, you know, you don’t necessarily want to break the veil of innocence. Right? You just do.
Mallory Gordon 03:29
No, I agree. There’s a time and a place for that and wasn’t then
Mickey Gordon 03:32
No, definitely not. But as you get older, you know, and of course is their older, you know, do you really want to hide they you know, mom and dad still think each other attractive and noteworthy.
Mallory Gordon 03:44
brings up a good point, though, when you think about it. I don’t know, how you were brought up and how sex was viewed in your home. And if you know, you talked about it openly. I did not actually the the sex conversations or the intimacy conversations actually came from my grandmother as I got older. It really wasn’t talked about in my house, except this is how you don’t get pregnant. And this is how you don’t get you know, STDs. And I was basically.
Mickey Gordon 04:11
Well, so that brings us interestingly enough, your grandmother is one of our early early stories, right?
Mallory Gordon 04:17
Yeah, she’s an early adopter.
Mickey Gordon 04:18
Yeah, early adopter. Oh, God. So you know, this lady’s cool as hell gotta tell you guys, she’s super cool. But when we first were dating, and I was I was driving 1000 miles to see Mallory because they asked was just that good. She was super cool. And she invited us to stay with her and you know, not because I was staying in hotels and stuff like that. And she said, you know, come stay here. And I was totally against it because I knew what I wanted to do to her granddaughter. And as it turns out, she knew what I wanted to do to her granddaughter too, and was totally good with it.
Mallory Gordon 04:49
Yeah, she had her pom poms that she was thinking great grandbabies any day now. Yeah. Well, I took the bullets out of the gun, so she couldn’t Yeah, we didn’t tell her that.
Mickey Gordon 04:58
Yeah, no, it was a good time. A very good time but the important part is what we’re staying there. This is one of our first stories and this is a, you know, staying there we thought, Hey, we don’t have the we don’t have the boy right now. My mom, mom so we’re like, hey, let’s let’s go let’s go to the toy store because we love toys, right like the toy box or third segment for today.
Mallory Gordon 05:18
Yeah, I do. I absolutely adore my toys. So yeah, we’re stocked up.
Mickey Gordon 05:23
We’re like it’s like the Batcave in our bedroom. We’ve got so many toys. So many cool things like your motor Bunny, which is easily the most we’ve ever spent on a sex toy.
Mallory Gordon 05:34
Oh, absolutely. So we go to the toy store. And part of the goodies that we bring home with us is an assortment of copper rings. Yeah, it
Mickey Gordon 05:43
was like the Fourth of July spectacular like 500 different colors or whatever
Mallory Gordon 05:47
they were dozens of them. Dozens of them in this pack.
Mickey Gordon 05:50
like jelly two, right? They’re really stretchy like they like you could put them over your head. They were so stretchy. I really don’t know what the point of that is. As far as cock rings go because I was a conquering new fight back then. I’d never really had one before and I’m again where do you put over the tip you put balls where you put these? Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 06:05
but you were a pro when it was all said and done because you’ve been around that we can seem what I broke a cock right? Oh, yeah, you were so proud. I thought I must have the biggest dig in Florida because that thing was it was awesome. Yeah. We ended up using what to know that. Yeah. legit because we went to work. Yeah, that poor bed. I don’t think I think that’s all I can think of. Yeah, yeah. Well, that was that was great. She said to us, right. I’m sleeping on my Goodyear kids when she went to bed that night.
Mickey Gordon 06:34
So the next day we can have sex when that happens when somebody says I’m sleeping on my Goodyear children have a nice night have fun. us. Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 06:43
that’s, that’s exactly who we hadn’t seen each other. So the next day we’re having a big family get together, which is pretty common. Anytime someone comes back into town or into town or hell with a, you know, three day weekend. So my mom brings the boy back. And 25 people show up the next day for dinner and like we’re all hanging out, please. These people the fuckin Waltons. Yeah, there’s so many people. But they’re amazing. So everyone’s congregating in the living room, which is probably I don’t know, 10 by 15. So we’re all crowded in there. It’s very, very small. And everyone’s having conversation and it’s really busy and loud. And I kind of felt something tap my shoulder, but you weren’t paying attention. You know, it was engaged in conversation. So finally it was more like a poke. And then it was like, I will stab you with my pointy finger. Pay attention to me. This is an emergency. And I turn around and and Mickey is like an air traffic controller trying to show me where to look and tell me what’s going on. But he’s not actually saying anything. So I’m just befuddled.
Mickey Gordon 07:46
I am waving my hands. Like I have semaphore flags at an airport. I am I’m like an asshole blink. Get the boy get the boy Get what? So what is happening is he is standing at the top of the stairs. He’s supposed to be napping. Now mind you. He wasn’t there when we were playing with these toys. Now he had the right to ourselves coming because we’re not complete assholes. But he came back the next day mom had dropped him off. And she dropped the boys off. We put him down for a nap. And he doesn’t go down for a nap. unbeknownst to us. He digs into my bag and gets out the conquering of Palooza that I had in my bag and starts shooting them down the stairs rubber band style bouncing them off the guests next backs heads and there’s little jelly caulk rings rolling around a room full of 25 people
Mallory Gordon 08:29
literally because the moment that I turned it and realize what was going on, it hit my own mother who was sitting on the floor five feet in front of me because I was also on the floor and they were bouncing off her hair. You know, I got
Mickey Gordon 08:41
to give your mom credit because I’m pretty sure she knew what a conquering was. But she did not acknowledge that she just been hit with a conquering
Mallory Gordon 08:47
knowing she was in denial and denial.
Mickey Gordon 08:51
And I don’t know anybody that’s ever been hit with the flying conquering. Yeah.
Mallory Gordon 08:56
Yeah. So this ended up being a two man expedition because one of us had to stay behind to pick up the rings before anyone else noticed. And the other one had to get the boy right upstairs and into bed and make sure he didn’t, you know, hit them for later or gotten into anything else. And thankfully he didn’t. We did find one in his pocket. Oh, yeah, that’s right. He did. He did slide one into his pocket. Yeah, but you know, it was a superhero ring. Superhero superhero rings. He wore him on all of his fingers. Yeah, fortunately, none of them were used a guy that’s also no no. I even inspected like between the fingers to see if there was any residual like lube slime. Just. Hey, that’s honesty. Yeah, right. But I was horrified. Oh, I
Mickey Gordon 09:37
was terrified. I was like, This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. In reality. It wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened me because my oldest son who had I’d had in, you know, a previous life. I thought that was the top right. So I came home from work one day early. And I heard a commotion upstairs because he had a friend over and you know, his mom was down. Downstairs watching TV or doing something, you know, I wasn’t great at paying attention. That’s That’s why, you know, it’s in the past
Mallory Gordon 10:06
Mickey Gordon 10:08
attention span, not one of my strong points. However, when I walked past the stairs out of the corner of my eye, I looked up and I said, Hmm, that’s different, and kept walking. And then it hit me what I had seen what I saw was boy number one, standing in a sword fighting stance like Errol Flynn, holding out what was and this was why it was a shock to me more than anything. An enormous dildo. It was a massive tilt out,
Mallory Gordon 10:39
I guess, you holding up your hands. But for our listeners, I mean, that looks like two feet. It was huge.
Mickey Gordon 10:44
You know what I was really shocked about and the first thing that went through my head is not why is this boy holding this thing? But where did it come from? Because I’d never seen it before.
Mallory Gordon 10:55
Oh, it’s in the secret stash. It was like,
Mickey Gordon 10:58
it was like King Dong Zilla. It was this gigantic dick and he’s standing there holding it like a lightsaber. Like he’s a Luke Skywalker. You’re gonna fight off Darth Vader. Now, that to me? Wasn’t, I was just like, well, where did this giant dick come from? And then Oh, wait a minute. Why is the boy holding it? Now? His friend dives into my view. Because remember, I’m looking up the top of the stairs. And that assholes holding a vibrator and they’re having a sword fight.
Mallory Gordon 11:24
Oh, no. And I’m going, Oh, my God.
Mickey Gordon 11:30
woman What? I need a woman. I really want to know where the dick came from. But now him and his friend are having a sword fight. And I know my vibrator was used. Now, what do you do in case just in your mother’s purse? Well, I know it was because I put it there. But it’s now
as a sex positive parent, like oh, put
Mickey Gordon 11:55
that down. It’s bad because I you know, I mean, they were old enough that they knew what the hell they were doing. They were like 10 I was like, No, no, no, no, guys, you guys are in big trouble. Get the hell out of my house you that I don’t know who you are. And no one ever tell your parents you ever came here. And then to my son. I mean, I had to go have a talk with him. And I think that was the important thing. I was like, Okay, first of all, you know, you’re not supposed to be in our bedroom. You went in your mom’s drawer, you went under the bed. You knew what you were looking for. Let’s talk about privacy. Let’s talk about respect. And that was the conversation that we really got into because when you know when littlest man is firing caulk rings down the stairs, like his, you know, he’s having the best time of his life. He actually was having the best time of his life.
Mallory Gordon 12:39
He wasn’t it. It was innocent. But I think an age appropriate conversation was had a similar nature. You know, adjusting to that, because he did go into my bag. Correct?
Mickey Gordon 12:50
That’s true. So you know, and I think I think I remember when I was a kid, I went into one of my dad’s friends room and I stole a coin. And it looked he was super cool. And I just wanted it, you know, as I took it, and he knew it was gone. And he knew it was gone pretty quickly because I was during the same trip. So I took something noteworthy to him. And he came in found me and and he asked me if I had and of course, I was lying, because I’ve never seen it. Don’t talk about what coin. I think kids do that right there. Like, they get shy and they don’t want to talk and you know, they feel like they did something bad. I did. I gave him the coin back. By the way. I’m not a kleptomaniac.
Mallory Gordon 13:27
Yeah, cuz I think we’re inherently wired. Like, there’s some like degree of knowing or feeling right from wrong, but not not knowing how to interpret it or anticipating, you know, what response? Am I going to be in trouble? Yeah. Is this gonna be embarrassing? And like, I’d really difficult conversation to have
Mickey Gordon 13:43
say, well, 30x years later, I remember that lesson from the coin that I took something that didn’t belong to me. So how important is it that somebody responsible has a conversation with you? And doesn’t make you feel like a pariah? Does it make you feel like you’re evil, and says, that was a mistake. And here’s why you disrespected me, you treated me badly. And I don’t do that to you. I don’t disrespect you. I don’t treat you badly. And we don’t have that kind of relationship.
Mallory Gordon 14:06
I think we’ve always spoken to our kids like they’re their people. They’re not just children.
Mickey Gordon 14:10
Yeah. And I think that’s important when we talk about sex positivity, when we talk about young people, how do we teach them how to be that way how to feel that way, how not to be ashamed of what they are, who they are. And by the way, they’re had no idea who they are, right? Until that until everything makes sense to them till they know everything,
Mallory Gordon 14:27
right? Which could be you know, every three or four years. They’re about 40. In
Mickey Gordon 14:34
honestly what they are, by the way, I mean, are my good person and my bad person? Am I an introvert and extrovert? I mean, I’m not talking about their sexuality or their orientation or any of those things. That’s a very personal thing for me.
Mallory Gordon 14:45
Personally, I think we painted a picture but you know that it’s very fluid.
Mickey Gordon 14:50
Yeah, I agree. But if so, it was really I think, even though there’s the reason I relate those two things together, is because the same thing happened at the end of them. right i mean with you know, we went a little man. I mean, he was very young, you know, rocketing caulk rings at your mother’s head. And then, you know, the oldest to you know, doing his his best Mace Windu impression with a gigantic veiny black deck, which it’s only black because it was it was absolutely massive. And I never got a straight answer out of that woman where that thing came from or what its purpose was.
Mallory Gordon 15:29
I don’t think she owed you one. Well, I just wasn’t me. I just assumed she used it to club a baby seal to death. This is pre Mallory history is definitely I’ll have to side with the woman. You do. she owed you one.
Mickey Gordon 15:43
No, she didn’t. But anyway, guys, we’re gonna take a quick break and grab a drink water and come back and we’re gonna talk about the follies of the Hitachi magic one.
Mallory Gordon 15:51
Oh, another good one where I feeling crazy.
Mickey Gordon 15:56
You failed in a crisis. We’re gonna get right back to you guys. You guys are listening to casual swinger. We’ll be right back.
Mallory Gordon 16:17
And welcome back to casual swing around Mallory. And I’m Mickey. Thank you guys for joining us for part two of our sex positive parenting Episode Three. Remember, if you have any questions or feedback or suggestions, you can find us at www casuals swinger.com. Or as casual swinger on Instagram, Twitter, Cassidy car SLS. So I’m going to go ahead and say and let you guys know I am a huge fan of the Hitachi magic wand. I think I’ve been through maybe three or four of these. Also 100,000 miles. 100,000 miles. Easy. very reliable. One of my favorites. I am at power queen. Gotta love Japanese engineering. So I think we’re gonna clue you guys in on another little story from our youngest, who happened to find this one, which I don’t know if I can, I can tell this story appropriately. I think Mickey does a much better job.
Mickey Gordon 17:23
Yeah, you know, it’s funny because as sex positive parents, and it’s hard to talk about it in and not sound like maybe your supervisory skills suck. But
Mallory Gordon 17:34
yeah, just explaining it. I’m over here. Now my face is getting red, and I’m starting to fold into my chair,
Mickey Gordon 17:39
you taking a defensive posture, you’re like, shit, we suck. And it really doesn’t happen that way. Right? And when we say we’re sex positive, apparently means we don’t necessarily, you know, we’re not Puritans, right. We’re not we’re not hiding, we’re not walking around. And it doesn’t mean we’re walking around in our underwear, either. It means that we still have active sex lives and we don’t hide it. We don’t lie about the fact that we love each other and want to spend time together. And I think that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But we do take every opportunity right to be together when the kids aren’t home. Right, because I’ll tell you a little something about Mallory. She’s not quiet in the sack. No, no, definitely not what she’s calling her creator at 110 decibels every chance she can.
Mallory Gordon 18:23
Yeah, and when they were younger, it was hard to find that time, right?
Mickey Gordon 18:26
It really was. But we had some friends down the street, they were more than happy to let the boy come down there and play with another boy his age. And it was a quick little walk and it was only a couple doors down. And when he would disappear he’d be gone for half the day it was his favorite place to be because there was nobody his age or our house. The other two kids are way older.
Mallory Gordon 18:43
Well, and you know, with them having kids of the same age. You know, it was kind of like that onset understanding that we both had, you know, you made plans. I’ll bring him back around for a while. Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 18:55
that’s just parenting right? But we turn that into sex positive parenting by saying Hey, kids are going pants off let’s do this shit. And that was one of those days where we went upstairs and she busted out that magic wand and and went for the first of like, 12 you know, mind boggling I bugging orgasms. Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 19:14
I remember it was a very long romp several rounds and it was hot to the touch
Mickey Gordon 19:19
well that’s exactly how we know is a long you know long round because those things you are supposed to maybe dip them in liquid nitrogen or something to cool them after the first two hours of use I was gonna
Mallory Gordon 19:29
say or give them you know, a 30 minute rest in between.
Mickey Gordon 19:31
Oh, you didn’t know this the best part about this particular one when she was finished with it. If you’ve ever seen a Hitachi magic wand they’re really super cool. They weren’t designed to be a sex toy but somebody decided it was way better than its initial design. Or at least what it was designed to do. It was designed to be a back massage service for your back muscles and yeah, it works way better on your clip muscle apparently.
Click your girly Google Ad now
Mickey Gordon 19:55
Yeah, your clip Muslim girly button the man in the little girl would But like that, so we had one Hello, Rob. And you know, I’d like to again say for the second episode row, Daddy did some solid work. And round of applause everyone, golf clap. But the important part was when we were all finished up and everything was good to go. We were getting ready to go out to dinner. So Mallory goes into the bathroom and grabs a shower and is curling her hair and doing everything. And we heard the boy come in, and come bobbing up the stairs. And he does that, you know, when he poked his head into the bedroom? What do you guys up to? Getting ready? And we kind of turned her back.
Mallory Gordon 20:35
Yeah. And we were a little surprised to see him because he had come home early. He
Mickey Gordon 20:38
wasn’t supposed to be Yeah. So really, okay. So you know, he comes home early, and whatever, Hey, how you doing? And he did something that he did not characteristically do and I don’t know that he ever did it again. After this. Another they think about it. But he jumped up into our bed.
Mallory Gordon 20:54
Yeah, yeah. And he was just sitting there chillin, talking to us, like, I could hear him from where it was, but I couldn’t see him which was fine.
Mickey Gordon 21:01
And I had my back turned. And the next thing I heard was new. And I know this mister noise in the world, but when you’re in my shoes, it was fucking terrifying. I was like, Oh, shit, and I turn around. And there’s the boy. Again, holding up x caliber, you know, like he’s holding the Sword in the Stone. And he’s got this vibrator turned to high. And oh, my God. And the next thing he does is he holds it to his throat like a guy with a tracheotomy. And he goes, Hey, you guys, what
is this thing to do?
Mallory Gordon 21:38
So I hear the vibration, and it doesn’t occur to me right away exactly what’s going on? But I can tell you the exact moment it does. It’s like slow motion and chariots of fire are playing in my head. So I turn the corner and I’m in the bedroom. And then I freeze. There is my baby on the bed with my toy that I just had on my goodies. Needless to say, I’m horrified. But I am no help.
Mickey Gordon 22:05
No, no, you were no help whatsoever. You stood there like a statue with your mouth wide open waiting for flies and, and I of course turn around and I’m like, Oh my God put that down. And he looks at me. And he’s like, why? Like, because that’s for my back. Oh, okay. So he throws it down. Now he throws it down on the bed. Nice to sit there. was buzzing away. I want to return it off and throw it down. And like, get out of here. What are you doing in here? All right, I’m back just came home to pick up a video game. But
Mallory Gordon 22:38
I go, Yeah, he goes, frolicking across the bed, jumps down goes down the hallway, and then poof, disappears. He had no idea. And I’m still standing there like a statue. Mallory looks at me. He goes, What just happened? And I’m like, your son just vibrated his throat. That’s pretty much what happened. Mickey if that’s that’s one of the stories that I wish at some point I get Alzheimer’s. And that’s one that one of the ones that just goes away gets wiped clean.
Mickey Gordon 23:04
But so it’s funny because, you know, we talk about this in the in the context of sex positivity, because these are things that happen, right? It’s not.
Mallory Gordon 23:13
Yeah, yeah. It’s not a direct result of being in a lifestyle that right it’s being being a parent and still wanting to have sex with your significant other.
Mickey Gordon 23:21
But to me, I think that is part of sex positivity. It’s being positive about sexuality, and all types of sexuality, right? Not just our you know, mano, you know, heterosexual you know, universe which happens outside of our lifestyle University. You know, we’re, we’re mom and dad are boy and girl, but just being sexual with people. And sometimes some things happen, and I think they’re hilarious. Now, you know, in that same house, we had lifestyle experiences, of course, while those kids were gone.
Mallory Gordon 23:56
We did we did if we were blessed with a kid free weekend, we made sure we maximize our time and some of it was spent. Just you and I are you and I and some friends are you and I and some really good friends really good friends.
Mickey Gordon 24:09
DNA from episode one. That’s right. We had the first few times came down now. So remember what back then and today that’s a little bit different, I think since we moved to Florida, but back then we couldn’t meet a couple that live closer than 300 miles away. I don’t know why.
Mallory Gordon 24:25
Yeah, that was difficult.
Mickey Gordon 24:26
It was a hike and we met this particular couple if you remember episode one. We met them at the club through it was kind of through SOS but we were a minimum club and had an amazing first experience. Mallory, she had hands all over and thought it was the greatest thing ever. And she liked tea. She thought he was she was pretty yummy.
Mallory Gordon 24:44
He was my birthday. So it’s a special place. But yeah, you We had a great connection and it was a lot of fun. So we had him down for the weekend to have some more fun to connect. Yeah, repeated and repeated this. Exactly. Flip it and rub it down.
Mickey Gordon 25:04
So yeah, we we had him down and we had a great time. And you know, one of the few times in that house, nothing bad happened. Nothing crazy happened. kids didn’t walk in nothing weird. They came, they went, we came, they went,
Mallory Gordon 25:17
I came again. And nothing happened. But what was it? Six weeks after they? I don’t know. I know it was around the holidays, because we were moving furniture, you know, the yearly sweep under the couch and maybe move some stuff around to make room for the Christmas. So we got some help. Right? We got some help. Yeah, teenagers, some of their friends. Yeah, the oldest had a friend over. And I put the big, big guys and they weren’t very big. They were maybe 13 or 14? I don’t know. They’re a little older than that. I think. They wouldn’t be they weren’t old enough to drive. But they were old enough to have opinions on and let us know about it to know what the hell that it was they found exactly. So I have the boys move the couch and the friend picks something up and he goes, What is this? And I see the purple cap and I go Oh, ah. And before I could get anything out of my mouth out of my mouth. I looked down and there’s a string like this translucid string coming from the floor up to this child’s hand. And he goes astroglide What’s that? And thank God he couldn’t read the rest. But it was stuck to his hand It was stuck to his hand. And then he they start dancing like risky business and the socks sliding across the floor going astroglide Oh, it makes the floor slippery. So they they proceed to have Ice Capades and hardwood floors on your heart, our hardwood floors. And again, me frozen in crisis. I believe I blurted out something like dammit, let’s just get this done and throw that in the trash.
Mickey Gordon 26:57
My favorite question from the oldest was can you explain to us why you needed astroglide in the living?
Mallory Gordon 27:02
Yeah, cuz he never said anything. He was trying to maybe protect my you know, I don’t know what virtue my I was trying to find the right word. I was like I haven’t had in a long time. What’s that word called again?
Mickey Gordon 27:17
Yeah, so you know it. We’re not perfect. By any means. And I don’t think any of our listeners are going to be perfect. I don’t think I think these things happen to regular people. And they happen to lifestyle, too. So yeah, we had some friends down. And somebody left a bottle under the couch. Do you remember saying somebody I’m looking at you?
Mallory Gordon 27:34
I know. I know. I’m pretty sure it rolled off somewhere wherever we had piles usually don’t need it. What was it? Therefore? I think it was for the inside of the condom. Oh, I believe that makes a lot of Yeah. So but do you remember a part of that conversation we had afterwards? He was just I don’t know if he was concerned about having us having sexual activity in the living room where everyone shares the same space or to ensure it was us. I’m still torn on where his mind was during that
Mickey Gordon 28:09
conversation thought it was a symptom certain of that because he was always totally grossed out every time we would be effects. Yeah.
Mallory Gordon 28:14
And he was he’s definitely the more serious have we still let us know ones? So
Mickey Gordon 28:19
yeah, it definitely is. But you know, it’s it’s funny, because you know, as teenagers, right? I mean, what was it the conversation we had with the middle child? Who comes into my bedroom and goes, I really want to know why you have a plant hook in the middle of
Mallory Gordon 28:34
the plan hook. That’s right. The huge metal ring that can sports support up to 400 pounds. was in front of your closet. Yeah, it was never had a plant on it. And no, it did. Have you hanging from it a few times. Folks, that is where the six swing lived.
Mickey Gordon 28:51
No, of course we take the swing down and put it in the closet. But the kid comes in he goes, What’s that? I said it’s a plan UK. And she goes, why isn’t the middle of the room? That didn’t occur to me to plan hooks don’t go in the middle of a room. She isn’t supposed to be in front of a window.
Mallory Gordon 29:05
Oh, because I can’t keep houseplants live. Do you remember this child explaining that we don’t keep a plant on that hook? because of that reason?
Mickey Gordon 29:15
Yeah, that’s and that hook was there to the day I sold that house, everybody. I mean, now if I took it out, and when it was kind of a moment when we took that hook.
Mallory Gordon 29:27
It’s like taking the family name plaque off the front door.
Mickey Gordon 29:31
So yeah, these things don’t end, right. Because now our kids are grown, right? I mean, they are in and they are really something else. They’re amazing people. They’re intelligent, they’re smart. You know, they’re funny, intelligent, smart, maybe two different things. They may be the same thing. I don’t know. But they really have grown a ton. But I think they’ve come into a certain amount of sex positivity is their of their own right.
Mallory Gordon 29:55
Absolutely. I agree with you 100%. They have come into their own and they’re well adjusted,
Mickey Gordon 30:01
very much so, you know, hardworking, you know, functioning members of productive society.
Mallory Gordon 30:06
Yeah. And comfortable with themselves. Yeah. So they are
Mickey Gordon 30:10
fucking comfortable that, you know, I still have a college student that lives here and that college students apparently shops on Amazon unbeknownst to me. Oh, yeah,
Mallory Gordon 30:23
lots of other places. Yeah, God.
Mickey Gordon 30:26
But you know, I, this is the last the last story will tell you before we move on to the next segment, but I think it’s it’s illustrative of, you know, that they do come into their own and they do have, you know, predilections of their own. They do. Sometimes dad is not a big fan. So, but we are honest on casual swinger, if nothing else, some last story I’m gonna let Mallory really kind of share the lion’s share of but the the facts of the matter are, we were at a dinner and we came back and we do have some very energetic dogs occasionally, you guys will hear them in the background because they’re also assholes.
Mallory Gordon 31:06
Mickey Gordon 31:06
yeah. And I think something had happened. We came home from from a dinner.
Mallory Gordon 31:11
Yeah, we went out to Yeah, we went out to a family dinner. Which, you know, I find to be a rare occasion. So you know, we we do try to do our best to make time to get everybody together, especially as the kids get older. So we all walk in. We have multiple dogs in the house. So the first order of business is to come in, check on the pups, make sure they get to go outside all that good stuff. And go from there. Maybe have you know, a game out or play some cards. I don’t know what we talked about. But the college students and I are the first to the door. And then we are followed by the youngest. Girl chin goes back to talk to you. The youngest and I get to the kitchen. And the dogs had been free roaming in the house. And occasionally they get into stuff they’re not supposed to, like clear. I don’t know the trash rolls of toilet paper they seem to love unrolled. So the youngest sees something’s in the dog’s mouth and he is yelling, get over here. Let me see what you got. So I am 10 feet away from him. He’s got the dog. He pulls it out of the dog’s mouth and he goes, What the heck is this thing? It’s the weirdest dog toy I’ve ever seen in my life. And he holds it up. And again, bless his heart. I don’t know how he gets into these predicaments. But he seems to have a predilection towards them is a fuzzy now wet ball. With a spade shaped end that is metal. And thing dawns on me. He’s holding about plug. Oh god. So he drops his me out so much. He drops it because it’s slimy and disgusting. And I go, that’s not mine. So I scurry off to go find the college student because I know exactly who that belongs to. Because you knew it wasn’t yours. I was probably you know, it wasn’t is not mine. No, it wasn’t yours.
Mickey Gordon 33:19
So what I had heard is I don’t do it here. Yeah, dad. Here. Yeah. And I’m like why Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 33:25
I had got her and told her exactly what we had found. And she goes oh shit turns around dad Stay right there which is really grateful for on a lot of levels. Well, and she knows you know what I have to appreciate that’s not because she’s not open to talk to you about things because you to have a fantastic relationship. Absolutely fantastic. But there’s certain things she wants to keep private from you. And that’s okay. I’m good with it. That’s absolutely okay. And I support that. In that moment. I was supporting my belly because I was doubled over in laughter waiting for the rest of this this all to unfold.
Mickey Gordon 34:03
I think part of me is happy that it was just a bite plugin not the penetrator 3000 that my ex lets you know
Mallory Gordon 34:10
again, more power to you if you like what you like and you’re comfortable and yeah ragone is the start doubles his personal protection. Yeah, maybe. So you know, I the bunny tail thing was new for me. I didn’t know that that was part of the the collection at this point. So she she gets she gets the toy. And she stomps upstairs because she’s pissed. She’s pissed because she just got back from a trip to seen her a significant other. So apparently, this had come out of her suitcase. The dog had went upstairs and retrieved this specifically. And I hear God damn it. dog’s name. This was brand new. Okay, well, at least it wasn’t used. You know, and that was an afterthought. For me. It was like, well, that’s good news because I’m over here. sanitize. In the English hands and washing the dog’s mouth out.
Mickey Gordon 35:04
I don’t think I would have let the dog lick me ever again. Really, let’s be honest. The mere breath smells like shit anyway. Oh, yeah. Well, she’s a dog.
Mallory Gordon 35:14
She probably thinks ours does, too.
Mickey Gordon 35:15
She thinks I’m delicious. Most chicks do. But you know, it’s so short. We told a bunch of stories here tonight, you know, 35 minutes worth of the Wow, the folly is right. We can right? Yeah. Right. Just the kind of the things but and they all kind of come around because of togetherness, right and sexuality. And of course they involve having a family. And, you know, I think it speaks to why. So when when we moved down here, one of the things that we noticed is there’s a really active lifestyle scene in Florida.
Mallory Gordon 35:49
Mickey Gordon 35:50
like there’s a lot of people into the den. There’s I hear there’s an active one in Scottsdale, Arizona here. There’s an active one in Southern California. So people move or it’s warm and get their groove on. It’s,
Mallory Gordon 36:00
it’s a lot easier to get busy when you’re not wearing a parka.
Mickey Gordon 36:03
You have That’s true. And when you don’t have any pajama football games to go to or Taekwondo to run kids do and yeah, you’re not exhausted at the end of the day. It’s true. Right? So but is it realistic to expect people to wait till they’re in their late 40s, early 50s to really expand and explore their sexuality? Do you have to wait that long? And that’s the question this whole episode begs is we didn’t we found ways to do it. And it does take work and it does take and it kind of makes you a casual swinger.
Mallory Gordon 36:34
I have to degree I have to agree. Not degree. What is degrees? It’s like 70 of them outside? Yeah, yeah. There’s like 80 of them in here, boy,
whoo. That’s hot.
Mallory Gordon 36:47
Yeah, it’s all you baby cakes.
Mickey Gordon 36:49
That’s right, baby, and I’m all yours. But you know, I think that like it kind of wraps up for us in a nice little bow. What this whole episode has been about which is talking about, you know, as as sex positive parents as lifestyle parents, we are honest with our kids, as they get older, more and more honest, obviously. And we don’t want to we haven’t even come out to them and told them, you know, what, we do have their lives. But and I don’t think you should, or you should have to it’s your business. It’s my business. It’s our business. But at the same time, you know, I think if you want to have that sort of a lifestyle, you can, regardless of what lifestyle you choose to live, and accept that there’s going to be some follies, right? There’s going to be some things that happen that you don’t plan for. And I think that was more important for us to talk about, than to get on here and try and be psychotherapists and tell people.
Mallory Gordon 37:42
Oh, yeah, we are. We’re definitely not registered anything.
Mickey Gordon 37:45
Oh, certifiable but not certified anything. They Yeah. And I think if I could give any advice to parents who want to be in the lifestyle or want to do this sort of thing, it’s Hey, shits gonna happen. And so instead of getting on and trying to encourage you and not preparing you, I figured I’d tell you all the worst things that happened to us. Right. And and certainly Mallory has been a little more scarred. I think, you know, she’s still afraid of her one, but definitely not afraid of the one and I laugh when I really shouldn’t write anybody with the tracheotomy and one of those little machines. I really shouldn’t laugh as hard as I do. But I have a story behind it that I can’t tell, which is a fun secret. And I think the secrets are the best part of the lifestyle. Right. So with that, we’re gonna wrap segment two of casual swinger. I had to think about it for a second, but we’re gonna wrap segment two, and we’re gonna come back with Mallory’s toy box.
Mallory Gordon 38:36
I’m so excited.
Mickey Gordon 38:38
So Mallory’s toy box is where we go every once in a while to find out what she’s playing with lately, and she’s had a big smile on her face, kids.
Mallory Gordon 38:46
I may have been playing the whole time.
Mickey Gordon 38:49
So you guys sit tight. And we’ll be right back. You’re listening to casual swinger? Hey, everybody, welcome back to casual swinger. Thanks for hanging out for us. And waiting for the last segment of today’s episode three, which is I think the one that my lady has been looking forward to the longest, which is Mallory’s Toy Box and she’s going to introduce you to some of her favorite stuff. Mallory, why don’t you tell them what you got today.
Mallory Gordon 39:28
Thank you, Mickey. So let me preface this with I am a vibrator kind of super amateur, but been in the game quite a few years. So believe me when I tell you that the womanizer premium clip stimulator is my new favorite in the bag of goodies. There’s a few things here if you’ve played or seen the womanizer, the first few versions, they’re a little shoulder shorter, little bulkier, and they’ve redesigned it to be more ergonomical which means When you’re holding it down there next to your lady friend, it’s much more comfortable. The other thing that I really love about this is the clip suction section of this device is touch sensitive. So when you apply it to skin, it turns on. And when you take it away, it turns off. It is super quiet, literally the most quiet vibrator I have in my bag. But definitely one of the more strong I guess is you can describe it. With it being as clit stimulator, the feeling is much more different than your standard vibe. It’s much deeper for me because of the areas that it covers around the Qataris. So it’s, it’s, it can get pretty intense. A few things you should know about this is one, the reviews are outstanding, feel free to look it up online. They have 12 intensity levels. So that’s different levels of intensity. Depending on where you’re at, again, I am a Oh, and I just touched it to my I don’t know if you could hear that, because it’s so quiet, but I touched it to my chest and it started vibrating. Which intensity level to use inquiring minds want to know, right? So I’m an intensity queen. So it’s all about the level of the vibe for me. And this was very, very impressive for being a small device, it’s got up to four hours of battery time on one charge. Um, it takes it says 120 minutes here to charge. But this bad boy for me, about 45 minutes to an hour. full battery. Yeah, it’s got a magnetic USB pin, which means there’s nothing to insert or plug in. And it’s fully waterproof because of that as well. So this is submergible. So I can take the from the shower, I can do this in the bathtub, I can take this in the pool. So that’s definitely a big plus for me, which made it worth the investment because it is on the pricier side, they think it retails somewhere around $200. So this would be considered a premium toy. Premium toy. Absolutely. The head of it, where the clip simulator is a very soft silicone material, I’m very sensitive down there. So it’s important to me that these are high quality, because I don’t want my little girl hurting, you know, I don’t want her sore, you know, any of those things that some of the less expensive toys tend to do. And I have to protect myself against with, you know, stuff like condoms, especially for insertion. insertion is a big deal. So again, touch sensitive, it turns on and off with, you know, applying a scan, I mean, you do have to turn on the button. But it also has something neat where you can do something called autopilot. Which means you set three different intensity level levels, hit the button, and just ride the wave. It’s touch free at that point. Yeah, and it’s great with your partner because it’s so compact and sleek, that if you’re you know, having, you know, couples play or group play, and you need a little extra down there. It’s not big, it’s not bulky, it’s not loud, it is absolutely perfect and discreet. So I’m going to go ahead and play with this a little bit and give you guys an idea. Our mics are super sensitive. So let’s start there. So I’m going to start this on the lower setting. And as I touch my finger to it, I’m going to increase it so just so you can get an idea here. So we’re going to start there. And I’m holding the button down. You can hear it I can feel it vibrating it doesn’t get much louder until you get to the very, very highest setting.
Mickey Gordon 43:46
Now, even so that you can’t hear that I mean outside of this room, there’s no chance you can hear that
Mallory Gordon 43:50
no chance No chance. It’s it’s one of the most technologically advanced toys that I have. And also one of my favorites. I never thought it’d be this to eclipse simulator. I’ve had maybe one or two in the past and they’ve been okay, but they’ve never gotten me to you know the the job well done point. Um, this actually has an orgasm guarantee. Right? What toys have an orgasm guarantee? I don’t know. I don’t know. But we’re gonna put the link with this cast up. This is from I believe it’s called l paradise cut calm. Yep. Look paradise without an e P a r a d. s, that’s where you go. So you can find them in three different colors and the other versions on there as well.
Mickey Gordon 44:33
Right. Well, and I think as far as this way goes, right? I mean, you do have a tendency to sneak away sometimes to have a little you know, maybe between, you know, between lunch, you know,
Mallory Gordon 44:42
oh yeah. I’m famous for having an afternoon owl or two.
Mickey Gordon 44:47
Yeah, and this one you can’t hear it like she’s got a couple toys that sound like she started a Husqvarna in the bedroom.
Mallory Gordon 44:52
Again. I love my Hitachi. I love the power that it brings. But it is definitely not the most discreet or compact. So,
Mickey Gordon 45:01
so this one combines waterproof, it combines handheld I mean, I’m you don’t have big hands, which is why my dick looks amazing. But it’s like it’s like a midget holding a sausage. It’s really awesome. But no, it’s like it really is small and fits right in your hand. And yeah, it does come with a premium price tag. But one of the things that’s probably worth keeping in mind since I went ahead and brought up the website, because I was curious while she was. And they have a lot of different models, right? She has the premium, she has the Ferrari of the models, but there are actually multiple models available to you. There’s a model that actually does sweat like inside out, and there’s
Mallory Gordon 45:35
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they have they have many products on this site. All come with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. By the way, you take it, you use it, it doesn’t work for you. There’s something they give you a number and are on the website to contact them and get your 100% refund, which is awesome. And it was 80 bucks. Yeah. So yeah. And how many fives you get to drive for a month before you decide if you want to keep it
Mickey Gordon 46:04
right. Usually once they put batteries in initially with vibrates it’s yours. Yeah. Bye bye. Right. And so I think we bought this from a fair Villa right, which is in Orlando.
Mallory Gordon 46:13
Yes, we did. We did. And then I did some more research on it. Because it’s the first time I stumbled upon this product. And you know, this store in particular, had a lot of items on the shelves that I had never been able to see in person before. So we did. I don’t know, hours of research while we were there. Were to spend hours in Yeah, yeah. I almost went there tonight. Actually, yeah, no, I think we’re gonna go tomorrow. Oh, we’re gonna go buy some toys. But it was really cool to be able to see all of these in person that I went to. I’ve been looking at this website forever trying to, you know, debate whether or not I pull the cord?
Mickey Gordon 46:46
Oh, well, I’m glad she did. Because it’s been a fun toy to play with. And it’s certainly not a bad toy to play your toy box for the first time. No,
Mallory Gordon 46:53
wouldn’t. Would you say that it’s less distracting for you when we use it for our play?
Mickey Gordon 46:59
I think yes. It’s certainly from, for example, the top down position and I really don’t it’s not really doggy style, cuz you’re laying over a pillow. But that’s a great one for you. Because you can get down there and put your toy on your on your plate with me behind you and kind of cement on top of you from behind. But yeah, it doesn’t interfere at all. I can get max penetration as you found out last night. It was a
Mallory Gordon 47:24
I think it’s really sweet that you’re still relishing that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, well, you’re the one that’s been walking funny all days. I can only tell when you sit down. So I digress. So again, I am the proud owner of a womanizer premium clip simulator. I love the thing, but I think they have a lot of great products out there. If you’ve never used one. Do your research. See if it’s a good fit for you. It’s just really high quality and a great product line.
Mickey Gordon 47:57
They’re clean. They’re clean on their websites with 80% in two to three minutes. Yeah.
Mallory Gordon 48:03
I’ve Yeah, women that use it. Have an orgasm within two to three minutes.
Mickey Gordon 48:08
Why is every toy company trying to put dicks out of a job?
Mallory Gordon 48:14
That’s an entire episode and of itself. Sorry. There you go. Well speaking episodes, that does bring us to the end of ours. Oh, I love spending time with you guys. I thought it was me. YouTube, baby.
Mickey Gordon 48:28
I don’t think so. But hey, this is Episode Three in the bag. You have been listening to casual swinger. And if you guys want to reach out to us, we are interested to hear what you have to say or maybe some of your stories. You know what happened to you as sex positive parents. You know, I’m sure that I’m not the only guy who had a kid that fought with a giant dick as a lightsaber. But if somebody else out there did I would love to hear about it. How do you get a hold of us you can get a hold of us on our website, we’ve got a contact page at www casual swinger comm you can reach out to us on our Instagram page at casual swinger. You can reach out to us on Twitter at casual swinger. You can also find us on SLS and Cassidy. We’re
Mallory Gordon 49:09
a casual swinger,
Mickey Gordon 49:11
that casual swinger there’s a theme here. And speaking of themes, just Mallory, what are we going to talk about in Episode Four,
Mallory Gordon 49:17
we are going to talk about Hollis swinging. Oh, no, that’s coming. events going through right around the corner. So Halloween is at the end of the month. And we’re gonna talk about some of our experiences, hotel parties, clubs. And we’ve already coming. We do have a party coming. We will be interviewing live everything in the month, which will tell you more about in the next episode. So lots to talk about next time. So make sure you guys join us for Episode Four of casual swinger. That’s right. Thanks a lot for joining us guys. We’ll see you soon.