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Singlerarity – The Guy’s Perspective
Thu, 9/2 10:25AM • 1:21:35
single, people, lifestyle, tyler, couple, casual, sex, swinger, jealousy, mallory, feel, experience, fucking, friends, talk, husband, absolutely, question, bit, relationship
Tyler, Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon
Mallory Gordon 00:08
Welcome to casual swinger. If you’re under 18, the following podcast is not appropriate for you. The subjects and language are for mature audiences only. If you’re not mature in nature, just make sure you’re old enough to vote. We don’t take ourselves seriously ever. no guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any opinions or statements made on this podcast or website or a blog. It’s all in fun, folks. This isn’t Dr. Phil. Now consider yourself the listener properly advise. Welcome to another episode of casual swinger. I’m Mallory.
Mickey Gordon 00:55
My name is Nikki
Mallory Gordon 00:56
and we are about to get into part two of single rarity. We’re gonna welcome Tyler our single guy to discuss topics relating to singles in the lifestyle. Yeah, what
Mickey Gordon 01:09
makes him a good single guy, I guess cuz. Yeah, it was pretty good. Right? I thought it was amazing. Okay, so barely. We’ve got a fan over here, Tyler. You know, before we get into all that, and before we get into the second part is single rarity. Don’t forget guys being single doesn’t mean it should stop you from having fun, right? If you wanna have a great time, he deserves a great place to do it. And our friend here Oh, Joe runs our favorite vacation place which is a Facebook group. And he has a code for casual toys calm. That code is Hito Joe gets a 20% off on casual toys calm so if you want to check out casual toys, that’s a great spot to do it. Now what about catching up with us instead of just buying shit work? Yeah.
Mallory Gordon 01:53
Alright guys, quick housekeeping again. Let’s talk about pocket Palooza. Yes, right there.
Mickey Gordon 01:59
Okay, it’s good stuff every podcaster that you’ve ever wanted to meet? Right swing it out under swing your diaries sex uninterrupted sex because average swingers love those guys. That’s all Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 02:09
yeah. A ton of folks there. Yep. When is it may 2020. Where is it going to be Miami? Yeah. Where can you find it information?
Mickey Gordon 02:17
Right on casual swinger calm. Yes, sir. That’s right. It’ll link you over to that website. What about the rascals trips? We got rascals up in November in February.
Mallory Gordon 02:25
Yep. right around the corner November in February. So we do have a sold out. Right. Now our week however we however we can still get rooms You decide. Hey, caution to the wind. Last minute vacation. Must be nice. Yeah, so join us. So feel free to shoot us a message go to travel with us at casual swinger Comm. If you have any questions about any of the trips, or want to book
Mickey Gordon 02:51
there you go. And we have our very own swinger week. We do June 2020 2020. That’s going to be a lifestyle week. And what about iOS connections? We got an iOS connection. Guy secrets. Yes. That’s coming up on August 12. We’ll be there with those guys podcast in August, October 12. Dude, what
Mallory Gordon 03:08
is this Back to the Future?
Mickey Gordon 03:09
Watch me work. I’m going back in time, baby.
Mallory Gordon 03:13
Now I got Huey Lewis in the news playing in my head
Mickey Gordon 03:14
right? I’m over here. jammin
Mallory Gordon 03:17
Mickey Gordon 03:17
What are we going to talk about today though, we’re gonna talk to Tyler, which is Mallory’s favorite single guy. We’re gonna keep this a little bit short. But we want to talk about why single guys have a bad rap.
Mallory Gordon 03:28
They do and I feel like that there’s this some stereotype right? Especially in the circles that involve couples that may or may not have had good experience good experiences with single dudes or they have an impression with a single dude is going to be like an approach rate because we all know the online interaction, the unsolicited messages, maybe even a few dick pics, here and there. So there’s a certain level of etiquette that is I guess their minds could be lacking. Yeah. Well, I
Mickey Gordon 03:58
mean, let’s go back for a minute and just kind of remember your first single guy experience it
Mallory Gordon 04:03
was horrible. It was unabomber. Yeah. This dude, can I please tell us your story? You tell it so I I quit single guys. The last experience I had this guy shows up to date. And he’s wearing like sweatpants that probably should have been washed weeks ago. disheveled hoodie, zip up hoodie, sweat pants, unshaven, very unkempt looking, but I was like, you know, maybe that is a product of his means. And I’m not here to judge anybody. So let’s have a pleasant conversation and the conversation was okay. But I didn’t feel sparker chemistry but it was really proud of myself for going out and doing something like that because I was so out of my comfort zone. Fast forward a couple of weeks. We have busy schedules. Our kids were younger. This was years ago. Yeah. And this is not something like I could pick up on Wednesday night and go on a date. Um, so we’re trying to figure out like do I do Second one, kind of see where it goes, you know, first impressions are everything. And he just started getting a little emotionally crazy. Like telling me that, you know, I should run away with him and leave my husband like really fucking weird. And me, I’m super protective of my, my home, my folks, my my husband might my kids and I just suddenly she’s like, how dare you make a snap judgment on my life based on this little snapshot that you have? And is this working on anyone? Because of so I’m going to purchase therapy for all those folks. Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 05:34
well, and you know, it’s funny, because when we decided to go hang out with that particular guy, he actually had a lot of, you know, what would we call credits or reviews or validation? validations? Yeah, we had a bunch of them that were really positive. And honestly, they were all about and I think the reason he showed up looking like the unabomber is, you know, he had a giant dick. Right. And that was his feature, and that he thought that’s all he needed. He didn’t need to show up and be dressed well, or act properly or, or treat anybody with respect. He just thought everybody was there to ride the donkey. You know,
Mallory Gordon 06:07
and and in hindsight, that’s kind of sad, because I’m sure like, it’s like, he could have offered so much more to that equation. And I mean, maybe maybe he was comfy. Just offering that because it was effortless. Or maybe he felt objectified. And that’s all he could offer. I don’t know but I was very unhappy with the experience. So I laid off single guys for years dropped it like a bad habit.
Mickey Gordon 06:31
And you know, as a guy that you know, I mean, I guess a good way to are to really characterize our play style. When it comes to singles is stag and Vixen, right? I really enjoy watching Mel have a good time. I really do. And that is fun for me. So when that happened, and he broke it, I was like, dude, you suck. You just fuck this all up for us for a long time. And you know, I don’t I’m not one of those guys who gets jealous. I don’t you don’t call me in unless something’s really wrong. Correct. And you did come to me and you’re like so I just told this guy to you know, put on a pair of concrete kids and go for a swim.
Mallory Gordon 07:09
Yeah. And I was really upset. Yeah, he’s I felt like my my relationship with you is being accosted.
Mickey Gordon 07:15
So, you know, let’s, let’s get outside that experience and talk about the typical things that people complain about with single guys. You know, our friends, Brandon Brenner over at front porch talk about their experiences with singles all the time. Sure. Do this stuff backwards. And absolutely. If this is your jam, check out their show. Because they are they do a lot of this. We don’t do a ton of this. But we do have a lot of experience with it. And what we’re talking about is like no shows people that just ghost you set a meeting with a couple and they just don’t show up. Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 07:47
absolutely crazy. Yeah. What about the self serving?
Mickey Gordon 07:51
Oh, yeah. Self set all about me like my giant penis so I can show up, you know, dress like the unabomber.
Mallory Gordon 07:56
Yeah, yeah, I am gracing you with my presence kind of mentality. Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 08:00
doing me a favor. And what about bravado? I’m the coolest. I’m the greatest. I’m the best at you know, you want this more than you’ll
Mallory Gordon 08:06
never have more than Yeah,
Mickey Gordon 08:08
maybe some people get off on that. But a lot of women don’t women want to feel like they’re paid attention to
Mallory Gordon 08:13
big one for me. disingenuous, huh? Yeah. cheating.
Mickey Gordon 08:17
Yeah, cheater. That’s
Mallory Gordon 08:18
Yeah, sorry, man.
Mickey Gordon 08:20
Yeah, bad usually is one of them out there that are, you know, kind of purporting themselves to be single and they’re not. Yeah, you know, and it’s like, dude, man, like, you know, be honest. And, you know, what about safety? Sexual. She’s safety people that, you know, say, Hey, you know, we really just, I just need to get to the bareback. No, you don’t know. In physical safety, making you feel comfortable. Yeah. And respected. Yeah, that should be number one. Yeah. All right. Because all this other all this stuff actually falls under respect. If you think about it. That’s true. That’s true. It really does. So, you know, nothing’s changed in our lives since yesterday. We did have great conversations. I mean, Nicole, that was a great interview, she was so good, and had so much good stuff to say. But I think the interview with Tyler was really telling, you know, there’s a lot of unicorns out there that are learning how to own their sexuality, and learning how to really experience the lifestyle but, but Tyler, he surprised me. You know, he actually did surprise me. He was
Mallory Gordon 09:17
I watched that happen in the conversation. And I mean, my you know, interactions with Tyler have been a little more insulated.
Mickey Gordon 09:25
Oh, you know, I’m better than I do. Yeah.
Mallory Gordon 09:28
But a little more insulated in and it was really great to kind of see you to get that deep into the discussion. So and and relate to each other.
Mickey Gordon 09:38
Yeah, it was it was pretty interesting. And, you know, I guess he and I are Eskimo brothers now. So you are we have to get along. You know, it was it was super cool. And I think you guys are gonna enjoy this a lot. So without further ado, we’re gonna dig into this thing. So Mallory, you want to remind everybody how to find us and we’re gonna let you get in.
Mallory Gordon 09:58
These guys know where we’re at, but just in case If you’re new, wear casual swinger everywhere on social media that is YouTube, Twitter and Instagram. You can also find us on SLS STC double date nation, Cassidy and quiver. Find us a casual swinger comment. If you have a question reach out to us podcast at casual swinger. You love us and want to tell us about it, please consider giving us an iTunes review.
Mickey Gordon 10:22
There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, let us introduce you to our friend, her friend. Because we’re friends,
Mallory Gordon 10:29
we’re all friends.
Mickey Gordon 10:30
That’s right our friend Tyler. This is single Rarity, single Rarity and the single guy. There you go, guys. You’ve been listening to casual swinger. everybody welcome back to casual swinger. This is Mickey and Mallory. And we have a another special guest. This is part two of a special series we call single rarity. And this is the guy’s perspective. This is Mallory’s playground.
Mallory Gordon 11:16
I love it. Love it, and I love that everyone we bring to you is special because they truly are. Virtual. Your different kind of special my love. So we’d like to welcome Tyler. Obviously, names are changed to protect the guilty
Mickey Gordon 11:33
or guilty. are you exactly? Me or Tyler? How guilty are the two of you? Because I heard some fucking stories, huh? Oh, we got a thing. Tyler. How you doing, brother?
I’m doing good. Thank you so much for having me on the show. I appreciate being here. I’m trying to put a light on the guy’s perspective of things. So you
Mickey Gordon 11:54
get to light a positive light on the gender
Mallory Gordon 11:56
speaking of light. Oh, I’m
Mickey Gordon 12:01
not ruin another leather seat of mine.
Mallory Gordon 12:03
I think I’m just gonna go ahead and take my pants off and throw them on tarp. Yeah, yeah.
Mickey Gordon 12:11
You already ruined one of my leather seats. You know?
All right. I don’t know what it looks like over in the studio. But at least I’m the one sitting in the truck seat right now. So right. Well,
Mickey Gordon 12:24
so let’s kick this thing off. So here on casual swinger, we’d like to shine light on sex positive things. We like to talk to folks that are sex positive and enjoy the lifestyle for actually more than sex. Right? But you’re a single guy. And you know, females are called unicorns. Guys don’t have cool names. Were just single dudes. So how would you describe yourself? Tyler? Give me a way that you would describe yourself since we can’t call you a unicorn.
I mean, I’ve heard a lot of people kind of call me different things. Man, a corn. stallion Mustang. Dragon. I’ve heard it. I’ve heard a bunch of different descriptions for like a single guy. But
Mickey Gordon 13:02
given given how most of us spend our free time when we’re single. Are you a handy corn? Oh, maybe? No, I mean, when I was single, oh, I mean, Handy corn. Now that’s a Jeep thing, man. You’re absolutely a stallion according to this one over here, so
Mallory Gordon 13:21
amen to that. I appreciate it. We have a little history together. It’s pretty great yourself. You know,
Mickey Gordon 13:27
now there’s an old there’s a meme that flies around on the internet that says that if you hook up with somebody else, that’s a twosome. If you have another person it’s a threesome. Right? And if you add another person to force them, and now I know why they call you handsome.
Yes, me and Jill, you know right hand. Oh my gosh,
Mickey Gordon 13:44
you guys are digressing hard. Five Finger sock puppets. all manner of the phone. We’re very close. Oh, man.
Mallory Gordon 13:52
All right. So I’m gonna I’m gonna corral you guys here. And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to just paint a little background Tyler and I have a little history here. And what I find wonderful about the conversation we’re about to have is I myself even being the lifestyle for as many years as we have. I’ve had the stereotype and the experiences, although few that kind of painted the version of a single guy in the lifestyle and the not so wonderful light, which kept me from pursuing that hot life experience, or, you know, connecting with a single guy. And you really did turn the tables for me and I had a wonderful experience and I feel like you really hit all the high notes of the things I would have loved to have expected, but never really got and the previous events or previous experiences I had. So I just kind of want to give some background here so you didn’t just like trip and fall into the lifestyle or did you? How did that happen for you as a single guy?
I guess I’ve I’ve probably been a lifestyle in and out for about four or five years now, it kind of fell into my lap. The first time, I was about 25 was sitting at a bar. And I had a very attractive woman, much like yourself, come up and approach Miss bar. And we started talking for about an hour. And after about an hour, she asked me if I wanted to leave with her, which I was more than happy to. But then the conversation did a little bit of a twist, because she pointed out a guy over the corner. And she said, Well, hey, you see that guy over there? And my initial thoughts at that point was oh, my gosh, here’s her, her ex boyfriend. Here’s some guy that’s been creeping on her. You know, here’s somebody I gotta make jealous, whatever it may be. And she’s like, Well, hey, that’s my husband. So I think I’m about to get my ass kicked.
Mickey Gordon 15:49
Thunderdome, two guys in or one guy leaves?
Yeah, I was just like, oh, oh, boy, here we go. But then it was a she was like, No, no, he’s cool. With all this, like, we’re all gonna go together. And I mean, much like Mallory, she’s absolutely drop dead gorgeous. And at one o’clock in the morning, I was like, why not? Let’s go have fun. And so we went back, and we had a great time. And so they were the first people to really kind of bring me into the lifestyle. And they were totally normal and cool. Very much like y’all, but I mean, it was, it was, it was so normal, outside of the bedroom doors, and then once we went back behind the bedroom doors, you know, then it was almost like a switch. And there’s just this whole different chemistry, and there’s just different energy that came into it. Not that what wasn’t there was bad, it was just that, you know, all sudden, it became different. But they kind of showed me that, you know, lifestyle people aren’t, you know, there was a normal taboo, what I thought, you know, also, I was like, No, these are just normal people like that, I wouldn’t have picked them out of a lineup for, for being in the lifestyle. And then the next thing, you know, we’re, we’re all having a great time back at their house. So that was, that was what kind of got me there. Initially, probably to like the big, two big things that kind of maybe wrap my mind around it a little bit more was when I was back in college, I had two classes, I had social psychology, and human sexuality. And coincidentally enough, I took those at the same time. And so we were all and so it was it was one of those, you know, the social psychology class was teaching a lot about social norms, and kind of the theories and just kind of the falls that the human mind goes into for cognitive dissonance and just a bunch of, you know, kind of terms, but if the terms to things that made sense. And things that we do as humans, you know, just naturally, but then the human sexuality side of it, showed you all the different cultures in the world. And so with the combination of those two classes, it was kind of this whole mind blowing experience for me of right and wrong. So because I initially I grew up in Alabama, I grew up in very conservative, Alabama, it’s a very conservative family, you know, it was, you know, white picket fence, three kids, you know, go to church every Sunday, like that. That was how I was raised. So, kind of through college, I had this, this epiphany moment where I kind of realized, you know, what, what is right and what is wrong. And based on those classes, it was kind of more, it’s more subjective as to what the culture at that time believes. And which is constantly changing. So I mean, social norms, our social norms in the United States has drastically changed, you know, over the past 100 years. I mean, anywhere from civil rights, women’s rights. I mean, if you think about if you go back 50 to 100 years, we’re almost appalled now as to what what was considered to be okay. 50 years ago, yeah. And now we vary,
Mallory Gordon 19:12
like the social medians, right? The foundation or that that zero point can be different even based on geography. But it has come a long way.
Yeah. So that, that was kind of where my thought process start started to change as well, maybe what I was born and grew up and told the belief isn’t exactly right. Or maybe not so much that there’s a wrong, but it’s just that, you know, there’s more than one way to look at there’s more perspectives. So
Mickey Gordon 19:43
if you only listen to the same person talking all the time, if you only listen to people that agree with you, you’re never gonna change what you think that’s my issue with the media today, with whether if you’re a fox news fan, or a CNN fan or a Breitbart fan or a Huffington Post fan, you know, if you read the same source the whole time You will never change your fucking frame of reference, you use two of my favorite words that are often crammed together in the English language. And that’s cognitive dissonance. For listeners that don’t know what cognitive dissonance means, it means that your frame of thinking on a subject changes based on circumstances outside of that individual event. So sexuality in a state of cognitive dissonance in America is actually very applicable. So Tyler’s 100%, right here, that cognitive distances is a great way to describe our relationship with sexuality in America, because we might be telling you sex is bad. Don’t have it before marriage. Don’t do all these things. We’re selling every fucking thing in this country with sex. Every influencer in this country is pushing sex in bikinis. Right? So we have all these experiences that say they’re positive. And then at home, and in church, and in the public eye, and Facebook, and Instagram is saying sex is bad. We can’t or we can’t advertise sex. We can’t push with sex. cognitive dissonance is the best way to describe sex in America today. So well done on user. But I have a question for you. Would you say that your experience has been positive or negative, based on that dissonance that you’ve encountered in your personal life, and then what you do in your private life as a single in the lifestyle? Is it a positive experience or a negative experience?
So I think, overall, it has enriched my life. I live a little bit of a different lifestyle than most. So kind of Ironically, the lifestyle fits my lifestyle. I do construction management. So I travel all across the country. So far, I’ve moved 28 times in eight years, occupational hazard, right, right. So just kind of do the math, it’s kept me afloat, pretty much just floating all around the country, for the past eight years. But what the lifestyle, I guess, now, for me has become is a community because every single time I have to relocate, then I’m making new friends, I’ve got to find somebody else, you know, new to be able to hang out with and I didn’t even really realize it at first. Because honestly, at first, you know, the lifestyle for me. Yeah, it was about sex. But it’s kind of transformed. Now, to me, in terms of friendships now. I mean, sometimes you’re able to play with people, sometimes you’re not, but most of the time, I meet the best people in the lifestyle, statistically speaking, most the time, I’m running across very good people, very open minded people, people that you just want to have fun and just want to enjoy life. Just like me and you. So for me, now, if I moved to a new spot, I can possibly, you know, go to on one of the websites, find some people that are around me that are open minded and say, Hey, do you want to give me a drink. And then I’m able to a those appointments, a good direction of you know, where’s a good restaurant to go to, or is a good bar to go to, because I’m just a very social person. If I had to really kind of describe myself, I’m much more of like a chameleon and a networker, I love if I go into a room, it doesn’t matter, lifestyle, or vanilla. If I go into a room, I just want to meet everybody in the room, I want to, you know, get to know as many people as possible. So for me now, with the lifestyle, it’s just I can meet so many wonderful people and hear so many different perspectives. Because like we talked about a little while earlier, once I was able to open up my mind and see all the different ways that people view their lives and different things that people want to enjoy. I’ve now gotten to just open myself up to a lot more of the world that I guess I ever initially thought possible. So it
Mallory Gordon 23:38
sounds like you had this, you know, very well defined, you know, sense of right and wrong and conforming to, you know, whatever social standards that were put forth, you know, in the product of your raise. So it went from black and white to a little more gray. And now you’re embracing all these experiences you’re having and really putting yourself out there, which is one of the hardest things to do. And I would imagine, especially as a single in the lifestyle, I mean, you have this natural ability to go out there and be social and like you said network, which may be a challenge for other singles out there male or female. So if we’re talking in that perspective, you know, how would you identify yourself as the single guy interested in singles, couples, etc. in that type of environment, like how do you approach that?
I don’t know if I approach it any differently, whether I meet a couple whether I meet a single girl or I mean there’s if I just bumped into another single guy in the lifestyle. For me, no matter what I just would be interested in that person and learning about about that person. To me, it’s all about getting to know somebody. I’ve really got to be able to, you know, have a connection and be able to relate with with somebody and I can probably be able to learn something from them. So I guess I don’t know if I really approach it any different Wait, I didn’t know if your question was about my approach or what my preference was. So
Mallory Gordon 25:04
it was it was more about your approach, right? Because say we’re in a club, and let’s just assume it’s a lifestyle club. And you’re a single guy, and there’s single girls and couples, you know, there’s, there’s still the stereotype and maybe a taboo around, you know, how the single guys are perceived? Because, and I’m saying that, because that was my experience. So you’re raising your hand, and you’re identifying yourself as a single guy, you know, what makes that or your specific approach? successful? Because I can give you my assessment of it. But you seem to have successes in this environment. And I’m just curious to find out, what are you doing that may be different than other people,
okay. So I guess if it’s a single girl, in that sense, he almost kind of treated like I would the vanilla world, where you’re really getting to know her, you are, and you’re giving her a lot of attention, and you don’t do probably a whole lot different than you would in the vanilla world. Except for now you both know that y’all are open minded, and you at least cross that milestone, it gets a little bit probably different with a couple. If I was to meet a couple, you almost have it a little bit more difficult, because not only do you need to have the female like you, but you also need to have the husband like you as well. So you kind of have to do it from from both angles, you make a buddy with the husband, and then you’ve also got to kind of swim in the wife all the same time. But then you definitely have to show them that you respect their relationship. So I got to kind of like my internal is one thing I’d ever, ever want to be known for or even, you know, have the slightest rumor that I would be this type of person would be you know, I don’t ever want the husband to feel like I’m trying to steal his wife. Not ever. Like that is the last thing that I would ever want that husband to feel because I want him, I want him to enjoy the experience just as much as the wife would enjoy the experience. You know, for me, it’s about making sure all parties that are there are happy. Because if one person isn’t happy, then to me the whole thing failed. Because then you’ve got one person that’s happy one person is that unhappy. That’s an unhappy experience. There shouldn’t be we’re all here to have fun. We’re all here to enjoy life. I mean, we’re all here to connect with each other. It’s it’s not about one person gaining more than one person being upset. So I guess when it comes to a couple, you got to understand what both of them want or possibly, you know, getting involved with them. Does that answer your question? Probably a little bit better. Yeah, I
Mickey Gordon 27:57
think it answered her question really well, so it sounds like you You have a master’s and we fucking so I want to know, where is it that you learn this shit? Right? I mean, cuz last I checked, Alabama, they don’t teach swinging. So where did you come to the things that you now consider standard about your approach to lifestyle? Because I mean, you talk about that off the hip really well. So that’s obviously standard. That’s where you come from. Tell us how you came about that knowledge? Where did you go to get it?
Mallory Gordon 28:27
So where did I learn this from? Probably a lot of it was porn. No, you can’t say that. We we tell people all the time we do not get your education for boy,
Mickey Gordon 28:39
wait a minute, did he come on your face, because that’s all they do important? I will let him know.
If we’re talking about the actual act, then like when people are playing, the more porn you can watch and just kind of the more different combinations variation, the different things, you know, kind of the more enjoyable it can all become. Because you don’t know what you don’t know what you don’t know. So you know, you gotta you got to watch it. You got to see oh my gosh, I didn’t even think of that possibility or situation. It’s when you get three people involved or four people involved. I mean, the possibilities it goes exponential. So
Mickey Gordon 29:15
I don’t disagree with you at all that when you’re trying to open your mind and you’re trying to understand the possibilities in a situation that porn that’s what it does. porn is all about fantasy and opening your mind and broadening your horizons and that’s great. I don’t know any I have yet to meet a girl that’s like, fuck me and my ass, spit in my mouth and come on my face. I have not met one of those yet. I’ve got like two out of three. So I would say two out of three. Right here. Don’t spit on Mallory. But the point is everything that you learned about relationships. That’s really what I’m asking about.
Yep. So and that was it. So it’s like this. There’s one side that once you go behind the bedroom doors, that that was where that came in. But in terms of like actually meeting people and knowing what’s happening Talk about, I mean that I really didn’t do a whole lot of research, I didn’t really probably read up on anything, it’s one of those, it’s a lot of trial and error. You just have to go out there, you just have to meet people, you just have to go on bad dates. And I mean, I, I’m not perfect, not in the least bit. And there have been dates that I’m sure that have just gone horribly, and people that have hated me. But it’s also just probably because I was newer and inexperienced in the lifestyle. So for any single guys that are thinking about getting into it, I mean, it’s one of those, you kind of just have to find your, your niche, and what works for you. Because everybody’s different. I mean, you’re gonna have probably some bad experiences, you’re hopefully going to have some good experiences. But I mean, for me, it’s, it was a lot of trial and error. Like I hate to say it was like, it’s not so much like having to kiss a bunch of frogs to get to the prince. But, uh, but but you
Mickey Gordon 31:02
were not kissing under any fucking circumstances.
That’s, that’s, that’s fine with me. But it’s a well, what if I don’t give a shit?
Mickey Gordon 31:13
He’s gonna have to find you another friend, because I think
I will choose, you might have to find two different friends for that. And it’s one of those I mean, a lot of times, you know, I’ll get asked, am I bisexual? And my answer that question, I would believe is no, I’m not attracted to masculinity. But you, to me, I’m a little bit more of a existentialist in the sense of you need to experience something before you can really make a judgement on it. So have I put myself in situations that are probably a little bit outside of my comfort zone before? Yes. Have I had a great time? Yes. And sometimes No. So I’ve had, if I know I don’t like something, because I’ve experienced it. So it’s much more of a situational thing, I get my energy from the people around me. The energy has to be good. And from there, you can very much kind of open yourself more possibilities. But I just also consider myself more of an open minded person.
Mickey Gordon 32:18
Why do you think couples appreciate that?
Everybody’s here, because they want to have fun, and they, they want to experience something that might be their fantasy. So I would definitely characterize myself as a pleaser, I love make people happy. So even eat most of the time, if it doesn’t cause me pain, and it doesn’t hurt me, then why not do something to help someone else out in this world? I mean, if it’s if it’s not going to hurt me, that and it’s going to cause this wife and husband to have an amazing experience that they get to relive over and over again, in their memories, or when they talk to each other. Why not? Why not give them a big giant smile so that they can leave that room happy? I mean, what, what’s it gonna do to hurt me? If it doesn’t, and that’s just kind of my where I draw the line, as long as I don’t get hurt. And as long as it doesn’t impact me in a negative way. Then, kind of anything’s on the tape. You know,
Mallory Gordon 33:19
I would also probably throw empath out there at you, because I feel like you’re really good at reading people in their emotions. And in driving. That, you know, and encouraging that, especially in those environments, I know, it worked to my benefit. And that environment. And looking at you, I think you do the the single right? Meaning that in the lifestyle you take, being a single guy, really to the next level. And a lot of ways. I want to know, just a little bit more about how that leads you to having successes, right? Because there’s, there’s opportunity to seek out other singles and lifestyle, as well as couples. So is there anything else that you have, either in your natural abilities or in your repertoire that leads you to the successes as well as what are your preferences when you go to seek these out these opportunities?
So for me, if I’m going to make a plans with somebody, my biggest pet peeve is wasting my time, no matter what, like if we don’t get along. It’s you know, just not a click or not a match. Let’s just open the air because there’s been times where I thought that things would be so good. You’ve talked to somebody online for so long, and then you meet in person. And you’re just like, ah, the chemistry is not there. And you kind of fumble around for like 30 minutes to an hour or something. But this is kind of one of those. Then you bring it up and you’re like man, I hate to say it, but I don’t think the chemistry is here. And then they’re like, Oh my gosh, yes, please. I’m so glad he said something. Me too. And then you both kind of relax a little bit more. And I’ve even had before where you both relax a little bit more. And then all sudden, you’re like, Well wait, now there’s chemistry. Because you were you were so pent up talking to somebody for so long. And you go on with you almost came in with expectations. You came in with those expectations. And it was kind of felt. And it makes it for a bit of an awkwardness, that Nelson when when you say oh, there’s not chemistry, you know, that removes that expectation, both people relax, and then all sudden, that chemistry starts to just naturally flow again. So it’s very weird how sometimes that can work. But to me, most of the time, I try to go in with no expectations. I go in to a situation and just say, I want to make friends today. That’s all I want to do. I just want to meet these people. I want to like these people, I want to have a good time with them. If it progresses more than Soviet, if not, I’m still gonna be totally happy at the end of this. If I just made, you know, one or two new friends. And a lot of times just me if you make a date, like I was saying, Don’t waste my time, don’t waste their time. There’s been so many people that you know, there’s there’s enough flakes and fakes and catfish people out there. So where I feel like as a single guy, just saying, Hey, I am exactly how I am. I’m not off advertising. You know, you see exactly what you’re going to get. You know exactly who I am. I’m transparent. I’m going to be respectful of you. And we’ll be respectful of your time. And I just want to get to know you. And if it progresses more than Sophia.
Mallory Gordon 36:42
Alright, so I will have sex with you. I’m done.
Mickey Gordon 36:48
it’s one of those get to know somebody first. And a lot of times when you when you can have that type of relationship with me and Mallory. I mean, you know, there was definitely a point in the night where we were having fun. And what song came on.
Oh my gosh, it was our Kelly. Kelly.
We both pause. And you just hear this. My mind’s telling me No, we just both was out laughing lost our
Mallory Gordon 37:24
shit. And I’m thinking two things that this, this guy really can’t get any better because he’s here in the moment laughing with me. And then I’m like, Oh, no, because once I get going and snorting, not the sexiest thing I’ve done in my life, and continue to do I was like, and I don’t know that I’m going to convince him to continue having sex with me after I’ve snorted.
Mickey Gordon 37:46
And I know it was some time ago, but how did you stay hard while she’s laughing her
practice. There are lots of built up, you know, pretty much when I get to a situation like that, sometimes it goes one of two ways. Either, you make sure that you take care of yourself beforehand. So you go in very relaxed, and you’re not expecting everything. Mary approach. Right. So I mean, you take care of yourself a couple times before you get in that situation. So that way you’re like, Alright, if it’s just a meet and greet, then fine, you can leave totally happy. And then sometimes, you know, you let yourself build up for a couple days. Because then that way, you’re, you’re ready to go when the moment is ready.
Mallory Gordon 38:30
And those are literally on my knees like ready to shake my shower.
My wife’s a freak, it’s one of those, to me, it was a beautiful moment, because we really got to connect on a friendship level, sure, you can go you can go and have a fun time with anybody and enjoy that. But to really be able to bond with somebody and have a friendship and be able to do that, to me that, that that’s the ultimate goal is to where you can be totally open and totally vulnerable with somebody where you, you don’t have to put on a mask. And to me that’s, that’s the best part. I mean, in any type of relationship. None of us just want to wear a mask. So just being able to take that mask off and fully be able to expose yourself and make yourself vulnerable to somebody because ultimately, that’s what we’re doing with each other in the lifestyle where we are making each other vulnerable to the nth degree and showing them everything that the rest of society doesn’t get to and really would probably frown upon a little bit. Absolutely.
Mickey Gordon 39:37
So, you know, when we talk about doing it, right, which Mallory seems to agree that you do it very right.
Mallory Gordon 39:45
I mean, if you’re twisting my arm then yeah, I’ll have sex with them again. So there’s that. But, you know,
Mickey Gordon 39:52
it takes a lot of at bats to hit a lot of homeruns right? I mean, yeah, it does. And Going back. And I know this was a long time ago. So I have to kind of remember some of these things. But, you know, when we talk about your approach to us, we actually kind of have a thing on STC and SLS and we say on our profile, we’re not, we’re not interested in single guy, you hit us up. And we get hit up daily, multiple times a day by single guys, and most of them and we respond to everybody. That’s one of our things. If you have a social media profile, STC, SLS Cassidy, quiver, doesn’t matter what you use, respond to everybody Don’t be a dick, right? And the answer might be, hey, we’re not interested. But thanks for sending us a message. Because I don’t want you to feel like a piece of shit, because you took a swing. But that said, You took a swing at the plate, and I actually feel that your message, and yours was respectful. It was kind, it was I just moved here. And I really would like to make some friends. So I really don’t give a shit if anything ever happens. But if you all want to get a beer or something, I just like lifestyle people and I just want to hang out, that stood out as as a husband and as a lifestyle guy. And as a former single in the lifestyle. I was like, Okay, this fucker gets it. Right. So I put a little tab on that one. I was like, okay, he gets it. I’m still gonna say no, but he gets it. And so for your edification, that’s a great thing. And for our listeners, edification, if you’re a single dude out there, right? It’s okay to throw a line in the water. But be careful how you throw it in there. Right? And don’t take that you got to know at first is the end of the world. And I think Tyler can attest to that. Can you not?
Oh, absolutely. I mean, I, I get nose, or just no responses for probably 90% of anything that I’ve put out there online. In terms of trying to meet people, for every 100 messages, I might send out to singles or couples, I might get 10 responses, and you’re not the ugly at all. Thank you. I appreciate it. I try to maybe by the end, and even of those 10%, that people that replied, You know, there’s still another, you know, half of them that say No, thank you. And I at least I really appreciate that the people like you who do say, Hey, sorry, we’re not interested in a single guy right now. Okay, that’s fine. That’s your preference? Well, one thing that I always try to keep in mind is, everyone has a preference, and they have a right to it. If they’re not interested in single guys, that’s fine. If they’re bisexual, that’s fine. Whatever their purposes, good, they can have it. And I shouldn’t try to push my perspective on them. Rather, I tried to understand different perspectives. And me that that that makes me be able to see the bigger picture, maybe a little bit more from from different people’s points of view.
Mickey Gordon 43:03
So in your opinion, I mean, because I know you said you met a girl in a bar, and it ended up being an epic night. But from that point, you had to go somewhere from that point, you had to go well, do I live in this bar for the rest of my life? Do I just hope that this bitch walks back into this bar, and all of a sudden, I give me like, hey, what up? I mean, what was the biggest challenge you faced when you decided to tackle ethical non monogamy is a single? And what are some of the other challenges that spawned from that?
The the initial couple that brought me into the lifestyle, they were friends of mine for. And they still are friends of mine, that for about three years, they were about the only people that I would play with, or that that I even knew about. So I’m very much kind of dip my toe in and just had, you know, one, one couple that I played with, because at that time, I was 25. And I didn’t know about websites, I didn’t know that this community was what it was it, it’s very much hidden from the rest of the world unless, unless you’ve seen it unless you know about it. So it probably wasn’t until I moved to Florida that I after talking with this couple, they were saying hey, you need to get on these websites. You need to meet people down there. You will have a blast. So when I moved down to Florida, I got on the websites I mentioned the bunch of people. And so then I started meeting people. And you know I was going on a lot of different dates. I didn’t know what I was doing. My best analogy for it is I’m fumbling through the dark. Just having my hands out reach just trying to see what happens when I bump into something, you know. Yeah, I’m going Helen Keller through the dark. Just trying to see what I touched that felt good and why I felt such that felt bad. You know, so if
Mickey Gordon 44:57
that’s a penis
Like, if I touched something that didn’t feel good, I’m like, I’m not gonna go in that direction anymore. So initially it was, it was hard. But then in terms of now my mindset wrapped around it, it’s, it’s very much such a positive experience for me that it’s, it’s hard to ever think of my life. Without it now. It’s, it’s hard to think about being vanilla, again, because it’s been so much fun to meet all these great people, and to have all these great friends. And to me, it’s hard to think that I would have to lose some of the amazing friendships I have now, in order to be vanilla. Now on the, on the other side of that, I have actually now in the past, little while, actually started to see a girl who is vanilla, who has never seen anything like the lifestyle before, who’s never experienced it who’s never vanilla as a gift.
Mallory Gordon 46:04
Okay, we’ve all come across, you know, white bread or milk, or wafers. But let’s think about this, though. Like, because this is actually a great segue for something I wanted to ask you anyways, like, you know, the troubles prospectively in this vanilla world, right in this box that we’ve created, and that most people actually do live in, right, aside from us, 20, you know, X amount percent that has had experiences like we have in in this community, you know, is is there worry about being outed, or adding yourself to the people and what kind of effect has that had on prospective or current relationships. So that’s, that’s actually perfect transition here,
I hold it very close. This side of me, since I only have, I only consider myself to have two skeletons in my closet, and being in the lifestyle is one of them that I don’t want to publicly have out there. There’s another one, there’s another one that isn’t for this show. But in terms of this, in terms of this skeleton, I, I only allow people that I trust and that know me, and that know my character to know that about me. And for any potential new relationship, such as the one that I’m in now, I’ve got to make sure that they might be going somewhere. So but I don’t want to lead them on too long. Without letting them know that side. I’m a very sexual person. I, I very much love sex. But I also want to respect somebody’s feelings in the fact that they might not enjoy this lifestyle, and might not see it from this perspective. And that’s totally their right to not want to be involved with it. So I waited till I knew that there was a connection, until I knew that there might be something there. But I didn’t want it to go too far. And in terms of her having incredibly strong feelings that then she would be conflicted with
Mickey Gordon 48:12
that’s modern leading right there for you folks,
Mallory Gordon 48:14
are we to judge but it’s got to be a little scary.
Mickey Gordon 48:17
Oh, my grandmother waited until they were 70 to fuck off.
But it was so I say that in terms of we saw each other probably every day for three weeks. That’s awesome. Almost every single day, whether I was at work, or on the weekend, or whatever it may be or we went to the gym, or we went on a date or whatever it may be or just hanging out. But actually I told her on our first date. I told her on our first day I said, I like you but I’ve got two skeletons in my closet, but at least let you know if we get to that point. I’ll tell you, I promise one of them is not that I have dirt on the Clintons. Dangerous neither rumor that I have dirt on the Clinton.
Mallory Gordon 48:57
I wonder what her brain cycles were like after that conversation in your free state. He’s like, Is he a felon?
Well, it’s kind of a it’s a double edged sword that worked actually in my favor. And I’ll recommend it for any single guy because a it creates a little bit of a mystery. So now they’re instantly curious, does it not? You’re you’re immediately like, and you’re already wondering, what’s that other skeleton in his closet? So it creates that sense of curiosity. But also it creates that sense of transparency. Hey, there’s something I’m not telling you. Just because it’s the first date or because we just don’t know each other. I want to tell you, but I want to make sure that we’re a match. Before I just open this up to anybody.
Mickey Gordon 49:45
He creates an intriguing fog pretty much transparent but it’s not not.
Mallory Gordon 49:50
What is the sit at? video.
Mickey Gordon 49:52
It’s a miasma. Oh,
Mallory Gordon 49:56
that is that the second least sexiest word I’ve ever heard you say? There’s there’s a background story to that word.
Mickey Gordon 50:03
Okay, so we’re going to ask you a couple of questions. Tyler on navigating the lifestyle. Can you do it wrong? And I’m going to start with asking you specifically if you meet, and this maybe you haven’t met one yet, but I’m going to ask you your approach. Can you do it wrong? If you’re meeting a single woman in the lifestyle as a single man in the lifestyle? Can you do it wrong?
Yes. Don’t send a picture of your job. Dude, that
Mallory Gordon 50:29
is literally the number one thing that came to mind. So spot on.
I mean, it’s one of the and that’s one, I haven’t even had to, you know, learn by trial and error for that one. That one’s just kind of common sense. Just don’t do it. You may get dick pictures all day, if they want to know ask for it. And sometimes they will ask for it. But even if they asked for it, then you better give it to them. Because they obviously at that point, they want to know, and every woman has a different preference. Sometimes they like them very big. Sometimes they don’t like them very big. So you better just be yourself. And just show them what you got. And if they like it, then great. If not, then it wasn’t gonna be a match anyway.
Mallory Gordon 51:15
Okay, so wait for the requests. Don’t know unsolicited dick pics under any circumstances whatsoever it lifestyle or vanilla?
No, do not do it. If they’re interested. They will ask for it.
Mickey Gordon 51:28
Thank you. That means if casual swingers Jeff James tells you how to take a dick pic. That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to take a dick pic and send it to chicks. No matter what Jeff James says, no matter how good your dick pic is, don’t send it.
So don’t, don’t ever send that. I mean, don’t another thing. Don’t be too cocky.
See what she told her.
Don’t, don’t, don’t be too cocky. Don’t be too arrogant in the terms of, Oh, I’m the best sex ever don’t make any type of connotation like that. Don’t say, Oh, I’m gonna have sex with you so much better than your husband, oh, my God, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, don’t Don’t, don’t don’t make it a comparison. Because it’s not a comparison. It’s about experiencing something else new and different. And there’s pros and cons to every situation. So don’t, don’t try and build yourself up to be this absolute God. Because for two reasons, a, it doesn’t make anybody feel or that couple feel like you really respect their relationship. And be because now you’ve set yourself up on a very high pedestal, and you got to deliver something. And then if you don’t deliver it, that now you just look like a fool.
Mickey Gordon 52:45
So confidence, not comparison.
Mallory Gordon 52:47
Also under promise and over deliver?
Exactly, you need to under promise you need to you know, if anything, don’t Don’t, don’t mention it. And then just let them be pleasantly surprised. If you undersell it, and you do just fine, then, then they’re happy?
Mallory Gordon 53:06
Well, I think honesty and transparency is definitely a factor in there. Because that’s the impression I got when you know you and I had our first you know, few dozen interactions even before meeting and then post medium and we think feel a lot of the advice you’re giving can apply to, you know, couples, whether they’re, you know, LS or maybe a little more vanilla. I really want to ask you if you have come across jealousy. And if you have, how have you approached that? Is there any advice what to do or not to do?
Oh, I absolutely wish I had full bench penis. Oh my gosh.
Mallory Gordon 53:45
Personal jealousy but interactive. And I can say your penis is perfect.
Thank you. Thank you. Well, yeah, it’s it’s just right. I like to call it Goldilocks. You know, it’s not too big. It’s not too small. Right?
Mickey Gordon 54:01
And it fits in the butt. But not Mallory’s.
We think I was gonna get a laugh out of y’all for that one.
Mallory Gordon 54:08
Goal, the tax rate, you can start a club. So what were we talking about? encountered jealousy? And if you have, what are the do and do not.
So a lot of times, if I ever feel a sense of jealousy, it’s coming from that probably from a place of insecurity. And a lot of times the way that I will fight that is I gotta remind myself, of all the good things that I have, I could easily see it, you know, especially if I was a couple letting another single guy in or from the man’s perspective or if I was a couple and I was the woman and letting another woman in feeling that that that insecurity and that jealousy of Oh my gosh. You know, I’ve never seen my partner make that face before. They’re really enjoying themselves. Oh gosh, I must not be doing be doing a good enough. Guess what you’re with them day in and day out. They obviously liked you a lot, you’re probably very smart. You’re obviously fun to be around. But I guess from a single guy perspective like myself, I just try to remind myself of all the good things, I have a good career, I would consider decently attractive. things. I try to, you know, say, what are the good things about myself, and I remind myself, hey, I’ve got a lot to offer. And everybody else has got something different to offer. So why not allow your partner to experience something different? Because we’re not all good at everything? We can’t be. There’s no perfect team and everything perfectly. So well. There went my
Mickey Gordon 55:55
fucking sales pitch. Thanks for that, Tyler.
But it’s one just that way when someone can bring a new can let their spark shine, because everybody can do something different. That makes it special. For for me, I guess. I’m not the biggest I’m not the smallest, but I guess Mallory can kind of attest to. I have a lot of bullets in my gut. That’s a good way to describe it. I
Mallory Gordon 56:26
think I’m speechless, because now there’s like a little bit of nostalgia that’s coming into play.
Mickey Gordon 56:32
Great. So Alright, so your your the AR 15 of swingers?
Mallory Gordon 56:36
You I was very impressed. You do have a unique capability in like, that’s just I love calling out the elephant in the room, right? But this is one of those good elephants, right? That URL, but dazzled and pretty unlike every girl wants to have one where you have this unique ability to continue to get off several times. I mean, it almost seems infinite. And it’s amazing. It’s
awesome. I didn’t quite realize it was in the lifestyle. Really. I knew that. I didn’t know that was unique. Until I was in the lifestyle until I had enough people tell me I was like, wait, this isn’t normal. So for all the people that are listening, that I am able to get off a lot. The most I’ve ever done is 17 times in a day. So to me, we’re talking about jealousy. Here, there’s probably somebody out there who’s got a lot bigger dick than me. There are other people who are a lot better kissers, but you just kind of have to remember, hey, what what makes me special? What? What’s my unique factor? And, to me, that’s what kind of helps me with my jealousy aspect of is saying, Hey, I don’t have everything to offer. But here’s one thing, in case you liked it. So maybe that answers your question.
Mallory Gordon 57:55
So you basically use your highlight reel and your unique capability to give yourself maybe a little self soothing winning, you’re in environments that could cause or spur some jealousy. So that’s like personal advice. I love that.
Mickey Gordon 58:07
I feel like I need to point out two things. Number one pig orgasms last 30 fucking minutes. And I kind of always wanted to be in Mallory’s but you know, Mallory is actually a lot like Tyler. So a pig can come for 30 fucking minutes. I’m jealous. But a lion. Lions can fuck 50 times a day. I believe that Tyler’s a lion? That son of a bitch.
And I’m very. But I bet you what, what’s your new, unique aspect though? I know that, Mickey, you’ve got a unique aspect. So you probably know about yourself. So what is it? You know, I
Mickey Gordon 58:53
would say if I had a line, like if I had to pick something that was mine, and I can lick my eyebrows and breathe through my ears.
You have a magical tongue. Not just for radio. Yeah, right.
Mickey Gordon 59:06
Yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s probably my thing. And, and it’s funny because they come up to me, it’s not going to happen. It’s okay. And I went to it. It’s fine. If it doesn’t happen. That’s where we start. Whoever you are is fine with me. We’re cool. We will always be fine. I want to be here to be with you. And whatever happens happens. That’s where we start. And you know what? It here’s the thing, if you want to make a woman happy, and we had Dr. Rick on casual stringer one time, and he said, it’s great sex starts in the kitchen. Great sex starts in her mind. Make her intrigued make her like you make
Mallory Gordon 59:40
separate that are not any different.
Mickey Gordon 59:43
And no, we’re not getting our head. Right. So you know, we asked you a question about jealousy. And you talked about cuz, you know, guys, when we talk about jealousy, the first thing we do is we look at other dudes we go, he’s got abs, and maybe he spends more time in the gym than I do. Or maybe he’s got a bigger dick than I do. Or maybe he makes more money than I do. And what I love About Hito and nudity and gelatin and swinging is it takes all of that away to a certain extent. Now don’t get me wrong here, we’ve seen some guys with dicks dragging the fucking sand walking on the beach. I want to know, how do you deal with somebody else’s jealousy? Because you bring a lot to the table? You’re a smart dude. And you obviously have lion like stamina, which is fucking obscene. I’m married to a girl just like he is I get it. I mean, clearly, you guys have spirit animals that are very similar. But how do you deal with it when you’re with a girl or a couple? And the other half is jealous? Or she is jealous? Or he I mean, you’re not bisexual? So he’s jealous of what you’ve done for her or can do for her? How do you deal with that, as a single guy, cuz I think single guys want to know,
I’ve run across that a couple times. And a couple of, I think, feel like different variations. There, there was actually a couple that I played with her time, and he got off at the jealousy he wanted, he wanted it, but he didn’t want it. So it was a very kind of confusing avenue to go down. So for that one, I actually started to steer clear of them, that that was not a, an experience that I would recommend. Because they weren’t quite sure what they want in terms of and in terms of the normal though, most of the time, I feel the husband might get a little jealous. And a lot of times I will try to figure out a way to include him. Or I might stop. Because for for me, I’m very much feel the energy in the room. And so if I feel that jealousy, if I feel, you know, a negative presence in there, it normally doesn’t benefit me, in the sense of sexually, for whatever reason, there’s a subconscious in my head, that is connected to my penis. And if I start feeling negative energy in a room,
Mallory Gordon 1:02:14
it’s the best parameter and my vagina in a lot of ways is the same. And it’s funny that you kind of painted that backstory, because we had a conversation with a single friend of ours, Nicole from World exotic travel. And we asked her the same question essentially. And if she had to give advice where listen learners, it’s, it’s a lot of layers. Forgive me have another, I’m a little twitterpated excuse me, you have two intelligent, very good looking men talking to me and I’m over here swooning.
Mickey Gordon 1:02:47
So and masturbating, right
Mallory Gordon 1:02:48
give me No, I stopped masturbating, because we’d never get through this interview. But she gave very similar advices. You know, you really can’t change their perspective. And at the end of the day, that’s something they have to deal with. And you can empathize. But you also should probably extricate yourself out of the situation until it’s worked out. Because there’s really not much you can do to fix it. That’s, that’s not on you to do that’s on them. So if jealousy happens to presented itself, right and rear its head, stepping away is probably in your best interest.
Absolutely. And also, you want to make sure that he’s having a good time. So if he’s getting jealous, then he’s not having a good time. So removing yourself in the situation, and even if he’s not jealous, but I’ve been with newer couples in the lifestyle, and especially for couples have been with each other for a long time, say 20 years, and they’ve only been with each other, to have for the husband to have another guy’s presence in that room. It can kind of mess with his head. And so if he’s having a little bit of a problem performing, remove yourself in that situation, walk into the kitchen, say I’m going to go get a bath water handy to run to the bathroom, whatever it is kind of get yourself away. So that way he can, he can focus on himself, he’s not thinking about you being in a room. And a lot of times, it’s just that initial start, that the husband will be able to have a good time. And then you can kind of make yourself back into the room. But he’s already going. And so then, once it gets his mind, hey, I’m, I’m good. And you’re in the room, and I’m still good. And then it continues the positive experience. So another thing for anybody, for any single guy that’s with a new couple, make sure if if the husband had a tough time, remove yourself. So that way the husband can focus, and then slowly reintroduce yourself and if you reintroduce yourself and he’s still not. If you still have a problem. Remove yourself again. Say Hey, don’t have fun, hang on. I need to go relax for a little while and let them have their fun time. And then if they’re ready for more than they’ll invite you back in but the husband will probably Appreciate it, just because, and like I said, everybody’s got to have a good time, the husband will appreciate because he wants to have a good time. So make sure that both of that sounds awesome. So,
Mickey Gordon 1:05:09
you know, we normally keep these interviews to about 45 minutes. But, you know, I think one of the toughest things in the lifestyle is dating as a single period, when you’re dating in the vanilla world, going to a bar as a single can be really challenging. And there’s a lot of reasons for that, whether they’re confidence related, or other people related or crowd related, or just numbers related, you know, there’s 500 dudes and five chicks in a bar. And you know, the numbers just aren’t in your favor. So as a single guy, and as a single guy that kind of has your shit together. Do you ever feel preyed upon as a single? Or do you ever feel objectified? What about the opposite? I mean, do you ever feel like people are giving you the short end of the stick or not? are giving you a raw deal? Do you feel like you’ve ever been demonized just for being single?
Absolutely. I would probably, I wouldn’t necessarily feel so much thought and preyed upon as a lot. I mean, I’ve had situations before in a group play scenario where I was invited by a couple to come in with the group, I was literally pulled in. And in the middle of it, one of the husbands will look at me and just say, What are you doing here? You didn’t bring anything. And to be honest, that makes me that crushes? That absolutely crushed me, because that’s not what I want. I do not want to diminish anybody’s experience. And it frustrates me because, hey, I’m here, because this couple pulled me in. I’m not. I’m not impacting you. I’m, y’all obviously are not single guy friendly. So I don’t want to go over there. But this couple wants me here. And just because we’re all in the same room, they’re, they’re upset for me being there. And I’ve definitely it happened fairly recently, just a couple months ago. And it’s just so unfortunate. I don’t feel like there’s a whole lot that I can do in that scenario, except for possibly remove myself. But then if I removed myself, then the couple that brought me up is, so it’s kind of a lose lose situation. So me, I would, I would just also greatly appreciate it says I have an open mind for other people to have an open mind as well. I don’t I don’t ever want to go anywhere. I’m not wanted. But if somebody got me, there’s and I don’t want to be bashed, also at the same time. Sure.
Mickey Gordon 1:07:41
So did you have like a place, you know, in your mind, in terms of like places to meet people, like what’s the most success you’ve had as a single dude, initially,
you’ve got to build some good relationships, whatever it may be, for you, it’s online or in person. For me, it’s very much in person, what I’m much more effective. And I enjoy it more just getting to talk to people. So I like to get myself out there and just be in the club. Most of time, I like to be in a relaxed setting. I’m in the hot tub, I’m in the pool, I might be in the bar. But I just started a conversation with somebody and me that that’s how I enjoy the most, because I just like to network. But to me, that also seems to be the best where I’m able to connect with people. And after a while, if you are respectful guy in the lifestyle, it almost kind of starts to snowball, then you will actually get referrals, hey, this couples and looking for a single guy, they just want somebody nice to go hang out with. And so I’ve actually been preferred quite a few times, just because just see that nice guy almost painfully. And sometimes. I mean, in those situations where somebody is yelling at you, just you got to take the higher road, because there’s so many. That seems like bad single guys out there. That if you just make yourself nice and respectful, it puts you above all the rest. And if a couple of looking for that will find you right, you’ll get invited. You’ll get invited to groups, you’ll get invited to the situations that will make you successful. But you got to have those good relationships first to be brought to the party. If that makes sense.
Mallory Gordon 1:09:42
It does. And I encourage you standing up a referral service platform. I think that would be a wonderful idea. So let’s let’s kind of like the boot here. I have a fun question. I want to ask you, you. You’ve given a lot of background and advice and your perspective and I think it’s really be valuable. But what I’m desperate to do is if you’ve died, and were reincarnated as a sex toy, what sex toy would you be?
Oh, I would probably I would probably be one of those new ception vibrators, a womanizer I would definitely be one of those pleasers because that’s that’s exactly where I want to be. Most of the wall, no man in the boat, I just want her to, you know, just sit on top of my face and have a blast, actually, probably a sybian. I would be a sybian. And I would be a sybian. Because that’s exactly what I just said on top of me and have a blast. Wonderful.
Mallory Gordon 1:10:50
I love it. That’s great.
And I guess for a couple people that that know me, I’ll vibrate my hand so much that it just becomes like a little vibrator. This is true. So it’s probably a pretty good analogy.
Mallory Gordon 1:11:11
I have to agree.
Mickey Gordon 1:11:12
All right. Well, she’s got a face that she’s making right now. So clearly, I need to ask the next question,
Mallory Gordon 1:11:17
temperature the room raise like 10 degrees happening intermittently through this conversation.
Mickey Gordon 1:11:22
She’s not driving my car tomorrow, I just want you to know. So you want more than standing your feet again? Right? So let me ask you this, you know, what does success look like as a single guy in the lifestyle because most of the single guys we meet whether it’s a secret or we’re up north, we’re in taboo, or TJs, or any of the places will be frequented over the years, you know, single guys all seem to kind of have one main goal to get laid. But from your perspective is a guy that we find to be successful and really prolific and really doing all the right things. What does success look like for you in the lifestyle
success for me the lifestyle of friendship, I believe that I’ve probably been successful in the lifestyle, because I’ve been able to make a lot of friends all over the state of Florida, all over the nation, just being able to call someone up and possibly say, Hey, I’m in your neighborhood, the only go have a drink for the only gonna have dinner tonight. And literally just being able to go have dinner. Just being able to have friends all over, that you can call and say, Hey, I’m in town, you know, or I’m passing by, let’s go hang out. To me that’s successful. And if you’re able to get to that, and I mean, that’s what it’s all about is making a human connection. And the sex comes later. The sex is a byproduct of the friendship, and the sex is better. When you have a friendship with everybody. It really is. And everybody’s comfortable. And everybody trusts each other guy gets so much better. So you can almost you can feel the wave of it. And you can feel it grow, the more times you’re with somebody. And a lot of times I’ll meet couples, and I’ll be friends with them for a while. And some of them I didn’t know they were single guy friendly. And then all of a sudden, they said, Well, hey, let’s go back to the flavor. Wait, why don’t you like single guys? A lot of times, it’s shocking to know that because you make friends first. And the rest will surprise you.
Mallory Gordon 1:13:28
I love that because we talk a lot about managing expectations. And that’s that’s a two way street. Right? And that’s something that you were very forthcoming about, you never made me feel like I had to like put up or shut up, right? That this is just an opportunity to get to know each other. And if we click great, if not, maybe we get to leave with a friend. And that and of itself, right in an environment that was warm and safe for me to come into and just be myself and see what happens. And because that’s how everything transpired. You know, there was a spark this connection, and it really did elevate that opportunity for us to have sex not just in the sex itself, but the friendship that surrounds it. And if that were to never happen again, I truly feel like you and I would still be able to have that, you know, friendly rapport, no matter what. And that’s one of the most beautiful things about the lifestyle.
Oh, absolutely. And then that made it so much better when we were playing with each other. That song came on and both of us cracked up laughing. And rather than it going on for a moment, it just became this beautiful moment. And it I mean, the whole I mean I hate to say it naughty but or I love to say it Mallory but I very much enjoyed all the time that we spent together. Because it was so comfortable. It was so effortless. There wasn’t any pressure or push. We just flowed very naturally and it is was amazing. And that’s what I really love about the lifestyle, it’s just that it’s it has this natural progression that just, it doesn’t take effort. It shouldn’t take effort, it should just naturally flow and just relax. And if things are gonna happen, they’ll happen.
Mickey Gordon 1:15:15
Alright, so, you know, we’re coming up on this is a significantly longer interview, I
Mallory Gordon 1:15:20
know I could do this for hours. And in part amazing Tyler.
Mickey Gordon 1:15:26
Alright, apparently she’s not done. So hey, guys, you know, this is an opportunity. And that’s okay, Tyler because, you know, with our position in the lifestyle, we meet couples all the time. And we talk about connecting as couples and swinging as couples. But there are a lot of different ways to be sex positive. And one of the ways that couples are sex positive is by bringing a third into the relationship. And there are multiple genders to be considered here. Most notably, sometimes, you know, people are, who they are, and they’re female or male. And sometimes people want to bring another female or another male in and for us here at casual swinger, we wanted to do single Rarity, which is to say, hey, some people want to bring in a female in some people want to bring in a male and what does it feel like to bring a male in? And why do you do it? Right? And we felt like Mallory’s interaction with you in the past was exactly that. It was right. So I have one last question for you before Mallory tells everybody how to find us. And we can take this long episode of casual swinger out, which is Do you have any advice for single guys out there trying to meet couples? Is it different meeting couples and singles? Because you know, as a single you go to a bar and you do your best? Is it different different meeting couples? And and what’s your, if you had a couple like three tips, quick tips, Quick Hits, what are the things you can do to be successful to be in the lifestyle as a single guy? And how’s it different than being a single guy in a bar,
three quick tips. I would say one, if you make a plan, show up, beyond time to dress appropriately. Don’t come as a slob, don’t come in your gym shorts. If you’re going to go have dinner, where your good slacks where you’re buttoned down, put your boots on, make yourself presentable, trim your hair, trim your beard, make yourself look good. Nobody wants to come and see a slob right next to them. Nobody wants to buy it to stand them up. If you do that enough times the lifestyle the small world, people will talk they will. And there’s enough Facebook groups out there that people will say, hey, this guy, be wary of them. And the third one is go in and just make friends make friends first. And if anything happens from there on, it’s a bonus. So that would be probably my three quick tips for anything guy going in, show up on time, dress appropriately. And just be friendly. Just make friends. The rest of it will work itself
Mallory Gordon 1:17:59
out. Oh man, I think that is really solid advice. And I can’t thank you enough for joining us here today. making yourself vulnerable. putting it out there and leaving it on the field and hopefully helping someone on either side of the fence. Will it be a single a couple male or female. So thank you so much, Tyler.
Thank you for having me. I very much appreciate it. I’m glad to hopefully help anyone and everyone that’s listening. So yeah, wish everybody the best of luck.
Mickey Gordon 1:18:31
You know, you got a friend out there today that you’re talking to and hopefully all that goes well for you. I know this was a thing in the past for you guys, but it certainly is fun to talk about and thank you for kind of taking that risk and stepping out and hopefully she doesn’t know that your name is actually Kyle. But oh shit. We’re just play guys. We’re playing. Kyle Ben. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, this is the last part of Singhal rarity. And we talk to singles we talk to a female who is exclusive and absolutely prolific and then we talk to a male that Mallory finds utterly prolific so we had a great time here. We hope you did too. malar you want to tell everybody where they can find us so we can get out of here on this long episode of casual swinger?
Mallory Gordon 1:19:18
Hell yes, I can guys you know us we’re casual swinger everywhere on social media that includes Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, you can also find us on SLS SDC double date nation and I know I’m missing one oh fuck
Mickey Gordon 1:19:32
if I know at this point there’s so many I just know what’s up Snapchat pick what do you want? casual swing your fucking everywhere. Yeah,
Mallory Gordon 1:19:39
well, don’t forget to visit us at casual swinger calm if you have questions. It’s podcast x casual swinger. If you love us and want to drop us a little note, why don’t you do that on iTunes. We greatly appreciate all the reviews you guys have provided us there and it makes my day.
Mickey Gordon 1:19:56
Yeah, and last but not least, if you guys want to buy some cool Boys, casual toys.com is our site for buying new fun sex toys. Those sex toys you can get a discount using the promotion. Hito Joe Hito Joe is one of our friends. He runs the biggest hedonism board on Facebook. That is Hito Joe, look at your 20% off. Ladies and gentlemen, this has been Tyler and single Rarity, you’ve been listening to casual swinger.
Mallory Gordon 1:21:00
Hi, I’m Venus from the Venus cupholders podcast and I have a special message for all of the single ladies listening. What if you could have a loving, committed partner who wants to stay totally faithful to you, but who would love to see you have incredible experiences with others? It sounds too good to be true, right? It is true. You really can have it all and be loved, celebrated and even put on a pedestal. Learn more at Venus connections.com