Talk to me, Goose! Communicating in the lifestyle

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Nope, it’s not a cheesy 80’s movie “quote-along,” it’s another episode of Casual Swinger!

**Note – We had some funky audio issues that presented themselves after we recorded this episode.  Sorry guys!  We’ll have it sorted for the next show, but we’re definitely aware!**

Today we’re getting together to talk about our communication fails in our lifestyle journey and the importance of communication as lifestylers.  Whether you’re communicating amongst yourselves or with new friends, you’ll either pick up some tips for your own adventures or just get a laugh out of us screwing up ours!

Once we’re done talking about how wrong we did it, we’ll talk about some “exit strategies,” or ways to communicate your way out of (or into!) situations in the LS.

Finally, we cover a swing club in Sacramento that doubled as a CHURCH and was recently shut down by city administrators.  Persecution or enforcing the law?  Find out more about the situation on Swingin’ in the news!

Segment 1

Intro & travels – All about our new episode, holiday woes, and what we’ve been up to since our last podcast, plus what’s coming up soon!  – 00:46

Segment 2

“Talk to me, Goose!” Communicating in the lifestyle, why we totally sucked at it, and what we learned from the experience.  08:40

Segment 3

Exit Strategies – subtle ways to communicate your wants and needs with your partners in the lifestyle, and the most important things to remember while you’re at it.  37:54

Bonus – Swingin’ in the news!

A Sacramento lifestyle club gets shut down by authorities, but is everything what it seems?  A church, and meeting place, a social club…when is a lifestyle club something else entirely, and is it really cut & dry?  We tell you all about it and leave the rest for you to decide.  56:12

Links

Suspected Sex Club Shut Down
Neighbors Outraged Over Sex Club
Tabu Social Club in MD
Naughty in Nawlins

Hearing impaired? This podcast is transcribed for your convenience.

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SE01E08 – Casual Swinger – Talk to me Goose!

Thu, 9/2 9:56AM • 1:09:24

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

exit strategies, people, communicate, conversation, lifestyle, swinger, person, couple, club, talk, situation, hito, body language, mortician, stc, communication, interested, true, casual, mickey

SPEAKERS

Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon

 

Mallory Gordon  00:09

Welcome to casual swinger. If you’re under 18, the following podcast is not appropriate for you. The subjects and language are for mature audiences only. If you’re not mature in nature, just make sure you’re old enough to vote. We don’t take ourselves seriously ever. No guarantees given regarding the accuracy of any opinions or statements made on this podcast or website or a blog. It’s all in fun, folks. This isn’t Dr. Phil. Now consider yourself the listener properly advised. Welcome to casual swinger, Mallory, and Mickey. And thank you for joining us today. episode eight. Talk to me, goose. So what’s this episode about Mickey?

 

Mickey Gordon  00:56

Oh, well, you know all about communication and maybe wing Manning and the lifestyle and you know, just how you communicate together and really get stuff done. Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:07

I agree. This goes well, with that picture you posted in that stewardess outfit.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:11

Oh, that was such a good one. So much fun. Yeah, that was those were fun pictures to take to. So I enjoyed that. We need to do that again. Now, sounds good to me.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:23

Well, thank you, everyone. We are what a few days past Thanksgiving here. And Mickey and I got in a conversation about how the holidays are such a momentum killer for us.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:35

Now they are right. I mean, it seems like you just get this enormous gap. Right? Because that that dead zone between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s a you’re talking to people and everything’s going really good. Because you know, Halloween is such a high note for people in the lifestyle. And then poof,

 

Mallory Gordon  01:52

yeah, it just it falls off like a cliff right now. And part of that you get family around kids are off school. There’s a lot of activities as far as like home and family life going on. But at the same time, it’s kind of like, I don’t know, I’m feeling like there’s crickets out there because of the the season we’re in.

 

Mickey Gordon  02:10

Definitely. And you know, in the part of the country we live in this is vacation Central, right. So if you look at you know, STC where it tells you people are coming to your area, and there’s travel plans, there’s 500 people coming down here, but that’s really not our bag. We don’t really do travel checks.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:26

You know, I’ve never done it before. It’s not off the table. But I don’t know that it would allow me to the time I needed to connect with somebody to feel my freak.

 

Mickey Gordon  02:36

Right. And everybody’s got different styles, right? I mean, competing styles or if you want to say but and for us. That’s probably not a big thing. But you know, when we talk about Thanksgiving in the holidays, we definitely wanted to talk about one of the things we were thankful for. And for us, that’s definitely this community. All the people we’ve met how’s Yeah, right, absolutely. Do listeners. But how about a couple other podcasting couples that we’ve come across? Some of which we’ve actually had a chance to meet in real life which was super cool. But I think we really can’t do a quick shout out without starting with the Priory society. Yeah, eisah scenarios. Yeah, they’re badass and they have been super helpful to us in a lot of ways. totally stole his Spotify icon and iTunes icon from a website but just those guys were great cnd from swinging down under maybe my favorite Aussies ever and we’ve never met those guys, but they’ve just been incredibly supportive. That couple next door, the swinger diaries, I mean, they’ve just been super really nice people reaching out

 

Mallory Gordon  03:40

and being encouraging. Yeah, don’t forget toward souls. Ladies,

 

Mickey Gordon  03:46

yeah, so what towards souls did and you guys can actually see this for yourselves if you log in and take a look at our website, which is of course cashmere comm on our events page, you had a calendar and that calendar has not just what we’re up to, and we’re we’re going to be but everybody like every lifestyle podcasting couple in the business is on our calendar because of torrid souls. They put together a group calendar that has everybody’s calendar on super cool. I was poking

 

Mallory Gordon  04:11

around with it are Yeah, poking around in it earlier today.

 

Mickey Gordon  04:16

Yeah, it’s neat, and it’s got all kinds of good stuff in it. And speaking of, you know, obviously, with everything going on, why don’t we tell some folks about what we’ve got coming up because before we get into so excited.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:30

So big announcement we booked then this week, and I am super stoked. I have never been Mickey has never been to this is a new event for us. So we will be Nati New Orleans in July. Raise your hand if you’re going as well. Can’t wait to meet people get a feel for New Orleans because I’ve never even been to that city before. Like I’m coming unglued.

 

Mickey Gordon  04:56

So it’s not enough rowland’s right now and all that We’re never going to get it right. And we’re countries held we’re not Creole. So I don’t know how that’s gonna go. But we are doing then in July, which is going to be badass. And we’re going to hang out with some of our friends down there, right? Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  05:11

we have a lot of people that we know that are going to be attending

 

Mickey Gordon  05:14

average swingers. So they’re going to be, they’re going to go every time. We love those guys, but then we’ve got iOS connections. Yeah. 30. pervs. Yeah, they’re gonna be there are friends from dirty bird week are going to be there. And then potentially Tim and Rachel. Yeah. Yeah. So we may have a couple of rascals there. So we got a lot of really cool stuff going on. And then, and then of course, we have speaking of the rascals, we have the trips,

 

Mallory Gordon  05:37

yay, we have two trips coming up. This winter in spring. So end of February, beginning of March, we’re heading back to Hito with the rascals and then going again, in the middle of May. Yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:48

And, you know, speaking of Hito, you know, I think swinger diaries covered the trip to Hito. And they had a very different perspective from what we had. That is true. That is true. And there are some points I do agree with, you know, I do too, actually. And I think that was the thing on its face, like I wanted to kind of pop up and defend my place and be like, I’m really not because they were really fair. And they didn’t like it. And I get it. It’s not their bag. It’s not everybody’s bag. Now. I think some of the things that they experienced were not representative of the experience that we help people have.

 

Mallory Gordon  06:24

Yeah, and that kind of made me sad, because, being the nurturer that I am, I kept feeling like, well, if I was there, I could have helped you or could have shown you the the side as Hito that I know and love, but teach their own.

 

Mickey Gordon  06:42

And I think you know, Jane, Angie, the other day, I was talking to Jay Sunday morning, and I think they’re not going to go back. And they did go with us. Yeah. So I think it’s, it’s it’s to their own, and everybody’s got to do their own thing. But I do recommend, hey, if you guys have listened to what we had to say about Hito in our last episode, and you think maybe we were too positive, there’s another side to that coin, and that’s the swinger diaries. Sure, absolutely. It was a great episode. And I think that they were really honest and fair. And as much as I wanted to beat up on him about it. I don’t think I can because somehow, they said spot on.

 

Mallory Gordon  07:13

Yeah. And everyone’s entitled to their opinions and their own experiences. And it’s, it’s a huge investment. I don’t care if you’re going to desire Perl or Hito. Or hell, Tahiti. It’s a big financial investment. God Yes, it is. costly. Yeah, it’s time to exactly. So you should have Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Pretty Yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  07:34

What a week and a half. Right, that might as well be gold. But so so we’ve got some really crazy stuff coming along. You know, here soon with the renewed the trips, and obviously men but check out our calendar. Definitely New Year’s Eve.

 

Mallory Gordon  07:46

We’re going home for New Year’s Eve. So we’re heading back to Northern Virginia, after Christmas. So we are going to show our faces and our old stomping ground. taboo social club there and Catonsville. That’s right, Baltimore.

 

Mickey Gordon  08:02

So maybe what we ought to do is let our listeners know, keep track of Twitter, keep track of us maybe on here on casual swinger, and we’ll let you know what day we’re going to be at Twitter or at Twitter and Twitter to be as cute. But that’s what I get for reading and talking at the same time. But hey, you guys, definitely check out taboo if you haven’t done it before. We love those guys. And they got a super cool thing going on up there. But

 

Mallory Gordon  08:27

yeah, and again, raise your hand if you are going to be attending that event, New Year’s Eve, you’re in the area, you’re a listener, let us know.

 

Mickey Gordon  08:33

So instead of jumping off to a break, like we would normally do right now, I think we’re just gonna dive right in and get into communication in the lifestyle today. Yeah. So I agree with you that abuse by the way, one of my favorite movies of all time, and when I saw her in this stewardess outfit, I’m like, Oh, yeah, I’m using that picture. You’re welcome. That was for fetish night. So yeah, you’re wearing crotchless panties with it, too. I think he got a good video I did wearing his lawyer and got it out come in handy twice to what I did there. I got it handy. Anyways, so we’re gonna talk about you know, wouldn’t talk to me get rid of it, how to be a great wingman for your partner. And being a great wingman for your partner doesn’t just mean you know, helping them do something that either doesn’t involve you or involve somebody else. Sometimes it’s just about communicating

 

Mallory Gordon  09:21

regularly. I think that’s a coordinate of all the conversations we have around relationships, not just lifestyle is communication, and that’s key.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:29

But do you think that it’s possible for somebody to be in the lifestyle or a couple to be in the lifestyle and have poor communication?

 

Mallory Gordon  09:36

No, I don’t. I think that’s a recipe for failure.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:40

I think so too. I think what you get is you got one person who’s chasing the brass ring and the other person is trying to keep up. Yeah, potentially. So what are the two things that make a great communicator?

 

Mallory Gordon  09:50

First, you have to be a good speaker, which means being honest, speaking your mind and not just hanging back hoping that whatever you’re doing appeases your partner. Ron, but the other side is also being a good listener. So you have to have equal parts of both.

 

Mickey Gordon  10:05

That’s true. And you know, when we talk about communicating in the lifestyle, it’s communication. When you’re looking at talking to people, I can remember a time when we had an online presence and because of our dissimilar schedules, you know, there was a lot of conversations that I was having, that I was not communicating with you well enough to tell you that, hey, I talked to this couple, I talked to that couple these things we talked about. And by the time you joined the conversation, you were like, I have no idea what’s going on what you guys have been talking about. I don’t know

 

Mallory Gordon  10:35

what’s up, because I felt like you were forming these relationships. Outside of me, which I wasn’t offended that you were doing that I’m all about, you know, making friends and, you know, reaching out because we reach out separately all the time. But it was about getting caught up, you know, give me the reader guys’s version, get me up to speed. So I think something we’ve done really well out over the last few years is recapping and leaving the other person and because we do have dissimilar schedules a lot of the time. So you know, I’m on there chatting in the mornings, usually, usually on their leave or middle of the night.

 

Mickey Gordon  11:09

Right. And so that’s a great point, right for us. So one of the ways that we overcame that particular issue is, so for example, I handle the initial conversation, right? So I handle SLS and Cassidy and STC. And then when we get to the point where they’re like, Well, hey, do you have a kick? You handle kick? So I’m Yeah, great. Okay, so once I pass you off to Mallory’s better for my add, I pass them off to Mallory. And then God knows what happens. They go into a black hole, and they never hear from them again. And again, that’s where we recap give you the Reader’s Digest version. Exactly. And then I’m like, Oh, we have a date this weekend. Great. Tell me about them. And you know, I think that it works better for us, though, because I’m more comfortable in a situation where maybe I don’t know everything about somebody and I can get no one than you are.

 

Mallory Gordon  12:01

So it’s Yeah, I need a little more, a little more of a connection, a little more sneak peek into their psyche and their personalities. Because when I don’t want to waste anybody’s time, if I don’t think we’re going to hit it off. You know, that’s something I need to communicate and be honest about. Right? But it takes a little more for me and I and I’m all about taking a chance every now and then because you can’t get the full scope of who a person or a couple is with online interaction.

 

Mickey Gordon  12:28

No, you really can’t. And looks aren’t everything right? You can have the best looking person in the world. And if they can’t communicate with you, then what good are they? Right? And so I was I actually had lunch with some vanilla friends of mine this week. And communication in the bedroom came up. And he really, really didn’t know what you’re talking about. Yeah, you do. And so I had this, I just want to these friends of mine. And we talked about, you know, what it means to really communicate well, and we talked about things like paying attention to the other person’s breathing. And yeah, nonverbal communication is a big deal. Oh, yeah, their body language. Right. It’s those are huge things into we ended up having this conversation at lunch, and I don’t I think it’s me, I’ve decided that the I’m the reason why we have a 10 foot berth around us every time we go out to eat.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:17

Well, yeah, I mean, we have to be brutally honest here and communicate properly. Yes, my dear, I believe it has a lot to do with you.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:27

I kept the anal conversation to a minimum, but you know, it was, I still feel bad waste projects. I don’t know that it’s necessarily your fault. I’m gonna I’m gonna blame my voice. But you know, it’s interesting, because we talk about communication. We’re talking about speaking in speaking your mind. But I think one of the most important places to be a great wingman, and a great partner in a lifestyle relationship is being honest about what you want in what you need.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:55

Yes, and sometimes that honesty is I don’t know, sometimes you’re in limbo,

 

Mickey Gordon  14:00

right? Well, and I think one of the worst times I’ve heard people be dishonest is when they’re afraid the other person is going to be mad. Like they’re afraid the other person isn’t going to like what it is that they had to say. Maybe they wanted them there. Yeah. And the other person didn’t see they’re afraid of other person’s going to react, so they don’t see anything at all. Or maybe they lie.

 

Mallory Gordon  14:19

What remember when we first started in the lifestyle, I was really apprehensive because it was such a big part of your life. And we talked about this in one of our first couple podcasts is, you know, I was uncertain of what your expectation was of me. And if this was such a big part, if there were parts pieces, or the entirety of it that I didn’t like, or I didn’t feel was a fit for me. What would your reaction be? And that was a fear I had and a reservation, but I had to have that conversation with you.

 

Mickey Gordon  14:48

Oh, yeah, definitely. And you know, I remember that conversation explicitly because you said what if it needs to stop? What if we can never do this again, are you going to be Okay, and I we’re going to be okay. Are we? Yeah. And of course, the answer was, yeah, of course, you know, this is about us. And that’s part of the communication that everything we do starts and ends with us. And that’s, you know, I mean, it usually ends with us anyway. And what about listening? What do you hear from your partner? You know, and not necessarily even with your spouse, partner, what the other person? How can you listen to them? And and maybe help them maybe if they’re new? Maybe they’re a newbie? And how can you help them through the process? Maybe they’re expanding their boundaries a little bit? So that’s something for us to think about as communicators, and it’s

 

Mallory Gordon  15:46

trynna. Everyone’s an empath, right? And not everyone has that, you know, six senses, you know, reading people’s emotions, you know, when they’re trying to, for lack of a better term, give that poker face because there’s maybe there’s some reservation or hesitation. But it’s, it’s, for me, it’s always best to call out the elephant in the room, but in a kind and supportive way.

 

Mickey Gordon  16:09

Sure. And you do it right. Do you check in because you looked at their body language, you noticed maybe that they were sitting there with their arms folded, maybe, and they’re either freezing their ass off or they’re uncomfortable, okay, so if they’re uncomfortable, say, Hey, is everything not okay? Because we need to go as fast as the slowest person here. That’s something I think I heard from Holly on one of her casts, and I loved it. And she said it again on the thing she did on Australian TV. But just absolutely loved that in that’s being a great speaker, speaking your mind telling the truth. And we’re going to talk about some of our fails here in a couple of minutes. So I know you guys are probably sitting here listening going. Where’s the funny we’re used to the funny in this, we’re getting there. Don’t worry got plenty for your babies. But, you know, so if they don’t tell the truth, what happens? And how do you react to that when when somebody maybe hasn’t been forthright and said something was okay, and it wasn’t.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:07

Now we’ve been there. We’ve definitely been there. And I’ve personally been there. We’ve been there in several situations, one where maybe I’ve let something escalate. And then I’m looking around like a deer in the headlights going, Oh, shit. Yep. How did I end up here? I didn’t pump the brakes in and out. And the other side of it is when people communicate to you, and they’re not honest. And then you end up in a situation where it’s very uncomfortable. Like, we had an experience with a unicorn.

 

Mickey Gordon  17:33

Oh, yeah. Well, that’s our I think that’s probably that’s one of our last stories for today. We’ll get to but yeah, she was she was a I will poor communicator, or maybe just a liar. But we’ll Yeah, we’ll touch base on that touch base on that in a few. But anyway, that’s kind of where we’re at with how you communicate. But what happens when you’re a great communicator, and you fail anyway.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:57

You take your lumps you laugh at often human.

 

Mickey Gordon  18:00

Right. So we, when we sat down to talk about talk to me, goose, we said we’re going to cover being a great wingman communicating an exit strategies. And we’re gonna finish today with exit strategies. But where we came up with the exit strategies piece of it is because that was our first major fail in the lifestyle.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:18

One of them Yes. And it was Yeah, it was very, very early on. And I’m going to take the heat for this one. This one’s all here, man. That was all it I’m, I’m so sorry. I still feel bad about that.

 

Mickey Gordon  18:31

Well, they never talked to us again. So that was probably probably not the worst thing. So here’s what happened. We are at a club in Pennsylvania, and it was one of our first times at the club. And for anybody that’s ever been to a club for the first time. You kind of feel like fresh meat.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:50

Yeah, and I was definitely more nervous than I anticipated. Because it wasn’t my first time at Club per se, but first time there. And I did I felt like fresh meat. Oh, yeah. Like, you know, the, the chicken, you know, wolf house or some redneck saying that. simulate that, uh, that situation, but I was a little any braided?

 

Mickey Gordon  19:16

Yeah, you were shithouse. And so essentially, these these guys were really cool. They were actually the host for the entire place. And they had really nice, they were nice. And she was really cute. And I thought, you know, we were we were probably doing just fine. And then it turned out they had a few things about them that were turn offs for us and everybody’s got their own style, like like Mallory said at the beginning, everybody’s got a right and I ran against slavery. A couple of those things popped up and I wasn’t feeling it know what we didn’t have at that point. And we’re going to talk about this during our exit strategy segment is we didn’t have a get out a code word A this is not okay. So, you know, of course, she comes over to me at one point Because it was obvious that I was uncomfortable, right? I was like, I’m not really enjoying.

 

Mallory Gordon  20:04

Yeah. And this is after, like, fiddle fucking around for like two hours after conversation because something they did that I didn’t realize that I happen is they separated us. We were still within, you know a line of sight of each other, but we were in the same conversations. So it was really hard on each other. And I think it was kind of intentional. They were actually a little aggressive and I felt preyed upon. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  20:30

that’s cool. I mean, that’s their bag. They want to play as many times as they can in the night. Yeah, that was actually one of one of our personal turn offs. Yeah. Is is I think the term that I heard Actually, I was listening to sapphic today, and low mileage swingers. Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  20:47

Yeah. I mean, I’m a diva. I want to feel special. I don’t want to feel like you know, and I aces me, I don’t want to be number three in line unless it was. In it’s just me. But yeah, so they kind of separated and like I was trying to talk to you. And by the time I got to you, I was hammered. And you were like, Yeah, no, I’m not into it. Not tonight, you know, we’ll just, you know, politely excuse ourselves somehow. And I don’t know what transpired. After that. I’d love to know what to do. And how I came up with the exit strategy.

 

Mickey Gordon  21:23

But again, I’m sorry. Oh, so she, she walked over to them. And she goes, Hey, guys. We’re not going to be able to play it tonight. Tommy’s not feeling well.

 

Mallory Gordon  21:40

I told him, You went to the bathroom, you went to get our bottle from the bar was sick forever. So he were closed for like, 15 minutes. So in there

 

Mickey Gordon  21:49

shitting. myself. I am so sorry. You basically told this couple sorry, we can’t play tonight because my husband has the shit. What kind of person does that

 

Mallory Gordon  22:01

mean? When they don’t have enough brain cells after a fifth of vodka to come up with a better excuse. And I still feel bad about it. Because when it wasn’t honest. It’s okay. You just say you’re not interested.

 

Mickey Gordon  22:15

I was one of the commode but I was. Of course, they’re like, Oh, it’s fine. Then they invited her. They’re like, well, you can come play with us. And he can go sit on the stool. I mean, they were not taking no for an answer, of course. And we got to go. Well, and maybe that’s part of good communication. And exit strategy, too, though, is that if somebody is showing maybe a lack of interest, or maybe some trepidation that you let them off the hook easy. Don’t beat them up?

 

Mallory Gordon  22:49

No. And that’s the other side of it. We wasted we, if we’d have that conversation and had our shit together earlier on in the night, and I communicated properly, we wouldn’t have wasted their time either. No, you know, because there’s just two sides to that coin. Right. And that was not fair of us.

 

Mickey Gordon  23:06

No. Well, and we were having a great time. And that that really wasn’t necessarily the issue. I think we ended up hanging out with him again later, and still had fun. Still said no, but still had fun. Yes, correct. But, you know, it’s funny, because that was not the only time that we had a fail, by kind of lack of lack of communication on our part, leading to an experience with the wrong couple. No, it’s

 

Mallory Gordon  23:29

definitely not. You’re talking about the mortician and the lab, mad router, the Mad router. Oh, I forgot about that. Oh, that was their handle. Yeah, we didn’t know. We met them in taboo. We did. And it was just a fluke meeting. We had ended up at the bar, and they were standing next to us truck struck up a conversation and it was hilarious. We’re having a great time. Yeah, they seemed really cool. And everything was was pretty neat. Except, you know,

 

Mickey Gordon  23:54

I guess it came out somewhere along the line that she was a mortician.

 

Mallory Gordon  23:59

No, he was the laboratory. Oh, she experimented on rats. Six. Yeah. experimented on? Yeah. animals in general. We were like, Oh, I’m yeah, I’m totally a tree, you know, tree hugger. and fluffy. And I am. So immediately it was like, oh, if I just didn’t know that. I just didn’t know that. But we found all that stuff out.

 

Mickey Gordon  24:24

Well, yeah. We still weren’t full SWAT back then. Now. I mean, we’re still kind of dealing things out.

 

Mallory Gordon  24:29

Yeah, we did same room, like watching each other play. And had the rest of that conversation afterwards, because we we played kind of early in the evening, I want to say just after a few hours after talking to them. But again, we didn’t link to a full swap or anything. And she’s telling us a step and they are very vibing out with us again. He trying to get out of the conversation. I look over him and I go so what do you do because I’m a mortician, and I’m going Fuck this. This is getting better.

 

Mickey Gordon  25:03

Do you stuff the rats after? This? It was a little weird, right? It was,

 

Mallory Gordon  25:08

it was a little awkward because one I never met anyone who had either of those professions into. It just wasn’t a graceful conversation after all of that, because then you and I were on a totally different page than they were because, you know, we, again, did not fully communicate and weren’t honest, we kind of played coy. And, you know, we were just really busy for a few weeks after that, right? And they ended up emailing our work email, oh, my God, I handed out our business card. I gave him my business card, amateur rookie shut here.

 

Mickey Gordon  25:45

You want to talk about big fail? Oh, yeah, I forgot about that feel. And then not only did they email me at work, but they email me at work and said, We had a great time in and out of the bedroom. Yes. I was fit to be tied.

 

Mallory Gordon  26:01

And, you know, a one hand you can’t, you know, be mad at them for doing that. Like, I would hope someone would have common sense not to say or do that. But at the same time, there was no restrictions. It was never, you know, verbalize that

 

Mickey Gordon  26:16

would email me a word. Business Card. It was with my phone number on it, though. That was the point. And you know, but here’s the thing, here’s where the communication breakdown happened. And why this is a communication field. Because you know what morticians might be the coolest fucking people know why world and you might experiment on animals because you don’t have a fucking soul. But cool. That’s your job. Right? Yeah, up to do. But our fail was that we didn’t communicate with each other that maybe we weren’t. We weren’t both totally on the same page. So both of us thought we were taking one for the team.

 

Mallory Gordon  26:49

Yeah. Which we passed. Yes, exactly. Because I was like, oh, they’re cool. And you know, we were having fun. And, you know, we were both as couples, we were both very new. So it’s how things transpired. made sense. But

 

Mickey Gordon  27:04

yeah, I was on board because I thought you were on board exam, you’re on board, because he thought I was bored. And that’s a fail. Yeah, that is a fail in a big time. And of course, it ends up being a fail because there’s a communication problems with us. And then after the fact, we weren’t as honest as we should have been. We weren’t as forthcoming as we should have been. We didn’t tell them, hey, it was a good time. But you know, that was probably that. And so of course, they reached out aggressively and reached out to our work email. And that was, fortunately, nothing came of it. There was no big story that came after that. But there was one more communication fail that we had, and we did some things we shouldn’t have done in karma took care of us. Oh, yeah. So let’s talk about the unicorn. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  27:49

yeah, I mentioned this a few minutes ago. So we were at the club. And I noticed this girl and she I love dancing. So anytime I see someone out there dancing, have a good time smiling. It’s like I hone in on them, because I love that energy. And she was super cute. I mean, she’s a hottie. Oh, yes. Yeah. So I was just so attracted to her. And I wanted to talk to her and spend time with her talk to her too. And she, I mean, but being a single girl there, she was pretty much constantly entertained. And I believe she was actually talking to another couple and I just kind of squeezed in there. And we ended up just hitting it off. We dance all night. We invited her back to our room.

 

Mickey Gordon  28:37

And you know, this girl, we saw her. And it was this event was at taboo and it was called running of the unicorns. It’s something they do fairly regularly up there. And although the unicorns are supposed to wear red, so this girl is one of like two people wearing red in the entire club. There were no unicorns there for now. And she stood out like a sore thumb. They did. So we were eyeballing her, and Mallory looks at me and goes, I’m going to go get her. And I was like, but she’s talking to a couple right now. And she’s like, and, and poof, she went

 

Mallory Gordon  29:08

I now I decided I had gusto in that moment, which is very

 

Mickey Gordon  29:11

unlike Mallory, by the way, she’s usually fairly, you know, cognizant of other people’s feelings, and she just bounced right off and bounced over there. And we’re like, Hey, guys, how you doing? We’re gonna take this with us. Next time, folks. Well, but the gods were not without a sense of humor. No, because we did take her back to her room. And she looked like she was gonna be a lot of fun. You guys were having a blast. You guys were all over each other and me and says hey, can you put on some music? Sure. I got music. I can make that happen. I am the maestro. Let me take care of this. I said what do you like? And she was I like Britney Spears.

 

Mallory Gordon  29:50

Yeah, and that’s when the song three had come out. Like just come out. And we happen to have it and she wanted to play it on repeat. And that was first of all, I’m You’re hearing it 300 times. I was there with me three hours. Yeah, about two and a half, three hours. This fucking song

 

Mickey Gordon  30:07

played over and over and over again. I’m like, Can I please change the song? No. This girl demanded that we have Britney Spears, three. Whatever. We work through it, we have a unicorn. We’re gonna go with it. Yeah, whatever she wants to get. So what? How many hours into it before her phone starts ringing

 

Mallory Gordon  30:29

so about two hours. I mean, it was closer to the tail end. The phone’s ringing and then she turns it on vibrate and it’s vibrating all over the place to apologizes excuses herself. And, and she’s looking in. I mean, you could see the panic on her face. There’s like all these messages and voicemails, and, you know, you start to question the body language definitely shifted hard. And we had a conversation with her. From what we knew she was single, single mom. And at first it was her babysitter. So we’re like, oh, we’re parents, we totally get it. And then it was their neighbor. And then it was a friend. And then it was a friend. And three o’clock in the morning guys. was like, Is there an emergency? Do you need to go? Do you need our help? And she’s like, No, no, no. So finally, she kind of breaks the surface with a bit of truth. Because at this point, you know, I don’t care how knee braided we may or may not have been. But I mean, between you and I we have a couple brain cells to rub together. We knew something wasn’t right.

 

Mickey Gordon  31:34

No, it was definitely not right. It was something was broken. And if she finally comes out and says it’s my husband, we were like, whoo, man.

 

Mallory Gordon  31:47

So I went from concern and you know, hoping that you know, everything’s okay. And you know, wanting to you know, your kids sick. You know, anything I can do for you to going. Oh, fuck you, dude.

 

Mickey Gordon  32:00

Yeah, cuz she had told us she was single we’d ask specifically at Are you bad? Not cool. And if she were married, playing alone, totally fine. You know, that’s I think being a unicorn is one of the things that you have on your fantasy list, right? Oh, absolutely. So it’s not something that would have bothered us at all ages. Yeah, she lie. And it was like, Okay, this this evening is over.

 

Mallory Gordon  32:23

Yeah, I was really hurt by that really hurt because I haven’t had a lot of experience in my life. This was situations like that. And I was I was visibly upset. And I tried to mask it as much as possible, but I was not okay. After that.

 

Mickey Gordon  32:38

No, it was a bit of a breach of trust. Right? Very much. So we were having a good time. And but that is not how the lifestyle Gods paid us back. Is it? No, not even close? How did we get paid back by that?

 

Mallory Gordon  32:52

We had SARS. Like bronchitis, pneumonia, either of us have ever had any scars. So sick. So sick, like two rounds of antibiotics. And like, I’m calling every doctor under the sun to make sure that there’s nothing that you know, antibiotics can kill this point. Oh, yeah, we? Well, we were dealing with every person every bit grace. And we took at this point, I’m like, you know, I had decided I couldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. So I ran the gamut. And that’s what scared me more than anything else than just the the blatant lie about her situation was if you’re going to lie about something like that. What else do I know about? Yeah, well, I mean, I’m a germaphobe.

 

Mickey Gordon  33:36

I inspected for crickets. I’m just saying. So, I mean, and there are other places that we should communicate and think, right, and other stuff has happened to us, right? I mean, think about the the first time that you went out on your own, we were at the resort, and yeah, that’s why

 

Mallory Gordon  33:57

for an hour, Oh, man. So Oh, we’re so excited and so scared. So I went and played by myself for the first time ever. And as with a guy, and it was amazing. And, you know, I told Mickey, where I was going to see, you know, this is room number. And, you know, just in case, something happens or whatever it was like in my head, I was totally prepared. So things go down. It’s fantastic. I cannot wait to tell Miguel about it because he gets off on the story. So I go back to our room and make he’s not there. I go to these and Mickey’s not there and I’m going Holy shit. I didn’t even think to ask him where to meet after this. We’re coming back. an hour and a half. I’m like running around going is anyone see my husband?

 

34:46

I was in a hot tub in somebody’s room. Yeah. Which wasn’t a big deal, but I’m going this was stupid.

 

Mickey Gordon  34:54

I was hanging out and shooting the shit and having fun which is you know, pretty much is what I do. But that’s just it. We should have communicated before you left, and it would have made things a lot easier for you and a lot less scary for you. Because you didn’t know if I was mad, you didn’t know if I was upset. Yeah, because that was the first

 

Mallory Gordon  35:08

time it ever happened. And I was excited. But I also wanted to gauge and make sure you know, everything’s cool, because it’s all about coming back together at the end of whatever it is we’re doing.

 

Mickey Gordon  35:16

That’s exactly right. And so we’ll end this segment with one very important piece of information. And then I will let Mallory tell you all the great ways you can get ahold of us. But make sure you have a thick skin when because part of communicating is being willing to accept what your partner has to say. And it can help you avoid some of these fields that we’ve talked about in the last 30 minutes. It can help you avoid hurt feelings, it can help you avoid situations that you could really rather not be a part of. Right. And I think the best way to do that is say, you’re not going to hurt me by being honest with me. Just tell me what’s up. And you know, I would rather a couple that we met. And it hasn’t happened knock on wood. But I’d rather than say, Hey, we think she’s gorgeous. And we like you, but we’re not she’s not into you. But we still want to hang out and maybe the girls can play or maybe this means that I’d rather have some level of honesty than have somebody feel uncomfortable. Because I mean, as part of, you know, the greater consent conversation that we’ve all been having in the lifestyle lately. You do ask before you touch somebody you do make sure somebody wants you to, they still have to tell you, they don’t want you to have a thick skin and tell people Hey, I’m in or not.

 

Mallory Gordon  36:38

And it’s a it’s more than just sex get ethic. It’s Respect. Respect for yourself, respect for your partner, and respect for the people that you’re looking to play or not play with.

 

Mickey Gordon  36:48

Yeah, absolutely. So there I go use an absolutely gonna set it was not gonna say that word this time. And I’m going to count. Fantastic. I don’t know. But I think we’re just gonna make a list of words we’re not allowed to say over and over again. Absolutely seems to be one of my go to words. So we’re gonna do that. But Mallory, why don’t you tell everybody how they can find us? We’re going to take a quick break and come back and talk about exit strategies.

 

Mallory Gordon  37:09

All right, I can do that. So folks, if you’re looking for us, you can find us on www casual swinger.com. We’d want to communicate ask us questions give us feedback. You can email us at podcast at casual swinger. And look for us as casual slinger on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Cassie, SLS, and STC.

 

Mickey Gordon  37:29

She’s so good at that. It’s not even funny. We’ll be back in just a minute guys, and you’re listening to casuals. Alright, everybody, welcome back to casual swinger. So we’re gonna talk a little bit about exit strategies. What are the strategies?

 

Mallory Gordon  37:58

So it’s a way to communicate verbally or non verbally when you and your partner are or are not interested? And the couple or the person that you’re pursuing or being perceived by?

 

Mickey Gordon  38:10

Right. But it can also be maybe that hey, let’s get out of here. Right? Do you want to move on with the evening? Right? Yeah, it’s ways to move the evening forward exit strategies, let’s get from where we are right now. Where we want to be yes. is either the fuck away from you or to go fuck you. So and so for us? I mean, the most common way that we talk about exit strategies, and doesn’t matter which way we have code words

 

Mallory Gordon  38:38

that we use, we do and we came up with this after some of our fails. And, and I, in my opinion, it was pretty genius.

 

Mickey Gordon  38:47

Yeah, I think it was it was your idea. So it had to be genius.

 

Mallory Gordon  38:51

Yeah, yeah, they must have a little pat on the back. But yeah, we have we have a code word. And I don’t mind saying it on the air. Not at all. Now, the person will pay us. Yeah. So back in the day, we used to drink beer. And we’re, you know, we have a little bit of redneck and as I suppose you had a little redneck and your regular. But, um, course late was a beer that was pretty commonly found in our household. So we’re usually at a bar or an environment that serves alcohol. So we came up with a phrase, would you like a Coors Light? And yes or no would be the answer to the situation. Are you into these people? Are you ready to move on? Are you comfortable? You know, it worked in really many of those scenarios. And it was an easy way to not be blunt in front of the company that we were entertaining at the time.

 

Mickey Gordon  39:43

Oh, yeah. And you know, as I became a bourbon drinker, and you became a bourbon drinker, it became a lot easier. Yeah. Because then it was like, Oh, you guys are switching to beer. Hmm. That was the conversation. Yes.

 

Mallory Gordon  39:53

Exactly. People had no idea. No idea. And it was it was Yeah, it was so undercover and we still Is it to this day,

 

Mickey Gordon  40:01

we use it as jokes more often than not nowadays, because we’ve been doing this so long that I can tell by looking at somebody if they’re going to fit in your wheelhouse you don’t surprise me very often.

 

Mallory Gordon  40:12

That’s true. That’s true. And I I’m very good about raising my hand or, you know, finding a way to communicate that with you if it is a curveball.

 

Mickey Gordon  40:19

That’s true. That’s true. And when the when something does come up, that’s, that’s out of the usual but and you can usually tell by my body language, right? How about about your safe word? The purpose, the parsnips filled with three sometimes, you know, it’s the words you use. And it’s important that you use them. When we finished the last segment, we talked about having a thick skin and not being afraid to communicate, using your words is super important, and finding some words that you can use to communicate together to make sure that the other person knows that you are or you are not down with what’s going on, if you don’t have another way to communicate. So I mean, of course, ours is, you know, you want a quarter slate. Nobody wants a quarter slate, it’s terrible beer, but we drank a ton of it years ago.

 

Mallory Gordon  41:05

Yeah. And you know, when we first started using it, like we both like it was like, No, no, I don’t want a beer. Like I have a full drink right here. So you know, maybe that’s, you know, going, Hey, can you come help me at the bar to grab drinks for the table, and then extracting yourself from that situation to have, you know, a few moments to yourselves to talk about where you’re at? And it could be you know, we’ve sent text messages to each other before to

 

Mickey Gordon  41:28

where you can do that nowadays. Right? You couldn’t do that? You know? That’s true.

 

Mallory Gordon  41:32

Yeah. Yeah, cuz it costs, you know, 87 cents for every letter that he sent. But

 

Mickey Gordon  41:39

so when we talk about codewords being one of the ways to communicate and make sure that you do getting up and going to the bars and other arena, of course, there’s things that happen, you know, for example, you say, you want to go to the bar with me, so we can grab something and someone from the other couple, or that other guy or that or the girl goes, Oh, I’ll come with you. And you’re like, Well, shit. You know, so what you don’t want to do is go, I’m sorry, my wife has the shit. I knew that was going. Don’t want to do that. Okay, so you have to find a way to be able to communicate that and, and whether that’s, you know, text messaging, or maybe with your body language, what is it good example of body language that you use as a woman to tell a person that you’re not interested?

 

Mallory Gordon  42:26

That’s a tough. So it does depend on the situation. But, you know, a more closed body language is one way. I love people in general. But I’ve gotten better over time about how I’m communicating physically, in conversation in order to try to make sure I’m not sending mixed signals. You know, if I’m being a little more flirty, I might, you know, lean over and, you know, I enter Yeah, talk quieter, so it gets them closer to me. So, you know, you’re almost breathing on each other. But in a more closed off situation where maybe I’m not feeling intimate towards this person, you know, I’ll sit up straight, I’ll look them in the eye. I’ll keep my hands on my side of the table, you know, maybe in my lap, you know, I won’t cross my arms. Because, you know, I don’t want to be rude and send a message that you know, I think you’re boring me error, you suck or whatever. You know what I mean? I’m very aware of, you know, my body positioning. But, you know, those are a couple of the things I might do.

 

Mickey Gordon  43:33

Okay, what about leaning out, then leaning away and kind of shying away from the person? Is that something that? Yeah. Yeah. It’s,

 

Mallory Gordon  43:41

I think it’s something we all do. And I think it’s human nature.

 

Mickey Gordon  43:45

I do it because we’ve halitosis in an elevator.

 

Mallory Gordon  43:48

That’s true, too. But, I mean, we people watch a lot. I mean, that’s one of our favorite pastimes. And we can use it to gauge your situation pretty well, based on how people are, you know, interacting with approximations to each other. And, you know, the, the way they’re smiling, if they’re laughing, if they’re making eye contact, you can kind of, you know, gauge, you know, with their relationship, maybe maybe it’s a father and daughter, or maybe it’s a first date, maybe it’s, you know, and a couple that’s been together forever. We identified a few swingers

 

Mickey Gordon  44:25

that have been undies, which is they don’t lay rings on the right hand. We can see it a walk line got your eye people. Knuckles, right. So I think that’s really interesting because you know, when and again In the place where we are today as a society, it is important to be able to gauge body language and see how your partner is feeling. And or maybe maybe there is that single girl that’s there that maybe she feels preyed upon. Maybe she’s not comfortable. Maybe she’s being cornered on how into some different ways that we can identify how to communicate and help people with their exit strategies. And sometimes that means stepping in. I remember one time at Hito when you stepped in to help somebody that was exhibiting clear and present, you know, yeah, allocation problem need an exit strategy right now, that story might actually be worth sharing.

 

Mallory Gordon  45:20

Yeah, definitely. She was there with a friend. They were not intimate with each other. But there was a gentleman there that had identified her as an opportunity. And she was not interested. And she was trying to be kind, that was part of our personality. No, still no, regardless of how you say it, and he was not accepting it. And you could tell she was getting more uncomfortable. With that conversation. He was getting more aggressive. And he started to become a little physical. And I don’t mean, like he slapped her or anything. But he was reaching out. He was touching her she was, you know, stiffening and it was not okay. So, yeah, I stepped in to give her an exit strategy. And when he did not like that you stepped in.

 

Mickey Gordon  46:09

Yeah, that’s when I got involved in you know, we try to keep this thing positive and happier on casual swinger. But I think it’s important when we talk about exit strategies, that we acknowledge that it’s not just about us, it’s about the people around us, and we have to look out for each other. Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, you’ve always got it somebody at least if it’s a club, or a house party, or a resort, there are folks like me, who are nearby, and a lady just needs to say the word. And we communicate, and we we handle business.

 

Mallory Gordon  46:40

Yeah. And, and bless you for being that person. And I, I wish they were more like you out there in this world, and less of them.

 

Mickey Gordon  46:49

But Me too, because it’s sad and scary that somebody feels preyed upon, and doesn’t feel like they can communicate their feelings. So when we talk about communicating and having a thick skin and not being afraid to communicate, it’s also have that that backbone and that voice and use

 

Mallory Gordon  47:09

it there’s nothing wrong with being assertive. No, nothing wrong with being honest. I do owe yourself that that’s respecting yourself. Sure. No,

 

Mickey Gordon  47:17

we’ve also had ladies that were very assertive for what they wanted in their own. Right, right. We’ve had some people that we’ve traveled with it. Oh, yeah. They’ve been like, I want this. And I want this now. And I want this as often as I can get it. And yeah, that was even in some cases, a little off putting right. In some cases. Yeah. But I think but I liked it, though. I was like, a good You go girl, right, like, get

 

Mallory Gordon  47:38

you some Oh, no, no, we’re always cheerleading for the team that is out there doing their thing, making the best of what they have, and not hurting anybody in the process. I mean, rock on, just because it’s not our thing, or my thing or your thing, doesn’t mean it’s not an amazing thing. Right.

 

Mickey Gordon  47:55

Right. It’s, it’s and I think that all goes back to being upfront. Right? I’m just saying that this is what I want, or this is not what I want. And there’s nothing wrong with that. So not a bad, you know, I don’t think any of those ways other than maybe code words and text messages were really subtle. We talked about how maybe, you know, some subtle ways to deal with this deal with exit strategies? What are some actual subtle ways, right? One, so one of the things that I thought of was, you know, when times where maybe we’ve invited some friends over to the conversation and made it more of a group conversation a little less intimate, and turn the turn the interaction away from something we knew we didn’t want? And maybe that’s because it wasn’t a good time to maybe we didn’t know where their heads were at. But we want to know ours

 

Mallory Gordon  48:43

weren’t? Yes. So like reducing the level of intimacy in that moment.

 

Mickey Gordon  48:47

Yeah. Yeah. So I think that’s a very subtle way to kind of exit that interaction. But it helps. It really does it keeps, keeps it from going that way. And maybe they didn’t want it to go that way. Either. Maybe the people you bring over are exactly what they wanted. So and or maybe even something I’ve seen you do, which is offered to wingman to get somebody else. Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  49:12

renowned for that. And that’s, that’s been a really positive exit strategy for me. Because one, it lets them know, in a very, in the kindest way possible, and I’m upfront and honest about it, like I will, I will tell them point blank, especially if it’s asked directly where I’m at. But then I’ll ask them questions about what they’re looking for. And I’m like, so how can I help you achieve this goal of yours because I would love you to have a great time. It’s just not going to be with me. We’ve just, we’re not clicking. It’s not my bag. It’s not your bag, whatever it is.

 

Mickey Gordon  49:49

This all goes back to communication. This is where we started. And this is where we kind of end up in this whole conversation. And every person communicates in a different way. This is Really important for you guys. This is where you know, I go Mickey turn on work mode. And basically what happens here is, every person has their own style of communication. Every person communicates in their own way. And if you can communicate with them in a way that they understand, it’ll be a lot easier. So for example, if they’re very assertive, if they’re very upfront, it’s helpful for you to be the same way, even if it’s not your style, because they’ll get it faster. Right? You see, some people you just can be subtle with. And that maybe that’s because they’re not subtle. And that does make it a lot easier to maybe, maybe it’s an exit strategy, or maybe it’s to get what you want. I was talking to a friend of mine just this morning. And one of the things that we talked about was, how difficult it was to communicate today versus how it was years ago when we were younger and dating and how difficult it is for some people, because you know, we’re both married guys. And he was talking about a buddy of his who says that it’s the easiest thing in the world to do now, because he just goes online and sends a message that says, you want to fuck? And it’s like, how does that work? It never worked for me. Takes the art out of it in some way. Is that really how tender works? I mean, whoever came up with that? Yeah. But obviously, that’s not how it works from the lifestyle, you do have to communicate, you do have to work with each other. So what about communicating in in other ways? So we’ve got body language and code words, we’ve got trips to the bar, text messaging, that’s all exit strategies. What about photos? We’ve seen a lot of people that want to communicate through photos and talk about the things that they’re interested in and how active they are? Do we do you think that photos are an effective means of communication? We’re talking about online and trying to express who you are as people?

 

Mallory Gordon  51:56

I think it can be I think it is an expression of them. And so here’s the other side of it, though, it’s most photos, you’re putting your best foot forward, right? It’s like a billboard or an advertisement. And so yes, it can be, especially if you’re talking to somebody like for instance, I was sitting with somebody who’s in the band, so I can see those photos. So, yeah, definitely letting them know what they Yeah, what they’re into. But, you know, I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s effective. What do you think?

 

Mickey Gordon  52:32

I think that it definitely shows. So for example, we knew you were talking to somebody, and you exchange pictures in the first four pictures they send you or rhonchi. Right, that that’s where their heads at, right? That they want to, they want to get straight to the sex, right? Maybe if they send you a couple of fun pictures, you know, or something that’s a little more laid back. Maybe they’re the type.

 

Mallory Gordon  52:53

So you’re you’re talking about setting the town?

 

Mickey Gordon  52:55

Yeah, I think it sets the tone for the conversation, at least initially. And then of course, as you progress. I know in some of the relationships that we’ve had, you’ve exchanged photos with with, you know, them, and they go up and down, right. I mean, some, you know, some are a little bit of a tease tale. Now. I don’t think anybody that seen or STC or SLS doesn’t know You’re so bad. But you know, there’s a lot to communicating, there’s a lot to deciding you know how to communicate together to accomplish your goal, if that goal is to further the evening, if that goal is to end the evening, you know, you still have to decide a little bit ahead of time, how you’re going to do it. And so you guys are on the same page to make it easy if it’s a code word or something like that. But you also have to listen, we said at the beginning to be a great communicator, you have to be a great speaker, and a great listener. And to do those things to be a great speaker and a great listener. That means you have to pay attention, you have to see the other person, right? I mean, and maybe even in an uncomfortable situation, like when you were on the middle of a dance floor saving some poor girl from a douchebag. Right. If I didn’t see you if I wasn’t watching you if I wasn’t paying attention. Oh, yeah, I made sure I had line of sight to you. Something was going down. Right. So I think that all of these things kind of summed up in a total for you guys. our listeners are. Talk to me. That’s the whole title. Talk to me, goose. It says, tell me what’s up. Tell me how you feel and tell me what you’re thinking. If we’re in the bedroom, and we’re alone together, I can listen to you breathe, but I can’t listen to you breathe in a crowded bar. No, I need you to be upfront and I need you to not be afraid to hurt my feelings. And say, I don’t want this. I know you think she’s the bee’s knees, but you can’t have her. Yeah, well,

 

Mallory Gordon  54:48

that goes both ways. And you know, sometimes there’s, you know, you agree to disagree in some situations where you’re in somebody and I’m not into somebody, but that doesn’t mean that’s off the table for us. That’s all about communicating. You know,

 

Mickey Gordon  55:02

I showed everybody that I’m an old fart and use the term bee’s knees. Yeah. What do you add? I know, right? I live in Florida. And it’s true, right? It’s the liver spot capital of the world. It’s awful. But hey, I tell you what, guys, we’re gonna come back here in just a couple of minutes and talk about some celebrity stuff that’s going on and some other swinging in the news, some stuff going on out in Sacramento that we thought was kind of interesting and maybe a little sad, but we’ll, we’ll put that out there for you guys. In just a few minutes. Mallory, you want to tell everybody how they can find this?

 

Mallory Gordon  55:31

Sure. You guys can find us at www dot casuals springer.com. You can also find this ask casual slinger on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, SLS Cassidy and STC. She’s still better at that than I am. Guys. We’ll be right back after the break. You’re listening to casual swinging. Welcome back to casual slinger Mallory, and this is Mickey. And we’re gonna get into swinging in the news.

 

Mickey Gordon  56:18

Oh, you know, I love this segment whenever there’s something good to talk about.

 

Mallory Gordon  56:21

Yeah. And you have a really great story today. But before you get started, I have to comment on Dolly Parton on The Tonight Show. I don’t know if anyone saw this. But it was utterly hilarious. They were having a conversation about this new movie she’s doing with Jennifer Aniston. And she made this comment that just blew me away. First of all, apparently, her husband has a huge crush on her. And she said that he wasn’t really interested in the music she necessarily wrote for this, but more interested in Jennifer Aniston. In fact, he probably want a threesome. Oh my god. Did you see the video? Jimmy Fallon like falls over and he’s laughing What? It’s all he knows. 600 I have no idea that this looks good though. Like whoever her surgeon is rock on. Mica she’s like the same as last like 20 years. Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  57:12

she hasn’t changed at all. She and Cher I think they’re gonna be around after the

 

Mallory Gordon  57:17

but the best part the very, very best part was she goes I don’t know what he’s gonna do with it. He can barely get it up to pee. She just threw him under the bus. Totally, totally didn’t even look up to see her husband was this is poor journalism on my part. But I mean, it’s been all over you know, my social media feeds and it’s just hysterical.

 

Mickey Gordon  57:42

I think it’s really interesting though that the world goes crazy when a star mentions a threesome.

 

Mallory Gordon  57:48

You know? I it’s kind of funny because that 20 years ago I don’t know that that would ever have been mentioned on live TV especially something like the tonight show. Like it died right? It’s been implied but never like out there like that.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:04

I just I find it you know, crazy that I want maybe that shows how many how much Puritan is left in us right that may be part of this is still on the Mayflower? That’s a great analogy. We just haven’t quite gotten past it. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  58:18

that completely but I was I mean, because you know, she’s not a spring chicken in for her to make a comment like that. And she’s always kind of been more of a both her and Betty White. I forget a door.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:29

Well, apparently those two are like the same age. Yeah, pretty close. And they’re both eternal because Betty White has also cheated death for the last four years. I had her in the Deadpool last year in last. Don’t you dare. Well, I’m just saying. I mean, she is like, the 1000s her in Yoda. Oh, geez.

 

Mallory Gordon  58:50

digress. Yeah, so maybe you found this a great story about a quote unquote, swinger club out in Sacramento.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:57

Yeah. So this story comes to us. You know, we tend to crawl and look around for this kind of information. And the reason I thought this was interesting, is because, you know, swing clubs get shut down all the time. And I think it sucks. I think that it’s not fair. I think that there are a lot of alternative lifestyles that are perfectly acceptable. And people don’t have an issue with it. But lifestyle and swing is still a problem for some people. And again, the Puritan is strong, especially in the really, really, really rightful right. And these guys, what I thought was interesting. So this place is called if you want to Google it, it’s called poly urban studios. And poly urban studios. It was in the Del Paso Heights area of Sacramento. It was shut down just like about a week ago. So it was just shut down recently. And it was shut down by law enforcement and city council and community activists who were so pissed off, that these people had had the audacity to have a swing club. And I guess you know, there’s probably laws.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:00:03

Okay. Like, so we were talking about this before we started recording Do you think it had to do with like any morality laws that possibly exists out there? Because we live next to a county not in the county next to a county, who had morality laws. And before we moved, we found out about him, I went really ridiculous.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:00:23

Well, it’s funny because that particular county in Florida is so bad. Their Sheriff actually went after the owner of a website back in the day that was called now that’s fucked up was the name of the website. And he put him in jail. The man didn’t even live in Florida. The man lived in another state, but because people, residents of his county could access it, the judge actually let him prosecute, and they actually brought him up on charges and convicted him of a felony in Florida. Wow, for a website that he ran. That’s insane. So do you think this was maybe the case? And I think that has something to do with their head of legal precedent. But the legal precedent, I think is more interesting. Oh, yeah. This Yeah. And I think this is more interesting. And I’m really hoping something comes to this is freedom of religion. That’s true, because they are registered as a church. Yes, they are. They are registered as an adult motivational and life skill center. But they’re also a church. So Polly urban studios, was a church. And they actually on the walls, they were a certified church. And they had a certified pastor, who was the head of this church now, is it still a swing club? Yeah, of course it is. I mean, it’s, that’s the crazy part about it, right? But So was that like, next to a main road, open windows? No, no windows on the building, and interest. So I looked it up on the map to see where it was. And it’s across the street from an AutoZone. And a car dealership, and a tattoo studio sounded like it was across the street from elementary school now, and not at all and are their residences in the area. Sure, on Google Maps, there’s residences everywhere. But these are people I mean, there’s a McDonald’s. There’s things around, but by looking at this building from the outside, looking at it from the news story, there’s nothing that told you what was going on there unless somebody had been in and then left and told the story. And at that point, I think, again, you know, from Why is this swinging the news for us? Because, first of all, what a great idea, right? They said, You can’t do this. And they went well, what if we made it a church? I think that’s awesome. That’s enterprise, genius. It’s a great loophole if that’s what they were looking for. And they really weren’t just doing lifestyle, only stuff. They really were looking to bring lifestyle oriented, like minded people together. So they had lessons on the world of heroes every day. So daily lesson, so it was a training center. And they also had movies and yoga and Zumba and football. It was kind of like a Moose Lodge for perverts. Interesting, isn’t it? I thought it was kind of really neat. And so again, this place is called Polly urban studios, and it was in Sacramento and on 1126, they managed to shut it down. Now my favorite part is how the media interpret stuff like this, I always get pissed off personally when I see the media or the movies or somebody really mischaracterize what it means to be in the lifestyle.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:21

And kind of like a kin to the weather channel where they’re fighting the wind and some dudes just walking like to do in the background.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:29

So in this particular case, the name of the story was neighbors outraged over alleged sex club while they quoted one person. So that’s not neighbors. No, near correct. That’s neighbor. A neighbor our raid. Yeah. Two sources is the rural submarine. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So neighbor outraged. And then neighbor said, we don’t want that type of stuff in our neighborhood. Well, my thought and what I had to say to her folks is I’m really sorry, she’s not getting laid, because she doesn’t want that sort of stuff.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:59

What I’m interested in is what, how they brought this to court. Right? Because now this is a legal precedent. Yeah, it is. This actually changes things. If I were an owner or a proprietor of any anything lifestyle oriented in that area. I’d be dotting my eyes and crossing my T’s.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:19

Yeah, well, apparently the pastor’s name is big gray. Hopefully big gray. Gray. Yeah, what a big gray. Nice work dude.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:04:28

But I wonder how long we were in operation for and what the actual complaint was, other than I don’t like their lifestyle, or,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:39

you know, how they choose to live their lives. Well, and, you know, historically, at least, from what I can see in the United States, California kind of leads the way in liberalism. And you know, when alternative lifestyles people in California tends to be a little more open minded than a lot of other places and I’m,

 

Mallory Gordon  1:04:57

and then a lot of state capital. Yeah, and a lot of legal ways. I mean, there’s there’s been things that California has spearheaded.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:05:04

Yeah. And, you know, I got to imagine that these the city councilman and these law enforcement agents, yes, I’m sure there was something illegal that they were doing by having these activities there. But they had to know that they have a shitstorm coming their way, because they just shut down a church. And if I’m sorry, it’s a church, if that’s part of what they do is their ethos of being a church. It is what it is, it’s freedom of religion. So I’m interested to see where this goes. I the interview, I think we’re gonna follow

 

Mallory Gordon  1:05:36

the story pretty closely, because I’m wondering what kind of appeals or if this will be escalated, because this is, which court did it go to do? You know,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:05:45

it didn’t go to a court at all, they city shut this down. Ah, hasn’t been to court yet. Ah, this has only been going on in the month of November. So we tend to watch this kind of stuff around the country and look for things that we think are interesting. And again, lifestyle clubs get shut down all the time by cities, and a lot of times, so what you’ll find in some parts, North Carolina is a great example, the whole state on premise clubs pretty much don’t exist there. Right? That’s just not a thing. So when you’re talking about places like Florida, places like Maryland, you can get away with having 10 fraying and Sylvania on Pennsylvania. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting the swing club. But there are just tons of ways and places to do this sort of thing in certain states. But in some states, there’s nothing. Yeah, right. Virginia be a great example. You have nothing. So you’re what’s the rule with the law, like you said, and more importantly, cannot law be circumvented by opening a religious establishment with with a bonafide religion which it appears these guys at least did for a while? Well, I

 

Mallory Gordon  1:06:47

mean, if pasta foreign can become a religion, do you remember that too? Like, what 15 years ago, the guy with a colander on his head was pasta for like, that was legit legal, they let it go? Yeah. And I

 

Mickey Gordon  1:07:03

think at the end of the day, the thing that matters the most is how many people you pissed off. Um, pasta. Florian was cute, didn’t bother anybody but the pasta fari and wasn’t having a gangbang in the back room while the zoom classes going on. So I’m interested to see what it is. We’d love to know what you guys think. Right? So reach back out to us and tell us what your thoughts are on this story. What happens if a church actually has lifestyle oriented activities is part of what it does. I am going to reach out to the spiritual swingers and ask them what their thoughts are on it. Oh, that’s a good call. Right? Because those guys are religious in their lifestyle. So I’m interested to hear what their thoughts are on this very story. So I’m gonna reach out to them if they happen to hear this podcast. Don’t be shy. Reach out what up guys. But let us know what you think about this. Let us know what you think about our conversation about communication and exit strategies and all the other stuff we talked about today.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:07:58

Yeah, let us know if you guys are going to be in any of the areas we’re traveling to New Year’s Eve at taboo in Maryland. Yeah, for that. Yeah. Jamaica and February in May. And don’t forget Nadia Nolan’s Nolan Nolen in July. Well,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:08:15

we have so much fun hanging out with you guys and we’re going to be back with you here in just two weeks. We’ll get you one more time before Christmas. So we’ll come back and play Christmas music or something. That sounds fantastic. I love Christmas. I know you do and I heard enough of this shit already. All right, why don’t you tell everybody how they can find this and we’ll get out of here.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:08:33

Alright guys, again, www casual swinger.com is the website you can find the new calendar that’s updated by towards souls on there. We are casual swinger just about everywhere. So find us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Cassidy SLS and STC. We love you guys. Thanks for joining us today. Take it easy.