Talkin’ Dirty w/ author Lexi Sylver

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“Do you like that?”  “Smack my ass!”  “Call me a dirty girl…”

How do YOU talk dirty in the bedroom?  Ever wondered how some people are just SO good at it?  Ever struggled with what to say in sexy situations?  Meet Lexi Sylver, an erotic author and Media Director for SDC, who joins us today to talk about her new book, “Mating Season,” and helping you talk better smut in your own bedroom adventures!

About Lexi Sylver

Lexi Sylver is the producer and host of the adult sexual education podcast SDC Presents: Seek, Discover, Create with Lexi Sylver. As the Media Director for SDC.com, the world’s largest adult sex education and swingers dating platform, Lexi collaborates with sexuality, health and relationship experts to provide reliable resources for those who seek it. In her work as an advocate, educator and coach for consensual non-monogamy and the swinging lifestyle, she travels frequently to conferences, writes articles for SDC.com, ASN Lifestyle Magazine and Pornhub, and speaks publicly at events like The Montreal Taboo Sex Show (Le Salon de l’Amour et de la Séduction). Lexi wrote and creatively produced nearly 200 movies, series and scenes in the adult entertainment industry and was nominated for an AVN award for Best Screenplay. She is a published erotic author with her new book, a collection of erotic short stories called Mating Season, currently underway. Her mission is to promote empowerment and education by guiding you to shamelessly explore your Lexuality. Find out more at https://lexisylver.com and follow Lexi on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

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Talkin Dirty w Lexi Sylver

Thu, 9/2 10:04AM • 1:15:47

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, story, talking, swinger, book, sexy, dirty, partner, sex, erotic, casual, stc, bdsm, obscure, called, feel, love, sexual, season, labels

SPEAKERS

Lexi Sylver, Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon

 

Mallory Gordon  00:02

You’re listening to the casual swinger podcast as your hosts, we need to warn you that the material you’re about to hear may be sexual or explicit in nature. This podcast is intended for an adult audience. Now we don’t expect you to act like adults. What’s the fun in that?

 

Mickey Gordon  00:16

We’re a married couple living in Florida with over 13 years of experience in the lifestyle and we take almost nothing seriously. Casual swingers a variety show meaning we’ll cover everything from music to events, travel, and even the occasional hilarious screw up. Our show is about entertainment. We’re not licensed professionals had anything and our stories, commentary and guidance should not be confused with the opinions of a licensed professional.

 

Mallory Gordon  00:41

Now that you know, lipstick those pants off and get comfy.

 

Mickey Gordon  00:50

everybody welcome to casual swinger season three, Episode Six. My name is Mickey. I’m one of your co hosts.

 

Mallory Gordon  00:57

Yeah, I know Mallory. Oh, you are? I’m a co host. Oh,

 

Mickey Gordon  01:00

okay. Well, you’re prettier than me.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:01

Ah, shucks.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:03

I think everybody knows that though. It was funny. I was talking to a couple from Lauderdale that had reached out to us. We mentioned them a little later in the episode. But these guys, one of the first things he said was like, Wow, she’s prettier than

 

Mallory Gordon  01:17

  1. I think you’re pretty.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:19

No, he was actually being really cool.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:21

Now. It was really sweet. Actually. I was super flattered.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:23

Yeah, that was that was a really cool message to get. So we loved that. So if you guys are listening, there’s there’s another shout out to you somewhere in this episode and the interview later. But yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  01:32

we’re not guessing.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:33

I really, it’s nice. It’s always good to get messages from listeners. We love hearing from you guys. But when you really explain like these guys did, that something we did made a difference in your life. That is pretty much the biggest gift you can give a content creator in any space, whether it’s YouTube, or podcasting, or writers or bloggers, which I don’t necessarily put them in the same category. But you know, I really think that’s like the biggest gift you can give somebody that creates something.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:02

Oh, absolutely. Because when we put stuff out into the ether, we never know, it could just go across the universe and never touch a soul.

 

Mickey Gordon  02:09

I mean, we could literally just release this thing and nobody ever hears it.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:12

Yeah, we knew that going into it. But you’re right. It’s um, it feels really good. It makes my soul happy. Yeah, we get feedback like that

 

Mickey Gordon  02:21

your friend like a Cheshire Cat did. That was pretty cool. Anyway. Alright, so what’s going on around here lately, guys? Well, all kinds of things. So first of all, first and foremost, do not forget that you still have time between now and about a month from now. To do your enter your lifetime membership to double date, nation. lifetime membership gets you entered into a giveaway, basically for a free womanizer. Premium.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:44

Yes, yes. And I think that use casual 19 2019, casual 2019 my bad I need to learn to read folks. But yeah, when you sign up, use that code, casual 2019 and automatically three months, for three free months. And what do they have to do to get

 

Mickey Gordon  03:03

a lifetime membership,

 

Mallory Gordon  03:03

then that’s easy. So they just get a lifetime membership and everyone is eligible? That’s right. That’s awesome. Yeah, it

 

Mickey Gordon  03:09

doesn’t matter whose code you use, you can use we got two things code, you can use affix code, you can use anybody’s code that you want. If you use casual 2019, you do get three free months, but you also do it if you get everybody else’s. And David and your friends of ours, we don’t take money from them or anything. If you use our code, great, you get three months you don’t great, you get three months from somebody else. But you get entered into a giveaway for the womanizer premium that is courtesy of us in casual toys calm.

 

Mallory Gordon  03:35

Yes, sir. And you have to do this by September 30. Correct?

 

Mickey Gordon  03:38

Yes, because something changes big. And so if you have to buy your lifetime membership by then

 

Mallory Gordon  03:43

and just to throw it out there even if David entity did not want to be our friends. That platform is amazing, beautiful, intuitive. Check it out. Take the three free months. And then if you love it, make sure you buy your lifetime before September 30.

 

Mickey Gordon  03:58

Yeah, somebody asked me the other day like well, why are you doing it if you’re not doing it for money? And I was like, Well, first of all, I love these people. They’re amazing. But second of all, we want more people on double date. That’s that’s that’s really the thing is like we want as many people on there as we can find because if we’re all in more of the same places, then we can find more friends. Yes, sir. which I really like. So next weekend is a big weekend for us.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:18

What’s next weekend

 

Mickey Gordon  04:19

virtual podcast.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:21

So excited.

 

Mickey Gordon  04:23

Yeah, and we’re doing it shockingly enough. And the reason I brought up double the first is we are hosting a double date with doubles.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:30

So everyone’s gonna get to see how awkward I am and

 

Mickey Gordon  04:32

they were doing to date with double date nation and you get to see the date exclusively. If you sign up for virtual podcaster Palooza, you can sign up for virtual podcaster Palooza at podcast dash, a dash palooza.com it’s 25 bucks. There’s going to be presentations from us the bed hoppers sex linen erupted. Yeah, there’s so many so many great people that are going to be producing content there. I can’t wait to see monogamous marriages content. Yeah, they’re doing

 

Mallory Gordon  05:03

that how to host like, awesome house.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:06

Like I need help with that I really do. So

 

Mallory Gordon  05:08

we will we need to like invite people over. I think that’s where it starts. We need to pray we can. Yeah, we need friends that are under thought 1000 miles away,

 

Mickey Gordon  05:15

right? Yeah. Are you talking about Phoenix again? Maybe because all of our friends are so fucking far away. Oh,

 

Mallory Gordon  05:21

we have like a Midwest contingency to

 

Mickey Gordon  05:23

Iowa.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:24

Yeah, Iowa, Indiana. Ohio. Yeah, Illinois.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:29

Yeah, I gotta tell you our friends in Iowa are enough for us to travel to Iowa, though. I’ll go back to Iowa for them.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:34

Yeah, I like cornfields. It’s cool.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:36

cornfields that you’re into? Is that what it is? Sure. Okay.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:39

And then because that’s how they get corn fed, right? Because that’s what makes them so.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:45

You know what, that’s actually not my favorite thing about them. They may be the kindest, most genuine people. Yeah, that’s true. They really are just something I know. We’re kind of talking about something you guys have no idea we’re talking about. We have like two or three groups of friends up there in Iowa. And they’re all just amazing.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:59

Yeah, I was like, I don’t know. 32 years old. The first time I met somebody from Iowa. Wow. So I was like, Oh, that’s still here.

 

Mickey Gordon  06:08

I still thought it fell off. What’s in the middle of

 

Mallory Gordon  06:13

fairness, I’m a little naive. I’m not well traveled, I can’t even see I’m really cultured. So I’m learning. I’m learning as we go. He’s

 

Mickey Gordon  06:24

a pervert. That’s why I have his folks. So if you get a chance, make sure to join us for virtual podcasts it was I do think it’s going to be a lot of fun. And it’s going to be something a little different than what you can get normally here on casual swinger. Now, also, don’t forget coming up we have November in February with Rachel’s rascals.

 

Mallory Gordon  06:43

I’m so excited, I cannot wait for November, it’s gonna be amazing. It’s

 

Mickey Gordon  06:47

off the hook. It’s and we’ve, we’ve still got, you know, 80 couples coming with us. So still gonna be awesome.

 

Mallory Gordon  06:52

Yeah, and by the way, just keeping up to date with information that’s available. So go to visit jamaica.com to stay up to date, because they used to have what four or five states that were required to have the testing done before entry into the country, right, four, four. So now it’s every US state, you have to have a negative COVID test on prove lab by an approved lab. 10 days before you arrive, you still have to fill out all the forms that we discussed previously. So just throwing that out there anyone planning a trip here soon. Also, if you’re traveling, remember, you have to stay on premise. So wherever your destination is, that’s the only place you can be

 

Mickey Gordon  07:31

Yeah. Which means you can do what a lot of people do which is go stay at a different resort the day you get there. Because you know a lot of times you travel all day, it’s the last day who wants to spend $500 on the last day just to be it heater to say you were when you can go down, you know, to Ivan’s or something for 99.

 

Mallory Gordon  07:47

Yeah, and the girl no girl has a lot of like really nice, like vanilla resorts there. And a lot of people do that. But the way it’s outlined right now, once you leave the airport, you are going to one destination and you’re just stay there until you are ready to leave.

 

Mickey Gordon  08:01

Yeah. So you just kind of have to go where you’re going. Yeah, either means shortening your trip, or just paying the money to be there an extra day. I know the resorts not sad about that

 

Mallory Gordon  08:10

now and I’m not sad if you come a day early. Come often,

 

Mickey Gordon  08:13

yes, but these parties that we’re throwing down here in November in February, we still have a couple of rooms left if you really want to get the hell away. Reach out to us go to casual swinger comm slash travel with us. And check out what we’ve got on Rachel’s rascals calm. That’s everything you can do. You can just go directly to Rachel’s rascals calm, that’s our AC h A L. S. rascals calm and see what the rates are and the different room types and stuff like that. But they really the gist of it is we’re throwing a badass party. We are also there the same time as some other good friends of ours, which is iOS connections, and the dirty pervs for dirty perv week. Yeah, man. Now those guys throw a fantastic party by themselves. You put the two of us together, and it’s going to be like two hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico at the same time.

 

Mallory Gordon  08:56

Oh, is that supposed to be plenty? Plenty? Yeah, I

 

Mickey Gordon  08:59

don’t know. It might not even be funny, but they don’t look like they’re gonna be that bad as far as hurricanes go. So just you know, kind of category ones blow some shit around there. I

 

Mallory Gordon  09:06

love I love how you just said that. It’s like this project. So we’re going to take me an hour.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:11

Oh, wait a minute. See, that’s not funny, because they’re only supposed to take me an hour. It’s not my fault that things take longer.

 

Mallory Gordon  09:17

Don’t think that

 

Mickey Gordon  09:20

our fingers are crossed for everybody. I will say this. And I’m serious as a heart attack when I say this, that what’s going on in the world out there today in California with the fires. Two hurricanes rolling up. I will tell you there’s a lot of people in this world that are good people that are wishing the wind would blow in a different direction and ruin somebody else’s life and not theirs. It’s not because they’re bad people. It’s just the way we’re all wired. You know, when a hurricane is coming this way we go God, I wish it would go the other way because, well, it would go out into the Atlantic and that would be great. It wouldn’t bother anybody. But once you get into the Gulf of Mexico, no matter what it does, it’s going to screw somebody’s life up so our fingers are crossed for everybody. Amen. But so let’s talk about kind of what we’ve been doing here. How about planning for our Florida torium

 

Mallory Gordon  09:59

Oh my My gosh. So it’s bittersweet, right? So we have a room opening up somewhere in the next, you know, couple of months or so. We have a birdie leaving the nest, which opens up space. That’s really ideal for for Annika torium.

 

Mickey Gordon  10:12

Yeah, so we’re basically going to build what amounts to a dungeon, but I don’t know

 

Mallory Gordon  10:18

that I would call it a dungeon because I mean, we’re in to some bondage and impact play, maybe, but not really like BDSM. So I’m really trying to envision what this is going to look like, because, and hopefully, we’re not the only people that ended up playing in there. Hell no. So I want to actually ask our listeners if you had to build your sex room. What would it include?

 

Mickey Gordon  10:43

Yeah, it’s a great question. What would you put in your own foreigner consortium? What goes there, man? Because I think that the obvious answers are, you know, things like Liberator bedroom adventure gear.

 

Mallory Gordon  10:55

Yeah, we have the s we have. It’s gonna be perfect in there.

 

Mickey Gordon  10:58

Right? I mean, we have your motor bunny. Yeah. What are the things? I mean, I want to do some things for bondage.

 

Mallory Gordon  11:03

Yeah, I want a spanking bench for sure. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I had like, a couple experiences with them. And I’m so in love. So I think you want

 

Mickey Gordon  11:13

like a legit horse, though. Because we have the Liberator spanking bench. And it’s a little more. I don’t I guess the best way to put it is it’s it’s it’s squishy. And it’s really not so yeah, don’t worry, it’s you the way that a genuine horse spank.

 

Mallory Gordon  11:28

Yeah, cuz this one, like literally, when you look at it, it looks kind of like a sawhorse with padding until you get a little closer. And it’s got like the knee holes and everything. You can widen them and shorten them, depending on you know how long your legs are. And that’s definitely something I want. We talked about in St. Andrew’s cross. I’m conflicted on that one.

 

Mickey Gordon  11:45

Well, it makes it obvious when you walk into that room what that room is for. Yeah, I know someone’s fucking in here. No, I know. Pretty cool.

 

Mallory Gordon  11:52

But I you know, I just want to get a kind of idea. Because if I had to, like really dig into my imagination, I envision like a bonds like room where everything looks really like normal, and then you hit a button and everything flips out. So

 

Mickey Gordon  12:06

Well, here’s what we’re gonna do. So we’re going to obviously put some things into this room, and we’re going to look for your feedback listeners. So reach out to us and let us know what you think goes in the casual swinger foreigner tutorial. And once we get it all together, we will do an episode and guide you guys through a tour. I

 

Mallory Gordon  12:23

will give you a tour.

 

Mickey Gordon  12:25

Yeah, so you’ll get a demonstration. We’re Oh, yeah, demonstrations.

 

Mallory Gordon  12:28

No, we could do video. That’s true. We will just have to look like we’re on unsolved mysteries. Oh, that’d

 

Mickey Gordon  12:32

be funny. Yeah, we’ll put it on YouTube or something. We’ll figure it out. But I think it’s gonna be a lot of fun. But before too much time goes by, because we do have to get to what we’re doing here today. The whole reason we’re here is to talk shit. Talk about smart, not actual shit. We’re going to talk about smart, we’re gonna talk about talking dirty. And we’re going to talk about our special guest today. So let’s talk about talking dirty. Just you and I first,

 

Mallory Gordon  12:55

okay, what do you want to know? Are you interviewing me?

 

Mickey Gordon  12:59

I want to know. I mean, you’ve always been a really good shit talker in bed.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:04

I love that you say that. You make it easy, though. And we’ve been together so long. I know where your hot buttons are. And I think the challenge with talking dirty is being with a new partner and how deep in their mind you are when you go into the physical action of sex? I think that’s part of it. Hmm.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:23

Well, I know that other people obviously don’t do it for me the way you do it. So I think definitely a aspect to talk and shit in bed that, you know, you’re better at because you know me the way you do. And you know what my hot buttons are. But you were good at it to begin with. Yeah, so there’s something intuitive about you, where you kind of see maybe that I’m watching something in particular. So he and on it and watch it and talk about it.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:48

It’s totally my ad. It’s my add 100%

 

Mickey Gordon  13:52

Yeah, yeah. Which is really, really hot. And then I mean, you you know, I’m visual. So you’re like, you know, what do you want to see? Yeah, so you talk about it. Yeah. And you talk about what it is I’m looking at. I think all of those things are really hot for me. But I don’t know where the hell you get it from. It’s just something you seem to be naturally good at.

 

Mallory Gordon  14:09

Oh, maybe I’m just a little bit of a minx. I don’t know. I don’t know. I love being able to do that. I love a good mindfuck but I don’t feel like I can open that opportunity up for somebody unless I give it to them first. You know, it’s like can I guess consenting

 

Mickey Gordon  14:26

to it? Do you like being taught dirty too? And is it the same type of talking dirty that you give?

 

Mallory Gordon  14:32

Okay, so I do I do but I am bearish and blush really easily. And when I feel that way, especially when I’m super flattered. I start giggling. So I fucked up dirty talk before by giving off like the impression that I found it hilarious and not sexy by giggling so I have to kind of control that.

 

Mickey Gordon  14:52

Okay, well, maybe that’s a challenge for a lot of people. Now, another challenge for a lot of people is not knowing what to say or what types of things People might find find attractive or interesting. And so what we did for you guys, is we went out and found an erotic

 

Mallory Gordon  15:08

author literally a silver tongue devil.

 

Mickey Gordon  15:10

Oh, yes, she did. I did that. There. We have for you guys coming up in just a couple of minutes, the beautiful the erotic and the very fucking twisted, talented,

 

Mallory Gordon  15:21

gorgeous.

 

Mickey Gordon  15:23

Can you just Well, she likes adjectives more than we do. So

 

Mallory Gordon  15:25

I need to open up my vocabulary a little more.

 

Mickey Gordon  15:29

Oh, she and I had fun. You did? I

 

Mallory Gordon  15:31

was like, are they gonna fuck? Because I’m cool with that. Wow, you know, she’s

 

Mickey Gordon  15:36

great. She’s pansexual. But I also get the sense that she’s CBS sexual a little bit too, because when we were talking, there was just certain aspects of the conversation where I saw her light up on video. Yeah, it was it was I think that having people that can really engage in discourse, the way we were able to before and after the interview was was exciting for both of us. So I actually really enjoyed personally that interview on a lot of levels.

 

Mallory Gordon  16:00

Oh, I did as well. I mean, she’s, she’s a lot of different things. So strong women like that, automatically, like I have an immense amount of respect for but the way how personable she is, how tangible she is, but also how intelligent she is. I mean, we’ve interacted with her previously and that opportunity to to have that discussion with her like, I didn’t want it to stop. Yeah. And do we do a spoiler alert because we ended up talking to her longer than our episode we

 

Mickey Gordon  16:28

did. Yeah, we ended up this is gonna be a little long. We’re gonna say this whole episodes, probably about an hour and 20 minutes long, guys, and I know we’ve had a lot of long episodes this season. But I gotta tell you, this one’s worth it. We talked about her job in SDC. We talked about her book meeting season Volume One, which is a collection of erotic short stories, and we’ve been dig in to the motivations of some of the characters and some of those stories. Yes, before we get into what is really what we want you to hear in this episode, which is talking shit in the bedroom from expert smut. So if you’ve ever wanted to know how to talk better shit to your partner, doesn’t matter whether that partner is somebody you’re just fucking or somebody that you’re in love with. This is an opportunity to hear from somebody who literally dreams up perverted shit for a living

 

Mallory Gordon  17:12

Yeah, there’s some great advice stuffed in there.

 

Mickey Gordon  17:15

So we thought this was a great episode for you guys. It was so much fun to record. And I know I’m gushing over Lexie here but it was really it was really a good one for me.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:24

Somebody has a crush a lot i love it i

 

Mickey Gordon  17:28

think but anyway baby Why don’t you let everybody know how to find us and we will get to the good shit guys.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:35

All right, guys. We’re casual swinger everywhere. Casual swinger.com is our website you can reach out to us there or podcast that casual swingers.com Feel free to shoot us a note. We’re on social media as casual swinger that’s Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram. You can also find us on the dating sites. double date nation, STC SLS and quiver and Cassidy

 

Mickey Gordon  17:57

oh look at you Yeah, you never fail. Alright folks, without further ado, we bring you the erotic the sensual the brilliant lexy silver talking shit here on casual swinger.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:24

Welcome back everyone in the moment you’ve all been waiting for.

 

Mickey Gordon  18:27

Oh, is that it? Yeah, another interview with casual swinger guys. This has been so so long in the making, right? We are avid users have lifestyle dating sites like SDC which stands for seek discover Connect. How about that? I think that used to be swingers deep clubs, so it kind of you know change. But anyway, they’ve got this incredibly attractive little minx and author of smut a director of marketing. You know, this girl does it all. It’s been said that the mind is the greatest erogenous zone to get inside your partner’s head is to get in their bed. Authors know how to get in the readers head and one such Pro is that girl we’re talking about today the sexy author of a new book of erotic short stories. It’s called meeting season and her name is Lexi silver. Lexi How are you today darlin.

 

Lexi Sylver  19:13

Oh, I am so good. Especially after that intro. I feel way more competent and coming in here.

 

Mickey Gordon  19:20

You know, I’m here to pump you up.

 

Lexi Sylver  19:22

Yes. Ah ha ha ha puns intended.

 

Mickey Gordon  19:26

Right? Well, you know, I mean, I’m the one that gets pumped up but not literally, I mean, this way you can pump water if you want to. But let’s talk about you how you been what you’ve been up to.

 

Lexi Sylver  19:35

I have been great. I have been writing a ton of smart new stuff, which I should probably, you know not be talking about because it is only going to be coming out next year. But I’m already working on more things even though I just published meeting season. I can’t seem to stop myself. So

 

Mallory Gordon  19:54

that’s, that’s so awesome. So you’re a lot of things. I mean, you’re this amazing author. I mean, you’re Whoa, busier calendar slammed, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and all the things you do in addition to be a writer and an author? Oh, my, how much time do we have? As much as you want?

 

Lexi Sylver  20:12

I do quite a few things. I think the thing that I’m that I spend the most time doing is that I’m the media director for STC, like you said, seek discover, connect, we have this whole media site devoted to sex education, learning about open relationships, different kinds of relationships, how to get into them, and all of that. So I get to work with educators all around the world, in five different languages. And, you know, get to listen to their podcasts, like yourselves, get to look at their videos, read their articles, and pop them onto STC. And this way, it’s such a great connection, because I get to also work with the members and see what our members are interested in learning more about, and then I get you know, so I’m this really lucky intermediary where I get to learn and help educate simultaneously just by virtue of working with SDC. So that’s one of the things let’s start with that.

 

Mickey Gordon  21:18

That’s one thing, I sdcs huge as an absolute numbers, but it sounds to me like their mission has kind of morphed a little bit where it was a place for lifestyles, or where people in kink to, to get together and just connect. And now it’s kind of morphed into a community, and maybe a little more of a social media entity where people go to get educated as well as get Connect. Absolutely.

 

Lexi Sylver  21:44

And, you know, I think we must have launched the media site. And by media, I need the educational part, because there’s the dating site, which is what you’re used to, you’re super active on it, you know, you can connect with the members directly, you can build your own communities and groups, find out what parties are going on that kind of thing. So there’s the dating site. And then there’s the media site. And since we launched a media site a couple years back to, you know, help educate our members. So that was always the goal, right, we wanted to be able to educate our members. So the word swinger has really kind of evokes a lot of things from people that are not always positive, right, people have like a lot of negative stigma. Sorry, the word swinger has a lot of negative stigma, a lot of people seem to think it’s all about, you know, those old school 1970s key parties where you’re swapping your partner, and that’s what it is. But it’s a whole world beyond that. And what we’ve noticed too, is that folks who are younger, who are entering some kind of open relationship, anything aside from monogamy, maybe they are doing what we consider swinging, but they don’t want to be called swingers, they are open minded, or their, or they’re kind of they’re poly swingers or any other term that you can come up with. So with the media say, we’re able to help educate people about all these different terms, what they mean, and how, in the end, the label is not as important as what it is that you’re doing. Because two swingers could have completely different lifestyles and could have different rules and different relationships. So a lot of our time and went into educating people with the media site. So that is a huge change that we’ve had over the last couple of years. And our actual dating site has evolved so much. I mean, we keep adding new features, I can’t even tell you how many hours we’ve spent over the last six months, really just redeveloping our dating site to make it even easier for people to connect with each other. So yes, it is sort of that kind of social media platform, in the sense of you will be able to connect with all of our members all around the world, and in a private way that you and you won’t get kicked off, right. If you put up a saucy pic of yourself, you’re not going to get banned. So it’s much better, in my opinion, than other social media out there in that sense. And you can still connect with people, which is where the sea comes from an SEC.

 

Mickey Gordon  24:14

Now before we jump to that, because I do want to talk about some pictures here in a second. But I you know, I’m going to steal a page out of Mallory’s book, she says that that post millennials kind of skew labeling. I really don’t like it period, especially being called millennial, but they tend to not like labels. And are you seeing that as well? And where are most of your users centered? Because I think most of the most of these communities really have a strong center in different parts of the country. Where’s that?

 

Lexi Sylver  24:43

I mean, most of our base is either is is American, so definitely massive base in the US. But you know, everything first kind of started for sec in Europe, in the Netherlands so that we have a huge membership in the Netherlands. So Those are kind of our two hotspots is Europe, and the States and Canada is just, you know, getting started. We’re just kind of growing with that, um, as far as labels and people wanting to be more flexible with what they’re calling themselves, I think that yeah, that is definitely a thing. And especially for people who are younger and younger, there’s there are two kinds of streams of thought with this. There’s the, there are people who want to be labeled, and they have 30 different labels for themselves. They’re CBO, sexual, open minded, polyamorous. You know, they, they’re, you know, what I’m trying to think of some of these other terms that are thrown around, they want multiple labels for to identify who they are. That’s how they want to describe themselves using these labels. And then there are folks like myself who hate labels. I hate them. Because, like I had mentioned before, even if I tell someone I’m a swinger, but I’m kind of more polyamorous, I have to explain myself, what does that even mean? What does what does it mean for me to be a swinger versus what does it mean for someone else to be a swinger? So labels are helpful, but I personally don’t love them. And there are definitely a lot of folks like myself also, who are in that bracket of let’s say, millennials, or you know, Ai, which is very broad, and people have disagreements about what that even means in terms of ages and years and all that. But yeah, definitely huge amount of people who are not loving the label thing. And that’s why STC is opened up a lot of different things related to identifying as a swinger giving people the option of also saying that they’re curious, or they’re open minded, so that we don’t all have to fit in that one category.

 

Mallory Gordon  26:53

I love that. And I have to agree with you. And I use this analogy from time to time like when we use labels, it’s like, I’m telling you to go north, east, south or west, but I’m not giving you a specific address, because that is, again, specific to me and my person. So I’m completely with you and understand. So I think that’s a great way to put it and the two trains of thought, yeah, it totally makes sense to me. So getting back to the site STC. So there are a lot of new features on there. And one of them that I noticed was this video feature, right? And is this intended to let couples like explore like their best adventurous or like, exhibitionist side? What’s that intention? For you, I

 

Mickey Gordon  27:38

mean, straight up caulk.

 

Lexi Sylver  27:41

And look, I mean, some some, some cocs are nicer than others. So I don’t mind watching from time to time. But

 

Mickey Gordon  27:49

no, party time in the hot dog. I mean, it’s like, hey,

 

Mallory Gordon  27:52

it gives me a lot of options.

 

Lexi Sylver  27:55

So yes, the live stream option, which is what you’re talking about in terms of the video so live stream is it’s it’s not new in the sense that we used to have this feature back in the day, then, um, yeah, we did. We called it, I believe, Voyager cabins. Now we’re doing a lot of different things related to the live stream. And we’re making it possible for people to connect over chat, and eventually, you’re going to be able to, to do a live stream, and then the video will become a part of your profile. So it will help it will automatically be connected to your personal profile and STC so people can see the live streams and watch them over and over again, if they want to. That’s interesting is it tagged like right to your profile, like say like in a same similar categories, like

 

Mallory Gordon  28:38

dashers, or that kind of digital content?

 

Lexi Sylver  28:41

Yeah, and it’ll be really cool because people can then get to know you a little bit better. So some people might decide to let’s say, do an introductory video, but maybe they want to, they don’t want to use like video software, you know, any other video software, we’re giving people that option where they could just use our live stream platform to do that they could record a video just talking about themselves and who they are. It doesn’t have to necessarily be anything sexual. Or you know, if they want to get a little naked or do something like that, that’s cool, too. Just to give people an idea of who they are and like what kind of vibe they have, you know, and then yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  29:15

that’s genius video intro Yeah, I love that.

 

Mickey Gordon  29:18

We need to do that. But we need to do like the Unsolved Mysteries where it blocks us that’s

 

Mallory Gordon  29:25

like wearing witness protection. We kind of hard you could totally do that. You could or you could wear masks. Oh, sweet. Oh, I’m gonna bust out my old like Shira or Wonder Woman like the plastic one from the 80s that are totally frightening. Yeah, that’ll that’ll. That’ll get me late.

 

Mickey Gordon  29:42

Johansson empowerment episode folks from casual swinger. I’m so down with I love that I think it’s super hot. All right. All right. All right. So enough of that STC because I think everybody I meeting most of our listeners, I mean, we get a lot of traction from STC. We’re there a lot we get a lot of messages by the way, but Have you that have messaged us from STC to say you love the show? We love you back. And you know who you are. As a matter of fact, we just got one the other day that just blew our socks off. Yes. So that couple who’s from Lauderdale. Absolutely amazing. It was one of the best messages we’ve ever gotten on STC. So thank you so much. Now, let’s move on. Let’s talk about meeting season. Oh, this is your second book. So was all the Queen’s men with an erotic fuck fest as well or is this new territory.

 

Lexi Sylver  30:26

So all the Queen’s men is just a single erotic story. Whereas this is a book of erotic stories. So it was kind of a standalone tale. And it was erotic, a bit more, I guess, Game of Thrones II but before the whole game of thrones II thing happened where everybody was freaking out about it. So um, that was different because I wrote that a while ago. And mating season is a collection of stories that I wrote over a period of time, including some that were as recent as last year. So in mating season, you can actually see a progression of I want to say my sexual and psychological development or my psychosexual development, if you will. But with all the Queen’s men, there wasn’t really that whole progression. It was a story that was not sorry, it was a fictional story. And in meeting season, a lot of those are based on my real life experiences, except for you know, one that is very notable succubus, which is supernatural, and there’s just no way that could have ever happened. Because you know, but other than that, I mean, most of those are based on my real life experiences. So I don’t I don’t know if that helps answer your question, clarify, but

 

Mickey Gordon  31:45

it definitely does. But I’m gonna kind of go off here and just ask you, like, what’s the obsession that we seem to have with medieval sex? Like you said, well, the Queen’s man is sort of Game of Thrones II and course Game of Thrones was just sex, sex, sex everywhere. I mean, first of all, there were no fucking toothbrushes back then. And second of all, a lot of books. So what’s sexy about that he wants to go to a Renaissance Fair and get like, you know, pube? Second,

 

Lexi Sylver  32:10

that is a really good question. And those are obviously things that I thought about, too, because that’s always been a mystery to me, all these people who Bay’s, like, once every couple of weeks, you know, not not the best smelling or most hygenic folks, you know, you’re talking about it was a different time. But the whole idea is, I think the the settings, you know, thinking of castle kind of setups, people having this whole dichotomy where you have Royals, or some kind of royalty or nobles, and then you have everyone else. And then obviously, you know, getting talking medieval times, if you want to go into like stereotypes and everything, we have slaves, right, which it’s a little bit different. So because of all of this, I guess, power struggling, that happens in a lot of these style, you know, medieval style Game of Thrones style stories, maybe with the exception of all the Queen’s men because the focus is more on the sex and less on the power struggle. It’s there is something sexy about that power sexy. So I think that’s maybe one of the reasons why people find that hot.

 

Mallory Gordon  33:27

I find that out. Yeah, I have to agree with you. But I will admit that in my fantasies, everyone is very well groomed and showered. And yeah, I am not time period appropriate when I have my fiancee’s regarding that

 

Mickey Gordon  33:38

no amount of good smelling oil is going to kill swamp as you need. So

 

Mallory Gordon  33:41

in my head, there’s plumbing, hot water again. We even trim each other if we have to. But there’s like no, like, it’s not gnarly. Yeah, it was back then.

 

Mickey Gordon  33:52

grooming fantasies, remember? Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  33:54

So I love I love that you you just said like you’re pulling from real life experiences. And so that’s kind of vulnerable, like from a writer’s perspective. So what made you decide to take that leap instead of pulling it from complete fiction?

 

Lexi Sylver  34:09

Oh, wow. Um, that’s a really good question. And yes, it is definitely clear when you’re reading meeting season that some of the stories do show show me or my character, whatever name the character has as more vulnerable as having idiosyncrasies, having made mistakes. All of these things are human. So what I think is important in any kind of literature, even erotic literature, because it’s not all about the sex, there’s a story in there, there’s characters in there, they have to, you know, you have to relate to a character. Otherwise, if you can’t relate to a character, or if you don’t like the character, why do you care if they’re having sex or not? So even having faulty characters, sorry, by characters, I mean, myself in that role, let’s say because, you know, I have variety of different stories, different characters who take on, you know, different parts of me, let’s say those are, I guess, extensions of myself. And they all handle different things in different ways. And in obscure, which I’m sure you’re going to reference at some point. That is the, it’s a love story. And there’s a lot of lessons in there. And there’s, there are a lot of problems, this character was trying to grow and figure out who she was. And I was very much trying to grow and figure out who I was, as I was becoming more sexual, and, you know, growing into adulthood, and I made a lot of mistakes, and some things were, you know, I, I wanted to to change, I still think about certain things like that, that oh, my God, well, you know, I had I known that had I known then what I know now, which we all think, right, I would have done things differently. And thinking about all of that, that’s when obscure kind of took a different turn. Now that story is not fully 100% based on real life, a lot of it is I had to add in a little bit of, you know, some some fun narration and some stuff going on in there. But it was essentially very, very real. And the feelings were very real. And the struggle with being polyamorous was very real at a time when that wasn’t in fashion. So having the ability to be a writer and to actually get that out on the page, even though it was it definitely felt very vulnerable. And I thought a lot about oh, God should I publish this is almost like a diary entry to a degree. And it’s fucked up. But it’s true. I decided to do it. I went with it because it was very different than any of the other stories in mating season. And I needed to have something that did connect with love to a degree because sex is sex and intimacy are not the same. But there was an interesting way to I guess, make the meat in that story. Um, I don’t know if that answers your question at all if I went on a whole other fuckin tangent there, but yeah, I was okay with being vulnerable. Because I feel like a lot of people really identified with that kind of a struggle.

 

Mickey Gordon  37:19

We’re in season three Lexi’s. So people are used to random shit happening on this show. So it’s totally fine. You know, it’s it’s funny that you call out obscure because to me, and I did read your book. It that was the story that jumped out at me. That’s the one that captured me and made me go back. I read that story twice. As a matter of fact, oh, boy, because and I read, I read them all. But that one really jumped out at me. So from the first story in the book, which is a surgical trick shot, and trick shot is very physical, physical attraction, competitiveness. It’s it’s really carnal. And then to obscure, which is the one that really leapt out at me, you really attack a lot of different angles of sexual psychology. Now trickshot, again, was just kind of so physical, but obscure, pulled it to strings between love and lust. And, and the whole idea of reconnecting with something, you lost the thrill of the taboo, and then the pain that comes up when you do realize, and she says is an adult when she was young, she didn’t know it. Of course, there was no term. But as an adult, she actually said I’m polyamorous and you’re not. That’s a quote from the book. So that’s some pain that a young person can can really go through and can really feel you really walk the path with this book. You even go supernatural and get fucked by the devil and succubus, which is just nuts. So are you schizophrenic? I mean, like, is your mind really this variable?

 

Lexi Sylver  38:49

It really is, my my brain is all over the place at any given time. I just, I’ve been inspired by so many things. I’ve had a lot of different experiences. And I mean, mating season is just a very small collection of stories I have hundreds more spoiler alert there are going to be multiple meeting seasons volumes, however many you just just just for your, for your knowledge for later, for later. But yeah, I have some I have a lot of different stories, but it’s not just the ideas. It’s also at the tone of the stories and what happens to them right. In obscure like I said, that was really a very, there was a lot of nostalgia, there was a lot of emotion. There was a lot going on at the sex the sexual connection that she had with Damien was really a lot of it was based on this. This love that she felt for him that was never and this lack of closure, right. Um, in other stories that I wrote, like you mentioned trickshot I actually I had a chance to, you know, play a little bit more there you have a very different narration style because I’m looking from two people’s perspectives, they each get a turn to talk about what they’re seeing and feeling and experiencing. So all of my stories that I’ve written, since I was able to start writing erotica, whether they’re in meeting season or not, I have a lot of variability in terms of the way I describe the characters and who the characters are the crazy scenarios they find themselves in, or, you know, put themselves into, and the way you know, the tone of the narration. It’s, I try to experiment with different things. I think I just get bored if I tried one just one thing, probably why? I’m Paulie, right? Because I get bored with one thing.

 

Mickey Gordon  40:43

Well, and it’s it I tell you, I’m gonna kind of stick to obscure for a second because Jade’s journey was really interesting to me, because it was rooted in emotion for her. And, you know, she talked a lot about not wanting to be tied down and the, you know, the past tense version, you previous to the 10 year reconnection. But you know, it wasn’t just tumultuous for her. It was tumultuous for Nick and Damian as well. Yeah. But what we didn’t cover so her connection with Damien was really well documented, and there was a lot of sex, and it was a lot of lust. But then whenever she spoke of Nick, it was very much rooted in love and security. Yeah, cuz he showed her that, but she never talked about the sex with him, either. So can you tell us a little bit about Jade? Is, is this a cautionary tale for the challenges of polyamory? And what happens if it went the other way? What if Nick wasn’t the guy that he was the end of that story?

 

Lexi Sylver  41:34

Those are things that, you know, I kind of I thought of these things. As I was writing, as I was writing the stories, I was going over it however, many times before I put it into the book, one of the reasons why she doesn’t talk a lot about the sex with Nick is because I wanted to focus more on the emotional part of it, rather than the sexual part of it, it gets pretty much from what, you know, the, I guess the initial parts of that story are, it’s clear that Nick is is great sexually, and there’s a bond beyond that. And the fact is that she’s able to be herself with him and say, whatever she wants, and there’s that communication there that she completely lacked with Damien. So at the end of that story, you know, you’re seeing that in action, you’re seeing the fact that Nik although he chose to withhold that information from her, which I don’t want to spoil everything for everybody. But she he chose to want to let you know, to not say something to her, that would have changed a lot of things her even having been in this sort of scenario toward the end at all. How do you told her, but because of the communication they had had over the time that they were together, he understood her so well, that he knew what he also had to do for himself. And, honestly, there’s no other way that the story could have gone because of how great that communication was, and that he loved her for her. So I don’t know if that answers your question, but I definitely see a potential prequel to that with a little bit more information about Nick and how she got into that potentially happening in the future. To give a little bit more, I guess, more of Nick’s story, and how that all went down. But yeah, the rooted in security. That’s a very big thing. When it comes to polyamory in general, I wouldn’t see that story as being a cautionary tale. Because it’s not what actually happened in their polyamorous relationship is what aside from what happened with Damien is all legit, aboveboard. And it you know, I do mention as well, that there are other relationships involved. So it’s not just you know, the the Jade character who has different relationships and other things going on, Nick, as well as enjoying polyamory on his own. So there’s a lot of really positive things happening there, including that great communication that they have with each other, which is so central, as you know, to any non monogamous relationship and ethically non monogamous relationship. And you know, what I do mention at the end, whatever happens my god here I hear I’m spoiling my own story. You know, you’re stepping outside of what is permitted by polyamory. She’s very clear throughout this whole thing about the boundaries that she has with Nick and how what she’s doing is violating that, but she can’t seem to help herself. And that’s also a character flaw, right? So because cheating can happen in ethically non monogamous relationship with you Lulu, so I wanted to be clear with that, too. I think that’s very important thing that people don’t realize it’s not just free for all when you’re open. It doesn’t work that way. Right on.

 

Mallory Gordon  44:56

Yeah, we don’t want to spoil any more, but I like That’s a great story. And I think that you’re right, I’d love to see a little more like prequal, you know, maybe sequel like content around that story because it is so captivating in that nature. And so different. I don’t read a lot of fiction that surrounds a relationship dynamic like that. But here, something else we noticed when reading was that there is maybe a little consistency in the use of BDSM data, some Dom sub angles, I mean, is that kind of your sweet spot for erotica, and is that consistent with your experience? Personally,

 

Lexi Sylver  45:33

those stories were the so this is the beginning half of the book, as per what my editor recommended is the lighter stuff, except for obscure where it starts getting a little heavy, right, we write emotional, the emotional weight of things, and everything but obscure is still toward the middle of the book, the beginning of the book, trickshot. And the stories that follow are lighter, right, there’s not a ton of kink going on, there was a little bit a couple of elements here and there of BDSM, or control and power and all of that sexiness, but really toward the end of the book, you’re getting, you’re getting the darker side of Lexi, you’re getting that darker BDSM stuff you’re getting, no I haven’t didn’t put a lot of stories in, in meeting season, or any really where she the Lexie character, whichever name I give her and depending on the story is dominant, wait till mating season two, this is really a big meeting season for me, was a way to explore what I was just starting to get myself into as a submissive, which for me, as somebody who is used to being in positions of dominance, or you know, a boss, bitch, or whatever, for me, that was very different for to experience when I first started experiencing that in kink years back. So in meeting season, I really hoped to capture that feeling, that exploration that’s starting to, to, I guess be used to, or sorry, starting to allow myself to enjoy being submissive to somebody else. So it wasn’t really so much the actual impact play, it was all about the feelings of being powerless, but in a way that was controlled and consensual, and where I felt comfortable with whoever it was that was, you know, dominant in that sense. So it was also an exploration. It was for me, like all of those stories related to BDSM, towards the second half of the book are all true stories. So love that, yeah, you’re getting a real feel of what I experienced there.

 

Mallory Gordon  47:50

So to kind of tag on to that, because I mean, I enjoy reading that I don’t know that I incorporate it as much as maybe I fantasize about in my real life. So when I read about it, I it’s always intriguing to me. And again, I love that you’ve been vulnerable. But the other thing I have to ask you here is in the voice, most of your characters are female, but you have a male point of view in there as well. How hard is it to write from a male POV?

 

Lexi Sylver  48:13

Oh, it really wasn’t it? No, it was not. No, because I it I guess it depends on the character. I think that just because I understood the character so well, that you’re talking about max from trick shot. I just, I mean, I was able to see the entire Sorry, I’m forgetting the English word. I’m in French mode right now. Sorry, I’m you’re seeing the entire progression of the scene, I saw that from both of their perspectives I there was I actually toyed with the idea of writing the entire thing from Max’s perspective, because originally, the whole story was only Max’s perspective. And then I had to dial it back. And I had the idea of doing both perspectives just because I couldn’t decide, I there was something missing and then having both of their perspectives made it easier. But from the whole beginning of it, I saw that for Max’s perspective, from the male perspective. So it wasn’t hard at all. It just came naturally. Maybe with a different character. It might not have been that way. But it just happened that way.

 

Mickey Gordon  49:17

You know, we’ve established that this book is sex in print. It’s definitely not. But I want to kind of get to why we really, really wanted to get you on the show, aside from the fact that we’re a fan of what you do. But being able to put feelings into words is a talent, and it’s one that’s really handy in the bedroom. And we’re talking about just talking shit to recounting Tales from a past trust or something like that to spice things up a little dirty talk. Yeah, or recreating that afternoon’s tryst as a hallway. So being able to tell a story matters. Is it hard to tell a good story during sex?

 

Lexi Sylver  49:54

How distracted are you and how full is your mouth is my question. valid, valid points, I get very distracted during sex. And usually with all the blood pounding below my shoulders, it’s kind of difficult to talk dirty in bed, but I make it happen when needed. And also when wanted, sometimes it’s super hot to add, not during like the actual, super hard a hot parts of sex, but to lead into it as foreplay, having that ability to connect with your partner and fantasize together about other scenarios, especially now, right? Because a lot of us who are you know, in the swinging or open community, we’re having a hard time finding play partners who we feel we’re safe with. And so some of us are forced into these situations of you know, being born again, monogamous. And as a result, you know, how do you can get up? So part of, you know, what I say Also, during my relationship coaching sessions is what can you do to add fantasy in there? And how can you talk dirty to your partner and come up with stories together? So, um, it’s not that hard. I think that people overthink a lot of things like, Oh, I could never write an erotic story. I’m not a writer, or, you know, I can’t talk dirty, I wouldn’t know what to say. It’s really not hard. I mean, think of what it is that you want to do to your partner, or what they want to do to you, or what they would do with another person in the room? or What would you do if you were at a sex club? or What would you do if you went on a date with somebody else’s and told your partner about it, it’s, sometimes we over think it to the point where we’re like, I could just never do that. And instead of infusing some of these very sexy scenarios, into foreplay, even before your clothes come off, you know, just by sexting with your partner, even if you’re living with them, by the way, which is a fun surprise, because you can actually watch their reaction as they’re reading your messages, fun, fun little thing to toy around with your partner. But it’s really not hard, you just have to think of what it is that they would find hot about the story, right? Not just about what you find hot, which is great, too. But also, maybe there’s a specific visual that you know, they’re going to love. Maybe the something that, you know, if you’re recounting a date that you had, even if it was like six months ago, it doesn’t really make a difference, you can make it come alive again, with your partner. And maybe they have a huge fetish for lingerie. And maybe what during that time that you’re recounting the story to them, you’re talking about what you’re wearing, you’re describing it in such a way you’re talking about how your partner at that time reacted to your outfit, what they did, how they took it off your body, or if they kept it on, maybe they came all over it or something, you know, little things like that those details are so visual, they were they’re so sexy, like, I’m salivating just thinking about it. So, you know, writing is all about the details or the devils in the details as, as the saying goes, right? Just Yeah, if you capture some of those moments, and you have like flashes in your head, like little photos, you know, think about those what made that experience so juicy and exciting for you. And what is it that your partner might get out of it by hearing you telling it again, you know, if you don’t have those stories, that’s okay. Not everybody is a hot wife. Not everybody has these other experiences, you know, having orgies and clubs, or, you know, having dates or all these threesomes or, or all of that some people are newer to this lifestyle. Sometimes just the fantasy alone is hard enough to get off of.

 

Mallory Gordon  53:37

Yeah, that’s fair enough. I think when I I personally, when I first started talking dirty in the bedroom, I struggled with descriptors and trying to figure out where I was comfortable saying things and, you know, if I found this hot, and I say that loud is shameful, like, I had a lot of struggles there. And sometimes I would say something, and I’m not gonna lie, it sounded so ridiculous that all I could do is burst out into laughter. Ben, if we were like talking just as girls like quick one on one, let’s say we’re talking to a monogamous friend. Like, what are some like small little tips to give them as a starting point, like say it’s just her and her partner? Like, how would you even begin to like, give them advice? Like, do you start with what makes you feel sexy as a woman? Or do you start with what she thinks her partner would find sexy? Like, what would you What would you advise so

 

Lexi Sylver  54:34

there are people who are you know, I monogamous, or let’s call it let’s say vanilla or whatever, who are terrible talking in bed in general, communicating what they want, you know, oh, a little harder, a little faster and whatever. If you’re going from no communication at all, to dirty talk, you’re gonna have a really hard time. But if you’re going from a place of you know, you’re already over And like kind of giving your partner idea of what feels good on your body and all of that, and then you were able to take it up a notch. By starting to talk dirty, you’ll have a lot of, you’ll have a much easier time. what you’re talking about. Mallory also has a lot to do with our confidence. So if you don’t feel confident in, you know, in being able to not just like, tell a story, but just in yourself feeling sexy, if you’re in a sexy state of mind as it is, it will be a lot easier, it will just, it will flow a lot more naturally, I find if you’re feeling kind of insecure, and by the way, laughing is fine. during sex, a lot of things we think sex always has to be serious. Most of the time during sex, I’m laughing or you know, that during the whole thing, obviously, you know, I’m being appropriate about where the laughter is, but things happen during sex. And that’s part that’s one of the natural things that happened. So even if you’re talking dirty and something seems funny to you, or just sounds like crazy coming out of your mouth, or your partner says something and maybe it’s not the desired intention and you you kind of giggle a bit. That’s okay. Right. That’s, that’s fine. That’s totally Absolutely. Oh,

 

Mickey Gordon  56:12

yeah. So I’m just gonna say now, though, that Lexi if I take off my pants, and you bust out laughing, you better be

 

Lexi Sylver  56:20

mean like that. It’s appropriate laughter right. Appropriate. laughter. And but I mean, as far as tips go, because that’s a great question. Um, firstly, loosening up a little bit. And also maybe just like, kind of, before you get into the scenario where you are going to dirty talk, think about it a little bit first. If you’re, if you’re like me, you’re gonna maybe want to write down notes. I’m not saying take crib notes with you to bed or anything, or write it on your arm. You don’t need to do that. But just to get it out in a way that makes sense to you. Like I work very well, that way. I just jot down like a couple of words or adjectives or things that I know that I’m going to want to include. And by writing it down on paper, I actually kind of ate it. I don’t know it. I internalize it more. I don’t know. Yeah, maybe

 

Mallory Gordon  57:05

it for me, I think it would ingredient to them. Yeah. And I just had this hilarious visual of me grabbing note cards out of my car. Hold on one second, I have a note for this.

 

Lexi Sylver  57:15

And I mean, there are other things, you could do that or if you if you have a really hard time talking dirty like coming from yourself. Use somebody else’s words, find a dirty poem, an erotic poem, or read an excerpt from someone’s erotic story. If you’re having trouble with your own words, at first use someone else’s. And then once you feel comfortable with that, it’ll be a lot easier for you to say your own thing. You can also throw it back to your partner. Maybe you read an excerpt like ooh, I found that really hot. I thought this is like I really enjoyed an X, Y and Z in the story. How about you? What did you think when you know she, she addressed this other woman in front of him for the first time and then she started, you know, licking her pussy, etc, etc. And then you have these visuals and then you could put the book aside and you could start fantasizing together. So it can just kind of evolve naturally, I think the whole idea is just don’t put so much pressure on yourself. It’s supposed to be fun. Sex is supposed to be fun, dirty talk is supposed to be fun and sexy. So just chill, enjoy, and make it and have it be like a, like a natural progression of things rather than it’s an event. All of you know, in and of itself.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:27

I’m just going to start my own little book of short poems. You know, my Andrew Dice Clay, you know, Hickory Dickory Dock, I love the taste of my car. I’ll just put it out a little cards, and hand it to the ladies and see how it goes. But it’s funny for a lot of reasons. But when we talk about, you know, talking shit in bed, and I think you hit on a really important note, which is communication between you and your partner to get to know what their hot buttons are before you start talking. Otherwise you sound like a bad porn flick. Ooh, stick that hard dick in my ass you ghastly motherfucker bla bla bla. And it’s like, this is where porn screws us over. And porn continues to screw us over what doesn’t matter what your lifestyle is, or what your preferences are? Nothing they’re doing it really reflects more often than not, how it really goes when you’re delving into eroticism because eroticism is more than body, its mind as well. And so for for me, I think that it would be really interesting to see how some of these things go in, you know, in real life, right? I mean, Mallory is an expert at talking shit. She’s amazing at it.

 

Mallory Gordon  59:36

Like it took me

 

Mickey Gordon  59:38

but it you know, it started out very important. Like, do you like that? Do you have any idea like my pussy, blah, and then it really kind of turned into something that was a lot more, really digging in my head to see that’s where I was visual. That’s also

 

Lexi Sylver  59:52

a matter of knowing you, right? It’s over time you get to know how your partner might react to certain things. Maybe you know that The things that you’ve said that we’re you know, we’ll make them laugh. And that’s maybe a no for the next time, like just knowing Okay, these, this sequence of words is not going to turn them on, it’s going to make them laugh instead and then evolving from there.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:00:14

Right? Well, at this point, after two years of doing this show, half of American knows how to turn me on. It’s really kind of terrible.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:00:21

I haven’t I haven’t given away all your secrets.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:00:24

Well, I did want to know, though, so when you are talking because you know, I might come across a lady who really wants me to tell her something to and usually it’s make me laugh, tell me a story. That’s funny. And I’m like, great, I can do that drop of a dime. But if they really want something sexy, do you space it out? You put it all in the front? I mean, how do you draw it out effectively to get the maximum impact?

 

Lexi Sylver  1:00:44

Oh, letting it out in pieces for sure. You want to draw it out, it’s all about anticipation. anticipation is one of the sexiest things that you know, erotic is good for right, it builds that anticipation dirty talk is good for that sexting is good for that. All, you know, when you’re engaging your partner’s mind, as you hinted at earlier, you know it, you are immediately going to connect with their body, if you turn on their brain, their body will follow naturally. But you can’t just go and sit down and tell the whole story, especially if you don’t have one on demand, right? I mean, how many of us have a whole sex story on demand that you know is going to get your partner hot, if you don’t know your partner that well too, that’s going to be super challenging, right? It’s going to be a lot easier for me to for example, just you know, sit down and have a sit down, lie down, whatever, whatever position, we’re in and tell a dirty story to my partner of 15 years, versus a new lover whose tastes I don’t know. But if let’s say you meet someone, and you’re in a, you know, the kind of situation where you could theoretically have some dirty talk, and you don’t know them that well, you could, you could ask them some questions first, before you start getting into the story. Like, you know, chances are unless they’re a complete complete stranger, like you met them that night, and chances are, you’re not going to waste all that much time, you know, talking dirty specifically and telling them a whole story, maybe you’re just gonna kind of get into the action, I don’t know. But you’ll have a feel for who this person is and how to relate the story to them in a way that’s sexy. So like using locations that you both know, or that you know, they you know, keeping it like super basic, right, you don’t have to go into crazy detail and you know, talk about what the setting looks like and the color of the drapes and you know, the bedspread had memory foam and who gives a fuck the whole, what’s important about erotica, is you want to engage all the senses. Okay, so you walked into a room and it smelled like acts, right? The smell of something, which we often don’t talk about very much is so important. It’s very visceral, right? If you smell something that can some some sense can evoke such a physical and sexual response from us. So, you know, thinking about what do they see? What are they tasting, if they kiss each other, you know, maybe someone’s tongue is minty from gum that they were chewing or something like that, you know, maybe the like, the the the music that was playing evokes a particular sensation, you also want to use the opportunity of dirty talk to talk about how people feel in their body. So what I know for me personally is hot when someone else is talking dirty to me is that they’re talking about also how whatever I’m doing, or what they’re seeing when they’re looking at me, or whatever other other people are in the room, is what they’re feeling in their body. What makes them hard, what gets them what I want. That is for me, the sexiest thing when I’m hearing someone talk dirty me Oh, it made me so you know, it made me so wet when you know, she walked in, and she just, you know, gave me this look, and then you know, etc, etc. Just feeling that from the person imagining what that person is experiencing in their mind, as they’re recounting the story to me, really gets me hot like that, to me is a huge, huge part of it is understanding how that person is feeling and what they were the sensations are happening in their body. To me, that is, so it’s a great way to get to know your partner too. Then I could Yeah, so I don’t know. I don’t know if that helps at all, but

 

Mallory Gordon  1:04:34

a little bit. No, totally. Because I feel like the more you get into somebody’s head, the better you’re gonna be at expressing yourself in that manner. And I remember using this one, oh, god, what was it? Oh, I was going down on somebody and I looked up and I was like, You taste like sunshine, and she loved it. And I was like, I don’t know what sunshine tastes like, but that’s what I imagined it. So we’re just gonna roll with that.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:58

I really do and it did taste

 

Mallory Gordon  1:05:01

So I learned like, it doesn’t have to be like, something immediately relatable, like relatable. Like sometimes people can smell like, the beach fun or and it’s, you know what I mean? So I try to incorporate stuff like that because I’m not excellent at adjectives all the time. So that’s helpful for me. What I did find though, is when I was playing with girls, or our two girls are playing and your shit talking, I got inside my head, and I’m like, does this change based on the gender like is their gender neutral, dirty talk? And like, I started going down this, like whole diatribe in my head about, you know, what’s the right way and DOJ pose it differently? Do you feel like there’s gentle gender neutral, dirty talk? Is that a thing? Sure. Well, look,

 

Lexi Sylver  1:05:49

I mean, it depends on who you’re talking to. Right? If the person I’m with is, let’s say non binary, and I know that they maybe they they have a vagina, but they don’t like be it being called a post eight, but I’ll know this in advance. Okay, because you know, we got to this point, so all make sure not to use any language that makes them feel uncomfortable. And, you know, whatever, whatever that means, right? Not everybody likes having their you know, their cons. I don’t I have no problem with that word being referred to as a pussy, right? I love that word. I use it ad nauseum in my book, but pussy, cog Fox sock, all the all the words, all the all those very sexy words. But yeah, you, you really have to adapt your language to who you’re talking to. Right. Um, I think it helps. Like I said, not not being strangers, it’s harder to talk to a stranger in that way. Like, if I just picked you up at the club, and we’re, we’re going to, we’re going to fucking the sex club, I’m not gonna have time or care about dirty talking, there’s really not going to be a lot of that going on creating like a story and a whole thing. Chances are, it’s going to be in the moment sexy talk, right, which is, oh, you feel so good inside me or fuck me harder with that kind of thing. But I’m coming up with like, a whole story is like foreplay, that’s probably less likely to happen, because I don’t know anything about you. And I don’t know exactly what you’re going to find sexy from the story. So I can try, but I feel like it would be more effective, but some of you at least know a little bit more about. So if I know that someone doesn’t, like, you know, isn’t into BDSM or doesn’t like having their dicks referred to as caulks. And they have a different word that they would prefer to use, then I might know that earlier on and be able to incorporate that kind of language in the story that I’m telling, and, you know, adjectives and stuff like that, too, you know, you can be very vague with the language, you can just say, you know, use you can just use terms that are pretty, I guess, I want to say normal or common. You don’t have to go crazy digging into a thesaurus or anything like that, either. You know, you could just say, between your legs. If you want to be super vague about language for genitalia, you know, you could be you could just say like words like hard or wet or anything like that. It’s still sexy, because it’s also the way you’re seeing it. And the look in your eyes when you’re when you’re telling your partner to is definitely something that’s important. So always customize whatever you’re saying whatever kind of dirty talk to who you’re talking to you me I think it’s important to kind of get a feel for who you’re talking to you I can

 

Mickey Gordon  1:08:30

tell you both and I’m just going to speak for men everywhere and tell you that you can call my cock Perry the purple powder, if you want to as long as you’re gonna play is just fine.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:08:40

That’s Yeah, I

 

Lexi Sylver  1:08:41

carry the purple platypus it’s a mouthful in and of itself right there.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:08:47

Shows Mike I was

 

Mallory Gordon  1:08:47

gonna say yes it is.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:08:52

We’re in agreement. Cuz this is the purple or you know, also was was a question depends on the car. Nice, very nice. I have a distinct set of issues, but everybody knows what already so you know, speaking of issues and words and all these things we’ve talked about here, we’re gonna kind of put a bow on this thing because I want you to do something for me you love agitators? having read your book, you have more words for common vernacular than than just about anybody I’ve ever seen. And they’re all dirtiest shit. What is your favorite dirty word? That isn’t dirty. Something that just screams sex. Oh, man.

 

Lexi Sylver  1:09:38

Ah fuck, like just a regular word that I find sexy. Oh, fucker. That’s there’s one that’s what I mean. It depends on the context that could be ought to Samuel Jackson Yeah, well, it I it somehow sounds very sexy when he says it. Just how aggressive he is when he does. So. Yeah, there’s really hot about that. I don’t know if it’s about the word is so much how it’s used. I find anything with exes in it exquisite, exotic, quixotic. I don’t know. I don’t know.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:10:15

I don’t know.

 

Lexi Sylver  1:10:17

I it’s very, very hard to answer that question. Shit.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:10:22

Oh, you answer it a lot in your book, you know? And I mean, right down to what was it? I think in quick shot, you actually referred to her her pussy walls as her searing Oh. And I was like, ooh, syrinx interesting. That could either be a burn victim or

 

Lexi Sylver  1:10:37

super hot. So I think I’ve used scorching, and other words like that to talk about hot and you know, the amount of synonyms by the way for hot and wet. You know, I use every word in like, possible. For what? Except for moist. Oh, God saying it right now just to make me want to cry. I don’t know.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:11:01

I use both of you guys. I love that.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:11:03

She’s my spirit animal. She’s my spirit.

 

Lexi Sylver  1:11:06

You will not see that word anywhere in the book. Not once in mating season. I hate that word. It’s not sexy. Well, how

 

Mallory Gordon  1:11:15

do you guys feel? supple supple is hot. It’s a hot word. Okay, all right, because a lot of people who don’t like moist don’t like the word supple

 

Lexi Sylver  1:11:26

stirs syllables and they’re like I wish there was drenched You know, they’re like that to me. Like you know, and there any other word any word even just using went over and over is better than using moist to have those

 

Mickey Gordon  1:11:41

which now you say you say moist and I get a picture in my head of Madeleine Albright in a wet bikini and I’m

 

Mallory Gordon  1:11:48

really okay, teach throwed I know that’s that’s a very polarizing Oh, it’s

 

Mickey Gordon  1:11:53

Chris Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  1:11:54

you know, juicy is great.

 

Lexi Sylver  1:11:56

Yeah juicy sounds like I’m licking my lips you know that’s hot. That’s a hot word

 

Mallory Gordon  1:12:01

you know to use eating a peach like an address down Yep.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:12:08

All right. Well, now you all are turning me on so let’s see real quick Why don’t you let everybody know where they can find you? Where can they buy your book?

 

Lexi Sylver  1:12:15

Well where can they find me is I think the better question you dirty a little stockers you you can find me at Lexie silver calm that’s Alexi with an eye silver with a why and it is Lexi silver on all the things including Twitter, Instagram, Facebook only fans, which is a new one I just added and Pinterest and probably some other places that I completely forgot about but you can find me on all those places. best bet is go to my website and and find me you could find my book there fading season. You could find my coaching services there. And you’ll also find my podcast episodes and there will be one soon with Mickey and Mallory of casual swinger cuz we are going to have to talk after this. I had too much fun on this show. Thank you so much for having me.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:13:01

Oh, we loved having you. Yes, it was so much fun. Now we can say we’ve had Lexie. We are gonna have to get out of here. But I want to thank you for joining us today. This was this was a lot of fun. And before we go, we wanted to make sure you knew how much we appreciate it. We appreciate what you do. We enjoyed your book and we hope everybody enjoyed some of these tips on you know, talking shit and talking dirty. And if you want some of these college words in her book, her name is Lexi silver. And it’s called meeting season Volume One first edition you can get it on Amazon or you can get it on her website and if you do buy it from her website, she will write in it for you. I’ve got a little sexy note that I’m not gonna show. Yeah, I did.

 

Lexi Sylver  1:13:42

I did an autograph which I don’t do for everybody. But you know, you got a special in there. Yeah, you.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:13:55

Oh, yes. Says Daddy, happy boy. Alright, Mallory, you want to tell everybody where they can find us?

 

Mallory Gordon  1:14:03

Absolutely. Thanks for joining us today. We are casual swinger everywhere. That’s casual swinger calm. Feel free to shoot us a message at podcast at casual swinger. You can find us on the dating sites as well. STC SLS double diggnation quiver and Cassidy and if you guys love us love what we do feel free to shoot us a review on iTunes.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:14:23

Yeah, we need more of those. Somebody gave us a crappy review and we’re down to like 4.3

 

Mallory Gordon  1:14:27

Yeah, but it’s that one fucking guy. All right. I do too. I love affirmation.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:14:33

All right, folks, this has been Talk dirty to me with Lexi silver. Make sure to catch us next time we got another special episode coming for you. You’ve been listening to casual swinging.

 

1:15:12

Hi, I’m Venus from the Venus cockle just podcast and I have a special message for all of the single ladies listening. What if you could have a loving, committed partner who wants to stay totally faithful to you, but who would love to see you have incredible experiences with others? It sounds too good to be true, right? It is true. You really can have it all and be loved, celebrated and even put on a pedestal. Learn more at Venus connections.com