The Panic Button – When Self-Soothing Fails

Recent Podcast

Casual Swinger Recommends

In any ethically non-monogamous situation, inevitably we’re going to encounter a wave of emotion leftover from the decades we’ve all been conditioned for monogamous behavior.  Be it religion or family dynamics, living an ethically non-monogamous life often runs counter to our upbringing. That emotional wave can rapidly turn to panic and it’s incumbent upon us to self-soothe…but what if you CAN’T?  What if it hits you like a truck and you don’t know what to do?

That doesn’t happen to Casual Swinger, does it?

This week we discuss why we need to self soothe, and some tips and tricks for helping yourself cope with that first wave of butterflies before it becomes a hurricane…of razor blades.

Casual Toys – THE shop for adult lifestyle wear & entertainment items

Rachals Rascals – Travel Group to Hedonism

Podcast-A-Palooza

Visit Jamaica

Hearing impaired? This podcast is transcribed for your convenience.

Edit

SE04E06 – The Panic Button_mixdown

Mon, 10/4 10:46AM • 1:01:06

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, swinger, whiskey, casual, feel, happened, fucking, shit, talk, podcast, drink, person, roses, bourbon, soothe, thought, couple, whiskies, quicksand, differently

SPEAKERS

Mickey Gordon, Mallory Gordon

Mallory Gordon  00:08

You’re listening to the casual swinger podcast as your hosts, we need to warn you that the material you’re about to hear may be sexual or explicit in nature. This podcast is intended for an adult audience. Now we don’t expect you to act like adults. What’s the fun in that?

Mickey Gordon  00:22

We’re a married couple living in Florida with over 13 years of experience in the lifestyle and we take almost nothing seriously. Casual swingers a variety show meaning we’ll cover everything from music to events, travel, and even the occasional hilarious screw up. Our show was about entertainment. We’re not licensed professionals had anything and our stories, commentary and guidance should not be confused with the opinions of a licensed professional.

Mallory Gordon  00:46

Now that you know, let’s take those pants off and get comfy.

Mickey Gordon  00:55

everybody welcome back to another episode of casual swinger. My name is me.

Mallory Gordon  00:59

And I’m Mallory. And we’re a little late sorry about just a wee bit yeah, basically

Mickey Gordon  01:06

one episodes worth it’s been a month since we put out an episode

Mallory Gordon  01:09

that’s about when you had your your face done.

Mickey Gordon  01:12

Yeah, I had my face cut on so I fuckin face still hurts.

Mallory Gordon  01:16

I’m sorry. Yeah, you had some oral surgery.

Mickey Gordon  01:18

I like oral I don’t like Oral Surgery. decided the thing you did so

Mallory Gordon  01:23

well. Like I thought you’re gonna end up healing pretty quickly and it’s actually taking a lot longer than I anticipated.

Mickey Gordon  01:29

Yeah, much longer. I still have fuckin holes in my face. So if I sound funny, that’s why little less exuberant, less my sparkly self.

Mallory Gordon  01:38

I think you’re still sparkly.

Mickey Gordon  01:39

I’m not really sparkly today. I’m kind of a grump but that’s okay.

Mallory Gordon  01:42

Okay, you said it I didn’t lie.

Mickey Gordon  01:45

Okay, thanks for lying to me. I appreciate it. It’s also huge biggest you’ve ever had

Mallory Gordon  01:50

um, it’s big. Anyway,

Mickey Gordon  01:54

so what are we talking about today?

Mallory Gordon  01:56

We’re talking about the panic button like the your lady button Yeah, like panic attacks Oh yeah. But yeah. The feigning like you don’t know this actually stemmed from something that happened to you not too long ago.

Mickey Gordon  02:09

It does. So today we’re going to talk about the panic button. But more than that, we’re going to talk about self soothing self soothing is how we deal with the emotional rollercoaster we endure when our partners have encounters outside of our relationships. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about it and something that happened recently that took even me by surprise, I guess yeah, it did. So more on that later. Let’s talk about what’s been up lately because there’s a whole bunch of shit going on. Yeah,

Mallory Gordon  02:35

I mean, we talked about your oral surgery here that that’s the actual lead up for quite some time. I mean, you haven’t even been able to really talk much

Mickey Gordon  02:44

No, I really haven’t it’s been kind of shitty but hey

Mallory Gordon  02:46

whatever. Yeah, but you know, and I’m proud of you for soldiering through it It hasn’t been easy.

Mickey Gordon  02:50

No, it hasn’t and it’s I mean, it is what it is. It’s just kind of made us a little late which we didn’t want to do this

Mallory Gordon  02:57

Yes. Sorry guys, but

Mickey Gordon  03:00

on our part, whatever.

Mallory Gordon  03:01

So what what’s up? What about any updates from Jamaica?

Mickey Gordon  03:04

Yeah, so it is kind of a big update, right? That was a hell of a long term roll. It’s really not good news, by the way. So here’s what happened guys. Our grand spawn as it turns out, is going to be born any day now.

Mallory Gordon  03:29

Like literally we’ve been waiting every single day. Yeah, she’s late

Mickey Gordon  03:33

and it’s it’s thrown a wrench into our plans to go to Hedo in November because now our first opportunity to meet the grand spawn is going to be the same week that we go to Hedo. So we’re not going to be there in November

Mallory Gordon  03:46

it um it’s definitely heartbreaking because I don’t know about you when I have tough date days at work I dream and reminisce and and look forward to that so it’s kind of been a light at the end of the tunnel and a feel like this is kind of par for the course because we get to kindle and February as well. Just for you know, travel restrictions.

Mickey Gordon  04:09

Yeah. Yeah, we did. Now this is twice that we’ve canceled trips the Hedo over COVID and honestly it’s really not you know about COVID for us so much as it is about having an opportunity to get quarantined down there and not be able to meet the grand sponsor.

Mallory Gordon  04:23

Right I think you know if we were betting people I’m sure it’d be fine, I guess. Yeah. I agree. We can short it Yeah, I just don’t want to miss out on my lane. Yeah, my kids my grandchild. We’re like

Mickey Gordon  04:35

the youngest grandparents. Yeah. Not even 40 yet. Yeah, so this is this kind of a crazy thing. But anyway, just a couple of updates for you guys regarding Jamaica if you guys are going down there if you’re going down with our friends Rachel’s rascals, Jamaica did not really make any major changes on September 20 to their COVID protocol yeah we don’t travelers still need to test

Mallory Gordon  04:55

yeah we were sitting like you know seat side waiting for them to update it thing Yeah, right was gonna change

Mickey Gordon  05:00

Now Yeah, well, nothing really did. So here’s the kicker, though the United States is changing things up for the unvaccinated, that’s true. So travelers are going to need to test within 24 hours of re entering the country. And they’re going to have to provide proof that they’ve acquired in paid for a second test to take upon arrival back in the country. I think that’s going to change things for unvaccinated travelers in particular. Because it means that means now they only have 24 hours to sort this shit out. So I think that’s going to make things a little challenging.

Mallory Gordon  05:26

Sure. And this went live when this went live.

Mickey Gordon  05:29

Well, I guess technically, it hasn’t gone live yet. It’s just been announced that that’s the intention. Okay. And they were going to announce more details about making this effective in November, but they didn’t say when gosh, oh, just kind of stay tuned, keep an eye on what’s going on, check out visit jamaica.com. And that should give you an idea of what you should be doing. But yeah, we’re not going to be there anytime soon, unfortunately.

Mallory Gordon  05:52

Yeah, yeah. And you know, it’s it’s definitely something new because I know when other people have traveled internationally come visit us like Kate’s actually a great example. I wouldn’t know where to source that COVID test. Yeah, well, I mean, like, have it on your Yeah, I’m interested to find out what the US is gonna require. Because like, do you have to have it on your person? Like as you’re going through customs? Yeah.

Mickey Gordon  06:12

Well, if you’re vaccinated, I don’t think you have to do all that you have to test within 72 hours of coming in. So Kate’s vaccinated,

Mallory Gordon  06:18

okay. Okay, so just the unvaccinated then, right?

Mickey Gordon  06:21

It’s kind of like, Hey, get an umbrella so I don’t get wet. Yeah, that’s okay. I’m really impressed with it all. But anyway, so what else is going on? So we went down to Key West and hung out for a little bit. I went by in the offices for a fantasy fest to see about getting

Mallory Gordon  06:36

them on the show. Yeah, you went down there for a few days. Yeah.

Mickey Gordon  06:39

And, you know, dropped into the offices introduce myself, everything seemed like it was gonna go pretty good. Then I got a message back from those guys. And they said something to me that pissed me the fuck off.

Mallory Gordon  06:49

I think it was actually hurtful. Yeah. Which was really where the anger came from.

Mickey Gordon  06:55

Yeah, well, it’s I mean, I’m getting kind of sick of it. Right. So for your birthday party, I’d contacted two different bakeries. That said almost the same thing to me. We don’t deal with people like you. And that was hurtful. Because we’re swingers? Yes. And because I was going to put our logo on the cake, they were like, No, absolutely not really. And I had a boo twapp picture of you that I had taken that I was gonna put on the cake and they said no. Big now if it was, if it was for my loving wife, and I didn’t have a casual swinger logo on it, then it would have been fine.

Mallory Gordon  07:27

I was gonna say if it’s the one I think it is, and didn’t show anything sexual, anything show

Mickey Gordon  07:32

thing, okay. And they were dicks about it. So I was like, You know what, fine. Anyway, I found a better Baker. But while I was down there talking to those folks, everything’s gonna be it’s gonna be okay. Then they reach back out to me. And the exact thing that that they said to me, right, and we invited them on the show, just to talk about their upcoming event with positivity, fun humor, just the way we do things. Guys, you’ve listened to our interview,

Mallory Gordon  07:51

sir. Can I interrupt you for two seconds? Why not? Well, because fantasy fest thinks, Oh, well, fantasy fest. I mean, has this perception, especially I think inside of our community, that it’s very sex positive sex Ford, and I’ve been, and that was my takeaway, that it was just this all inclusive event?

Mickey Gordon  08:11

Yes. Well, it’s definitely not that anymore. Yeah. Because their exact words to me were your show is not the type of podcast we’d be interested in participating in.

Mallory Gordon  08:21

You know, it’s, I’m still not mad yet. Well, only because

Mickey Gordon  08:27

I guess I don’t know, I just Hedo a lame ass thing to say. And, you know, when I said, Well, what we want to do is really just talking about what fantasy fest is, how it came to be, how positive and environment it is talking about sex positivity and creativity. And they said, That’s not what fantasy fest is. They said fan fantasy fest is a celebration of art and creativity. It has nothing to do with sex or sex positivity. And they are trying specifically to get away from that reputation that they have built for themselves over the last 35 years or so. So they would like to turn this into the keywest arts and crafts festival, everybody, just so you know, that that’s what we’re going to have down there. So instead of 65,000 people coming in to celebrate creativity and sexuality, they’re going to have 6500 people come in to buy some crafts from the craft fair.

Mallory Gordon  09:20

Yeah,

Mickey Gordon  09:21

I

Mallory Gordon  09:21

think that’s I think that’s a mistake. I think they’re being a little close minded, and maybe maybe they’re getting heat from somewhere else. I think they could have addressed us a little bit better, a little more politically correct. But you know, what, no one has to know no one has to, you know, protect our feelings. And a lot of people who are mainstream don’t want to be tied to swingers that I understand, especially if they don’t have anything. They’re not involved in an industry that that could be a peripheral or offshoot of

Mickey Gordon  09:49

right well, if this podcast was called the everything podcast, which is really what it is, right? Because we talk about everything under the sun. If this was the everything podcast, they probably would have done it and we would have done what we always do which is provide questions ahead of time and given them a great opportunity to talk about what it is we’re trying to do in a very positive manner. We just happened to be sex positive people they know they weren’t interested. So it’s fine. Not everybody wants to do our show. Maybe they’ll do somebody else’s show. We’ll get suckered into it by somebody show that doesn’t see swinger in it. But, you know, it is what it is. It’s not a big deal. We’re just going to shove sex positivity to the side and keywest this year and by the way, there is no parade. Yeah, that’s the first

Mallory Gordon  10:25

I’m a little surprised the parade is like the the main event. Yeah, well,

Mickey Gordon  10:30

they say it’s for COVID. But maybe it’s to keep the naked people out of the streets. Okay. It’s I mean, if this is the way they’re going, it wouldn’t surprise me a bit. So we’ll see. Maybe the parade will come back next year. I mean, the last two days of fantasy Fest, they allow people to be fully nude as long as they’re painted. Right. So you can be naked in the street, as long as you’re painted.

Mallory Gordon  10:50

Right? You’re You’re not even it’s have to be obfuscated. Yes. Yes. Like you can’t paint a naked body on top of your naked body. Right? Like we’ve we’ve seen that before. Money doesn’t work.

Mickey Gordon  11:00

I got ABS painted on me. And that was awesome. That totally worked. Everybody believed

Mallory Gordon  11:06

it anyway. Yeah. Well, that’s, that’s interesting. I wonder how it’ll shake out for them. Yeah,

Mickey Gordon  11:11

I feel like we’re like super negative right now because we just talked about talking about something else. Yeah, we talked about, you know, not going keto. And then we talked about fantasy fest. So anyway, all that you know me whatever it happened. Womp womp womp. How about your birthday?

Mallory Gordon  11:25

Oh, my God, you are the best husband on the planet. And I’m sure there were a few husbands or boyfriends that were in trouble the next day. So Mickey put together the biggest surprise he’s ever been able to pull off in the 15 and a half years we’ve been together. Never ever have. I had a surprise party of this the size. I think the only surprise party I’ve ever had before. This was I don’t know in kindergarten. Yeah, maybe I don’t know in elementary school. And it really wasn’t a surprise. It’s just my family. Yeah, anyways, I was absolutely floored. We had some wonderful friends who participated, flew in hung out. A few people that actually flew in. I’m still floored. I still can’t believe it actually happened being you know, I was blindfolded. Let’s start. There’s blindfolded and it was told that we are going to have drinks somewhere and then this big surprise was going to unfold. And I thought my surprise was the folks that showed up here for the weekend that were staying with Andy

Mickey Gordon  12:30

and we had cornfed swinger. Yeah. So Jess from cornfed swingers gaming?

Mallory Gordon  12:35

Yes. And it was amazing. So we’re having these drinks and then I get blindfolded, which by the way, my favorite part was screaming that I was kidnapped from the backseat.

Mickey Gordon  12:43

Yeah, that was a little unnerving. Dave was driving and he’s like gift a bitch.

Mallory Gordon  12:50

I had no idea where we’re at turns out we were just back at our fucking house.

Mickey Gordon  12:54

We were in a neighborhood when you did that.

Mallory Gordon  12:58

To my, my unassuming neighbor who probably knew it was me and I did not know it was them, though, that I needed help. It was being kidnapped. But anyway, you guys leave me in here and take the blindfold off and I’m not good with surprises. I just don’t react well that’s why I don’t cry at weddings and funerals like it’s just not my thing. I’m a planner. And then looking across the room and like taking stock there were so many people here like then my panic started to set in. And it was joy. It came from a very, very positive place. But I didn’t know how to react so I ran to the laundry room.

Mickey Gordon  13:31

You did run the laundry video. Yeah, as a matter of fact. Oh, it was so good. It was so good. I think the thing that jumped out at me was how big our tribe has gotten down.

Mallory Gordon  13:41

He is the perfect size everyone in that room. I can honestly say I love I love deeply it’s great. They’re amazing human beings for wanting to celebrate my silly ass. I just can’t think of enough he had a bartender he had one of my favorite local artists that thing he was here and I’ve been begging to have him do a party for us

Mickey Gordon  14:03

and every girl here was begging him before the roll is over. Yes was

Mallory Gordon  14:07

swooning over him. I mean we’ve been doing all these improvements to the house and I kind of had a feeling something was going on but I figured once our friends showed up you know on that thursday friday that that was it like we were just well no we

Mickey Gordon  14:20

were just getting started Yeah, yeah and a weekend yeah bartender we had a musician I brought in all new lights actually

Mallory Gordon  14:27

a bunch of local friends decorated while we were gone Yeah, that’s what you what you didn’t

Mickey Gordon  14:31

know is that our guests decorated the entire house for your party. It didn’t even set up for the caterer I mean I’ve

Mallory Gordon  14:39

got a fucking pineapple blue.

Mickey Gordon  14:42

Yeah, so those guys enough they know exactly where they are. Now by the way, the couple that led that charge doesn’t even listen to the show. So you know if they ever do listen, they’ll know how much we care and what they did for us, which was just absolutely awesome. So

Mallory Gordon  14:55

anyway, so I’m just I’m still over here basking in Just all the fields and positivity and love and thank you so much for making me feel like the most special human on the planet to you

Mickey Gordon  15:08

well as I’m so fond to saying this dick simply will not suck so sometimes you just got to lay it

Mallory Gordon  15:15

out there alright well you earned you earned blue parties. Yay.

Mickey Gordon  15:18

We call them blue parties in this house folks. You know why? Because no

Mallory Gordon  15:22

one likes going to work. Everybody has

Mickey Gordon  15:26

their blue parties here in the casual compound. Come on over and have a pool party.

Mallory Gordon  15:31

Hey, can I do we have time to talk about whinnies footfall?

Mickey Gordon  15:34

Let’s talk about football it’s our show we got over one so I made a

Mallory Gordon  15:37

friend I like him a lot. Oh yeah, he’s cool.

Mickey Gordon  15:43

Oh, man, it has gone down we’re talking

Mallory Gordon  15:47

yeah. Oh yeah, I did some dirty shit. But he makes like I really like like hanging out with this one too. So more to come and I reconnected with somebody recently that I haven’t heard from in a while so that that could be something fun as well. And we’ve

Mickey Gordon  16:00

been to you said more to come is that upon? Yes. Yes.

Mallory Gordon  16:03

I’m a very busy girl. Oh, yes. So

Mickey Gordon  16:05

all right. Well, hopefully you have a good time and you’re

Mallory Gordon  16:09

McFaul I mean how do you feel about me and my friends? I think you’re

Mickey Gordon  16:13

you’re building your own little stable there

Mallory Gordon  16:16

is that what we decided was called you over here and I have a stable right?

Mickey Gordon  16:19

A little stable of little friends and horses that you ride

Mallory Gordon  16:23

my little ponies?

Mickey Gordon  16:26

You can call them a little Mallory. It is not okay. No guy goes I don’t want to be a little anything no little morning maybe that’s it?

Mallory Gordon  16:36

Oh my god I can’t believe I said that please delete it

Mickey Gordon  16:38

i’m not i’m leaving that in so they know you think they’re little

Mallory Gordon  16:41

anyway but were you have that button somewhere don’t you? Oh

Mickey Gordon  16:45

yeah. Okay the buttons here that he got this No, that’s not a good one.

Mallory Gordon  16:52

Eat those buttons.

Mickey Gordon  16:53

This is for the ones that like you already is fuck fall anyway. Anyway Alright, so last but not least podcast a Palooza encore is coming up in November in Dallas there is one one king Deluxe Room left for that event

Mallory Gordon  17:09

that’s the last room that’s the last room he showed me she’s only got one room one room all right guys check on it and

Mickey Gordon  17:15

peekaboo is gonna include monogamous marriage average swingers sweet life? I think black and kinky lifestyle. And I think there’s a couple other that are going to be out there. So I mean, obviously Dallas is a blast. This is the canvas hotel, which is a super cool hotel. Yeah, I think it’s gonna be a really, really great venue and a great time.

Mallory Gordon  17:33

Yeah, I can’t remember who she hired. But she did announce recently that there’s someone doing a ropes course. Yeah, they

Mickey Gordon  17:39

got a ropes course. A drag show I got a few other things going on. So Kate’s always mixing this thing up to make it a more inclusive, more positive event which I really love that

Mallory Gordon  17:50

she does that. And if you guys have any questions about you know, peak app encore, or maybe even the 2022 events, definitely reach out, especially if you’re on Twitter and know anyone who went and get their feedback because something she does is this is just a sheet you know about Kate has other shit always in her back pocket and being there and having the experience she’s already planned in next year. I Yeah, exactly. So if you guys have questions, feel free to reach out to us or you know, you know, shout out on Twitter, email us podcast at kegel swinging.com

Mickey Gordon  18:18

see all that shit. And hoot. That’s it for us for the intro. We’re going to come back here in a few minutes. And we’re going to talk about panic and self soothing and just the disasters that come from when those butterflies that you get in your stomach when they turn in to a hurricane or razor blades and you can’t control it. So we’re going to talk about that a little bit. We’re going to talk about what happened to me no bullshit not too long ago, and maybe we’ll have a little fun Mallory want to tell everybody where to find us?

Mallory Gordon  18:48

Yeah, man. We are casual swinger everywhere. You can find us at casual swinger.com if you love us and like to say something nice about us. Feel free to do that. on iTunes.

Mickey Gordon  18:59

Leave us a fucking review. Yeah.

Mallory Gordon  19:00

I like affirmation just like everyone else.

Mickey Gordon  19:03

He has

Mallory Gordon  19:03

a huge penis. That is true. We are also on social media, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. And if you’d like to check out our profiles, man, double the nation STC SLS.

Mickey Gordon  19:16

There it is. We’ll be back in a hot second with more on the panic button here on casuals.

Mallory Gordon  19:38

And welcome back to casual swinger. I’m Mallory. And I’m Mickey. And we’re going to talk about the art of self soothing.

Mickey Gordon  19:46

There’s an art to self soothing if there’s an art to it. I am a fucking horrible.

Mallory Gordon  19:51

You know what, that’s the beautiful thing. We’re both on a roll today. The beautiful thing about art is it’s it’s a matter of perspective, right? And everyone’s got a different one, I

Mickey Gordon  20:05

guess. I mean, I it’s definitely not an art form, right? So, like we talked about in the lead in self soothing is is something we refer to when we talk about children, right? We’re talking about kids crying in a crib, you have to teach them how to self soothe by letting them sort their shit out. Right. I don’t think it works the same way for swingers. But in reality, self soothing is any behavior an individual uses to regulate their emotional state by themselves. Yes. Now the self part we don’t really do a lot of things by ourselves, you know, as his life stylers are, are really just in what we’re doing. This is a team sport, right?

Mallory Gordon  20:41

Yeah, usually, but in our dynamic specifically, we have the opportunity to experience things alone. And sometimes that means that there’s one man, yeah, sometimes you

Mickey Gordon  20:52

literally are self soothing, but at the same time, I think self soothing still comes into play in couples play, even when there’s four people on a bed. Oh, 100%, you still have to figure this shit out. So what are we talking about? so emotional states can be affected by literally anything? Anything at all? It could be a memory, or your environment?

Mallory Gordon  21:11

Yeah. A number of different circumstances. Communication, I mean, finances. I mean, there’s probably I do work. Yeah, there’s probably, you know, dozens of different triggers. Yeah.

Mickey Gordon  21:24

Or how about just communication or lack thereof? Like maybe, maybe she didn’t, she’s not looking at me this time. Or maybe she’s so into it. She’s making a different noise this time, or maybe he came this time and he never gets off? Right? And that can create issues for people trying to self soothe, trying to tell themselves that what’s happening right now is okay. And why do we struggle with this? Where does this come from? Where does it start? Alright, so of course, it starts with this generation of monogamy that’s been beaten into our head by every television show, every book every person in our lives is telling us you got to grow up, you got to get married, you got to live that one person in that one person’s body parts. Only for the rest of your life. You missed a big one religion. Oh, yeah. Religion is the number one

Mallory Gordon  22:14

here is the box play live inside it. And if you go outside, you will burn forever in perpetuity. You’re welcome.

Mickey Gordon  22:20

Yes, here you go. Oh, by the way, I

Mallory Gordon  22:22

love you. And I love you.

Mickey Gordon  22:24

But you know, it’s it really is kind of out there. Right? But what we realize is that as ethically non monogamous people, there are circumstances that we’re going to engage in, that may still run counter to something that runs deeper than the way we think or the way we feel. Not everybody is oriented, ethically non monogamous, the way they we are in the lifestyle. Some people this is a hobby for some people, this is something they’re trying, some people are trying to spice up their marriage, there’s a lot of reasons why people get into the lifestyle. Not everybody just kind of identifies his lifestyle, the way that we do. That doesn’t mean that we’re impervious to this. No,

Mallory Gordon  23:06

and it doesn’t mean we could repeat the same act 50 different times, it doesn’t mean we’re going to feel differently. 10 of those, three of those are just one of those

Mickey Gordon  23:16

100%. So as adults, not as children in a crib, we normally kind of self soothe in different ways, right? So maybe we start out with the old favorite like talking to yourself like alright, Mickey, nothing’s wrong. This is cool. She’s having a good time. She’ll be back in a little while. The mirror conversation, right? Yeah, yeah. You’re talking yourself like a fucking crazy person.

Mallory Gordon  23:38

I’ve how I’ve done that at work.

Mickey Gordon  23:40

You’re like, Oh, yeah, everything’s fine. Right? And, and I think that we get this, this idea in our head that it’s going to magically just be okay, because we talk to ourselves. And honestly, it doesn’t. I think in my case, talking to myself in the mirror sometimes makes it worse, because then I get my own headspace. But, you know, you

Mallory Gordon  24:00

end up like fighting yourself, like say what motherfuckers Do what?

Mickey Gordon  24:03

No, well, Samuel Jackson, are you talking to me? That’s pachino but whatever. My point, though, is, you know, you try to reason with yourself and go Okay, everything’s all

Mallory Gordon  24:13

right, I’m fine. You’re gonna logic yourself back to Earth. And I’m gonna bring

Mickey Gordon  24:17

myself right back out of this. And it’s not always that simple, right? And so we also self soothe maybe by communicating or communicating can be a doorway to a lot of things. We can communicate with our partner, and tell them something they did bothered us. And that created a problem for us, or maybe something they did was great. And we needed to communicate with them and let them know that it made it easier for

Mallory Gordon  24:42

us. Yeah, and we’ve learned when we talk to each other it’s, it’s not you did this and it hurt me. We try our best and we don’t always get it right. is when this happened. I felt this way. Yeah, to dig into it because then it’s it’s just put out there because it doesn’t it doesn’t always mean so When did something wrong?

Mickey Gordon  25:01

Right, right. And when we talk about this, I remember, you know, especially what we get into here in a couple of minutes. But when I brought this up to you, you looked at me and the first thing out of your mouth was, is there something I could have done better?

Mallory Gordon  25:12

Yeah, or differently? Because I, and we’ll dig into it because my first reaction was, what could I or did I do to impact or influence how you were feeling on that end, and

Mickey Gordon  25:24

that’s the thing that I want to get out with before we really get started here for you guys, is the driver behind all of this, the driver behind what starts the butterflies right down to the hurricane or razor blades, that is panic, right? Everything hurts, everything sucks everything scary, is fear. And that fear, that innate fear that somebody is going to be better than me and take them away, and I’m gonna end up alone. And even if you’re not afraid of it, you’re still afraid of it. We’re all afraid of it. It’s the thing that humans are generally afraid of.

Mallory Gordon  25:58

It’s the little monster inside of us, right? Like that one that tells us we’re not good enough. And the one that tells us that, you know, we’re going to die alone. Yeah.

Mickey Gordon  26:06

And and I know that we all feel that way. On some level. I mean, Hell, I heard from some random dumb ass a couple weeks ago, who was like, you know, Doesn’t it bother you to know that when when a better guy comes along? He’s gonna take her away from you. I’m like, only one of us knows that, sir. So I am unaware of rats. I’ve been outed shit, I’m gonna lose her to a guy with more money and a bigger penis. Bummer. You know, and the reality is, of course, with that particular person, if that’s what they think, then I feel bad for them because they don’t understand women at all. But it’s it’s about your relationship and how you communicate and what you’re capable of doing. And I think the last thing right is distraction. Right, we definitely distract ourselves. Yeah, busying

Mallory Gordon  26:49

ourselves because I think especially when you can’t pinpoint the emotion or whatever you’re experiencing physically, because I mean when you have a panic attack, or you fucking physically feel it it’s so uncomfortable it is incredibly it is and it’s it’s so painful, not only physically but mentally and emotionally because you can’t fucking pinpoint why it’s happening right now.

Mickey Gordon  27:13

When is a guy when you have a panic attack? Guess what? You don’t get hard?

Mallory Gordon  27:17

Definitely not. But sometimes you have to busy yourself and be physically exert yourself or busy your mind sure to let that should kind of simmer down in the background because that pot is boiling over all your scenes film.

Mickey Gordon  27:30

Yeah, easier said than done. Yeah. Because if you’re no, if you’re hot, wifing and you’re you’re at home, working in the garage, or you can distract yourself, you can find yourself with some doing something else being busy. Here’s the thing, if you’re on a bed with three other people, and there’s a four way thing going on, and you start to have these emotions and these feelings, you do what I do,

Mallory Gordon  27:50

you jump up and you offer snacks, and you run out of the room and you come back with snacks, and then you offer water and then you run out of the room, then you bring water, and then you basically put on a fucking sideshow for the entire group.

Mickey Gordon  28:00

Pretty much Hi guys. This is Mallory. And this is how she deals with it. I do not recommend that it makes it really awkward does well and but think about this, right? That is kind of the driving force, the fear of not being able to self soothe the fear of, you know, not being included, leads couples to say things like, we only play together in the same space at the same time. And when one person is done playing, we’re both done playing. And that really is a defense mechanism against having to self sooth, because you’re like, Look, I need to be busy with your wife. And then a second that I’m done with her. My wife has to be done with you. Do you know how fucking hard that is?

Mallory Gordon  28:40

Or vice versa? Yes, yeah, I totally get it. It’s

Mickey Gordon  28:43

incredibly difficult. And we’ve been down that path sounds like there’s only one person winning, right? So basically, it’s now a sprint to orgasm between four people. Whoever comes first is the only one that gets to

Mallory Gordon  28:55

Why do I hear an auctioneer in my head all of a sudden,

Mickey Gordon  28:59

thinking gentlemen, start your engines. Right? But no, and I think the last the last thing in MIDI there’s other ways we deal with you know, trying to self soothe this panic that hurricane razorblades I keep talking about his excuses. Fair, just start making excuses. I’m on this I’m dad or maybe I’ve just had a bad day or, and all these things can actually lead to it. But in reality, the only way to deal with this panic. The only way that works in long term is communicating with your partner, letting them know that you had a problem. And that it’s not their fault, but you need them to know that you weren’t okay today. And you don’t know why. You know, it’s nothing they did unless it is something they did. Right and but tell them be honest and take accountability for your own feelings and your own actions. Don’t just put it on them. Don’t go you did this wrong and I felt bad or I felt bad and it’s your fucking fault and I don’t know why. It’s not okay. And that’s not what you can’t do because these things are going to happen to you. Ask me how I know

Mallory Gordon  30:00

Yeah, so I mean we’ve been we you know painting a little bit of a picture Do you want to kind of run through exactly what happened? Yeah my perspective because I mean we have something kind of fresh I mean new it’s pretty recent it is.

Mickey Gordon  30:14

And you know, from my perspective, I don’t get wound up read don’t get wound up in group situations don’t get wound up in single place situations. I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ve seen pretty much everything there is this is very rare that I get surprised me when you see somebody get gummybear sucked out of their asshole dad is pretty much the identical that’s fair. But, you know, I think I just wasn’t expecting to feel the way I did. It came out of nowhere. I honestly can’t tell you why. I honestly can’t tell you what, what drove it, why it lasted as long as it did. Why the where the thoughts came from. What I know is that Mallory went on a coffee date. I mean, yep, it’s really just a coffee. Just fucking coffee. Yeah,

Mallory Gordon  31:02

I went on a coffee date with someone I had had sex with. Yes. And I mean, there was definitely some heavy padding that happened as we said our goodbyes, but there was no intention of a sexual encounter there. So it was situation normal. I got ready. Kiss you said goodbye. You Wish me luck, told me have a great time. You were good. I was good. And I left

Mickey Gordon  31:28

and I had shit to do. So it’s not like I was just sitting here waiting

Mallory Gordon  31:31

was actually a workday. I was busy with like a Friday morning or something. And that

Mickey Gordon  31:35

toy store was busy that day, too. So I had two jobs to do that day. And it just really, I mean, what I can tell you from personal experience is you don’t know when this is going to strike. And you don’t know when it’s going to literally be impossible to reason with yourself. What you can tell yourself is that there’s nothing to be afraid of here. So where is this coming from? Say lungs, you know, it’s not coming from a irrational place of fear, right? Because fear is an acronym. false evidence appearing real, right? I tell myself that all the time when something wells up inside of me, but it happens anyway. And here’s what happened. She went on her coffee date, nothing was going on. I knew you were fine. You’re just gonna do some coffee and come home. Maybe you get fingerbang. And you’re, you know, let’s see, you know, BFD, right, no big deal. Except about 10 minutes after you left is set in. And I don’t know why I was sitting here working on something at my desk, maybe processed in order for one of you guys. Matter of fact, I think that’s exactly what I was doing. And I couldn’t get my brain to calm down. It was going wild.

Mallory Gordon  32:39

Do you feel like it was it it was like compared to like, like your heart racing like you took amphetamines or something and like

Mickey Gordon  32:47

I couldn’t concentrate on anything I was I just kept thinking about where you were and what was happening or in a kept going back to you and I couldn’t get away from it. Even though it was completely irrational.

Mallory Gordon  32:59

Oh my gosh, stop being so obsessed with me. I know, right? What the fuck, we should get married. And it’s and it’s funny because when I got Usually what happens is status quo for us is I let you know when I arrived, the place that I’m supposed to be just so you know, I’m safe. We may be exchanged your text or to like have a great time love you text me when you’re done. Or hey, please pick up milk on your way home, because we roll like that. But you and I actually had some dialogue, just like general like you were telling me about something that was happening, like and I think you were trying to distract yourself. I was in that moment. And looking back, it just occurred to me literally in this moment. That’s probably what you were trying to do. And I did not identify that as out of sorts at the time.

Mickey Gordon  33:41

Well, because I didn’t tell you either. So that was also on he was really positive.

Mallory Gordon  33:45

It was like our engagements really positive. And it turned out I had to wait a few minutes for him to get there. He

Mickey Gordon  33:49

was late. So it was kind of gave us an opportunity to talk and for whatever reason. I mean, I think it even made me worse. I was gonna say Did it help or hurt though? I think it actually made me worse. And I know I wasn’t flipping out with jealousy. I wasn’t flipping out with fear. I went through all of this. It was physical. It was actually physical, like, I had shortness of breath. My heart was beating it, you know, 150 beats a minute. My mind was racing. It was it. I had no control over how I felt.

Mallory Gordon  34:26

You know, and I feel so bad for you. You know, I suffered and I’m not immune to them. But I suffered from panic attacks in my early 20s. Mostly associated with postpartum and it’s a terrible, awful, horrific feeling, especially when you can’t identify what the trigger was. Specifically

Mickey Gordon  34:45

the hardest part for me because I actually did go to the mirror is I looked at the mirror and i what i saw standing there looked broken to me. And that was really tough to deal with in the moment

Mallory Gordon  34:58

did it escalate things because I My next question was going to be like, so we stopped texting. What were you doing what happened?

Mickey Gordon  35:07

Kind of just sitting here trying to make logic work, because logic was my friend in this case, and my brain was not, and my body was not. And so if my brain is broken in my body or broken, I’m broken. And so I’m looking in the mirror going, what the hell is wrong with you? You You’re, I mean, at this point, I’ve been doing this longer than anybody I know. That isn’t old, right? Because I started really young and most people my age have not been in the lifestyle as long as I have. So to me, I feel like I have a responsibility when things like this happen to tell you guys that they happened. Because I think maybe you think that there’s this superpower that we have as long time swingers and longtime lifestyles and longtime ethically monogamous but I promise you, it’s not a superpower. It takes work. And what I found myself in was in quicksand. quicksand is the scariest thing that can happen to you emotionally.

Mallory Gordon  36:05

Yeah, it’s also the one thing we thought we’d encounter more often as adults than we did as children.

Mickey Gordon  36:09

Yeah, Gilligan’s Island really led me astray. So I really thought I was gonna be a problem. I thought quicksand was gonna be a real issue, but turns out funny. It’s just an allegory. Yeah, it is. It’s quicksand is emotional and mental. Thank you for that. But it is, it’s this feeling that the harder you struggle, the worse it hurts. The more pain you’re in, the more, the more trouble you’re having. And that’s how panic works. Panic is quicksand. Because the more you struggle, the harder the harder you fight, the worse it gets.

Mallory Gordon  36:41

So how long so this state of mind went on maybe two hours? I was gone. Maybe because it took 20 minutes to get there. 20 minutes get that I know we’re there for over an hour. Yeah. So and in those that two hour span, how long did it last? Because you did not seem okay, when I got home. So in my head, you had been struggling with us the entirety,

Mickey Gordon  37:03

it lasted the entire day, more or less. Once those things start, it’s like a hangover, you emotional hangover kind of you just can’t quite show me when it gets a level mind got to now the thing of it is it’s different rate of maybe you just have something that’s pop of an urge you in the middle of play, and four people in a room or that kind of thing. These are not the same things, especially if you can do the things we talked about earlier. Whether it’s distraction, reason, talk to yourself, communicate with your partner, combat the fear that’s driving these things. Those things generally work, but sometimes they fucking don’t. And there’s nothing you can do differently. You can’t just go I got this one thing and it’s gonna make it fine. It’s not a substance it’s not a pill you can take it’s a food you can eat it’s not a thing you can say you

Mallory Gordon  37:49

may project or feel like that one thing because like some people self medicate with alcohol, drugs, whatever that idea. Well, yeah, I mean, because I don’t know that it’s gonna help you get to the root of

Mickey Gordon  37:59

these issues. Do not drink and drive. Yeah,

Mallory Gordon  38:01

right. You shouldn’t drink and drive as a general.

Mickey Gordon  38:04

Talking about fucking okay, but yeah, okay,

Mallory Gordon  38:07

I thought you actually physically drive No,

Mickey Gordon  38:09

don’t drink a drive. That’s stupid, too. Okay, all right,

Mallory Gordon  38:12

I’ll back this truck up.

Mickey Gordon  38:13

Everything turned out fine. In the end, right. She had a great time. She enjoyed her date with her new friend Ed. But I really liked this guy. Yeah, so maybe i think i think that actually had something to do. I was

Mallory Gordon  38:23

gonna say, I think the fact is, I, I am very blessed that I’ve been able to meet some really great people. And you know, a few of those have become play partners. This one’s a little different. This one’s got a little extra to him that I find fascinating. And it gets my mind going in my body all at the same time. And we haven’t had that happening in a very, very long time. Yeah, yes. Yeah, it’s

Mickey Gordon  38:50

I mean, I could certainly be

Mallory Gordon  38:53

it so but my my point was, I think he reached a peak panic. Before I got home we did during that two hour span, and then you were hung over essentially the rest of the day. And on my side of the fence, you know, I felt immense amount of guilt. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t step outside of our boundaries or the confines of our relationship. I don’t know. I didn’t physically emotionally or mentally do anything wrong, but because you are my person because you’re my partner. You know, the next steps for me were Could I done anything differently?

Mickey Gordon  39:27

Yeah, I was in first thing you want to know because I pretty much told you that day that I had had a problem. Yeah. And that it wasn’t you’re doing it wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing wrong. We didn’t have to do anything differently. You didn’t have to tell this guy Fuck off. And we’re going to talk to you again because my husband’s psycho and freaked out.

Mallory Gordon  39:45

But at the time, you still you’re like, I have no idea why this happened. Like I couldn’t point to something. I don’t have a trigger that I can I can identify our hand to you right now and say, this was the problem which they left everything really, really ambiguous. So you didn’t like that. So then my next step as my person was, how can I help to soothe you? You went through the self soothing process, I can still see that you were in distress. Maybe not so much now but you weren’t exactly operating at 100% Yeah, so

Mickey Gordon  40:19

after a migraine Okay, that’s fair that’s kind of how it feels Sure.

Mallory Gordon  40:23

So you know and then in my own way I’m closing curtains and trying to make sure that the environment you have is loving and nurturing and whatever you need it to be to help you recover from that you know and sometimes that’s being close by and being physically like close to you you know hugging kissing nurturing whatever it may need sometimes it’s just little shows of affection yeah right just

Mickey Gordon  40:51

just do in regular life yeah like we went to I think we went out to the trader maze or renters or something I

Mallory Gordon  40:56

mean we yeah we yeah we yeah we spent the next day together the next let’s be honest 72 hours we were not out of each other site.

Mickey Gordon  41:05

Yeah, well we do that pretty regularly anyway, but you know, the thing that I struggled with here is I mean, I really had a crisis in front of the mirror going How is this happening to me of all people right I mean, you admonished your head I was like what’s wrong with you you and like I’ve been doing this

Mallory Gordon  41:23

for take a beating motherfuckers things are tough they are right.

Mickey Gordon  41:27

Giant scroll them yeah.

Mallory Gordon  41:29

fuckin testicle

Mickey Gordon  41:31

bye but you know it wasn’t anything you did wrong and you know i think you know you coming home I don’t really feel like we could have done anything differently because you communicated very clearly this was going to happen you clearly very clearly communicated what your intentions were for what was going to go on where it was going to go on and roughly when you were going to be back I mean there was really nothing you could have done differently and then even when you came back and saw that you know something was not okay with me. You were very attentive about it You didn’t make it my problem you didn’t go What’s wrong with you? Why are you having an issue? I didn’t do anything stop being a bitch I mean you didn’t do anything about it you were actually great.

Mallory Gordon  42:10

Oh, well I love you You are my person and I don’t think you would have if the tables were turned I think you would have addressed it very similarly if not the same. And in hindsight there there are a couple of things that I’ve been thinking about that could have been it. Um, since quarantine You and I have been insanely codependent on each other Yeah, we’re together a lot we’re together a lot and even struggling and in you specifically have traveled for a living for most of your life having traveled separately has been a little difficult for us I mean we get through it you know it’s but it’s been harder than it was earlier on in my relationship with it’s just fucking hilarious. So I think maybe that level of codependency could be part of it another layer of complexity to it, I would agree with you I’ll tell you why when you’re done and then the my attraction to this person and and the newness of it and how different he may be in relation to other people.

Mickey Gordon  43:05

Yeah, it definitely got my attention. And there’s no doubt about it, but and not necessarily in a bad way because I want that for you. I want you to have a good time. I want you to have fun I want you to have people that light a part of your brain that maybe that I don’t touch. I mean, I’m a lot of things. I’m a very dynamic person, but I’m not every person there and there’s nothing wrong with you getting stimulation from other people. And I mean that in every sense of the word. The thing that I have to figure out, especially now that it has happened it’s happened I know it can happen again. So how am I going to deal with it? If it does okay, right? I mean, in the last time I mean, I walked around in the yard I threw the ball to the dogs. I mean, I

Mallory Gordon  43:44

and that’s what I have to do to self soothe. That’s why I act like a freakazoid because it’s happened to me a couple times in couples play where I’m like, I don’t know why I’m not okay, but I’m not okay and I have to physically exert myself. It’s it that was actually my mechanism to quit smoking was that anxiety as it starts to build like I just five minutes and I go I go hardest motherfucker. And then I can dial it back. I can reason with myself, but I can’t do it until I physically exert myself. It’s like all these chemicals build up and I gotta, I just gotta fuckin purge them out. Get them out.

Mickey Gordon  44:16

Fortunately for me, even Z’s OBS was like, Yeah, I’d like to run and chase the ball, but she runs like a cow. She does. She is fucking hilarious. But you know, it’s I did those things. How am I gonna keep it from happening again? Honestly, I’m not. That’s the answer we’re

Mallory Gordon  44:31

gonna say are, how does it feel now that it’s happened knowing that it can happen again. Does that change anything for you?

Mickey Gordon  44:39

I’m a little scared if I’m being honest, just because maybe it sucked. You know, it’s, it’s not something I can necessarily control. I know, the procedure I need to go through when it happens again, I know. I can’t control every emotion. I have some of them. You just have to feel them. And that’s the scary thing about emotion is Sometimes you have to feel it, you can’t ignore it, you can’t reason with it, can’t talk yourself out of it. But you have to do is talk to your partner before and after and make sure that you guys are on the same page and that you know where each other stands. So when that comes up, you do have a standpoint from which you reason with yourself to say everything’s okay. Yeah,

Mallory Gordon  45:19

the one thing I’m going to ask you to do one thing differently next time if you can, and it may not be a reasonable ask because I think we all do this. Do not punish yourself in that process as you’re trying to, like parse it out or feel it out. Don’t Don’t demean yourself Don’t punish yourself. I

Mickey Gordon  45:37

mean like I just did this whole episode. Yes. Okay.

Mallory Gordon  45:41

Actually, no Yeah, I don’t think you did that here. I think you’re you’re being vulnerable and letting everyone know that you’re fucking human too. And it doesn’t matter how long we do this for it. It doesn’t mean we’re going to have the same reactions every single time it’s not like we have one variable and then a control this isn’t fucking the third grade science project

Mickey Gordon  46:00

you know as casual swingers evolved. I’ve started to feel maybe it was since peekaboo the first p cap that it’s a lot more important for us to be vulnerable about our failures and our perceived inadequacies. It’s more important than it is for us to talk about the things we do well

Mallory Gordon  46:18

yeah, and I mean, I don’t think we’re ever here being negative nancies about not at all it’s but I think it’s very important to be human I think we wouldn’t be doing our part as a community members or a member of our own little tribes, right? If we weren’t honest about that, because that’s how a lot of people learn and you know, what’s the adage that you know, smart people learn from their mistakes but wise people learn from others? Yeah, I think that’s kind of what we’re trying to do in a way Oh, also be entertaining because some of the shit when we fuck it up it’s hilarious.

Mickey Gordon  46:47

We always fuck it up good if we’re gonna do you know fuck it up halfway. We’re like, No, no, this thing is not thoroughly fucked yet. Let me jump back in. Yeah. And that’s, that’s kind of what happens. And, you know, in the end, I think the most important thing I can tell you guys, this can absolutely happen to anybody at any time at any phase of play. It can happen when there’s no play going on at all ask me how I know this can happen to anybody. So make sure that you communicate, be human, tell your partner that you had a bad time and it’s not their fault. They can help soothe you without you’re making them feel like they failed you and that’s important guys. Don’t make your partner feel like they failed you because you had trouble self soothe that is such

Mallory Gordon  47:40

a horrible feeling too because I think we do it to ourselves anyways when we feel responsible for our significant other because that is our person that is the love of our lives. And I promise you you don’t need to tell me because if I feel it or if we let so hard

Mickey Gordon  47:56

right yeah, so and you know what I can tell you guys I promise you our next episode will be a little more fun because Mickey will not have holes in his face and will not have been on drugs for a week.

Mallory Gordon  48:05

I am so proud of you for getting on here and doing this I know I know. It’s hard.

Mickey Gordon  48:10

Yeah, and it’s not awesome. I’d like the women listeners to be like we love Mickey he’s so strong and he’s awesome.

Mallory Gordon  48:18

Okay, well I don’t know at my birthday party you had a fucking fan club.

Mickey Gordon  48:22

Oh whatever. Literally.

Mallory Gordon  48:23

Oh yeah. Whenever I was sitting there going it wouldn’t it be fucking funny if you got more play than I did?

Mickey Gordon  48:29

It did not happen. No,

Mallory Gordon  48:31

I was a little mildly disappointed.

Mickey Gordon  48:33

I can’t you did not look disappointed when you ingest went trotting up the stairs so I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Mallory Gordon  48:41

I mean snake bit no more I’ll tell you that no, no,

Mickey Gordon  48:43

no no you have definitely grown over that hump hmm speaking of home

Mallory Gordon  48:48

anyway

Mickey Gordon  48:49

oh whoa a little bit yeah there’s the Iowa shout out for this episode. All right every goddamn time

Mallory Gordon  48:55

we got another surprise for these guys yes we do it’s pain you know a little more positive we’re gonna book and on positivity here that’s a positive Yes. So you have a new segment for us

Mickey Gordon  49:03

I do is a brand new segment so we’re gonna stop doing cocktail corner here on casuals? Yeah, there’s

Mallory Gordon  49:09

there’s tons of wonderful podcasts, they will give you drink recipes. There’s so many available on the internet.

Mickey Gordon  49:15

Yeah, there’s just no reason for us to doing it when everybody else does it. So we’re gonna do something a little different. Some of you have seen the pictures of my bar here the casual bar here at the casual cocktail awesome.

Mallory Gordon  49:25

You’ve done such a good job with it. This is a labor of love. Thank you. Sorry,

Mickey Gordon  49:29

I have more than 100 different types of whiskey and bourbon in my bar. But something that Mallory and I both have a passion for is is trying new and interesting whiskeys Bourbons rise you know

Mallory Gordon  49:43

maybe we should pick up like a sport just to kind of like have a healthy balance right?

Mickey Gordon  49:47

Just gonna throw some heavy shit around or something cuz we need to.

Mallory Gordon  49:51

We need to go do CrossFit and collect whiskey like then I’ll feel I’ll feel less guilty about the whiskey.

Mickey Gordon  49:56

I can do CrossFit with my whiskey bottles.

Mallory Gordon  49:58

No, don’t do that. Because some of them you What do you look at?

Mickey Gordon  50:02

Anyway, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna do once a month we’re gonna call it the whiskey of the month. So w o t m whiskey of the month, and it’s going to be a brand new segment we’re gonna come back with it here in a quick second after Mallory tells everybody where to find us, and we’ll talk about the first whiskey of the month. Here on casual Swinging.

Mallory Gordon  50:20

Find your couch. No, um, you can find us we are casual spender everywhere because we’re Swinging calm. Feel free to shoot us an email. If you have any questions or want to say to low podcast app casual Swinging calm. We’re on social media that is YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and your ignition.

Mickey Gordon  50:41

Alright, back in a hot second whiskey in the month you’ve been listening to casuals. everybody welcome back one more time to casual swinger. I’m still making

Mallory Gordon  51:04

I’m still Mallory. And we’re gonna talk whiskey whiskey

Mickey Gordon  51:09

I love the need to get a sound effect done for that or something rescued the Month Club or something. I don’t know.

Mallory Gordon  51:14

No. Okay, we can work on that.

Mickey Gordon  51:15

Yeah. I’ve been wanting to do it. I don’t have that voice but yeah, I’ll

Mallory Gordon  51:19

do something dirty and say it Here you go.

Mickey Gordon  51:21

Yeah, that’ll be fun. Yeah, that’ll be fun or breaking news but yes, this is our new segment. It’s called whiskey the month and this is where we’re going to talk about whiskey here’s the rules just to you know, to qualify for whiskey of the month. It has to be something that is widely available it cannot be a regional whiskey it cannot be something scarce yet. So can’t be super scarce can’t be something you can only get in Florida or Virginia or Michigan or whatever. It’s got to be something that’s widely distributed and it has to be this is gonna be the bitch by the way under 50 bucks.

Mallory Gordon  51:52

I think that’s fair. There are a lot of really great bourbon whiskies rise because I think that has to be qualifier too, right?

Mickey Gordon  52:00

It can be either a whiskey a bourbon or urai

Mallory Gordon  52:03

not Yeah, not that I don’t love scotch but you’re not a scotch guy

Mickey Gordon  52:07

we’re not gonna do Scott has got an Irish Whiskey it can be any Canadian

Mallory Gordon  52:10

whiskey.

Mickey Gordon  52:12

Canadian whiskey is pretty gross just pissed off on the spa oh yeah you see what happens I you know I don’t drink crown

Mallory Gordon  52:23

I’ve never actually seen an angry Canadian ever says I think you just did it.

Mickey Gordon  52:28

If they think they reelect Trudeau we’ll see a lot of angry

Mallory Gordon  52:31

wow anyway that’s got no politics. Oh yeah, we can talk No, no, I’m

Mickey Gordon  52:34

not a Canadian I can talk

Mallory Gordon  52:36

so it has to be under $50 which you think is totally reasonable very reasonable, widely available and has to be a rye whiskey bourbon

Mickey Gordon  52:43

Yes. Now we’re in now keep in mind this is not like this is the end all be all greatest whiskey that ever was segment of casual swinger. This is the this is the accessible if you don’t know a lot about whiskey, great flavor, smooth, good taste. I mean we’re going to tell you things about these whiskies as we get into them but it’s also affordable it’s also something you can buy it and if you hate it you’re on you’re not out 500 bucks

Mallory Gordon  53:08

yeah and you know if you want to impress your boss or your you know your new client or something like these, this is great information to have. ie or eg I should say I don’t golf. I work with a lot of men who do and my knowledge of bourbon whiskies and rye have helped me kind of open the gate a little bit

Mickey Gordon  53:29

that’s true so you can talk to dudes about dude I can

Mallory Gordon  53:32

well it’s not Hey, mister we’re not new we’re not playing gender roles here okay my bad going to smash all of the buttons like especially

Mickey Gordon  53:43

the buttons when we did no come on,

Mallory Gordon  53:45

no. If I could cut you Oh, please stop.

Mickey Gordon  53:56

Don’t Helga smash my balls No, none of that Alright, let’s talk whiskey. The whiskey of the month for October is for roses single barrel for roses single barrel

Mallory Gordon  54:07

now that’s a Kentucky bourbon. So this is like classic Oh yeah, this

Mickey Gordon  54:11

is a legit bourbon. This is from a distillers name. This guy His name is I know I had written it right Elliot Brent Elliott master distiller Brent Elliot so for roses is a Kentucky bourbon that ticks pretty much all the boxes. Right? It’s affordable. For starters, it comes in at $22 for a 750 on drizzly. It’s very inexpensive.

Mallory Gordon  54:31

Yeah, this this bottle should consistently be at most under $30.

Mickey Gordon  54:35

Yeah, you should be able to get this one. It’s a small looking bottle. It’s kind of a narrow bottle that widens out as it goes down. It’s not a super attractive centerpiece bottle. But what I can tell you about it is that it has a great deal. huge number of expressions and for roses, you have a lot of choices and for roses, but what he did with this particular one is he used two different mash bills and five different yeast strains to create A total of 10 different recipes to create this specific bourbon. Now while the single bill released uses just one recipe to highlight a unique building block of the whiskey that is a rye mash belly high rye mash bill that makes the unique flavor of four roses single barrel what it is.

Mallory Gordon  55:19

That’s awesome. So how would you describe it from a profile if you’re drinking this neat or on the rocks, what do you get from it

Mickey Gordon  55:26

well, so when you drink a whiskey and you drink it neat and that you can either when you drink it neat, you can either do neat on the rocks or you can make a cocktail out of it. Neat means you’re drinking it straight. That’s the way Mallory drinks hers. Generally it’s because her dick is bigger than mine.

Mallory Gordon  55:40

I like to feel when I want especially if I’m trying to new whiskey or whiskey I really really love Nene is the way to go for me because I like the high the high hot notes of it and when I say hot I don’t mean like burn my esophagus. The high spices right like the cinnamons the caramels the stuff that really hits you on the top part.

Mickey Gordon  56:03

For me, I think in this particular sweeter note stone, I tend to like the sweeter notes and I think so I think water back brings out a little bit of those sweeter notes. But I don’t like putting water in my

Mallory Gordon  56:13

wish I was gonna say you like it on the rocks. So I put I get some yellow Yeah. And then

Mickey Gordon  56:17

if I’ll hit it right as soon as I get it, and of course that’s very little water content at that point. And if I like it, then I’ll drink it fast and if I need it to if I need it to mellow out a little bit, I’ll let the ice model a little bit and then stir it up water back and I’m good to go.

Mallory Gordon  56:31

And that’s something that makes these whiskies whiskeys like the profile changes with more water rating and to water down and then it just tastes shitty gross but then you can get some of the fruit flavors out of it if if you don’t if it’s too hot on the front like it burns too much to really get the Carmel or the plum or like this one’s what plunge cherry yeah so a little bit of vanilla no Carmel there’s really no Carmel flavor in the four roses

Mickey Gordon  56:57

four is a single barrel is primarily plum cherry and vanilla. And you know it’s funny because different tastings will present differently based on what you’ve had to eat that day. So you may actually taste some different things in there but primarily plum cherry and vanilla on this particular one now I characterize for roses single barrel as a very pleasant a very pleasant drinking for roses yeah

Mallory Gordon  57:23

this one I would I could do it on the rocks. um you know after the cube is melted because for me it’s a little hot that it burns a little bit on the front so it’s very smooth, but it is very smooth. You don’t get the cringe afterwards like you do with some like really cheap whiskies. Or mix like I don’t feel guilty if I mix this with like a ginger orange ginger beer or

Mickey Gordon  57:45

in it the cost point there’s no problem with it right exactly. 100 a bottle

Mallory Gordon  57:50

Exactly. And don’t get me wrong. I love some of the bottles we have. We have a $75 bottle and I’m gonna make a drink. I’m gonna drink it straight.

Mickey Gordon  57:57

Oh yeah, I wanted to throw a bottle in somebody’s head at your party because they were trying to pour Blanton’s into a cocktail I’m like look at stuff number one it’s it’s rare it’s really not Do you know bottles worth Yeah, and the funny part was I was like look it’s it’s it’s okay, it’s not the best whiskey in the world it’s just super rare and it’s not worth what you’re doing to it but it’s definitely not okay that was they actually had in their hand the Japanese one which is you can only get in Japan it’s a barrel proof and I’m like, no, that sounds like a $500 bottle but no it’s this particular bottle is an inexpensive bottle and in terms of flavor, availability and cost it’s one of the best all around under $50 whiskies you can

Mallory Gordon  58:40

buy I have to agree and there’s the we’ve come across a lot that fall into this category

Mickey Gordon  58:44

but we’re gonna have to talk about a lot of them Well

Mallory Gordon  58:46

yeah, for me this is probably one of my favorites I have no problem ordering this you know in a bar most of the time at least in our region or going to any liquor store I mean we’ve been liquor stores all over the country

Mickey Gordon  59:00

looking for rare whiskey because it’s what I do Yeah, yeah No, I think you’re right that this is a whiskey that’s available pretty much everywhere you can find it and liquor stores anywhere just about anybody that’s in range of this podcast, including people that are overseas we’ll be able to go get four roses single barrel and it’s an excellent all around and that’s why it’s casual swingers whiskey of the month. So there’s that when what is it when it wins us going buying a bottle and getting shit faced. I think we’re gonna take some time off between now

Mallory Gordon  59:30

my liver hurts November. Yeah,

Mickey Gordon  59:32

I think so. So just to maybe help us you know, I don’t know you. You have ABS I minor? Yeah.

Mallory Gordon  59:40

Oh, I haven’t noticed I do. Sexy. Thanks.

Mickey Gordon  59:45

Any Hoot that’s our original whiskey of the month. That’s how we roll. Hopefully you guys have enjoyed your time with us today. We talked a little bit about whiskey. You know, we just told you guys how to find us for you left the last segments. We’re not going to do that here. We’ll by gently by gently. No, no, no, no. You know what? People just like to hear you talk that way, whisper in their ear, you should do the ASMR thing.

Mallory Gordon  1:00:11

Oh my gosh, that would be so much fun, but I don’t know that I could take it seriously, myself seriously. Probably the process is fine, but myself is the problem.

Mickey Gordon  1:00:19

That’s all right. We’ll be back here in a couple of weeks. We got a couple of special episodes coming your way guys, for those people that turned us down from fantasy fest. Don’t worry, we’ve reached out to a couple other people. We’re gonna get some cool interviews for you guys. More to come in season four. You’ve been listening to casual Swinging.