The (Wo)Man in the Mirror – A Confidence Crisis

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This follow on to our episode on “The Imposter Syndrome,” digs in deeper on the crisis of confidence we sometimes feel and the “quicksand” that occurs when we start to flail.  Join us as we open up a bit on our own confidence crisis and sit back and have a long look at the man & woman in the mirror…trying to get to the truth of why we feel the way we do…and how to overcome it.

#Spoiler – all it takes is one great experience to turn things around!

We also catch up on all things Podcast-A-Palooza, Casual Toys, Unique Condoms, and of course…the MARCH 2022 Whiskey of the Month!

Casual Toys

Podcast-A-Palooza

Elijah Craig Small Batch on Total Wine

The Black & Kinky Podcast

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Mallory Gordon  00:08

You’re listening to the casual swinger podcast. As your hosts, we need to warn you that the material you’re about to hear may be sexual or explicit in nature. This podcast is intended for an adult audience. Now we don’t expect you to act like adults once the button that

 

Mickey Gordon  00:22

we’re a married couple living in Florida with over 13 years of experience in the lifestyle and we take almost nothing seriously. Casual speakers of variety show meaning we’ll cover everything from music to events, travel, and even the occasional hilarious screw up. Our show was about entertainment. We’re not licensed professionals had anything and her stories, commentary and guidance should not be confused the opinions of a licensed professional.

 

Mallory Gordon  00:46

Now that you know, let’s take those pants off and get comfy. Hey, all you sexy Buckers Welcome to this episode of casual swinger. I’m your co host, Mallory,

 

Mickey Gordon  01:02

you really host I just got to hang out and do the whole color commentary thing.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:05

Yeah. Emphasis on whoa,

 

Mickey Gordon  01:07

whoa. Hey, what’s up everybody? This is Mickey.

 

Mallory Gordon  01:11

Alright, so today we’re gonna talk about the seasonality of confidence and how we or we feel we’re perceived as it impacts our successes and failures in the lifestyle. We’re just gonna touch on some things that might have thrown us off our game recently and how we addressed it.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:28

Yeah, I think some of it changed over time, too. So it’s, it’s gonna be I think it’s kind of a nice companion to the last episode. And then after this, maybe we do something silly because two semi serious episodes in a row. Yeah, they’re

 

Mallory Gordon  01:40

gonna think we’re like, a couple of years around here. Wow. Thank you for not hitting the button now. Anyway, oh, let’s talk ah, some introductions and update.

 

Mickey Gordon  01:56

A little lead in talking about some shit we’ve been doing. We’re here and we’re on time for if I can change.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:01

I know, right? Hey, look at us like being on our game.

 

Mickey Gordon  02:05

No, no, no, you gotta promise. I peek. PCAP Oh, yeah. podcast a palooza if you live under a rock. That’s what it’s called. It’s in Palm Springs. It’s the first weekend in June. It’s gonna be amazing. So please join us just added another new podcast as some familiar faces from Dallas. If you guys don’t know these guys, you’re missing the fuck out. Black and kinky just announced today that they are joining the cast and crew of podcast. Yeah. So bomber and Bell bells. sexy little ass, huh? Oh, yeah, that’s gonna be a good time.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:37

It’s gonna be wonderful. I can’t fucking wait. I’m so excited.

 

Mickey Gordon  02:40

Yeah, I’m really looking forward to that. Of course, there’s a bunch of other really great podcasts that are gonna be there. You know, it’s for me. I guess podcast blues is just kind of the most positive environment that I’ve been that I’m ever a part of in the lifestyle with the with the content creators and the people. And in the theme nights have been Keith’s theme nights are fucking off the hook.

 

Mallory Gordon  02:59

They really are once I figured out what they mean. Yeah. Some of

 

Mickey Gordon  03:03

them do take a little bit of work.

 

Mallory Gordon  03:04

But is that I’m just less cultured.

 

Mickey Gordon  03:06

Right? Well, we’re less European to you. I mean, she does a lot of European shit out there. So I think

 

Mallory Gordon  03:10

yeah, that’s fair. Anyway, um, so what we’ve been up to, what do we have going on?

 

Mickey Gordon  03:15

Well, I know we’re going to but as well. Before we get into that. I think one of my favorite things that happened in March since by the way, we’re caught up now so we can talk. I think God that I’m pretty excited about that. But I think my favorite thing that happened in March so far is steak and blowjob day. Oh, you’re welcome. Thank you so much for celebrating this year. What you have left out so many years before,

 

Mallory Gordon  03:36

I have not left out so many years, but it’s just not been always on the calendar. Right? I’m usually traveling actually during seeking blowjob or you were Yeah, we were both in town. So March 14, which is one month after Valentine’s Day we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day in our house because our anniversary is the week before

 

Mickey Gordon  03:55

and thank you for not making me do that.

 

Mallory Gordon  03:57

So the 14th of March has been staking blowjob day I mean, it’s obviously an unofficial holiday. I wish like

 

Mickey Gordon  04:04

socialist fuck it’s a thing now all right if if Valentine’s Day and Hallmark can get together right steak and slow job day can get together with you know, fucking Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and make some shit happen.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:15

I do like the opportunity to take you out to dinner. It was really cool because like for an anniversary rotate right you do when you’re I do the next year and I like that, but it gives me an opportunity to like, I don’t know, treat you I guess

 

Mickey Gordon  04:26

it was fantastic. It was a great dinner. I think it was hilarious that our waiter who you know, we know our waiter at this point, we’ve been to this place enough. And we’re like, get steak and blowjob. Daisy, I’m getting out of here and going home with a steak.

 

Mallory Gordon  04:39

I’m like, that’s not how it works. And now in all fairness, like you get plenty of blue drops in the steak throughout the year, but it’s just an excuse, again, to make sure we get it on my calendar. I go out on a school night.

 

Mickey Gordon  04:50

Wasn’t a school, man. I mean, you talk about your definition of plenty. Because you know, plenty. I mean, you’re gonna

 

Mallory Gordon  04:56

always be more Fair enough. Fair enough.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:00

for another way I’m not starving guys. Pretty good. So we’re heading out of town again this week. That’s right. We’re going back to our old stomping grounds of the Mid Atlantic. We’re going to Virginia to visit the Grand Spa. I

 

Mallory Gordon  05:10

love it and casual Caitlyn. She’s been doing so many great things for us in the storm. So fucking proud of her.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:15

Yeah, she’s done a hell of a job. She’s, I mean, some of you have actually talked to her. If you reach out on the chat. Sometimes you catch her. And, you know, some of you are like, Hey, can we please talk to Mickey Mouse? And she’s like, No problem. Here you go. And so straight out first. Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  05:27

no, that’s great.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:29

I’ve been very handy.

 

Mallory Gordon  05:29

I’m excited. I think we’ll get to see a few familiar faces and good friends while we’re up there because we’re also going to be going to taboo on April 9 To celebrate their 18th birthday.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:38

That is a big deal because taboo is finally legal. I can finally tap that ass. It’s great. Let’s do it. We have a minute taboo in front

 

Mallory Gordon  05:45

of, ya know, since long before we moved down to Florida, so I’m super excited. Again, we get to see some friendly faces that are going to be joining us that these listeners might know.

 

Mickey Gordon  05:53

That’s right. I believe as I understand it, the sweet life is going to join us. So lock in Tris sexy, sweet shoe haven’t asked and lock smooth ass. No, I don’t know if his ass is actually smooth. I’m just saying he is mag

 

Mallory Gordon  06:09

on to check. But I want to test it out. You

 

Mickey Gordon  06:12

know, I gotta tell you taboo. It’s been a long time since we’ve been a taboo and you know, that was always kind of our home club. It was our favorite. I mean, it just it’s one of the classiest joints around

 

Mallory Gordon  06:22

it is it’s always been well run on the staff. The volunteers have always been great. The play rooms were fantastic. So some of the best play rooms as far as a club that I’ve ever experienced. Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  06:34

they kind of I think we’re a little spoiled. I think we were always a little spoiled because the play rooms were so damn good at taboo, but, you know, we talked to Vicki, I think we’re gonna get us a nice little corner there in the main room, and we’re gonna get to hang out with Locke and Tris, which we’re very excited about. That, again, is on Saturday, April 9, if you guys have time and can make your way to taboo, please join us. Let the good folks at the front desk know cash swing or Sencha

 

Mallory Gordon  06:59

yep, that’s outside Baltimore, Baltimore, right and Catonsville.

 

Mickey Gordon  07:03

So that’s gonna be a good time. So that’ll be a good What else we got going on?

 

Mallory Gordon  07:07

Oh, well, we can talk about the pub crawl. We didn’t St. Augustine, but we’ll probably touch on that later, won’t we?

 

Mickey Gordon  07:13

Yeah, a little bit. There was a lot of fun, by the way, and I really I love seeing Auggie anyway, but we kind of like kind of halfway to St. Augustine beach. Right. And it was kind of a neat little

 

Mallory Gordon  07:22

I actually very much enjoyed if anyone who’s listening is local. I’ve done like the St. Augustine proper, like the historic side. haven’t really spent a ton of time in St. Augustine beach. A huge mistake. Huge, like oversight of my part. I’m totally down with going back out there and hanging out and partying. Some great local joints are down there. Yeah, the food was really fucking good. Yeah, I

 

Mickey Gordon  07:43

was actually stunned by that.

 

Mallory Gordon  07:44

I was I was I thought I was just gonna be like standard Bart fair.

 

Mickey Gordon  07:46

Yeah, there’s wings were righteous. Apparently they smacked him. Like right there. I played the place we ate if you guys go to St. Augustine, by the way is called the beacon. It’s kind of like a part. It’s like a gastropub kind of thing. But drinks were good. The wings were good. burger was good. You know, it’s it’s kind of hard to find good food and a beach town. And that was actually really good. But uh, hey, something else coming up for you guys is coming up starting April 1 through April 30. This is going to be primarily on Twitter. I think you’re gonna see it roll over into places like Instagram. You’re gonna see it in some other places. What am I talking about? I’m talking about 30 days of luxury.

 

Mallory Gordon  08:21

Oh, I’ve like fast like dork clapping right now because I’m so excited. So something that I did was start to pack for a trip and during that I’m pulling out pieces because we have a nice Airbnb on the mountain that’s kind of like got a cabin feel like Fuck, this is gonna be a great place to take pictures that so I started packing my lingerie to take pictures while we’re there. And it’s good thing we’re bringing the truck because I have two boxes. Holy

 

Mickey Gordon  08:46

shit. I know you have 30 days to take pictures for

 

Mallory Gordon  08:50

I know. I know. So I think you’re gonna like my selection.

 

Mickey Gordon  08:54

Oh, this is gonna be obviously we have a shitload of laundry. We did.

 

Mallory Gordon  08:57

And we do have some pictures that we took last weekend to?

 

Mickey Gordon  09:01

We did. Yeah. So we really started excited. And I liked it. We’re going to be able to kind of put multiple images out there per day. And we’re also going to put links pretty much every day for our posts anyway, to the store where you can get the outfit if you like what Mallory’s wearing. Yeah, I love that. That’s casual. toys.com

 

Mallory Gordon  09:22

always the salesman. I love you.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:24

I gotta do what I want to time on that fucking store.

 

Mallory Gordon  09:27

You know, I live about 30 days of lingerie, especially right now, which you know, it’ll be a little self explanatory. As we get into further into the episode. It always gives me a little bit more competence, right? And like that extra girl power when you’re seeing all these women posts themselves, and effectively vulnerable positions but like feeling empowered and sexy and courageous and all these other wonderful things. It’s my it’s probably my favorite month of the year. Now.

 

Mickey Gordon  09:53

I love it. And speaking of, you know, we didn’t actually put this in the show notes, but I really want to give a shout Shout out to our ambassadors. Oh, yeah, toys. So amazing honey spoon. That’s Alley Cat. That’s Pepe pineapple. Those girls are such badasses. 100% I love seeing them work together. Like they don’t compete with each other. They’re good to each other. They’re good to the community, their sex positive, their body positive. There’s so many good things about them. And they’re all three of them are sexy shit,

 

Mallory Gordon  10:22

holy fuck yes. 100% are great. I love the lift up. Yeah, that they give everyone and each other. You hit the nail on the head.

 

Mickey Gordon  10:30

It really is kind of amazing. But so I guess it’s probably a good time since we’re talking about casual toys so much. You know, this is something we haven’t talked about in a while while we were at that pub crawl in St. Augustine. Unique condoms came up.

 

Mallory Gordon  10:43

Yeah, it was having a conversation with a couple who’s super hot and super sweet by the way.

 

Mickey Gordon  10:48

Super hot. I know you’re talking about Yeah. She’s talking about you.

 

Mallory Gordon  10:54

Anyway, don’t make me blush. Yeah, it just came up in conversation and I don’t even know what the segue was. But just going into the fact that it’s a game changer especially for someone like me who’s sensitive to latex condoms.

 

Mickey Gordon  11:08

Yeah, absolutely. So you know, with all the swinger shoot we got coming up you know, unique condoms are really special to us. We absolutely love them. We use them personally. The only condom I will use. I know they’re pretty much your condom of choice. You put them on your partner’s I do. I

 

Mallory Gordon  11:24

feel like that’s the trade off. And I think that’s a little sexy too. Also, I like to collect the insert penis here stickers on your butt. And yeah, sometimes my butt gets them yes.

 

Mickey Gordon  11:35

But they are three times thinner in three times stronger than latex. No taste, after all, who wants to look

 

Mallory Gordon  11:40

so fucking important? Because if you’re going multiple rounds, like Yeah, and you go down there and it’s like chewing on a balloon, it’s just not pleasant. And these don’t leave any residual flavor or smell,

 

Mickey Gordon  11:53

none whatsoever. So they work with every kind of lube. And we’ve got deals for these bumbled with Uber lube, which is our favorite lube. If you didn’t know that already, you get 10% off if you buy 10 packs or more, we call that our multipack. Special. And then there’s the size sampler where you get 10% off if you buy one of each size, I like it. And that’s the end of my casual toys pitch.

 

Mallory Gordon  12:14

And remember to not leave the inside or your penis before putting them on the man dry

 

Mickey Gordon  12:19

button and dry. Matter of fact, if you just got a great blow, dry it off before you do it.

 

Mallory Gordon  12:23

Alright, let’s talk a little bit about what we’re gonna hit in the next part of the show here. So before we jump off and get a little real here for a bit, because we’ve done a bunch of that lately, you actually brought some confidence buttons to the party, didn’t you?

 

Mickey Gordon  12:38

I did. Okay, you know, I mean, this episode is you know, the man in the mirror that woman in the mirror, it’s a confidence crisis. And I was like, There’s got to be like a good confidence joke out there because this is so fucking heavy in an episode. fucking love it. These are great. Well, okay, alright, so I’m gonna go first, but so my toilet stopped working when it gained a little confidence. You know? Why? Why? Cuz he wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:03

It’s disgusting. It’s on brand for gonna rank for poop. Alright, so I’ve been dealing with confidence in shoes, so I bought a sauna. Oh, no. Yeah, it’s so I can give myself esteem

 

Mickey Gordon  13:19

Oh my God, these are horrible.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:22

I can’t believe I did. I’ve ever pretty cheese.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:24

Why did the man with no fingers have low self confidence?

 

Mallory Gordon  13:28

I don’t know why

 

Mickey Gordon  13:29

because he could never count on himself.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:32

Oh, that one isn’t as funny. Oh, what do you say one or two more each?

 

Mickey Gordon  13:40

Alright, I’ll do that. Okay.

 

Mallory Gordon  13:42

What do you call a night with great confidence? What certeyn Certainly certain I don’t know.

 

Mickey Gordon  13:52

Dominate the trombone again. Enough. Oh my god. Alright, so what do you call it when you know your way around the store? This is definitely you. What’s that? Shelf confidence knockoff?

 

Mallory Gordon  14:04

Alright, you one more. Yeah. All right. Good. Okay, cuz we’re gonna have enough of these pens. I feel like we’re should be done here. So I feel the most confident telling chemistry jokes anyway. I’m in my element when I do.

 

Mickey Gordon  14:20

Oh, that’s definitely you.

 

Mallory Gordon  14:23

Try the veal tip. Your waitress will be here all night, folks.

 

Mickey Gordon  14:27

All right, seriously, though, we’re gonna come back after the break. We’re going to talk about some of the things that have gone on recently that rattled at least my cage a little bit. After ditto kind of bouncing off last episodes theme of it can happen to anybody. We thought we’d go the rest of the way down the rabbit hole with you guys and tell a little bit of a personal story along with it. Maybe drive the rest of this story home now. You want to do this thing. The thing?

 

Mallory Gordon  14:50

I’ll put it in my mouth. Oh please. Now is that a different thing?

 

Mickey Gordon  14:55

No, that’s fine. That’s the thing I really wanted you to do. Anyway.

 

Mallory Gordon  14:57

Alright guys, we are casual swinger everywhere. You can find this At casual swinging.com And feel free to shoot us a note podcast at casual swinger.com You can find us on social media that’s Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram as well as the dating sites W nation SCCs lesson Cassidy

 

Mickey Gordon  15:12

There you go. We’ll be back in a hot second just after this with more of the woman or man in the mirror, you’ve been listening to Swinging and we’re back. This is still Mickey and it’s still casual swinger last night Jack and I’m

 

Mallory Gordon  15:44

smiling. I think I fucked up the words that song but I can’t remember I have to go back and look later and

 

Mickey Gordon  15:48

like last was the Eminem I already Mathers.

 

Mallory Gordon  15:50

I know. I can’t help it musics my my. Gets my soul on fire. I love it.

 

Mickey Gordon  15:56

Are you Janet or Latoya?

 

Mallory Gordon  15:58

Oh, please don’t make me choose. Totally Janet. Yeah, yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  16:03

You might have heard music videos,

 

Mallory Gordon  16:05

sideline or music videos like an 80s and 90s. I totally like no from memory, and wanted to dance just like her. No kidding. Yeah, seriously, she’s absolutely what my top three like dance icons?

 

Mickey Gordon  16:17

Well explains a lot because your dance style is similar to hers. Well, thanks.

 

Mallory Gordon  16:20

That’s a huge compliment. So let’s talk. Let’s talk about the woman or the man in the mirror here. Let’s let’s start with perception, right is perception and reality versus reality, but perceptions kind of everything. And in our discussions, we’re talking about the perception of ourselves, right? And that self awareness or internalizing, as well as what we feel a perception is by others of us.

 

Mickey Gordon  16:47

Yeah. And how we view things is reality. Perception is reality. That’s a thing. A lot of people say it’s how you view it is probably how it is, at least from your perspective. A great and that’s dangerous.

 

Mallory Gordon  16:58

So they’re both very rewarding, but yet precarious conversations to have with yourself. Right? And since you’re here with us listening, the audience, right, our listeners, the others,

 

Mickey Gordon  17:11

right? Yeah, I think if you’re 100% Right, I think that the conversation is extremely precarious, because you could tip off into a very bad place very quickly if you allow your perception to become skewed right? And perception is such a bullshit game.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:26

I agree it can be especially when that perception is deviates from your normal foundation or your you know, your normal line baseline. Right? Well,

 

Mickey Gordon  17:35

how can it not right? I mean, we I blame social media in the filter generation for making it so fucking easy to feel complete. Utter shitty about yourself.

 

Mallory Gordon  17:45

I think I know where you’re going, but continue.

 

Mickey Gordon  17:46

Well, so think about it. You wake up every day. And you see yourself your absolute worst. The worst version of yourself when you first wake

 

Mallory Gordon  17:56

up and look. Oh, yeah, that’s not cute. No,

 

Mickey Gordon  17:59

it’s not. I mean, it’s got bags under your eyes, socks on your teeth. The dog shit in your mouth. Your hair looks like a couple of rats took up residence overnight. Why does nobody ever wake up looking like a fucking million dollars? Like the girls in the movies do like they have they wake up all cute and reach over and have a deep tongue case. If you did that to me in the morning, you throw up in my mouth.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:19

True story and you know it, but if it was too real, and it hit too close to home, no one can watch it because we have that shit every day. And we want the fantasy

 

Mickey Gordon  18:28

probably right then. Right? Then you pick up your phone. You see everybody you know looking like a fucking supermodel.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:34

Here’s where okay, yes, I’m right there with you. Okay,

 

Mickey Gordon  18:38

in perfect eyes, perfect skin perfect. Everything we see ourselves through the lens of our own worst moments. Yet we see everyone else at their absolute best all day, every day.

 

Mallory Gordon  18:49

Well, and even in those moments, right when I’m about to go look at myself in the mirror. The first thing I do is pick up my phone. And I’m sorry, I know it’s a bad habit. I should probably bring a little more awareness to myself and do other things before I go. But it’s the first thing I do. Check my messages and check social.

 

Mickey Gordon  19:07

Yeah, I usually read the news which makes me just as depressed but you know, the reality is that everything in our lives from advertisements to the filters we use on our phones is built to tell us one thing. I am not good enough. I billboards, ads, filters social. Everything is trying to make you into something you’re not fake eyelashes. Botox, fake tits. It’s everything a hair dye for men. Everything is telling us wrinkles, not wrinkles. You shouldn’t be something other than what you are. How can you not have you fucked up perception? That’s true. Yeah. And you’re not the perception is skewed.

 

Mallory Gordon  19:53

So I don’t want to throw a pity party here. Right? I don’t think that’s on brand for us. But I think you make a great point here. And there’s two ways to look at this right, depending on where your mindset is or how it influences your mindset. Sometimes those images, like when we’re talking about our ambassadors, sometimes I look at, you know, those girls and what they’re doing and it lifts me up, or I’m on Instagram. And maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe, like you said, I see the filters and the perfection and whatnot. And I’m like Jesus Christ, I’m getting old or Jesus Christ. I’m just not making the progress I want to make in my, you know, workout routine. And then those little nuggets gets stuck in the back of your brain, and it plants a seed of negativity. And subconsciously, it just starts to fucking grow and layer upon layer of bullshit that operates back there until it comes to the forefront. And it’s devastating in some cases, right? Like it, it really changes everything about my day or my week sometimes.

 

Mickey Gordon  20:59

Yeah, well, I think that these malformed perceptions that are result of what we see around us have led us to confidence crises, whether they’re ours, or whether they’re our listeners, or whether they’re just, you know, people that we come across in the lifestyle that are struggling, and I think this is a good time for us to discuss what some of our thoughts are on these subjects and how they’re impacting our relationships and our lifestyle journey. hours. Just us.

 

Mallory Gordon  21:24

Yeah, no, I have to agree. Because it’s I think we mentioned this in the last episode, rarely have we even in the last 16 years was just crazy. Do we go through these highs and lows are these lows, especially I should say highs are definitely more frequent, but the lows at the same time. So we’ve had the benefit of being able to support each other. And when we have these lows, at the same time, it gets a little more challenging, right, because you’re trying to figure your bullshit out by while also supporting your partner. So you’re giving advice and try to be supportive and you’re trying to believe your own bullshit. Dive?

 

Mickey Gordon  21:58

Well in when we were not casual swinger, we didn’t do it in front of 30,000 people. That’s true,

 

Mallory Gordon  22:04

right? That’s fair enough. And to be perfectly honest, I’m a little embarrassed to have these conversations. Because I feel like after all this time, I should know better, I should have the tools in my tool belt to go about attacking this, fixing it, being proactive about it. And I just don’t, I’m, I’m fucking human. And sometimes I break a little. And when I break a little, it takes me some time to get back to where I need to be. And, I mean, again, I know I’m human. I know that’s not out of the context of normal. But I just wished that I had some sort of like glorious transcendence where I don’t have this doubt or these struggles anymore. I think in my head, especially like in my 20s I had it, at some point I’m going to reach in my life that this will no longer be an issue. And Newsflash, that’s not how it works. We are constantly evolving, and evolution comes with some obstacles, right? And adaptation. So are you okay with me getting just a little long winded here?

 

Mickey Gordon  23:12

Okay, sure. Show to every episode. No, but seriously,

 

Mallory Gordon  23:15

stop me if I get too far in the weeds or you want to contribute. So I’m going to give you example, I’m, I started comparing myself and I think social media is a good one, to pretty much every woman. I see. And and that’s on social that’s in walking about life, I just got back from a work trip conference. And I caught myself doing it in the moment. And literally nit picking myself apart. And this was happening in a very short format, but very consciously, you know, in, in our daily lives, it does happen on a subconscious level, because I keep saying that we’re relational, right? What am I in proximity to this, right? But lately, it’s just it’s occupying more of my conscious mind. And I really want to stop myself from using these things as a weapon. You know, I don’t want to tear myself down. I don’t want to find all my tiny, tiny flaws or just obsess over, you know, my perceived shortcomings. And here’s what gets me I cannot figure out for the life of me where this is coming from, why it started, you know, even in the quietest parts of my mind, you know, this little negative piece of judgment you know, something of my own volition just skates into the forefront and makes itself known as like, you remember the pop up ads back in like the early 2000s. And like, you’d be in the middle of reading something that was scared of shit out of you. You’re like, Oh, what the fuck do you come from?

 

Mickey Gordon  24:45

I thought you were in Tibet. CLIPPY, the little paperclip that would pop up from office and be like, hey, motherfucker, you need some help. Get the fuck away.

 

Mallory Gordon  24:52

That’s more 90s

 

Mickey Gordon  24:53

Sorry, I’m old. But like, and that’s just

 

Mallory Gordon  24:56

the tip of the iceberg. You know? And, and as you can tell I I’ve been obsessing over this because of all the little fucking finite detail. You know, I got into there, but it’s, I’m actually concerned.

 

Mickey Gordon  25:09

Well, I think anyone having these feelings in living through this is concerned, because they’re looking at themselves in the mirror and asking the question I just asked not 10 minutes ago. What’s wrong with me? Yeah, like, am I not good enough?

 

Mallory Gordon  25:24

Well, and then I’m beating myself up for beating myself up.

 

Mickey Gordon  25:27

I’m fucked up in the head. There’s something wrong with me. Yeah. Anyway,

 

Mallory Gordon  25:31

I digress. I’m gonna take a deep breath. Just go hide for a second.

 

Mickey Gordon  25:37

That’ll make you need to hide. I know that. I think you had a legitimate, you know, angle there. You know, I, I think maybe the the best way for me to chime in here is with a story about where I was about a month and a half ago, you know, just prior to our little hiatus, which honestly didn’t have much to do with our hiatus, but I don’t think you’re gonna like this. But it absolutely happened. I’m just gonna start with the most important thing. So fucking sick of being goddamn fat

 

Mallory Gordon  26:18

God dammit. Oh, my God. My favorite tic TOCs.

 

Mickey Gordon  26:24

That’s a good one. But you’re not gonna feel it on every level. Right? So here we go. And this is my turn to talk for a second. So just buckle up kids. We went to a local groups meet and greet for a night out which is got to be a little too unusual for us lately. We had gotten to the point where we really weren’t going out and doing a lot of stuff. We had so much stuff coming at us that we get to do. Thankfully, we’re not bitching. By the way. Thankfully, because of casual swinger, we get to do a lot of cool shit. So you really don’t have to look that hard to find fun stuff. Yeah, we’re definitely a little spoiled a bottle. And so with that happening, we figured what the hell, let’s get out of the house. Let’s go do some fun, great plan. And honestly, it’s a great group of people that we went to see, it was one of their local meet and greets. So none of this is to disparage anything that they do or anything about what they do. They’re fucking awesome. So let me set the stage real quick. Even earlier that week, I’d picked up brand new glasses. Now Yeah, my eyes don’t work like they did when I was 17. And I kind of need them to read stuff like my phone so I can see how not good enough I am when I look at my phone, right. But I was supposed to wear them all the time. And I just kind of hate how they make me look. So before going to this party, I reached into the closet and I grabbed a sport coat because it was gonna be really cold outside of Orlando. It was like 16 degrees. 20 degrees. Some crazy shit. It was freezing, you remember? Yeah, it was very cold that evening, it was really cold. And we were dying, just walking from the parking garage or the hotel rather to the restaurant. It was freezing. And but you know, that’s why I grabbed a sport coat and figured you know, dress it up a little bit try and look nice for the party. I put all my stuff on before we left the hotel room and it hit me like a brick in the face. I look like a fucking English professor. I remember you saying that? Well, maybe a history professor even worse, but not a cool one. like Indiana Jones. I look like some old I felt like I needed to have like the suede patches on my arm my elbows or something. I looked ridiculous. In my own head.

 

Mallory Gordon  28:26

Right? I was gonna say you felt like you looked ridiculous. I looked at you and thought you looked fucking great. And I love you in your glasses. So but I get what you’re saying,

 

Mickey Gordon  28:35

oh, and but the spiral had started right. And much like as a guy really got it. And I think most of the guys out there that can relate to this. Once you get in your head, and you start worrying about something, it just gets worse. And this is the quicksand that I kind of referred to in the last episode. Once you start flailing emotionally it just gets worse kinda like when you say they call it melty man to and you start to lose your heart on when it during lifestyle play sessions. It just gets worse. Well, it’s the same thing with confidence. It just got worse. This feeling hung with me throughout dinner. And it was a great dinner. And once we got to the party, we saw a couple of familiar faces and got some hugs. But in general, there were three or four couples that we’ve chatted with on STC about introducing ourselves at the event. We took up a spot by a table near the entrance and far away from the speakers because they were

 

Mallory Gordon  29:21

Fuck yeah, that that was a very, very loud venue that was

 

Mickey Gordon  29:25

a very narrow venue. Right. And the speakers were at one end and it was all concrete and they were extremely loud. Yeah. And so the whole place was just it was really really bright if that makes any sense to anybody out there. Really the highs were really high. It wasn’t like spoon spoons right bump it was really high right

 

Mallory Gordon  29:44

and typically at an event like this the first like hour or so it was like the mingling chat and then they that gets turned up right. And it was just turned up.

 

Mickey Gordon  29:53

It’s just turn up from the second we walked in the door. But anyway, we started looking for some of our new friends and the first couple made eye contact with Mallory. And I saw I could see from where I was standing. And the first couple made eye contact Mallory and eerdere grunts like he looked. He had the look on his face like hell yeah. And I was like, Yeah, I’m used to that. And I get it man, guys, she’s hot. If you don’t know that Mallory’s hot she is. And so but they looked over at me. My English professors are looking at us and the smiles went away. They literally stone faced. They actually turned and kept walking. They walked away. They didn’t even walk up and talk to us.

 

Mallory Gordon  30:27

I did not see this happen.

 

Mickey Gordon  30:29

I did. I’m taller than you.

 

Mallory Gordon  30:30

Yeah, I believe you. I’m just I’m awestruck. Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  30:34

well, you don’t talk about Ouch. Right. And it happened more or less the same way two more times. Before I finally turned and looked at you. And in fairness, the music was really getting to me,

 

Mallory Gordon  30:47

that’s my thought what happened happened that you were just done with the music. And I was too frankly, like, it was just really hard to have conversations or even like dance.

 

Mickey Gordon  30:55

It was like armpits to nipples. Like it was just humans fucking everywhere. It took me 30 minutes to pay for our drinks. So we could leave. Right? It was it was very, very, very crowded, which is good thing for the people that run the meet and greet. But for us, it was not as awesome. But I suggested we go back to the hotel, I’d had enough of getting my ass kicked from a confidence perspective. And I was kicking my own ass too. So it just I’d had enough. And so we go back to the hotel. And I suggested that we peruse STC a little bit, and maybe try to set up a date or two for sometime in the future, right? I wasn’t willing to give up yet. I’m just I’m pretty stubborn, wasn’t willing to give up. So Mallory picks out for profiles. That’s true. And upon inspection, I said something to myself that I’ve not forgotten since. And it’s it hung with me for over a month. And I know you’re not going to like this. Now I’m just gonna have to deal with it. I said Jesus Christ. I’m not even my own wife’s type.

 

Mallory Gordon  31:49

I could really kick myself. So a few things. You know how you make that joke about? I’m really surprised, because as a child, I figured quicksand would be much more of a problem as an adult. Yeah, and I don’t think it’s physical quicksand. I think it’s mental and emotional quicksand that we create. I think it’s actually the problem. It was an allegory that they were beating for us. We just didn’t get the joke at the time.

 

Mickey Gordon  32:13

Well, Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo had that shit down.

 

Mallory Gordon  32:16

Yes, exactly. Second of all, I read that wrong. And I think sometimes I get a little overly confident in our ability to read each other because we’ve been together for a very long time. So sometimes I take things at face value and don’t really get into the empathetic parts of it. And I had no idea that those are the struggles you had had that evening, I will tell you, I know, I know, in all fairness, but I I’d like to think that we, for the most part have an inkling when something’s a little off kilter and more than just what’s on the surface. Right. So I apologize that I missed that. And I didn’t question it a little more, because I would never want you to feel that I wasn’t. You aren’t? How do I say this? You are always my first and foremost Period, end of story. So I felt like I failed to second. I was a little haphazard, with that selection of boys. So when we get back to the hotel, I thought, you know, it was a little bit of a strange night, like we tried. And it was a little funky. And it was still fairly early. It was like around midnight or so. So kind of early. So yeah, let’s talk about setting up a date and get a little sexy and you know, maybe taking a few pictures and you know, little 69 and before bed, whatever. I was just trying to go with the flow and I literally picked for people similar body type similar age ranges didn’t read their fucking profile because I was hammered. I wasn’t drunk drunk, but I was getting there. Like I knew as soon as my body finished I just in the last trick, I’d be really really fucking good. And it didn’t really occur to me to dig in deeper because I I honestly haven’t haven’t been having much luck, which I’ll go into here in a little bit later. With, you know, dating and talking to guys and setting up dates. I’ve been kind of hitting a fucking wall again. And so I was just like, fuck it. Well, those two parameters go What’s the worst? Can you happen? We chat? I don’t like him. We move on. Because that’s effectively what’s been happening. And maybe it’s me, me was them? I don’t know. So I didn’t really dig in. Nothing about that. I never want you to feel like that way. Everything about you is my type. But there is only one you on this planet. And I, I I’ve lived for so long. And when I found you, that was it for me. You know, I can’t find another year which is why you know,

 

Mickey Gordon  34:49

well in that statement that I made in my head and I just said it out loud in front of God knows how many people is something I did to myself You didn’t say it. I know. I know. It’s but I put it right at my own confidence down to maybe an all time low. Yeah, I did it to myself. Because when I said it, I literally hated it.

 

Mallory Gordon  35:11

Yeah. But I feel like I could have parented that better. Right? Like I do. I feel like I had a hand in that. And I apologize because you are my everything. And I love you dearly. And I think you’re the sexiest human on the planet because you fuck my mind and my body every chance. Like, there’s, there’s no one else like you. I mean, anyways, alright, I’m going to go on on my tirade is that. So in tying into selecting these potential, you know, singles online. There are some prospects for me on the horizon. You know, there were some that were actually kind of promising. And I’m so far off my game when it comes to it, because I started blaming all of them. And I’m like, This is fucking ridiculous. I think it’s really, it’s got to be me. I am the common denominator here. And I think what it is, is I have doubt, I’m doubting the value I’m bringing to the equation, or questioning what they may be thinking of me. Whether that’s a physical or intellectual, like I’m really scared. One of the worst insult somebody probably could hand to me is, you’re a moron. Or you’re an idiot. Like, I don’t know why I have it. In my head. I have this really irrational fear that someone’s gonna think I’m stupid.

 

Mickey Gordon  36:33

They don’t know. What’s the case, but I don’t paint

 

Mallory Gordon  36:35

myself as some sort of like intellectual. I never got a Mensa letter. I know. I fucking get it. But that’s probably one of the worst insults that I could fathom is someone thinking that I’m a complete Nutter moron. The other thing is like I think it was chatting with this guy and I sent a sexy pic of me like a little, a little more than he probably saw online. And it was like, fucking dark, and record scratch and almost obsessively checking my phone over the next 24 hours like Ollie Fuck, he’s like, Nope, I’m out. And between you and I, and our listeners, obviously. I’ve been working really hard on myself, especially from a physical aspect. And it kind of like just hit me in the punch me in the gut a little that. I was almost anticipating and an affirmation immediately and when I didn’t get that I just started breaking myself down.

 

Mickey Gordon  37:30

I get so mad at you when I hear you talk that way. You know, in thinking that way in my world, the sun doesn’t rise or set with you. You are the sun if you’re that you’re it’s You’re everything to me so when I hear you talk that way I’m like first of all, anybody that would think that about you is lost their fucking mind and or they’re just not all that bright to begin with.

 

Mallory Gordon  37:52

But I mean, I think I think maybe on some level you relate to this. So I mean, it’s a very, for me pathetic, but also but fatalist perspective to have in a situation like, I’m not good enough. I’m not going to be what they’re looking for. And it’s disgusting to me. I am almost to the point of gagging. When I think about you don’t gag when I stop myself, and I’m conscious and very aware of it. Like, who the fuck is this girl? And why is she so damned Turpin to sabotage everything right now again, this goes back to I don’t know what has encouraged this, or shifted my perspective, because I’m looking for the hole in the dam right? So I can patch that shit up. And I’m still kind of looking for it.

 

Mickey Gordon  38:36

Well, I think it’s it’s interesting, because, you know, and this is a spoiler for all you guys out there that happen to be listening to us right now. We haven’t had this conversation before this cut this right here is the first time she and I’ve had this conversation where we’re individually battling confidence issues in different directions. And our perception is that the other person is just fine.

 

Mallory Gordon  38:58

You had to appoint I think, call me on my bullshit. But when we started getting a little chippy with each other, and we’re we’re typically not like that unless we’re under like, duress, and it’s very short lived. But this is kind of prolonged I wouldn’t even say like we’re not like going at each other’s throats per se. But maybe a little more on edge than we’re used to.

 

Mickey Gordon  39:19

Yeah, it’s been a little probably not sure getting of COVID Dev we’ve been you know, a little just kind of off

 

Mallory Gordon  39:26

camp maybe but I’m talking like short form like last two, three months.

 

Mickey Gordon  39:30

Yeah. Yeah, that’s what I mean. Like the first like few months of COVID We were like, wait for me, you know what I mean? And then we turned into total a codependent assholes drink.

 

Mallory Gordon  39:40

But we were still pretty healthy. Like all things considered. Our relationship was super healthy. We had healthy relationships with ourselves. Right and right. Everything feels like it’s been kind of flipped on its head. So

 

Mickey Gordon  39:52

yeah, I mean, it’s it’s hard to say that it hasn’t been you know, I’m I’m definitely Looking forward to seeing it over with?

 

Mallory Gordon  40:01

Yeah, me too. And I think it’s a work in progress. Like, I don’t want to pose this question, What would change if all of these thoughts and don’ts were banished? And more importantly, how can we do that this is my problem. So I haven’t found the why. And I don’t know at this point, that finding the hole in the dam is going to actually fix anything. At this point, we have to move forward. And we have to do better do better for ourselves as individuals and do better for each other. Right. You know, not communicating how I was feeling was an oversight, a gross oversight. I probably should have been a little more honest about it, but didn’t frankly, it’s embarrassing.

 

Mickey Gordon  40:44

Well, I think what changes if you make these changes, and you stop enduring these things, and allowing yourself to go to these places, is the silliness goes away. It sounds ridiculous to you when you hear it. If you’re not enduring it, so these things almost become jokes. They almost become funny. And okay, that you could ever have felt this way or thought this way. That’s what happens. Right? If if you put all this to bed, you know who the fuck was that guy? Who was that girl?

 

Mallory Gordon  41:18

Well, yeah, I am. What the fuck this girl? Who were you? No one invited you to the party? I can sad little Sally over there in the fucking corner kicking herself. Yeah. Well, I didn’t raise you to be like that

 

Mickey Gordon  41:30

when you tell him? Yeah, surely is not what I want to be.

 

Mallory Gordon  41:34

Yeah. Don’t call me Shirley.

 

Mickey Gordon  41:36

I knew you were gonna do that. But you know, I think it all starts honestly that how? Because the last part of your question was how do we overcome this? And for me, this is what I’m telling myself because I very clearly stated it’s something I’m struggling with. But it all starts with the man in the mirror. As absurd as it sounds. I was talking to one of our kids friends one day who was struggling with confidence. And I asked them when standing in front of the mirror. Do you smile?

 

Mallory Gordon  42:03

Remember this?

 

Mickey Gordon  42:05

Yeah. And they couldn’t answer me. They didn’t even think, to smile at themselves. I told him to make a conscious decision to smile at themselves and think one positive thought about themselves before they let themselves walk away. A few months later, they said it made a huge difference in how they saw themselves. Maybe that would help. Lord knows telling myself I was stupid for thinking the way I did just made it worse. Because all they did was tell myself I sucked that I was stupid. Or I was foolish, or I was a pussy. Right? They because that’s kind of what guys do we just attack ourselves. We don’t actually give ourselves any sort of affirmation and tell us that we’re actually okay.

 

Mallory Gordon  42:44

Yeah, that’s fair. And I, you know, it’s funny, I remember, at PCAP encore talking to a couple we had met, and telling them because, you know, we get a pair therapy as needed, right. And a piece of advice that I’d gotten was, you know, give me give yourself smile is a big one, right. But also give yourself three affirmations before you move about your day. And those daily affirmation self affirmations really do help level set your mind. And I’ve honest, brutal honesty, I’ve totally gotten in the fucking habit. Oh, so just our lives because in my head, like, Oh, I gotta get up, gotta brush my teeth and get, you know, my workout in before and it gets crazy, because get early call today. And I need to make it to the grocery store for lunch. And like, my brain is just fucking fired up. And I haven’t paused long enough to give myself and it only takes like 30 seconds. It’s nothing that actually is going to debilitate me or my day. And I need to start doing that again. Because it does. It really does change your perspective, and could potentially shift the outcome of your entire day or week.

 

Mickey Gordon  43:52

Yeah. And I think it’s important, you know, before I finished my diatribe that, no. pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, and kicking your own ass are two different things. Okay? The only counter to darkness is light. You can’t use more darkness to make yourself feel better. You can’t go come on plus you get your shit together. You suck. Stop being weak.

 

Mallory Gordon  44:15

It doesn’t work. The whole drill sergeant thing? No, no, it does.

 

Mickey Gordon  44:19

Okay, all you’re doing is going okay, I can get through this. It doesn’t actually make you feel better. Right? It’s you have to actually understand that you do have value and that calling yourself a fool just makes you feel more negative.

 

Mallory Gordon  44:33

I agree. I I love to have the ability to show you what I see. And I think you would probably agree in kind, right? But I say that all the time. You’re so fucking sexy and smart and charismatic. And you have this, like humble confidence about you. That is just so engaging like it’s like a moth to a flame. claim, you even at my work event, you have been outside of that industry so fucking long, and people are just like, your husband’s awesome. And I get to hear this stuff all the fucking time. And I want you to feel the things that I feel when I hear that and feel the things I feel when I see you and I engage with you. And I’m proud of you. You’re just such an incredible human being, that there’s just nothing that I would give to, to have you have that. And frankly, anyone who doesn’t see or store those values, like that experience you had at the club. You know, I I don’t know why we give them permission to occupy those spaces in our minds and affect us on an emotional level because it’s undeserving, right?

 

Mickey Gordon  45:43

Yeah. So it was it living rent free in your head. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you’re not wrong, break some of that tick tock shit out. But so do you think we have any suggestions on how we can help each other through this? Is it beneficial to continue to pursue new lifestyle relationships? Are we doing them a disservice if we’re not out there feeling it?

 

Mallory Gordon  46:07

You know, um, yes, no, but I think the one thing we can do is remain positive for each other and encourage each other, have a little more dialogue around this and see the positive things that we know are true, right before last weekend. You might have said an even I might have said that preserving these lifestyle relationships is a questionable tactic, when you’re Mojo’s kind of in the dumper, right. Because is it really fair to show up? Not at 100%? Right, those are the questions we would ask each other.

 

Mickey Gordon  46:40

I think the answer would have been no, as a matter of fact, I had a lot of trepidation about going out last weekend.

 

Mallory Gordon  46:45

Okay, so let’s talk about the polarizing experience we had. So we went to this one event, negative experience ended up you know, spiraling right. And then we had this really great experience out of the blue out of the blue plan and I think both if I had to guess both you and I were a little nervous going into it knowing the experience from prior and I lack of success,

 

Mickey Gordon  47:08

I think the thing you were nervous about more than you was my reaction and what how I was going to be I could sense the you were really kind of worried that I was going to spiral and not have a good time.

 

Mallory Gordon  47:24

I mean, I can’t help but want to protect and nurture you. Yeah. Cuz

 

Mickey Gordon  47:27

you knew I’d had a bad go. And I I actually said at one point, I didn’t want to go to St. Augustine.

 

Mallory Gordon  47:33

I think you said you were effectively indifferent, which that’s a red flag to me. Because usually, you peoplein is your element you like Thrive people in that is that charges your batteries. You know, I’m I’m a little ambient about it. Like, it charges me but it also depletes me the same time, if that makes sense. So usually when we’re about two people, you’re like, Fuck, yeah, let’s go. And you’re just level of indifference. So my, my antenna wrap my radar was up. So I knew to approach this a little more gingerly and make sure that I was being very attentive towards you.

 

Mickey Gordon  48:11

Yeah. Which is, it turns out you didn’t have to be right. So the long and short of it was we met a really fun and sexy couple from St. Augustine. And, you know, they invited us up to meet a bunch of their friends. And, you know, initially the thought of that terrified me. And if this goes like it did last time, I’m not going to be okay. Right. And I did think about that, oh, shit, this is like, this is gonna be really, you know, a bunch of people we don’t know, could be loud, might not be able to actually, like, introduce ourselves or whatever. I created a bunch of situations in my head that weren’t real. And what happened was wildly different than what I created in my head. They were fun and friendly and engaging. And they were just as fucking sexy as we thought they

 

Mallory Gordon  48:59

were gonna be oh my gosh, more, like even more so which I didn’t think was possible. Yeah, they

 

Mickey Gordon  49:02

actually once we got to know them, they got hotter, which was even crazier. It’s because they were hot to go in the site drilling now. But then we got to wait, because we actually spent like, two hours went like two minutes. Yeah. And then we ended up there like, Hey, we got to get to this other bar where the rest of these people

 

Mallory Gordon  49:18

because they had organized the meet and greet. Yeah, they were the organizing angry, and

 

Mickey Gordon  49:21

or the bar crawl or whatever. And then we get over there and there’s all these amazing people there and they’re all fucking hot, sexy.

 

Mallory Gordon  49:27

It was probably one of the most engaging and fun lifestyle like meet and greets bar crawls. I’ve been to because like, everyone I met was fucking fantastic. Yeah, and I’ve not found the one where

 

Mickey Gordon  49:39

everyone was that sexy. No, right. Like, I have another adjective in a minute, but it was fucking hot guy. So it’ll just tell you well,

 

Mallory Gordon  49:46

and I, you know, like it was reciprocal to Yeah, in most cases, and I’m just like, Oh my fucking god. Is this happening right now? Yeah.

 

Mickey Gordon  49:57

It really was. And I think we left there. with like four new couples that we’re friends with, yeah, I’m not ready for

 

Mallory Gordon  50:04

like, I know they can’t No one could see me right now except you. But I’m like beaming ear to ear just smiling because it was just just even thinking about the evening was just so much fucking fun.

 

Mickey Gordon  50:14

Yeah, and I think the thing that made me feel the best about it and told me that the version of me that was having this confidence crisis, not four weeks before, was an idiot, because no one in that group knew who the hell Mickey and Mallory were. That’s true. And I’ve thought for a while that maybe that’s the only value we brought to the table. And that was causing me a confidence issue

 

Mallory Gordon  50:38

as well. Yeah, I’m with you, which ties into the imposter syndrome.

 

Mickey Gordon  50:41

Yeah. Which is kind of why these episodes are married at the hip. But that said, it was a really, really happy ending.

 

Mallory Gordon  50:50

It really wasn’t. I think we did two things. I know that there was that mental chatter that you had, I had it too before we got there. I also think we both made a conscious decision whether we talked about it or not, to at least go into it with an open mind. Right? leave ourselves open. Yes, it’s an element of being vulnerable. But I think we were able to do that. Which lends itself to having really great conversation being open and warm and honest, and just, you know, going fuck it, we’re gonna have a good time, regardless of what this means. And I think that’s kind of where we’ve been most successful is just going no matter what happens, we’re gonna have a fucking good time. You and I. Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  51:31

and we do. I mean, we did. We had a great time, actually. And the better time we had, the better it got. Yeah, like, as we got more positive, it got better. And it just turned into a great time. It turned into a love fest after we left, you know, where we were all just texting back and forth and talking about a great time we had just really fucking awesome. I can’t thank those guys enough if any of them happened to listen, we were just enamored with all of you and had the best time.

 

Mallory Gordon  52:01

Man, I want to do it again like tomorrow. Yeah, right. Good shit like that happened. You want more of it? Give it all to me.

 

Mickey Gordon  52:09

We got a couple of days to work get to work to get through before we head off to see the grants. Before we do that, we’ve got a whiskey of the month coming up. Yes, we do. Now of course, this is the actual fucking whiskey of the month for the month that we’re in. This is March. We’re gonna get back to you right after the break. We come back after the break. We’re gonna let Mallory do the thing. She doesn’t have to do it right now. But we’ll be back right after this with whiskey of the month. You can listen in to casual.

 

Mallory Gordon  52:50

And welcome back to casual swinger. I’m

 

Mickey Gordon  52:52

Mallory, and I am your resident drunk Mickey.

 

Mallory Gordon  52:55

Yes, we are drunk because we don’t get a meeting. Why would I ever do such a shock

 

Mickey Gordon  53:00

to find people to drink with

 

Mallory Gordon  53:04

That’s fucked up a hilarious

 

Mickey Gordon  53:06

okay. It’s probably insensitive for anybody recovering from alcoholism. Please accept my sincere apologies and send them to black and kinky podcast at Oh, no. Bomber can Mike Gordon Palmer can feel my hate mail.

 

Mallory Gordon  53:21

Backed up a message right now.

 

Mickey Gordon  53:23

That’ll be giving them a heads up.

 

Mallory Gordon  53:25

My husband’s an asshat

 

Mickey Gordon  53:26

Oh, my bad. Why are we here? What is this segment? That’s right, you guys are used to this shit by now. We love the story of a great whiskey as much as the whiskey itself. So the story of Marches whiskey of the month, goes back to the very birth of bourbon itself. 233 years ago in Georgetown Kintec. Ah, so

 

Mallory Gordon  53:49

close is going to do whole like Sofia like picture this Sicily

 

Mickey Gordon  53:54

1789.

 

Mallory Gordon  53:56

So before we let the cat out of the bag, hey, sorry, what time is it? Candy is dandy. But whiskey makes you frisky.

 

Mickey Gordon  54:03

And there it is.

 

Mallory Gordon  54:05

Ah, sexy. I love that boy.

 

Mickey Gordon  54:07

Oh my god. She’s the best.

 

Mallory Gordon  54:09

So the whiskey of the month for March 2022. is Elijah Craig small batch?

 

Mickey Gordon  54:15

Oh, I’m actually drinking that right now.

 

Mallory Gordon  54:17

You really are. This is a staple in the casual compound here and you’ve been drinking analyzer. Craig for some time here and it actually isn’t very solid fucking whiskey.

 

Mickey Gordon  54:27

That’s kind of the best part about Elijah Craig is it is a incredibly solid whiskey. It’s not great. It’s not bad. It’s just solid and it’s cheap. It’s really good. And the cost will go. Yeah, well, yeah, it’s just at the price point. It’s great. Actually,

 

Mallory Gordon  54:45

it is and this is a whiskey. I’ll totally drink it on the rocks. They will let it melt a little give a little water back cuz I feel like it brings the flavor profile out a little but I actually like to do like a spin on a Moscow Mule or do it with like gin I’d like to drill like it’s a good whiskey to mix with because I think it enhances the flavor profile of

 

Mickey Gordon  55:06

  1. It is and and I had had a few, you know, added a few whiskies that I was considering to add to the list before we chose one here. And you know, this is one that I mean honestly, when we started whiskey the month I wanted it to be the first whiskey of the month because it is all the time it’s your

 

Mallory Gordon  55:21

go to whiskey. It’s your old reliable and it’s got a fantastic story like the name Elijah Craig, for any whiskey historians out there should do some incitement right.

 

Mickey Gordon  55:32

Well, it really should. So the name Elijah Craig, just so you guys know, in this industry, we always like a good story, right? What do we like more than a great whiskey is whiskey with a great story.

 

Mallory Gordon  55:41

And if we can have both baked Gurney,

 

Mickey Gordon  55:43

so Reverend Elijah Craig is widely thought of as the father of bourbon. He was a Baptist preacher was an educator and he’s an entrepreneur who built the first paper and wool mills in Georgetown, Kentucky. But for all his industries, it was his gift as a distiller and an innovator that brought around his greatest acclaim, which was the birth of bourbon guys last are Jesus juice. That’s right, cheers to the Jesus juice, right. But before going any further on our story, it’s important that we note that his legacy will ever be stained. It will be stained by his connection to slavery, like other Kentucky landowners of his generation, Elijah Craig owned slaves. And, you know, to heaven hills, credit and Heaven, Hell was the distiller for Elijah Craig, this is where it gets good. It is they have a mission to uncover the roles of these laborers and how they contributed to the birth of the bourbon industry and what happened to them and their families. Elijah Craig is actively engaged in academic research and other initiatives, not just to uncover their past, but to make America today, a more just and equitable country.

 

Mallory Gordon  56:50

You know, this may sound You know, I don’t know how it sounds, because I’m sitting here as a middle aged white woman. You can’t erase the past, but I can appreciate the fact that they’re not trying to hide deny they’re trying to be transparent, and they’re trying to do better, be better. And provide additional funding and awareness.

 

Mickey Gordon  57:18

Yeah. Well, and I think they kind of they did, they said it, right. I mean, like a lot of other landowners and entrepreneurs in Kentucky in that era, he did what everybody else did. So I don’t know that socially, what he was doing, he don’t think he thought he was wrong, but time and ethics. Yeah, times the judging equalizer and time in humanity and ethical growth, made him out to be a not a good person, obviously, for what he was doing. But he did something to change history. So we still have to acknowledge that this person that by today’s standards is would be a scumbag piece of shit. Did something that changed everything for bourbon, because He’s the first person that ever actually discovered that if you char a new barrel, and then put alcohol in it, it changes the entire profile of the Spirit.

 

Mallory Gordon  58:12

And that’s the foundation of whiskey in and of itself. Correct.

 

Mickey Gordon  58:15

We’ll see whiskey is four things. Whiskey is grain, fire, right water in time. And like you said, Time is the arbiter of all things. With enough time things change. And the time that this weird that this alcohol spends in this barrel, the more time it spends, like Ingrid said in our whiskey episode A while back when does the work and that’s what happens of course finishes and things are applied and things like that. But you know, Elijah Craig discovered this way back in 1789.

 

Mallory Gordon  58:48

Like you had the horse name and their way

 

Mickey Gordon  58:50

back. Way back

 

Mallory Gordon  58:54

you did not just pull a fucking Mr. Ed reference because you know, that was my jam. Early in the mornings before school. I’m just saying how old are you? I what it was like Nick at Night because I got dropped off so early. I would watch Nick at Night while it was still fucking dark outside in the morning before school.

 

Mickey Gordon  59:12

Yeah, well what he did was he was the first to char a new barrel and use it to alter the flavor of the spirits but how he discovered it to this day remains a mystery. Was it an accident? Or were they Some say it was a fire that actually burned the barrels? He was storing the whiskey and and it created the flavor by accident. So it was something a bit stumbled upon. Now that’s what some people say. But other people say that he stored his whiskey and what were sugar barrels and sugar barrels were charged to prevent rot right so oh shit I didn’t know that stored in sugar barrels. The sugar barrels improve the flavor of the Spirit How

 

Mallory Gordon  59:48

the fuck am I from Florida we’re sugar cane is like a huge industry down here that I didn’t know he sealed the barrels were fired. Did not know that.

 

Mickey Gordon  59:54

Yeah. And that’s so there you go. Getting learned up in got all kinds of shit. So Anyway, however it happened. Elijah Craig knew we had discovered something great. He continued to refine his process, imparting smooth and rich flavor the spirit that would become known as bourbon. 233 years later, he’s still known as the father of bourbon.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:00:16

So a little more about Elijah Craig small batch here, you can get a price point of only $26 Cheap eight F Yeah, by far and away one of the most economical bourbons whiskeys that we have recommended to date. But again, it’s very reliable. And at that price point, the jump from your jackin gym is not that great. So if you’ve been a little hesitant, you know, because a lot of our whiskies tend to be closer to that $50 price point. This is a good one to gamble on. I don’t think you’ll you’ll be unhappy. So let’s talk about the outstanding value here. This is distilled by Heaven Hill, which is one of my favorite distilleries, and it’s got a mashbill offering. It’s a 70% corn, while percent multipart malted barley and 10% right

 

Mickey Gordon  1:01:06

which is that is about right for a bourbon it is it is actually

 

Mallory Gordon  1:01:09

so the rye side that that 10% Right when it gets over that for me becomes too sweet on the palate for me and too close to awry

 

Mickey Gordon  1:01:18

right. Well, you get too high right content gets in the spicier Yeah, it is and

 

Mallory Gordon  1:01:21

I don’t know that it’s like I say legally as someone who’s gonna come in like fucking police shit, right? Like and arrest them. But like after that 10 points like it just it doesn’t it’s not really bourbon for me anymore.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:01:33

Yeah, well, you like stuff that tastes like burnt wood. Like this.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:01:37

I love the savory with this the the afternoon of like the vanilla and the Carmel and not which this actually has, and the oak really pops out from the start.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:01:50

Now, it makes some sense. I mean, and I think you’re right, it does pop out with a ton of oak. A lot of vanilla, I think is when you really, again, it’s hot, right? I mean, it’s it’s a 90 proof. It’s young, it’s what they call a nice na s or no age statement, because it used to be a 12 year, you know, 15 years ago, but demand meant that they couldn’t do that anymore. So this is a non age statement. But the average age for this is somewhere between six and nine years.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:02:19

Right? Because it’s a blend. It’s a blend, it’s a plant. So I know personally, it’s one of your favorites. It’s a regular drinker in this house. For both of us, mostly you I kind of you know, I’m a little bit of a hoe when it comes to my bourbon. So I make the rounds, but this is like a real fucking staple to go to for me. Yeah, you said it. I think you described it as a nice round. mouthfeel Yeah,

 

Mickey Gordon  1:02:43

I do. And what that is, is it’s not extraordinarily hot. I’m not going after I you know, have it, it gives me a full flavor. I definitely taste the open and it tasted vanilla in it. And then it has a follow up as well. And that round always has a follow up which has a different flavor, whether it’s fruit flavors, or in this case is cinnamon following

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:02

Yeah, and it’s not overwhelming. I think that’s what’s great about this overall impression that you get that none of those things are greatly overwhelming to the palate.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:11

Yeah, it’s just a balanced good whiskey. It’s just good. I mean it’s not great at anything but it’s good. Yeah.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:20

And again, drink it you know on the rocks. Neat. Just be a little prepared again it’s a little hot so it’ll you’ll have a little heat going down but it’s a great mixer to like again it’s just fucking solid

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:33

but in an old fashioned good Manhattan it’s good over ice let it sit for a couple minutes give you a little bit of a water back and hit it

 

Mallory Gordon  1:03:39

sure and that’s going to be people like the diehard whiskey folks out there. They’re like Oh, but this brand is better and this is better and that’s great. And you know what’s great about bourbon in general if it tastes better to you that’s fine. You are right. If it’s right for you, it’s right for you. This is just another recommendation or from from our bar

 

Mickey Gordon  1:03:58

that’s right in for our bourbon friends out there that would kick my ass over bib and Tucker for February because it was a sourced whiskey this one isn’t sore so bite my Yeah,

 

Mallory Gordon  1:04:07

sorry guys. It’s okay. It’s I think it’s fine to use somebody else’s juice.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:11

That is MGPs good shit. So seven Hell yeah, man. But look whiskey, the month is about giving our friends out their access to whiskies that are great at their price point and demystifying the scores whiskies on the wall at your liquor store today, any of you that are going to a whiskey store, liquor store, whatever, and there’s no fucking whiskey stores when you give it I mean, you go to a liquor store, and there’s so many choices. The object of whiskey of the month is to give you guys a little bit of guidance on something that might be good might be tasty for you. That’s always been our goal and we hope that’s what we’re achieving Elijah Craig small batches exactly what it needs to be at a $30 price level offering everything bourbon should be and not breaking the bank. Absolutely. Give it a try for your favorite cocktail and you will be glad you did.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:04:55

Amen. And if you didn’t, what did you say called Black?

 

Mickey Gordon  1:04:58

That’s right. If you’ve got complete sin To our complete crime and care of the black and kinky Podcast.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:05:03

I’m going to tell them You made me say that

 

Mickey Gordon  1:05:04

oh yeah, whatever and we’ll see how many complaints together be fucking great. You guys suck so much in aka casual swinger. But anyway, hey, why don’t you tell me where to find me the fuck out of here yet another episode by the way that should be on time in two weeks we will let you guys know we’re gonna try and get it in the can before we leave to go see and spawn.

 

Mallory Gordon  1:05:24

I love it. We’re trying to like I don’t know do this shit, right? Yeah, we are casual swinger everywhere. You can find it to casual swinger.com podcast at a casual spreaker.com If you have any questions or notes you want to shoot us. We are on social media on the interwebs. You can find us on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and the Twitter, the Twitter that’s Twitter. And we’re also on the dating sites. Check us out. That’s double Diggnation Cassidy SLS and sec.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:05:50

There it is, folks, this has been a conversation about confidence in the man or the woman in the mirror and what you can do to sort your shit. If you get down in the dumps like yours truly did over the last couple of months. Thanks for hanging in there with us. Thanks for checking out the whiskey the month the next episode is not gonna have whiskey the month because we’re not going to do two months worth of whiskey in two episodes. We’ll get this shit right next time right?

 

Mallory Gordon  1:06:12

Yes and I need to do toy boxes I have a new discovery that I need to share with the world.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:06:16

Oh my God, I know you have any more Michael Jackson quotes you want to sing before we get out of here?

 

Mallory Gordon  1:06:21

No, I think I’m done with the singing thing. I think I’ve proved my point that I can’t sing my way out of a paper bag.

 

Mickey Gordon  1:06:25

I think you just missed a great opportunity. You said toy box and didn’t sing beat it in the same second. But hey, that’s okay. That’s enough from us, guys. You’ve been listening to casuals